Do you think you should be required to drive someone just because...

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... you're going their way?

In other words, if you're in a group of people and someone's looking for a ride home, how do you feel about someone saying, "Oh, John, you drive right by Teresa's house. How about you bring her home?"

If someone asked you this would you care since you were going right by their house anyway or would you feel put out by someone assuming that it's not a problem for you?

For me, if I offer I'm obviously fine with it, but I don't want someone making that decision for me. Similarly, there was a woman I drove home quite often and would drop her off in Harvard Square to catch the T seeing as she lived on the other side of the city. I found out later that she was annoyed with me for this and felt like I should bring her the whole way home. So I stopped driving her all together.


Obamacare is not a blueprint for socialism. You're thinking of the New Testament. ~~ John Fugelsang



it depends on the situation and how well i know the person.

usually I have no problem giving someone a lift home if i generally enjoy this person or if its just a one time thing.
Other than that no, I don't feel responsible for giving someone a ride home even if they are going my way. They should plan their transportation better.
I would not mind at all. Several people did the same for me when I had my driving phobia. Many went out of their way to take me home, so I always feel like I'm returning a favor. Driving it forward it you will. Lol

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Rubber Biscuit likes this.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

... you're going their way?

In other words, if you're in a group of people and someone's looking for a ride home, how do you feel about someone saying, "Oh, John, you drive right by Teresa's house. How about you bring her home?"

If someone asked you this would you care since you were going right by their house anyway or would you feel put out by someone assuming that it's not a problem for you?

For me, if I offer I'm obviously fine with it, but I don't want someone making that decision for me. Similarly, there was a woman I drove home quite often and would drop her off in Harvard Square to catch the T seeing as she lived on the other side of the city. I found out later that she was annoyed with me for this and felt like I should bring her the whole way home. So I stopped driving her all together.
Originally Posted by Springcurl
No, I don't think anyone should, but I always will. I don't even mind if someone has made that decision for me. I am more than happy to do something nice for someone else, simply because I have the luxury to be in that position. I have had more than my fair share of car woes, so if I'm going that way, sure, hop on in! I figure I'm doing my part of the "pay it forward" concept.

Yikes! That lady sounds like she has entitlement issues...

Now, when I'm in need of a ride, I do everything I can to make it convenient for the person doing the driving. The Mr. and I had only one car this past winter, so I occasionally asked for a ride from a coworker. She would have had to drive out of her way to pick me up, so I routinely walked 15 minutes to meet her at a location that is on her way.
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It would be presumptuous for someone else to say I was willing to drive someone somewhere...that would piss me off and I would tell them not to do that anymore.

Generally, I would not have a problem driving another woman somewhere if it was on my way. Iffy it's a man bc that can lead to a bunch of other issues.

If the person was already a friend of mine, I wouldn't mind driving her whenever, as long as it was not out of my way. But if I barely knew the person, I would expect some kind of acknowledgment beyond just "hey, thnx" if I was driving her a lot.

Like, "hey, let's get coffee sometime" or some other friendly gesture to make me feel I wasn't being used.
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Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 07-02-2012 at 09:45 PM.
No, I had too many people treat me like I was their personal driver.
I don't like that, no way. Hubby hates going to meetings because 9 times out of 10 he'd end up acting like a taxi and not once had anyone offered even to buy him a cup of coffee.
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No, I wouldn't feel obligated but I do it anyway... Because it's the nice thing to do. I've been without a car for many years, but I finally bought a new one. I always offer to give people rides and I wouldn't really care if someone dumped someone on me. I know what it feels like to be stranded and I feel good driving people home because I understand what it feels like.

And I think in the end, if they were to get a car they would do the same for me. Or I think about how I would like someone to treat me? I mean, I wouldn't be angry at someone for not driving me home, but it's always very nice when someone does. Having a car is a luxury and it's always very nice when people are kind enough to drive you home. This girl that I used to work with lives about 10 or 15 mins away from me and I always told her that if she got off early, she could wait for me and I would drive her home. Public transportation sucks ass in this country. It takes like 2 or 3 hrs to get down the street.

That girl you mentioned has a problem though. She should be happy for the ride. I always used to tell people to just drop me off at the trolley station if I live too far. It's kind like biting the hand of the person that feeds you.
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Last edited by sleepymeko; 07-03-2012 at 01:13 AM.
I don't like it when someone else makes the suggestion. It puts me on the spot. If I'm willing to drive someone home, I will offer.

I probably offended one of my former co-workers by not carpooling. We lived 1/2 hr - 45 minutes away from work, but I did not always go home after work. Carpooling would have been an inconvenience for me.
Rimi likes this.
Its funny how people who don't drive or have cars feel this way and they never offer gas.
I would consider the person involved and the circumstances. Once when I helped someone by giving her a ride when her car broke down, she did nothing but brag about herself and stink up my car with her perfume the whole way.

Also, my car has a lot of dog hair floating around, so not everyone wants to be subject to it (allergies, personal preference, etc.).

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Back in the day I lived 92 miles from where I worked and I commuted. One day my mother came home and told me that there's a guy that she knows who just got a job in Boston and he was looking for an apartment there but in the meantime she told him that since I worked in Boston already he could ride with me everyday.

I didn't want to, but with my mom if I'd say no I was the ibtch. So I drove him for one week. The very first day he asked if I was a model and it made me really uncomfortable. I told my mom after the week that he couldn't ride with me anymore. She actually wanted ME to tell him but I refused.

After that that's when I started thinking: if I offer, fine. If someone else offers for me, no way.
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Obamacare is not a blueprint for socialism. You're thinking of the New Testament. ~~ John Fugelsang



I think that while people may be naturally inclined to be kind, it's not up to other people to decide for them. So, I get where you're coming from in that it's not that you're opposed to helping people out, but that someone would in essence make decisions for you.
nynaeve77 likes this.
Not required but if you're friends, kind of. I think it's odd not to. If you're not close friends, I would like more of an acknowledgement as someone else has said. Because if it is a friend, most likely they'd get me back in other ways or I would also get favors from them. If it's truly on the way, then I probably wouldn't care as much. I don't mind going out of the way a little. If it's a one time thing, no biggie. Today I'm going to drive 25 miles to pick my friend up since her car is broken down again. And then drop her off at some point.
I am very grateful when someone offers me a ride. I will always offer gas money. if we are friends, they know that if they need anything, i got there back.

I think it is rude for someone to offer up your assistance for anything imo.
claudine19 likes this.
I also think the circumstances matter. If someone's car is in the shop or gets stolen or whatever, that's unforeseeable and temporary and I am able to empathize. But if the other person has just chosen not to own a car or not to drive it during the week or something ike that, that is their choice and I shouldn't be held accountable for that choice.

I'm willing to help in either case but my patience would be a lot shorter w/ the person who is w/o a car by choice.
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3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

No you cannot be required "just because".

If you feel like it, fine.

But if I am unable to give someone a ride I will tell them that. It is not my responsibility to make sure that someone has a ride, that is their responsibility.

If I decide to help out, all the better, but I am not required.
Stephen Fry on "respect" and being "offended".
Calgon take me away.
If I'm headed right by someone's place I don't see any reason not to, even if I hate their guts. I went without a car many years and understand how much it's appreciated. I won't regularly drive out of my way though but I will always offer to take them as far as I can. It's an easy way to show kindness and costs me nothing.


Sent from my iPhone - blame autocorrect for everything strange
If I'm headed right by someone's place I don't see any reason not to, even if I hate their guts. I went without a car many years and understand how much it's appreciated. I won't regularly drive out of my way though but I will always offer to take them as far as I can. It's an easy way to show kindness and costs me nothing.


Sent from my iPhone - blame autocorrect for everything strange
Originally Posted by Nej
Just wanted to add that yes it's rude for someone else to offer on your behalf, especially if it causes inconvenience to you.


Sent from my iPhone - blame autocorrect for everything strange
It's actually a pet peeve of mine when people do that; I don't mind (and usually I offer) to take someone where they're going if it's on the way or near where I'm going, especially if the reason they need a car is something I can empathize with (i.e. car broke down, etc). When I'm at school, I don't have a car and I try never to ask for a ride somewhere unless they are already going there, like grocery store. But if I'm driving somewhere, and someone feels entitled to a ride, especially if it's out of my way, I get annoyed and makes me inclined not to offer them a ride in the future.
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