Dating for fun? - Page 2

ursula · 07-24-2012, 05:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saria

This is a foreign concept to me because how do you even find more than one man to date? I can't even find one I want to date, much less more than one. Only once in my life have I interacted with multiple guys at a time that I found attractive. In that case, I was physically attracted to two guys, though I really didn't feel any sort of spark with one (he was nice and we got along, but that was it), and well, even finding two dudes I felt attracted to didn't lead to dating of any sort.

Internet dating? I just don't meet men otherwise, to be honest.

ursula · 07-24-2012, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

I am horrible at juggling, too. But for various reasons, that's kinda what I'm doing now.

No real advice for you but all I can say is that for me, the quality of the men I've been meeting lately (since I decided I needed to date casual/juggle) has been making it easier for me! LOL

Some of them are really nice...but less attractive. Or very attractive but brain dead. One is a retired professional athlete but doesn't have his ish together in a way that would make me want to get super serious.

Don't you think visiting the other two guys and forcing yourself to go out w/ someone else local help put some distance btwn you and the main guy?

This is my situation, too--multiple guys each with obvious flaws--and it sounds similar to yours, Josephine. The guy you're seeing might not be a jerk, but he is missing enough of the qualities you'd want in a long-term thing that you know he's not the one for you in the end. And one of the other guys is 24, so possibly not marriage material either!

I can sort of relate to how you feel. I got caught up in dating someone who was really wrong for me, even though I went into it thinking it would be casual. (Actually, my thing wasn't exactly the same, but it's not worth getting into details.) It's not abnormal to start to develop some feelings after a while for someone you're intimate with and spend a lot of time with. Your conscious mind can't always override that.

Dating multiple men definitely can be hard. I agree with spiderlashes that you have nothing to lose by spending some time with the other 2 men. It could help divide your emotions and lessen your connection to the first guy. But also be prepared for that not to happen! It's also possible that you'll find yourself thinking of him or wanting to talk about him when you're with the other two. That's when you know you're in trouble...

Munchy · 07-24-2012, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by claudine19

I've done it (dated casually, and more than one person at a time). It requires a certain determined mindset, but it can be lots of fun. I think Mr. Wrong is getting "intense" because you're keeping him at a distance, and he senses a challenge.

I base this on his old fashioned, flirtatious, unfaithful behavior (past or present).

Have you told him that you're just not looking for a relationship and that you're open to dating other people? I don't know if it would help, but it helps me to know that I'm being very clear about what I want out of our time spent.

I want fun.

I don't really find myself thinking of anyone on a regular basis because between a busy job, being a single mother, having two God children who are always having preteen breakdowns, co-founding a non-profit, my ten very close friends, and having a home to take care of, it's BUSY! That's the biggest reason why I just don't/can't be committed to a relationship right now - it all boils down to time. I'm too committed to all of the things I mentioned to be able to give them up for someone else.

It annoys me to no end when someone assumes that my time will be spent with them. My friends never do that, and I don't expect someone that I went on a few dates with to do that either. Usually whining about the way I spend my time is the signal for me to just stop responding to a particular guy.

Josephine · 07-24-2012, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fifi.G

I would assume that I am lousy at juggling. I have not done it since 1st grade.

I will not, or for some reason can not, date a guy unless I am interested in a relationship. Yes, I will go out on date to see if something could be there, but beyond that I see no point unless it could somewhere. I'm always worried he will fall, and I will have waisted his time and hurt his feelings. I've had that done to me so I try to not return the favor.

Honest observation, I see a great deal of confusion in your posts about this guy. You are not interested, he is not your type, you see it going no where, you can not trust him, you have kind of talked about exclusivity, you have chemistry or a connection, you miss him when you are not with him, and you feel bad speaking to the other two men. Whew!!

I'm not calling you out or saying there is anything wrong with confusion or mixed emotions. I think most people have been there at some point. It happens. My honest advice, take time to be really figure out how you feel about him before you decide anything. Is there or is there not something between you? Have you been attracted to the (stereotypical) "bad boys" in the past? I have, so no judgement there. Etc...

If you honestly feel there is nothing there, and you are not willing to compromise your future plans, I would end it. But that is just me.

Worn out iPhone. Need I say more?

Yes I am confused because of feelings. Logically I know what i want. I want to date him and have fun with him for a little while. Emotionally I am trying to keep myself in check. I'm not compromising future plans but I'm wondering how this will end. We even talked about a 'breakup' plan even though we are not officially together.

I could end it but I like that I have someone to have carefree fun with. Something my ex never did with me. We had to plan weeks just to go to a damn game. I'm tired of caring and being too serious with someone. Combine that with my lack of having friends that have similar interests as me or that they live far, it makes hanging out with this guy more attractive. His friends are also fun(that live in his building) and he lives so close. If I can keep myself from getting too attached I can do this.

Oh yes I've been attracted to sorta stereotypical bad boys. He's not completely a bad boy, he's a nerd like me which is weird, i've never dated a guy close to my field(he's in IT network security and I'm a developer). My ex was probably more a bad boy but now mature.

Josephine · 07-24-2012, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saria

This is a foreign concept to me because how do you even find more than one man to date? I can't even find one I want to date, much less more than one. Only once in my life have I interacted with multiple guys at a time that I found attractive. In that case, I was physically attracted to two guys, though I really didn't feel any sort of spark with one (he was nice and we got along, but that was it), and well, even finding two dudes I felt attracted to didn't lead to dating of any sort.

It's a foreign concept to me as well as this is the first time it's happened to me. Current guy I met at a st pattys day party in March. Orlando guy I met at a house party when we went down in April. I saw him, thought he was cute and nice we've been talking and texting since then(there could be absolutely nothing there when and if i see him). He's the only guy I could see as potential since he's my age, no kids, good job, cooks, seems decent. Other dude I met at a club back in January and we casually kept in touch. I decided to meet up with him when I went to Destin last month with friends and there was an immediate connection(physical and mental). We have skyped a couple times and text regularly although it's slowed down the last couple of weeks. I meet a lot of guys when I'm out that are nice to talk to initially but I generally never like them after talking to them some more.

medussa · 07-24-2012, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ursula

Dating multiple men definitely can be hard. I agree with spiderlashes that you have nothing to lose by spending some time with the other 2 men. It could help divide your emotions and lessen your connection to the first guy. But also be prepared for that not to happen! It's also possible that you'll find yourself thinking of him or wanting to talk about him when you're with the other two. That's when you know you're in trouble...

I agree with this. I also think dating more than one person has the potential to become complicated when things get physical.

NetG · 07-24-2012, 01:14 PM

He sounds like someone I would be friends with and not date.

It's not in my makeup to date casually/for fun. I will give any guy I don't know for sure I have no future with a chance if he asks for one, because I think often times you can't tell at first. But if I know there's no future or he has an issue that I take things slowly as far as physical stuff (I have to have emotional attachment to want to go there) then I end it. I usually am willing to stay friends, though, because I feel like you can't have enough friends who are decent people, fun, who you enjoy being around - even if they're not people with whom you would like to be romantically linked.

Fifi.G · 07-25-2012, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Josephine

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fifi.G

I would assume that I am lousy at juggling. I have not done it since 1st grade.

I will not, or for some reason can not, date a guy unless I am interested in a relationship. Yes, I will go out on date to see if something could be there, but beyond that I see no point unless it could somewhere. I'm always worried he will fall, and I will have waisted his time and hurt his feelings. I've had that done to me so I try to not return the favor.

Honest observation, I see a great deal of confusion in your posts about this guy. You are not interested, he is not your type, you see it going no where, you can not trust him, you have kind of talked about exclusivity, you have chemistry or a connection, you miss him when you are not with him, and you feel bad speaking to the other two men. Whew!!

I'm not calling you out or saying there is anything wrong with confusion or mixed emotions. I think most people have been there at some point. It happens. My honest advice, take time to be really figure out how you feel about him before you decide anything. Is there or is there not something between you? Have you been attracted to the (stereotypical) "bad boys" in the past? I have, so no judgement there. Etc...

If you honestly feel there is nothing there, and you are not willing to compromise your future plans, I would end it. But that is just me.

Worn out iPhone. Need I say more?

Yes I am confused because of feelings. Logically I know what i want. I want to date him and have fun with him for a little while. Emotionally I am trying to keep myself in check. I'm not compromising future plans but I'm wondering how this will end. We even talked about a 'breakup' plan even though we are not officially together.

I could end it but I like that I have someone to have carefree fun with. Something my ex never did with me. We had to plan weeks just to go to a damn game. I'm tired of caring and being too serious with someone. Combine that with my lack of having friends that have similar interests as me or that they live far, it makes hanging out with this guy more attractive. His friends are also fun(that live in his building) and he lives so close. If I can keep myself from getting too attached I can do this.

Oh yes I've been attracted to sorta stereotypical bad boys. He's not completely a bad boy, he's a nerd like me which is weird, i've never dated a guy close to my field(he's in IT network security and I'm a developer). My ex was probably more a bad boy but now mature.

I completely understand. It can be hard to not get attached when you have much in common and have fun with that person. Add your plans/wants to the equation and it would be hard to not become confused.

I hope everything goes smoothly with it, which ever way it goes.

Worn out iPhone. Need I say more?