Do you tell your kids they're special/great/nice/pretty, etc?

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I tell my sons they are awesome, of course! But I don't tell them they are better than anyone else.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
I think over praising kids is a very bad mistake. The Disney princess mentality is a horrible thing to do to a child. Believing that the Cinderella story is going to happen to her, will totally screw up a girls life.

Unrealistic expectations fed by undeserved praise is a sure fire way to create a spoiled brat who expects the world to bow to him or her. What a perfect prescription for a hell of a lot of suffering...mental illness, addiction and criminal behaviour.. and a ruined life.

I believe in being kind, honest, positive, and age-appropriate.... and I also believe in being REALISTIC!!!

I believe in praising positive character aspects- Like Honesty, and responsibility, and respect and politeness... things that really make a person's character... I want to reinforce the good things. ... but I will also talk at great length about character flaws-- not only theirs, but everyone's, including my own.. things that everyone needs improving.. I hope I am doing so in a kind gentle manner that will sink in and make them think about their own behaviour.
I tell my kids they're amazing all the time. I praise them constantly. I do it because I realize that I can't predict what type of people they will grow up to be, but I want them to be able to remember a time when they felt like they were the greatest thing since sliced bread. I tell them how great they are because I want them to be self fulfilling prophecies. The deck is stacked against them, but they don't know that and they don't have to.

I could go on and on about this subject but ultimately I tell my girls that they are special, beuatiful, smart, capable people and they act accordingly. My 5 yr old knows she's awesome, believes she can do anything and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Blame it on the cell phone...
LAwoman and Honeycurls like this.
Most of our outside world on a daily basis makes sure we know we're not so special. I fell like home should be the one place where kids have soft places to land.


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Most of our outside world on a daily basis makes sure we know we're not so special. I fell like home should be the one place where kids have soft places to land.
Originally Posted by Springcurl
I agree totally.

I also think, if parents don't praise and encourage them, they wont expect respectful treatment from the people in their lives as they're older.


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Springcurl and Amneris like this.
Ok I do not have a child, but if I did, I would tell them how beautiful and special they are every day. Heck I tell my dog and cat every day and they can't even understand me.

I think over praising kids is a very bad mistake. The Disney princess mentality
is a horrible thing to do to a child. Believing that the Cinderella story is
going to happen to her, will totally screw up a girls life.

Unrealistic
expectations fed by undeserved praise is a sure fire way to create a spoiled
brat who expects the world to bow to him or her. What a perfect prescription for
a hell of a lot of suffering...mental illness, addiction and criminal
behaviour.. and a ruined life.
I was an only child born after MANY unsuccessful years of my parents attempting to conceive. So yeah, I was praised, admired, encouraged from an early age.

And NO, today, I do NOT think I am a special Disney Princess Snowflake. But I am self assured and know that I am worthy of respect. Is that a bad thing? I'd say not.
I agree that the Disney princess mentality is bad for girls (because it's not generally used on boys) but that's a totally separate issue than praising and building up children.
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I don't have children, and I've never really wanted any. However, I know if I were to have kids I would make sure I told them every single day how special they are/how awesome they are/etc. I would make sure


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*they also knew that everyone's equal and has traits that make them special, but I would never want them to go through the self esteem/bullying issues I dealt with growing up. Not to mention I knew my family loved me, but it wasn't something that I was told much my teenage years.

This daggone phone...


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If it truly takes 15 positive comments to erase 1 negative I don't see what's wrong with building a child up at home. The world will tell them enough that they can't do something or aren't good enough. Plus kids are mean to each other. I remember plenty of times that kids were awful to me and I didn't say anything to my parents but when my mom or dad made mention of something wonderful I did it made me feel a lot better. I think part of the problem with the world today is that people forget the power of words, good or bad they can change someone's life.


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I have a question.

Does that 15 thing count for adults too?

If so, I need to find someone to tell me I'm great for the next couple of hours.

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Speckla
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I have a question.

Does that 15 thing count for adults too?

If so, I need to find someone to tell me I'm great for the next couple of hours.
Originally Posted by Curlyminx
Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.

Minxy, you're wonderful! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're pretty. You're funny. You're kind. You're thoughtful. You're smart. You're sweet. You're everything a girl can be + a bag of lowcarb chips. You're above average. You're a very thoughtful, deep thinking. You're so much more than you think you are. You're the Wonderwoman to my Thor. You're extraordinary. You're more than I can ever list.
Thank you Speckla.

That helped. It sincerely truly did.

Mix of 3s, thick, coarse, medium porosity

Current hair styling technique: rake with a scrunch at the end. (works with my coarse hair)

http://public.fotki.com/curlymix/
pw: curls

Known HGs: KCCC, homemade fsg, honey
Because my kids are Black, I also feel I have to work extra-hard to make them like themselves because my eldest has already started making comments that show he thinks "white skin is better" and so on... so I definitely tell him how beautiful his skin and hair are and how he should be proud of his history and so on, but I also tell him that all people are created equal, are children of God and that we need to be respectful of everyone around us.
Originally Posted by Amneris
I agree with your whole post, especially this. My daughter is becoming really sensitive about her hair not being long like the other girls, and the fact that it grows outward more than down.
Other kids at school have been calling her names, like "poofy head" which is terrible for a four year old. She cries when I try to style her hair without ponytails. It makes me sad for her, so I always tell her how beautiful her hair is (along with other parts of her personality/person).
Funnily enough, she is approached so often by adults saying how beautiful her hair is. Kids are so mean. Sorry for the semi-side rant.
Originally Posted by Munchy
Aw =(

Try as we might, the kids at school will tear them down for every little "flaw." I tried to build my son's confidence from very young because I knew he'd likely be short-statured, which he was. I tried to teach him to be tall on the inside and that others would see that. He was teased mercilessly about his height--even by his close "friends," and nothing I had said previously or could say going forward helped. His self-esteem suffered tremendously, and he ultimately developed a bit of the short-man's complex. Then, in high school, some dumb ass pointed out to him that he had bowed legs--funny, we'd never noticed this. Now, 4 years later, he still laments his bowed legs, in addition to his short stature.

My son has always been physically attractive--both in face and physique (fortunately he took both after his dad)--has many, many friends, always had girls chasing after him--even had a stalker for 2 years--but his self-esteem was forever shaped by those early years of teasing. Not all kids are so sensitive--but unfortunately he is, and there was no amount of bolstering I could do to change it. Now I'm left with an introverted young adult who doesn't perform or shine to his potential because he is overly concerned about how he is perceived by the rest of the world. Mama bear wanna bust some heads.

I say build them up whenever possible--but keep it realistic and sincere. And, for chrissake, teach your (gy) children not to concern themselves so much with others' appearance or badger them about it.
OK, I admit it.....I'm an alias! I wasn't born with the name Honeycurls!
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Last edited by Honeycurls; 07-22-2012 at 08:43 PM.
I tell my kids they're amazing all the time. I praise them constantly. I do it because I realize that I can't predict what type of people they will grow up to be, but I want them to be able to remember a time when they felt like they were the greatest thing since sliced bread. I tell them how great they are because I want them to be self fulfilling prophecies. The deck is stacked against them, but they don't know that and they don't have to.

I could go on and on about this subject but ultimately I tell my girls that they are special, beuatiful, smart, capable people and they act accordingly. My 5 yr old knows she's awesome, believes she can do anything and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Blame it on the cell phone...
Originally Posted by subbrock
Unfortunately, they'll figure it out eventually.

Keep up the good work.
OK, I admit it.....I'm an alias! I wasn't born with the name Honeycurls!
Dood, get over it; there's no time limit on lurking.

I so busy runnin' allllllll over the place and ain't nobody chasin' me!
They'll figure what out? That the deck is stacked against them?

Blame it on the cell phone...
Kids are mean. We were mean looking back. Maybe not to the same extent and I'm not talking everyone but in a general statement. The greatest difference does come from family and support persons. Who is there to ensure that everyone knows that they have something special to give. That each of us are unique and will success at something. Will be beautiful and loved unconditionally to someone.

We do need that reinforcement.
Especially in our youth.
lmariem likes this.
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They'll figure what out? That the deck is stacked against them?

Blame it on the cell phone...
Originally Posted by subbrock
Yes, but my dad did tell me the deck was stacked against me as I got older and I had to work twice as hard. My parents never told me I was beautiful(in fact my mom has probably said the opposite) but always treated us as if we were special and expected us to be the best of the best and of course it helped. As far as not knowing that the deck is stacked against you, I know what you mean, keep it positive.
They'll figure what out? That the deck is stacked against them?

Blame it on the cell phone...
Originally Posted by subbrock

Lol, yes, that's why I bolded and italicized it!
OK, I admit it.....I'm an alias! I wasn't born with the name Honeycurls!
Dood, get over it; there's no time limit on lurking.

I so busy runnin' allllllll over the place and ain't nobody chasin' me!
I agree that the Disney princess mentality is bad for girls (because it's not generally used on boys) but that's a totally separate issue than praising and building up children.
Originally Posted by Amneris
The princess this is very much related because it is praise for looks and presentation--- not for real things that are important, like being a good person who does good things.

People who are brought up to believe that their outward beauty is all that is important are doomed to a life of perceived entitlement, which will create a lot of suffering due to inevitable dissatisfaction with the real world. One day that pretty won't buy the princess dream they think they deserve. Truly sorry for those girls.

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