My Sex Drive DECREASED!!! HELLLLLPPP!!!

sosoul · 07-31-2012, 04:31 AM

i dont know what to do. My husband and i went form LITERALLY making love 3 times a day to now...maybe 2 times a month. this happened after I had our first 4 years ago. And i feel so terrible and confused because one side of me cries because i WANT (mentally) to make love to my husband. i know it's important in marriage . then the other side of me cries because I DONT WANT IT just that bad.
Has this happened to anyone? what did u do to fix it. Many times i find myslef just doing it to please him, and "putting on" that i like it and want it. but internally i am almost to the point of tears. I'm pregnant now too, and another thing that adds to my discomfort is that it hurts. I think with this pregnancy my vagina has swollen or something. i dont know. i just know i need help.

frau · 07-31-2012, 05:28 AM

yes, it happened to me.
once i moved in with my partner, started taking birth control pills (bcp) i had NO sex drive at all.
i was like a dried out piece of sand paper down there.
i wanted to want him, but i just didn't.
i actually had to stop taking bcp to help bring back the...emotions...changes.....whatever happens during a woman's cycle.

the only thing that completely helped my sex drive was moving out.
(sorry, that is no help to you i know)

ss40 · 07-31-2012, 05:41 AM

Pregnancy will do that to you. From the 3rd trimester to the 6 week mark honestly I don't think its realistic to expect sex. But after that mark you should feel normal again (well I can't guarantee 3X's a day with 2 kids but if you can then good for you 2). Did this happen with your first pregnancy?

I'm cashing out

coilynapp · 07-31-2012, 06:10 AM

Hormones are really working a number on you. Talk to your hubby and let him know what's going on. If he's supportive of you, he'll understand.

If you are preggers now, I don't know how to help because at first I would have thought it was your BC and told you to switch or get off it. BC was a big sex drive killer for me a few--but also the person I was with was not so great either :/

iroc · 07-31-2012, 08:24 AM

4 years ago? Well ya!

Unfortunately that's pretty typical.

Most people don't have time or energy for sex after they have children, like they did when they first got together.

Especially once the kids are the age of getting up and coming to your room.

You should talk to him and work on increasing the number of times you do have sex, but don't compare it to how often you did it when you first got together. That's unrealistic.

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sosoul · 07-31-2012, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frau

yes, it happened to me.
once i moved in with my partner, started taking birth control pills (bcp) i had NO sex drive at all.
i was like a dried out piece of sand paper down there.
i wanted to want him, but i just didn't.
i actually had to stop taking bcp to help bring back the...emotions...changes.....whatever happens during a woman's cycle.

the only thing that completely helped my sex drive was moving out.
(sorry, that is no help to you i know)

Well he must have just been on ur nerves. What are u going to do as ur relationship advances? Like when u guys choose to move in together again? Get married? Was it just HIM? R u two still together?

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sosoul · 07-31-2012, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ss40

Pregnancy will do that to you. From the 3rd trimester to the 6 week mark honestly I don't think its realistic to expect sex. But after that mark you should feel normal again (well I can't guarantee 3X's a day with 2 kids but if you can then good for you 2). Did this happen with your first pregnancy?

Well see I don't think its a PREGNANCY thing because to answer your question NO it wasn't like this with our daughter. ONLY AFTER she was born and its never returned. And I'm sure we wont be back at the three times a day mark either.....that's for special occasions. LOL ill be just happy with one. Does anyone know of any herbs I cab take that safe AFTER pregnancy while I'm breastfeeding

I'm cashing out

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sosoul · 07-31-2012, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iroc

4 years ago? Well ya!

Unfortunately that's pretty typical.

Most people don't have time or energy for sex after they have children, like they did when they first got together.

Especially once the kids are the age of getting up and coming to your room.

You should talk to him and work on increasing the number of times you do have sex, but don't compare it to how often you did it when you first got together. That's unrealistic.

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Its not even about the time, energy, or kids but MY DESIRE. Even if all those other variables were in place I still wouldn't WANT IT. I still would rather go without it. This sucks!!

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thelio · 07-31-2012, 03:02 PM

Do you have any stress in your life? I dont have any kids, but i got so much stress in my life the last thing i thing about is sex. Every week there seems to be something else. This whole year has been like that. Between a horrible respiratory infection for a month, loved ones dying, getting surgery, needed money, being broke, struggling to make ends meet, full time work, job searching, school, volunteering, all i want is peace with a side of sleep.

If you have lots going on in your life, that could be the main thing on the brain. I'm no expert, just throwing it out there.

frau · 07-31-2012, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sosoul

What are u going to do as ur relationship advances? Like when u guys choose to move in together again? Get married? Was it just HIM? R u two still together?

oh i'm sorry, you misunderstood, our relationship ended.
*poof* my sex drive came back, lol.

sosoul · 08-01-2012, 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frau

Quote:

Originally Posted by sosoul

What are u going to do as ur relationship advances? Like when u guys choose to move in together again? Get married? Was it just HIM? R u two still together?

oh i'm sorry, you misunderstood, our relationship ended.
*poof* my sex drive came back, lol.

lmaoooo...oh that works too. lol

sosoul · 08-01-2012, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelio

Do you have any stress in your life? I dont have any kids, but i got so much stress in my life the last thing i thing about is sex. Every week there seems to be something else. This whole year has been like that. Between a horrible respiratory infection for a month, loved ones dying, getting surgery, needed money, being broke, struggling to make ends meet, full time work, job searching, school, volunteering, all i want is peace with a side of sleep.

If you have lots going on in your life, that could be the main thing on the brain. I'm no expert, just throwing it out there.

i'm sorry to hear there has been so much on u. But i can say that i KNOW what contributes is my depresion and anxiety. But even when i was taking medication for that i was STILL depressed and STILL had no sex drive. matter of fact the sex drive thing was worse on the meds.

B-Nessa11 · 08-01-2012, 01:10 AM

Maybe yall should talk.about how you're feeling and not feeling. Then just "forget" about sex. Sometimes u have to not focus on somethin for it to come through. When I.was pregnant I would be horny all the time when my husband was away at work.but when he finally came home for the month (truck driver crap lol) I wasn't horny at all. But when I settled with him and talked, got close, it just happened. Gotta clear ur mind, which is hard to do. But once u do, it may make things easier

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thelio · 08-01-2012, 04:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sosoul

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelio

Do you have any stress in your life? I dont have any kids, but i got so much stress in my life the last thing i thing about is sex. Every week there seems to be something else. This whole year has been like that. Between a horrible respiratory infection for a month, loved ones dying, getting surgery, needed money, being broke, struggling to make ends meet, full time work, job searching, school, volunteering, all i want is peace with a side of sleep.

If you have lots going on in your life, that could be the main thing on the brain. I'm no expert, just throwing it out there.

i'm sorry to hear there has been so much on u. But i can say that i KNOW what contributes is my depresion and anxiety. But even when i was taking medication for that i was STILL depressed and STILL had no sex drive. matter of fact the sex drive thing was worse on the meds.

The plot thickens! If you are still on the meds that could totally kill the mood. Depression, anxiety all that can be the cause of your lack of sex-drive. If you are still having depression and anxiety, if you are not already, I would go see a therapist. Also talk to your husband. if he doesnt already know how you feel he needs to know. And sadly, all depression meds doesnt fit everyone. which is why some folks are taking more then one. IMO you need to find the root of the problem in order to remedy the issue.

Once again, not an expert, just throwing it out there. Good Luck! and Congrats on the baby.

GuardianB · 08-01-2012, 08:39 AM

Talk to your husband. He likely is feeling the effects too. Unless he is pressuring you to sex his drive maybe down as well if you two are only having sex twice a month compared to the 3 times a day. Now granted, 3 times a day may not ever return with a 4 year old and another baby but certainly getting intimate time together is something you should both be craving.

If it isn't then maybe you both don't turn each other on as you once did. Finding out why that is shouldn't necessarily be the issue but finding out what you both can offer or do for each other that will is. Talk about fantasies. Try flirting with each other again. In a good relationship it isn't always staring as sexual when you do these things. be funny like wearing an apron in your underwear and cooking a snack. Since you consciously want to be sexual again this shouldn't be too hard. Yes you won't immediately feel ready for sex but if it can bring you or him to that point and by getting the other in the mood, possibly it can get you in the mood. Doing this in new and interesting ways may ignite a spark that is temporarily dormant.

While being pregnant now you both obviously need to understand and tread cautiously with these experiments as you both will have hormonal swings. It could work tremendously in your favor... but it could lead to crashing let downs. Talk a lot and be understanding of each other along the way.

inheritedcurls · 08-01-2012, 11:14 AM

I would say it's a combination of meds, pregnancy, kids and stress causing your issue.

I will say my sex drive is up and down...some months its in overdrive...other months not so much. After having kids though...it dropped a ton until just the last 6 months (my kids are 6 and 3 1/2). BC pills are a big killer for me...but that's definitely not your issue right now.

My biggest help has been taking care of me... Me feeling good about myself...radiates to the bedroom...and other things. Maybe if you just get that little bit of me time every week it will help?

I say talk to your hubby...he should be understanding... I would talk to your doctor too...discuss your meds...see if you can try something different maybe?

Eilonwy · 08-01-2012, 11:57 AM

It's normal for a woman's sex drive to fluctuate during pregnancy. Pregnancy even takes a lot of women first to one extreme, and then to the other.

iroc · 08-01-2012, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sosoul

Quote:

Originally Posted by iroc

4 years ago? Well ya!

Unfortunately that's pretty typical.

Most people don't have time or energy for sex after they have children, like they did when they first got together.

Especially once the kids are the age of getting up and coming to your room.

You should talk to him and work on increasing the number of times you do have sex, but don't compare it to how often you did it when you first got together. That's unrealistic.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I997 using CurlTalk App

Its not even about the time, energy, or kids but MY DESIRE. Even if all those other variables were in place I still wouldn't WANT IT. I still would rather go without it. This sucks!!

Sent from my SCH-R720 using CurlTalk App

Well, pregnancy hormones can be a b1tch. And they really throw you all over the place. I've heard that it takes a full 2 years for your hormones to get back to normal after having a baby.

Plus, out of all the women I know who have had kids, they go through this stage of having NO interest in sex what so ever when the child is about 2 years old.

So all that mixed together makes it very hard to keep a happy marriage together while you're in the stage of having children.

While I don't have any great answers, I know its a tough time, and I wish you luck.

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kimmidawn · 08-01-2012, 04:45 PM

I think I read someone suggest this earlier, but if not, maybe try discussing with your husband and taking actual intercourse off the table? You and your husband can play around and try other things, but that way you might not feel like you have such enormous stress whenever he tries to initiate anything. I know for me, when I was in a long term relationship and the sex was slowing down somewhat (going from once every few days to once a week or so), I felt such pressure to have sex more often that it would make me feel sick and any kind of intimate contact my partner initiated would make me pull away because I was afraid he was going to push for sex and then I'd feel bad turning him down; it ended up just being a viscous cycle. I don't know if that would solve things, but maybe it might help.

spiderlashes5000 · 08-02-2012, 07:34 AM

Maybe it's not you? Maybe it's him? Maybe he just turned into an emotionally neglectful, sloppy, obnoxious tool since tying the knot? (Or maybe that was just my husband...lol)