To call or not to call? - Page 4

rouquinne · 07-16-2012, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyV69

... the fact that this date didn't last that long doesn't bode too well that I'll ever hear from him again.

this is probably just me, but i don't like long first dates. i prefer the 30 minutes for coffee thing to anything else.

last time i got stuck with someone for 2 hours and listened to him talk *at* me the entire time. it was a bad monologue!

LadyV69 · 07-16-2012, 08:39 AM

^IME, long first dates have been a good sign for me. Short ones haven't. As far as this one, I actually don't have high hopes but we'll see.

Josephine · 07-16-2012, 08:44 AM

At least you tried it. Not saying it's over but 45 minutes is a really short time especially for a first date.

A long first date is bad if you don't like the person, but if you both like each other it's usually what happens. And the guy wants to hang out longer. I've noticed that hours go by and you don't even feel it since you're having such a good time and vice versa.

luvmylocs · 07-16-2012, 08:55 AM

well in dating, like interviewing, practice is always good. i'd certainly wait for him to take the leading on calling or planning the next date.

Amneris · 07-16-2012, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyV69

I actually wasn't nervous at all, which is unlike me. I went in with the attitude of "whatever happens, happens." The conversation didn't feel too awkward but I could tell he wasn't pleased with a few of my answers to some of the questions he asked. I've experienced dates before where I thought we had a connection and the conversation went smoothly, but I never heard from the guy again, so I really am not trying to have high expectations.

I might have explored that by saying just that: "You don't seem pleased with my answer - is that right?" and if he says yes but doesn't elaborate, "so why is that?" (in a light-hearted way.)

Lotsawaves · 07-16-2012, 10:57 AM

I'm like Rouquinne. I like short 1st dates. I like to be able to bail if I'm not interested. I had a 1st date where the guy did a lot of planning....dinner, comedy club, dancing...I found I wasn't interested and felt so guilty about the time and expense he was out. It was hard for me to tell him I wasn't interested in a 2nd date.

It would different, maybe, if we talked on the phone a lot before the 1st date. A lot of questions can be asked to know if you are compatible.

He did say he wanted to have dinner later on, so he may be interested, but I feel he could have been more definite with the date & time for the dinner.

spiderlashes5000 · 07-16-2012, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lotsawaves

I'm like Rouquinne. I like short 1st dates. I like to be able to bail if I'm not interested. I had a 1st date where the guy did a lot of planning....dinner, comedy club, dancing...I found I wasn't interested and felt so guilty about the time and expense he was out. It was hard for me to tell him I wasn't interested in a 2nd date.

It's a good idea to plan for a short first date. But when the date actually happens, it's a good sign if you can't pull yourselves away from each other and the date goes longer than expected.

rouquinne · 07-16-2012, 11:25 AM

^^^not always... i had a first date that was supposed to be a quick after-dinner drink and i ended up getting home at 2:00 am. it just didn't pan out - even though our next date, about 4 months later, also ended up being LONG.

we're still friendly and he keeps indicating that he's interested, but won't do anything about it. i've done all i can...

Josephine · 07-16-2012, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lotsawaves

I'm like Rouquinne. I like short 1st dates. I like to be able to bail if I'm not interested. I had a 1st date where the guy did a lot of planning....dinner, comedy club, dancing...I found I wasn't interested and felt so guilty about the time and expense he was out. It was hard for me to tell him I wasn't interested in a 2nd date.

It's a good idea to plan for a short first date. But when the date actually happens, it's a good sign if you can't pull yourselves away from each other and the date goes longer than expected.

Yes, I had a first date that lasted from 8:30pm to 3am. After dinner we decided to go to a club nearby and then another one(unplanned)..obviously we liked spending time with each other and we're both spontaneous and I loved that about him. I had one a couple weeks ago that wasn't that long..well maybe 3 hours and he wanted to spend more time but I had too much to do the next day and wasn't feel physically well. He didn't push it..but those 3 hours felt so short since we had such a good time and connection.

claudine19 · 07-16-2012, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rouquinne

^^^not always... i had a first date that was supposed to be a quick after-dinner drink and i ended up getting home at 2:00 am. it just didn't pan out - even though our next date, about 4 months later, also ended up being LONG.

we're still friendly and he keeps indicating that he's interested, but won't do anything about it. i've done all i can...

I find those kinds of behaviors to be very annoying.

scrills · 07-16-2012, 12:05 PM

I think it's hard to tell

I've had first dates that lasted forever... I am no longer with those men

I've had first dates that lasted forver.... I've dated those men for a long time

I've had normal/short first date... that was my longest relationship ever.

Not EVERYTHING reveals themselves right away. Again, I just don't want you to overthink it. I feel like every new piece of information is being analyzed to death (sorry). just see what happens if/when he calls again.

Here is the better question: Are you attracted/interested in him. We've spent so much time talking about him, but how did you feel about HIM (not the details of the time, the call, the text, or the date)

LadyV69 · 07-16-2012, 01:57 PM

Honestly, I really don't know how I feel about him. I do find him attractive and I'm not repulsed by him but I don't have much of a spark when I'm around him either. In the past, relationships where I had a lot of sparks with the person tended to end very badly so now I'm wondering if one where there isn't a lot of sparks may go better.

Fifi.G · 07-16-2012, 03:51 PM

I'm glad he didn't cancel again. I would just play it by ear. See if the next date happens, and how it goes. If nothing else, you can at least enjoy a meal with a man you find attractive.

Worn out iPhone. Need I say more?

CurlyCanadian · 07-16-2012, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scrills

I think it's hard to tell

I've had first dates that lasted forever... I am no longer with those men

I've had first dates that lasted forver.... I've dated those men for a long time

I've had normal/short first date... that was my longest relationship ever.

This. I wound up engaged to a one night stand who's name I wasn't 100% on.

ETA - We didn't get engaged that night

Josephine · 07-16-2012, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rouquinne

^^^not always... i had a first date that was supposed to be a quick after-dinner drink and i ended up getting home at 2:00 am. it just didn't pan out - even though our next date, about 4 months later, also ended up being LONG.

we're still friendly and he keeps indicating that he's interested, but won't do anything about it. i've done all i can...

So you guys were not able to pull yourselfs apart but still didn't have a second date until 4 months later? And you're saying long as if it was bad so I'm guessing you didn't really want to stay with him. I was referring to good long dates.

rouquinne · 07-16-2012, 04:32 PM

no, they were great dates; that's what's so confusing about the whole thing. we kept talking and talking and never run out of things to say. even now when he calls me, our conversations go on for hours...

we have a lot in common and he always hints at wanting to be more than friends, but the dork just doesn't ACT on it!

curlypearl · 07-16-2012, 05:47 PM

Lady V, kudos to you for going through with it. Chalk it up to experience. He doesn't sound like your cup of tea.

Rou, he's an idiot. What on earth is his problem? Phooey.

GuardianB · 07-17-2012, 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rouquinne

no, they were great dates; that's what's so confusing about the whole thing. we kept talking and talking and never run out of things to say. even now when he calls me, our conversations go on for hours...

we have a lot in common and he always hints at wanting to be more than friends, but the dork just doesn't ACT on it!

He's just intimdated and knows he'd never keep up with you Rou!

ursula · 07-17-2012, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rouquinne

^^^not always... i had a first date that was supposed to be a quick after-dinner drink and i ended up getting home at 2:00 am. it just didn't pan out - even though our next date, about 4 months later, also ended up being LONG.

we're still friendly and he keeps indicating that he's interested, but won't do anything about it. i've done all i can...

I agree. Sometimes a date can last a long time because you get along and have a lot to talk about, but it isn't necessarily a "love connection" (to quote Chuck Woolery). I don't know if that's the case with this guy, rouquinne, but I've had many experiences like that.

ursula · 07-17-2012, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyV69

Honestly, I really don't know how I feel about him. I do find him attractive and I'm not repulsed by him but I don't have much of a spark when I'm around him either. In the past, relationships where I had a lot of sparks with the person tended to end very badly so now I'm wondering if one where there isn't a lot of sparks may go better.

Well, that's a good start!