Is it really that unusual to get married in early 20s and be happy?

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I've never felt that having a serious bf has stopped me from partying, eating out with friends, travelling etc. In fact I tend to have a way more active and fun social life with a supportive partner. The right person adds to your life, not stifles you from living it!
Originally Posted by Nej
I'm single because I haven't found someone (lately) who adds to my life rather than stifling it who is also a romantic interest. My friends all fill that role, and I hope to have a romantic interest and someday husband who does as well. It's not worth being in a relationship with someone who stifles me - and I don't think anyone in this thread has said it is.

Haha, you're saying I don't know what my cousins need when you don't even know them. That's funny to me! They're worse than I am and I know they're marrying because they're lonely. I know how they are, you don't. That's the end of that story

And I am WELL aware that my idea of having fun isn't the idea for everyone else. What I was SAYING was that people should do things that they consider fun, be a little wild sometimes, instead of actively looking for a relationship. When something is GOOD it will last whether or not you get married or not. I was ALSO saying that I wasn't into partying until recently. What someone may be into when they're 21 is definitely not what they're into when they're 23 or 24. People change drastically when they're in their twenties, I do not understand why you are not grasping this concept.

Do you get it now?

And as for still having a BF and doing all those things, that's wonderful but I don't want the responsibility of a relationship. Having to call someone and talk to them all the time is not something I want to do. And when I make those amazing memories (as of NOW) I don't want to look back and see an ex-bf in my mind. Why? Because I know that if I was to get in a relationship RN it would be temporary. Have I been in love before? SURE! Did I ever want to marry any of them? Nope. Being in love isn't enough for me to get married. Love is just one thing you need for marriage. There are so many OTHER things you need in a marriage besides love.

And partying and being wild isn't stupid, haha. It's called getting that **** out of the way so I don't turn into those loser thirty year olds you see at clubs still trying to be cool SMH
Originally Posted by sleepymeko
Were you high when you typed this? Just wondering since you mentioned that being single allows you to get high with your friends, and, well, you very well could have been when you typed that....

Historically, tho, when folks got married, it meant the woman had to give up her educational pursuits/career and start having babies. If her husband wanted to move to further his career, she had to defer to his plans and move with him. And then if the marriage ended (his choice), she was left w/ no prospects and only a shaky idea of who she was as a person bc she'd spent her entire adulthood up under his thumb.

I don't think the main issue is partying and socializing...but when people get married really young, they haven't dated much (as adults) and don't have a good sense of what they really want and need in a partner. Sometimes it just works out and they happen to make a good choice and the two people grow together. But sometimes it doesn't.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
This is true. I'm starting to think that since there's no longer the same pressure to marry young many people take longer to grow up and STILL don't know themselves well, even if they get married later! Perhaps it's just that getting married can be such a big change even if you don't think it is at the start of a marriage, and so no one truly knows themselves until it happens. I know I thought of having long term futures with men well before dating one who made me re-think what it meant to find someone with whom I was compatible. I knew a lot about how well I wanted to be treated from men who treated me fabulously, but he taught me something about being with a man who I simply felt I could talk with every day for the rest of my life without getting bored. It definitely changed what I look for, and I have realized since that's actually very hard to find.

As an aside Spidey's post made me think of, I believe my parents' marriage would have been much happier had they not tried to stick to the stereotypical roles of men and women in marriages as they were groomed to do. My father is brilliant and intellectually curious, and I think had he been the stay at home parent he would have continued growing intellectually and had a blast. He really is great with kids, and I think would have loved helping out in our classrooms and never stopped growing as a person while doing so. My mom was an assistant to the VP of a company before moving to follow my dad's career, and lights up discussing the work she did as a labor estimator in those days, and how she affected job roles within her company. Had she kept her career, I believe she would have done quite well and her self esteem and personal growth wouldn't have taken the nosedive they did when she became a stay at home mom. That didn't have to do with age in my parents' case, but had to do with taking on roles which weren't as much to their personal benefit.
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Last edited by NetG; 06-22-2012 at 06:37 PM.
I don't know why people care so much about how others live their lives.
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Were you high when you typed this? Just wondering since you mentioned that being single allows you to get high with your friends, and, well, you very well could have been when you typed that.....
Originally Posted by NetG
It's summer vacation so it's safe to assume I was
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Why in every opinionated thread does someone have to resort to asking why we are talking about this? Or, why do people care?

Because it was the topic of the thread?

Because its part of the conversation?

Do you normally not discuss different things or different habits of other people?

I have to wonder, if you don't understand why people discuss things, or want to talk about the different opinions of other people, why do you belong to a message board?

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I really don't think it's an issue of talking about this, or anything else for that matter. It becomes an issue when views or choices are expressed as superior.
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I really don't think it's an issue of talking about this, or anything else for that matter. It becomes an issue when views or choices are expressed as superior.
Originally Posted by Like.Australia
Unfortunately there is always going to be someone(s) who feels they are superior. Too many people feel entirely too entitled.

On a different note:

I am amused by the comments of 'I got married at 20 and I've been married for 2 years and I don't feel like I'm missing out', or 'I got married 2 months ago and I'm 21 and I love it!'

I'm sorry to laugh, but that doesn't quite fall into the place of possible regret, yet.

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Refer back to RCW for the answer

I know plenty of married young couples who are very happy and people who married older who are not happy.

Everyone is different and we don't all have the same values.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
Oh no! I did not mean to insult. I meant the creeps who run up to young females and telling them they have a yacht. I have run into so many men in their thirties to forties who run towards me like a bunch of perves to brag about the money they have. It's so weird. And a lot of them are MARRIED. I think that just strengthens my belief that men should go ahead and get their promiscuity out of the way until they're tired of it. If I can count how many times older men have come to me to tell me about their homes and travels and how they have a GF at home, but it's not ~important~. It's rather insulting! Makes me think such talk works with most young women though. It doesn't help that I live in a very expensive part of Cali where the avg. home is a million dollars, so I'm sure a lot of these men aren't joking. But I'm not interested.

If you're chillin' with your girls and friends or whoever, then get it gurl. I'm more bothered by the weirdos who are trying to be hip and cool with the 21 year olds. You know what I mean?

Anyway, can I just say I admire your lifestyle? I kind of want to be you in a decade

I agree with you 100%. I mainly hope to meet a man that can keep up with me (not right no though). A lot of guys I have met believe in the traditional **** and I am not down for that nor am I in a rush to have children. I was a nanny and that was the biggest birth control ever. I'm convinced that my mid-thirties will be dedicated to childcare, but RN I want some things, you know? I want to be like you and chill at the poolside with my cocktail and giggle with my girlfriends.

If a man accepts me as is then I'm down for it.
Originally Posted by sleepymeko
Oh okay, yes a lot of those guys might have 'missed out' when they were younger(got married too young and regretted it) but a lot of them are also just pervy and are always going to be that way regardless. I am not into much older men, never have been. And definitely never impressed by his money, huge red flag if a guy feels the need to mention that to me so soon. Guys that need to buy women are usually lame and not my type.

I don't see any reason why you can't continue your lifestyle in a decade, unless you have no money, because it does cost to play. You can do it on a budget though. One of the girls on the vegas trip is older than me with hubbie and child, doesn't stop her. I would want hubbie with me though. I think it's important to find someone where those values match up. My ex and I did not, he hated travelling and I was miserable for that, amongst many other reasons. I also don't like travelling without my SO in general. When I'm in a relationship, I want my guy to be my best friend because what I want and need out of a relationship. Personally I wish it woulda worked with us, but I don't mind being single for now, not ready to try the relationship thing again yet. I also love having my own space right now and be able to pick up and do whatever I want.

I know what you mean by women who get married just because that's what you are supposed to do. I do think some are missing out. And many tend to be judgemental of my lifestyle but whatever, most people are judgemental. I know I am of some things.
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It's interesting to get to read other people's points of view and opinions. We were engaged for 2.5 years and didn't get married before that time frame because we couldn't afford it. I wasn't happy in college and dropped out. I wouldn't have been happy doing college, work, marriage and then baby. I am back in school now and loving it and doing much better than I did 20 years ago.
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I really don't think it's an issue of talking about this, or anything else for that matter. It becomes an issue when views or choices are expressed as superior.
Originally Posted by Like.Australia
I don't understand this type of logic. Anyone with an opinion obviously thinks they're right. IDK what you're trying to say here. People will forever be somewhat bias and feel that what they think is more superior than what someone else thinks.

Honestly, no one is angry in here or anything. People have different opinions and there's nothing wrong with that. I feel like if it bothers or offends people they are welcome to not read anything or just discuss the topic with people that would agree with them, but how does that allow for growth? Isn't life about broadening your horizons and thinking outside of the box?

As for myself, I don't like people agreeing with me. Nothing wrong with a healthy discussion with some differing views. It helps to shape your own POV and introduces you to new things. It might change someone's mind in the end anyway.

That's my take on it anyway
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Unfortunately there is always going to be someone(s) who feels they are superior. Too many people feel entirely too entitled.

On a different note:

I am amused by the comments of 'I got married at 20 and I've been married for 2 years and I don't feel like I'm missing out', or 'I got married 2 months ago and I'm 21 and I love it!'

I'm sorry to laugh, but that doesn't quite fall into the place of possible regret, yet.

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Originally Posted by iroc
Lol. I feel like *I MUST* respond! Since I'm married and 21
I think when ppl marry young and later say they regret it because they couldn't party or gave up things to be with that person are the ones who, Imo,don't realize that if you're with someone who really knows you and what you value, you wouldn't have to stop those things. Both my husband and I had goals and dreams prior to being tgt. Just so happens that our goals and dreams align in a way that suits both of us. As a woman I didn't have to be pregnant and barefoot or a stay at home mom and he never expected me to be (although I could. Which is AWESOME!)
Now if the guy is an ass, ur not in love, other problems, then that's plenty to regret.

OAN: I think its funny when I hear ppl say that marriage "changes things". But no one can tell me what changes! I wana know!
Btw. This was pointing at you iroc. Nor do I think you were pointing at me directly lol. Just used you to post again lol.

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I don't understand this type of logic. Anyone with an opinion obviously thinks they're right. IDK what you're trying to say here. People will forever be somewhat bias and feel that what they think is more superior than what someone else thinks.

Honestly, no one is angry in here or anything. People have different opinions and there's nothing wrong with that. I feel like if it bothers or offends people they are welcome to not read anything or just discuss the topic with people that would agree with them, but how does that allow for growth? Isn't life about broadening your horizons and thinking outside of the box?

As for myself, I don't like people agreeing with me. Nothing wrong with a healthy discussion with some differing views. It helps to shape your own POV and introduces you to new things. It might change someone's mind in the end anyway.

That's my take on it anyway
Originally Posted by sleepymeko
I don't care if you or anyone else disagrees with me. It's a matter of respect for others' opinions. People make their own choices and learn from them. You've made yours. Maybe one day you'll look back and think, "I really wish I would have found someone to share all of those experiences with." Maybe you'll feel envy for those who have a "settled" life in 10 years. Maybe you won't. Whatever. No one's pooping all over your party. You can express and do whatever you want, but to say you feel bad for someone who isn't looking for sympathy is, as someone else said, pretty arrogant.
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I haven't read through all the posts, I'm just responding to the OP's question, and for me the answer is no - it is not that unusual. My husband and I got married when we both had one year left of college. He was 22 and I was 21. We finished school, got jobs in our respective fields, bought a house, waited over 5 years before trying to have children (we were blessed with 2), and just celebrated our 33rd anniversary last weekend. We are in a fun and exciting place now and things are good. We are both considering retirement in the near future and I can't wait for that phase of our lives to begin.
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What age a person marries has nothing to do with if they will be" happy ever after" What makes you happy in life just might not be the next persons cup of tea. What my idea of fun may not be your idea of fun. What works for me surly isn't going to work for everyone. I know people who got married young that are now divorced, but I also know others that waited till their 30's to get married and 5, 10 years latter, they are miserable with their family life, can't stand their spouse, or complaining about not having the energy to deal with their young children. Some marriages get thrown curves and the way people deal with things are different, so while some couples sail threw their challenges, others do not do to well.

For me, I got married a few months before I turned 20, my husband was 20. This October 23 will be our 20th wedding anniversary. Are we happy? Yes, very much so.Do I have any regrets? No, because I feel I lived my life in the way I have wanted, I did not give nothing up, we still got to travel and have fun, just maybe not the same kind of fun as what others find fun! Life is as good as you make it out to be.
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Some of my thoughts on marriage:

1. People have been getting married at later ages over time, this is a fact. This makes sense as women have more options now than they did 50, 100 years ago. It used to be that women had to live with their parents until they married.

2. People who live in urban areas tend to get married at later ages (if they marry at all) than people in small towns/rural areas, also a fact according to studies I've read.

3. Another study, people who get married later are more likely to stay married for life (I figure you've got less years left that you need to make it work, lol, plus you hopefully know yourself and what you want more than you did in your 20s).

4. The above are just generalizations and trends, of course there are many other experiences.

Is a marriage "unsuccessful" just because it ends? What if you were good to each other, good for each other for an amount of time, but grew apart or otherwise realized an incompatibility?

I would not get married if there was no such thing as divorce, because 21 or 41, sometimes sh*t just happens.

I am 39 and glad I did not marry any of my exes who proposed in my 20s or my 30s because I knew deep down it just didn't feel right with any of them.

My friends and I don't get the big deal about being married. It is so built up as this rite of passage, but for whatever reason I've managed not to romanticize it much. Only 1 of my close friends is married, she did it at 41 (and has regrets). I would do it eventually (with someone I wanted to be with anyway of course) but for practical reasons, not romantic ones. Justice of the peace with a witness, and a celebration with friends afterwards.
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Is a marriage "unsuccessful" just because it ends? What if you were good to each other, good for each other for an amount of time, but grew apart or otherwise realized an incompatibility?
Originally Posted by diaspora
This. I briefly mentioned this earlier. It seems strange to me that it seems to be the general consensus that a marriage is only successful after several decades or until one partner dies. That wouldn't be my definition.
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I don't care if you or anyone else disagrees with me. It's a matter of respect for others' opinions. People make their own choices and learn from them. You've made yours. Maybe one day you'll look back and think, "I really wish I would have found someone to share all of those experiences with." Maybe you'll feel envy for those who have a "settled" life in 10 years. Maybe you won't. Whatever. No one's pooping all over your party. You can express and do whatever you want, but to say you feel bad for someone who isn't looking for sympathy is, as someone else said, pretty arrogant.
Originally Posted by Like.Australia
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Last edited by Guide22; 06-24-2012 at 03:12 PM. Reason: Provocative gif
This. I briefly mentioned this earlier. It seems strange to me that it seems to be the general consensus that a marriage is only successful after several decades or until one partner dies. That wouldn't be my definition.
Originally Posted by kat180
I agree with this


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