Dating for fun?

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Are you able to date one person for a short period of time knowing it's not serious? How do you not get attached?

I've been hanging out with this one guy for about a month now. He's fun, we have chemistry but I know he is not my type for a long term bf/future husband and he has kids which is no for me. I am also moving out of state by the end of the year and do not want a relationship. Problem is, he wants more with me. I've told him my issues and he is okay with whatever we have but he is very nice and I can feel myself getting close. We are trying to mantain some distance but have not been great at doing so lately. We have indirectly hinted at exclusivity but not really. I also don't feel like I could trust him which is fine because I don't want a relationship and I'm have some other stuff going on with me.

There are two other guys(both out of state) that I was talking to before that I have not been paying much attention to now. One I was supposed to visit last weekend(the 24 year old thats not that serious) and one is supposed to visit me soon(but he asked me last weekend if I still wanted him to come). The latter is someone I liked a lot beforehand but I haven't seen him since we first met back in April because of scheduling conflicts. I know he senses I've met someone. I am not good at this multiple guy thing but I'm afraid if I only see the current guy I'm going to get too deep into it. At the same time I am not a multiple guy person and this is all new to me. I was just trying to have fun and look what happened.
I am horrible at juggling, too. But for various reasons, that's kinda what I'm doing now.

No real advice for you but all I can say is that for me, the quality of the men I've been meeting lately (since I decided I needed to date casual/juggle) has been making it easier for me! LOL

Some of them are really nice...but less attractive. Or very attractive but brain dead. One is a retired professional athlete but doesn't have his ish together in a way that would make me want to get super serious.

Don't you think visiting the other two guys and forcing yourself to go out w/ someone else local help put some distance btwn you and the main guy?
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Don't you think visiting the other two guys and forcing yourself to go out w/ someone else local help put some distance btwn you and the main guy?
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Yes of course, but I feel bad doing so. :/ I know I need to get over it.
I decided to date casually about two years ago and I've been having fun hanging out, meeting people, and just enjoying myself.

I am always upfront about my intentions and have even been blunt to the point of rudeness.

I don't find that it's hard for me to be casual, but I do find that it's hard for the men I've met to be casual. They always call/text too often, and start to get emotional after a while which really pushes me away.

If I wanted all that emotional noise, I would already be married again! LOL

I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
But she's moving away and doesn't want a happily-ever-after right now.
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3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
Absolutely. I think that I'm just not ready to be in a relationship, especially if it will affect my living situation (more importantly, my daughter's living situation).

Living with me and/or being around me a lot is not an option. My time alone is too rare, and I'm not willing to give up my time with my child by having someone else tag along.
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I've never been able to date casually or date more than one person at a time. I have a couple of friends who are able to, but it's not within my makeup. I'm very sensitive and get invested, often too quickly.

I don't find that it's hard for me to be casual, but I do find that it's hard for the men I've met to be casual. They always call/text too often, and start to get emotional after a while which really pushes me away.
I've experienced the opposite, expecting too much from men who didn't want anything serious. I keep hearing that dating is supposed to be fun, but if it's supposed to be fun, why is it so damn hard?
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I've never been able to date casually or date more than one person at a time. I have a couple of friends who are able to, but it's not within my makeup. I'm very sensitive and get invested, often too quickly.

I don't find that it's hard for me to be casual, but I do find that it's hard for the men I've met to be casual. They always call/text too often, and start to get emotional after a while which really pushes me away.
I've experienced the opposite, expecting too much from men who didn't want anything serious. I keep hearing that dating is supposed to be fun, but if it's supposed to be fun, why is it so damn hard?
Originally Posted by LadyV69
If I like someone's conversation enough to give them my phone number, we likely at least have a surface connection. When I go out with a guy, I expect basic respect, some laughs, and whatever we're planning to do to be fun. I expect nothing more from the person other than what is happening at the moment.

It's so freeing!

I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
I know but here's the issue(even if he did not have kids), he has a lot of qualities that are unattractive to me. He has cheated before, he's a little too easy with women and a huge flirt, he's a bit sexist (and acknowledges this), a bit too traditional for me, and a few other things. I know from past experience it won't work for me. But since I'm treating it more like a friendship I dont let those things bother me and I'm having fun with it. I really enjoy spending time with him, we have lots of fun and I'd just like to keep it at that but he is the one getting 'clingy' and now I'm getting just a bit sucked in. I feel like I'm on dangerous territory.
I've never been able to date casually or date more than one person at a time. I have a couple of friends who are able to, but it's not within my makeup. I'm very sensitive and get invested, often too quickly.

I don't find that it's hard for me to be casual, but I do find that it's hard for the men I've met to be casual. They always call/text too often, and start to get emotional after a while which really pushes me away.
I've experienced the opposite, expecting too much from men who didn't want anything serious. I keep hearing that dating is supposed to be fun, but if it's supposed to be fun, why is it so damn hard?
Originally Posted by LadyV69
If I like someone's conversation enough to give them my phone number, we likely at least have a surface connection. When I go out with a guy, I expect basic respect, some laughs, and whatever we're planning to do to be fun. I expect nothing more from the person other than what is happening at the moment.

It's so freeing!
Originally Posted by Munchy
And this is all I want from this guy. But he's getting intense and I find myself missing him during the days I'm not with him. Do you find that you have to make yourself not think about someone?
I've never been able to date casually or date more than one person at a time. I have a couple of friends who are able to, but it's not within my makeup. I'm very sensitive and get invested, often too quickly.

I've experienced the opposite, expecting too much from men who didn't want anything serious. I keep hearing that dating is supposed to be fun, but if it's supposed to be fun, why is it so damn hard?
Originally Posted by LadyV69
If I like someone's conversation enough to give them my phone number, we likely at least have a surface connection. When I go out with a guy, I expect basic respect, some laughs, and whatever we're planning to do to be fun. I expect nothing more from the person other than what is happening at the moment.

It's so freeing!
Originally Posted by Munchy
And this is all I want from this guy. But he's getting intense and I find myself missing him during the days I'm not with him. Do you find that you have to make yourself not think about someone?
Originally Posted by Josephine
There's that word again! LOL

Anyway, have you considered the possibility it's a bit of an act? That he wants the satisfaction of knowing he caused you to derail your plans...that he caused you to fall for him despite yourself?

Honestly, I've been a little guilty of this myself at times. Kind of enjoying the process of making the guy-who-loves-no-one fall in love w/ me.

Not saying that he doesn't genuinely care about you...just that he is trying harder to get you since you've said you don't want to be gotten?

I think you should just tell him you're starting to hang out w/ other guys...and just let him deal w/ it.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


If I like someone's conversation enough to give them my phone number, we likely at least have a surface connection. When I go out with a guy, I expect basic respect, some laughs, and whatever we're planning to do to be fun. I expect nothing more from the person other than what is happening at the moment.

It's so freeing!
Originally Posted by Munchy
And this is all I want from this guy. But he's getting intense and I find myself missing him during the days I'm not with him. Do you find that you have to make yourself not think about someone?
Originally Posted by Josephine
There's that word again! LOL

Anyway, have you considered the possibility it's a bit of an act? That he wants the satisfaction of knowing he caused you to derail your plans...that he caused you to fall for him despite yourself?

Honestly, I've been a little guilty of this myself at times. Kind of enjoying the process of making the guy-who-loves-no-one fall in love w/ me.

Not saying that he doesn't genuinely care about you...just that he is trying harder to get you since you've said you don't want to be gotten?

I think you should just tell him you're starting to hang out w/ other guys...and just let him deal w/ it.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
I don't think so. He was like this a few months ago and that's why I didn't pay him much attention. He's contacted me last minute to hang out in between and it never worked out. I called him to watch the final Heat game because he's from Miami and I knew he'd be out watching it somewhere. We hung out, had a good time and hooked up that night and have been dating since then. We've gone canoeing, to a braves game, world of coke, pool parties, etc. We have even talked about doing a weekend trip. He's told me that he doesn't want to invest in me too much since I've been upfront about not wanting anything serious. I guess I can tell him I'm seeing other guys if I decided to. Part of me doesn't want to, hate this internal struggle. I have a feeling this is not going to end well lol.
I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
I know but here's the issue(even if he did not have kids), he has a lot of qualities that are unattractive to me. He has cheated before, he's a little too easy with women and a huge flirt, he's a bit sexist (and acknowledges this), a bit too traditional for me, and a few other things. I know from past experience it won't work for me. But since I'm treating it more like a friendship I dont let those things bother me and I'm having fun with it. I really enjoy spending time with him, we have lots of fun and I'd just like to keep it at that but he is the one getting 'clingy' and now I'm getting just a bit sucked in. I feel like I'm on dangerous territory.
Originally Posted by Josephine
If he has all these negative qualities (way above and beyond just not your type, and not the type of guy you thought you'ld end up with) then why are you getting attached to him? In fact, why are you even spending any time at all with this jerk?

Even when it's just dating for fun and for the short term, you should respect yourself enough to not spend time with jerks and losers, IMO.
Lotsawaves, violets and thelio like this.
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
But she's moving away and doesn't want a happily-ever-after right now.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
I was so not interested in happily ever after at the time either. But you can't pick the timing. Life isn't something you can fully plan... Especially not love!
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
I know but here's the issue(even if he did not have kids), he has a lot of qualities that are unattractive to me. He has cheated before, he's a little too easy with women and a huge flirt, he's a bit sexist (and acknowledges this), a bit too traditional for me, and a few other things. I know from past experience it won't work for me. But since I'm treating it more like a friendship I dont let those things bother me and I'm having fun with it. I really enjoy spending time with him, we have lots of fun and I'd just like to keep it at that but he is the one getting 'clingy' and now I'm getting just a bit sucked in. I feel like I'm on dangerous territory.
Originally Posted by Josephine
If he has all these negative qualities (way above and beyond just not your type, and not the type of guy you thought you'ld end up with) then why are you getting attached to him? In fact, why are you even spending any time at all with this jerk?

Even when it's just dating for fun and for the short term, you should respect yourself enough to not spend time with jerks and losers, IMO.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
She's not dating James Holmes...just someone she doesn't consider marriage material. LOL
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I started dating a guy just for fun a couple years ago. He was so nice and he made me laugh and treated me like a princess, but he was just SO not my type. Well, about 4 years later we own a house together and will likely be engaged soon. And I've never been happier. I never knew I could be this happy. So....if you like a guy, have fun with him, have chemistry, trust him, etc.... then he might just be the guy for you, even if he doesn't meet your checklist. There's only drama where you make drama.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
I know but here's the issue(even if he did not have kids), he has a lot of qualities that are unattractive to me. He has cheated before, he's a little too easy with women and a huge flirt, he's a bit sexist (and acknowledges this), a bit too traditional for me, and a few other things. I know from past experience it won't work for me. But since I'm treating it more like a friendship I dont let those things bother me and I'm having fun with it. I really enjoy spending time with him, we have lots of fun and I'd just like to keep it at that but he is the one getting 'clingy' and now I'm getting just a bit sucked in. I feel like I'm on dangerous territory.
Originally Posted by Josephine
If he has all these negative qualities (way above and beyond just not your type, and not the type of guy you thought you'ld end up with) then why are you getting attached to him? In fact, why are you even spending any time at all with this jerk?

Even when it's just dating for fun and for the short term, you should respect yourself enough to not spend time with jerks and losers, IMO.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
I know it came across that way but he's not a total jerk, just too 'typical' for me. He's sexist in a traditional way moreso than a chauvinist way. I believe him when he says he tried hard with his marriage(10 years) and never cheated but did with this girl he casually dated last year and told her about it. Either way, he cheated and I know he's not my type. I have fun with him and that's all I'm looking for now. He's very respectful with me when he's with me and he's that way with women in general from what I can tell. Not looking for anything deeper but he's so sweet.



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Last edited by Josephine; 07-24-2012 at 08:21 AM. Reason: original post from my phone didnt make sense!
I would assume that I am lousy at juggling. I have not done it since 1st grade.

I will not, or for some reason can not, date a guy unless I am interested in a relationship. Yes, I will go out on date to see if something could be there, but beyond that I see no point unless it could somewhere. I'm always worried he will fall, and I will have waisted his time and hurt his feelings. I've had that done to me so I try to not return the favor.

Honest observation, I see a great deal of confusion in your posts about this guy. You are not interested, he is not your type, you see it going no where, you can not trust him, you have kind of talked about exclusivity, you have chemistry or a connection, you miss him when you are not with him, and you feel bad speaking to the other two men. Whew!!

I'm not calling you out or saying there is anything wrong with confusion or mixed emotions. I think most people have been there at some point. It happens. My honest advice, take time to be really figure out how you feel about him before you decide anything. Is there or is there not something between you? Have you been attracted to the (stereotypical) "bad boys" in the past? I have, so no judgement there. Etc...

If you honestly feel there is nothing there, and you are not willing to compromise your future plans, I would end it. But that is just me.

Worn out iPhone. Need I say more?
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

I've done it (dated casually, and more than one person at a time). It requires a certain determined mindset, but it can be lots of fun. I think Mr. Wrong is getting "intense" because you're keeping him at a distance, and he senses a challenge.

I base this on his old fashioned, flirtatious, unfaithful behavior (past or present).
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This is a foreign concept to me because how do you even find more than one man to date? I can't even find one I want to date, much less more than one. Only once in my life have I interacted with multiple guys at a time that I found attractive. In that case, I was physically attracted to two guys, though I really didn't feel any sort of spark with one (he was nice and we got along, but that was it), and well, even finding two dudes I felt attracted to didn't lead to dating of any sort.
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Last edited by Saria; 07-23-2012 at 11:04 PM.

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