Is it really that unusual to get married in early 20s and be happy?

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Speckla
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I overhead a conversation the other day that 'I can't believe so and so got married at 23. What a waste.' Waste as in no more getting drunk and sleeping with different women. I noticed that not too many people seem to be getting married in their early or even mid 20s. But why the attitude that it's a waste to get married young especially if the said so and so had been married for 17 years and happy?
I think that it is becoming less and less common and for that reason, I am happy. The human brain doesn't mature until age 25 and I surely think there is so much to experience in life, especially when you're still very young. I do not see the rush for marriage. As for myself, I am 22 (almost 23 in 3 months) and I do not plan on getting married/pregnant until my thirties. In Europe (when I lived abroad) this was completely normal. I just noticed when I moved back Americans tend to rush into things without thinking clearly about the commitment and work it takes to make a marriage work. Especially when you're still developing and changing as a person. I can even say now that I am NOT the same person I was when I was 21. I used to stay home all the time and not do much. Now I'm going to Vegas, getting drunk and dancing at clubs or bars, seeing live bands, eating out with my friends and enjoying life. I feel like EVERYONE male and female should get that craziness out in their twenties so they're not sitting at home in their thirties or forties with some regrets since they never experienced youth.

I have two cousins that have married in their early twenties (21 and 22). Do I feel bad for them? Yes. Because I know they will never live the life I have or have the opp. that I have. Getting married is such a huge commitment. I still need to travel and see most of the world before I get married.

And I am strongly against getting married unless you can fully support yourself. If you are not financially stabled and do not have a career (one should come after the other) you should not be getting married.

I think the person who made that comment said it because they realize that marriage is such a HUGE commitment and is something no one should quickly jump into.
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Last edited by sleepymeko; 06-21-2012 at 11:05 PM.
Speckla
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Partying and getting drunk isn't appealing to everyone in their 20s though. I guess it just depends on the person. I got married at 21 and I'm nearly 38 and I don't regret getting married when I did. I was ready to be married, settled down, and start a family. I'm back in college now and I am working fulltime. I wasn't ready for the when I was younger but now I am. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, that is for sure. I don't advise someone getting married if they have doubts.
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If God called two people to be married it doesn't matter their age. My pastors were married when they were 23 and 25 (about 10 yrs ago) and they are stronger than any couple I've ever seen. It's about where your heart and mind are when you make the choice to do this. Each half must have pure motives in order to make the union successful...

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I think it's a waste to not be with someone just because you have a belief you should go party or something.

I was in a relationship in my early 20s which made me realize that with the right person I was ready to get married then - but that with the wrong person I would never be ready. When I was in college I hoped I didn't find the man for me, but I absolutely would have gotten married young if I'd found him. Whether the choice is date a long time, have a long engagement or get married young - I think it's never a waste if you find someone with whom you can be truly happy.
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Partying and getting drunk isn't appealing to everyone in their 20s though. I guess it just depends on the person. I got married at 21 and I'm nearly 38 and I don't regret getting married when I did. I was ready to be married, settled down, and start a family. I'm back in college now and I am working fulltime. I wasn't ready for the when I was younger but now I am. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, that is for sure. I don't advise someone getting married if they have doubts.
Originally Posted by Speckla
It's good that you feel that way but I sure as heck don't! I think if someone was to propose to me I would run away screaming in the other direction.

I gotta go teach in Korea and then go to grad school in Norway like I planned (which has been my dream for sometime). It has never been a goal or dream of mine to get married or have children. So I obviously feel differently about the subject.

And if I did meet someone "nice", we can just stay BF and GF. I'm in no rush. If it was meant to be he'll still be around.
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Speckla
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It's good that you feel that way but I sure as heck don't! I think if someone was to propose to me I would run away screaming in the other direction.

I gotta go teach in Korea and then go to grad school in Norway like I planned (which has been my dream for sometime). It has never been a goal or dream of mine to get married or have children. So I obviously feel differently about the subject.

And if I did meet someone "nice", we can just stay BF and GF. I'm in no rush. If it was meant to be he'll still be around.
Originally Posted by sleepymeko
Than it's definitely wise of you to realize you'd not be ready.
Than it's definitely wise of you to realize you'd not be ready.
Originally Posted by Speckla
Yup. I need to work on me and be the best sleepymeko before I jump into something like that.

I also need to ride an elephant in the jungles of Thailand, watch villagers in Laos and dance in the streets of Shanghai. And that is an experience I would like to have to myself.

I'm open to the idea of love, but I am not open to marriage.
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I think it's different for everyone. I know plenty of people who got married after college, when they were 23 or 24, and are still married and happy. However, I also know a lot of people who got married young who are long divorced.

I think a lot of it depends on how settled you are when you get married. It's hard to start a life with another person when you haven't finished college, don't have a career, and are basically unsettled. You don't need to spend your 20s sleeping around and partying but you need to get certain things out of your system before you tie yourself down. What those things are vary from person to person.
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I think most people get divorced because they married asholes, not because of their age.
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I never expected that I would get married young, and neither did my husband. We had both thought 30 was a good age as we were growing up (individually). But we met young and knew. When the Air Force sent him to Germany, we had to decide if we were going to take our chances and stay apart for at least two years, or get married and live in Germany together. It was scary but we chose marriage. I even had to quit college and postpone so that I could be with him. But we did it and 32 years later, we're thankful we did. Still, we would probably counsel our daughter, now 15, not to do the same - hypocritical I know - but that's parents for you!
My daughter got married at 22 and I really thought she was too young. But then I realized, well, I got pregnant at 20 and I made it work so I think for the most part the age thing doesn't matter if you're forward-looking and prepared and committed.


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I think it's a waste to not be with someone just because you have a belief you should go party or something.
Originally Posted by NetG
Exactly!

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Exactly!

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Originally Posted by Jpop825
It's safe to assume that if you want to do all those things, you don't want a relationship in the first place, haha.
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I never expected that I would get married young, and neither did my husband. We had both thought 30 was a good age as we were growing up (individually). But we met young and knew. When the Air Force sent him to Germany, we had to decide if we were going to take our chances and stay apart for at least two years, or get married and live in Germany together. It was scary but we chose marriage. I even had to quit college and postpone so that I could be with him. But we did it and 32 years later, we're thankful we did. Still, we would probably counsel our daughter, now 15, not to do the same - hypocritical I know - but that's parents for you!
Originally Posted by asugirl
LOL! Not hypocritical... just learn from what I did. that's how I think of it. I never had any intention of getting married or having children. ThenI got married at 18 almost 19 and my husband was 21. I would never advise my children to do what we did. We've been married 18 years this October and it's been rough at times but we're still together.
You can still go out, get drunk, party and travel when you're married. I know plenty of people who do or have.

I do think 'married already' when I see some people but hey whatever works for them.
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I got married at 22. Will be 14 years this year. I don't think i missed anything. We still went out drinking and went to clubs and what not. I still travel when I want to, sometimes alone, sometimes together. I think when you are ready, you just are, regardless of age.

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I don't think of it as a waste because you should out partying and acting stupid. I do think your 20's are a post-teen time where you still don't fully know yourself and what you want. But its a time when you think you're an adult and you know everything I also think you change a lot between your 20's and 30's.

Its this inexperience and immaturity that sometimes results in a bad choice of who you married.

I also don't care how long someone has been married. Many people stay in marriages for years being completely miserable. The length of time proves nothing to me. Being married for 10 or 12 years is not a lasting marriage. Being married for 40 or 50 years, is.
That being said, of course it's possible to get married young and still be happy, but I'd feel short changed of my youth.

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Last edited by iroc; 06-22-2012 at 07:53 AM.
I got married at 22. Sometimes I worry that I missed out on something, but deep down I know myself. I am and always have been shy, introverted, and mildly antisocial. I really don't think I'd have ended up doing anything particularly exciting if I'd stayed single - in fact, I'd probably have been less adventurous. I lived alone for a year while we were engaged long distance and I was basically a hermit.

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