Should I tell a girl her boyfriend is a cheater?

Like Tree57Likes

Defriend him and stay out of it. It seems like the right thing to do, but this kind of scenario almost always goes wrong and will likely backfire on you.
Originally Posted by Layali
This is very true.

After a month of me and every single other one of my girlfriends being hit on, by a close friends boyfriend, we talked and decided to let her know. They had been together 5+ years. He was all talk, often drunk, so we gave it some serious thought and consideration. We knew it might not go smoothly but after asking him to stop on several occasions we had to tell her.

6 women sat her down and told her. She refused to speak to any of us again- because we should have told her sooner. No way I'm getting involved with someone I don't know well because that typically ends even worse. Delete him and hope she catches on.


Worn out iPhone. Need I say more?
Originally Posted by Fifi.G
Sounds like a lot of women I know, SMH! I do hope she catches on soon. But maybe she already knows. From what I know about Asian culture, men are expected to be unfaithful. He has a successful career, bright future and he's charming. She probably wouldn't do anything. Some women stay for financial reasons. When I first met him (before I knew about the gf) he would brag about his career and success. Told me some sob story about his parents struggling or something. I wasn't really listening because (a) it was boring and (b) I figured he was trying to manipulate me into thinking he was inspirational or something. I've dated many many men, so I've heard it all LOL! I know what things to watch out for and him bragging and trying to make this "image" of himself was suspicious and made me look him up. Glad I did! Too bad my mom and neighbor fell for it LOL.
Originally Posted by sleepymeko
Men are expected to be unfaithful in Asian culture specifically? As opposed to other cultures? I would say more that male promiscuity may be more openly accepted in traditional cultures and in marginalized groups of people, but western society in general still tolerates it as well.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











^^^She already stopped talking to him a long time ago, when she found out he had a gf....
Originally Posted by coilynapp
But that's not true. She chatted with him last week. While there may have been a break, at the end of the day, she spoke to him last week. That's why everyone is so confused.

I'm not make a judgement call on this, but they way she told the story and then they way the details trickled in, it wasn't making sense. I don't think the woman here are trying to judge her. The details were contradicting (at first).


DELETE HIM!!!!!

Best Case: She thanks you.

Worst Case: THEY come after you for internet stalking.
Amneris likes this.
^^^She already stopped talking to him a long time ago, when she found out he had a gf....
Originally Posted by coilynapp
But that's not true. She chatted with him last week. While there may have been a break, at the end of the day, she spoke to him last week. That's why everyone is so confused.

I'm not make a judgement call on this, but they way she told the story and then they way the details trickled in, it wasn't making sense. I don't think the woman here are trying to judge her. The details were contradicting (at first).


DELETE HIM!!!!!

Best Case: She thanks you.

Worst Case: THEY come after you for internet stalking.
Originally Posted by scrills
No, we did not have a friendly chat. I think everyone is confused. He messaged me on FB chat and I responded because I wanted to see what he wanted from me. We only chatted for a few minutes before I told him I was going to bed.



This is very true.

After a month of me and every single other one of my girlfriends being hit on, by a close friends boyfriend, we talked and decided to let her know. They had been together 5+ years. He was all talk, often drunk, so we gave it some serious thought and consideration. We knew it might not go smoothly but after asking him to stop on several occasions we had to tell her.

6 women sat her down and told her. She refused to speak to any of us again- because we should have told her sooner. No way I'm getting involved with someone I don't know well because that typically ends even worse. Delete him and hope she catches on.


Worn out iPhone. Need I say more?
Originally Posted by Fifi.G
Sounds like a lot of women I know, SMH! I do hope she catches on soon. But maybe she already knows. From what I know about Asian culture, men are expected to be unfaithful. He has a successful career, bright future and he's charming. She probably wouldn't do anything. Some women stay for financial reasons. When I first met him (before I knew about the gf) he would brag about his career and success. Told me some sob story about his parents struggling or something. I wasn't really listening because (a) it was boring and (b) I figured he was trying to manipulate me into thinking he was inspirational or something. I've dated many many men, so I've heard it all LOL! I know what things to watch out for and him bragging and trying to make this "image" of himself was suspicious and made me look him up. Glad I did! Too bad my mom and neighbor fell for it LOL.
Originally Posted by sleepymeko
Men are expected to be unfaithful in Asian culture specifically? As opposed to other cultures? I would say more that male promiscuity may be more openly accepted in traditional cultures and in marginalized groups of people, but western society in general still tolerates it as well.
Originally Posted by Amneris
Yes, it is expected. Especially in Korea and Japan, where they have love hotels. Married women expect their husbands to go to them, to them, it's just sex so it's not as bad. A lot of research has been put into this topic, it's a part of their culture. American men abroad have complained about mother-in-laws encouraging them to go. Not every culture is the same, and Eastern cultures are extremely sexist (more so than Western cultures). Rape is ignored and so is domestic violence to women. Ever notice how Japanese women speak in high voices? It's for sexist reasons, if they don't then they're challenging the authority of a man. My friend has worked in Korea and told me her female boss went on a speech (wasn't meant to be negative) that women are the weaker sex. My ex who was from Japan said couples never say they love each other and the men don't compliment them. Marriage is a business arrangement kind. As for the cheating, it's seen as a cultural norm or custom so it isn't seen as "bad".

Is the whole business arrangement thing wrong? Absolutely not. Things are different everywhere. Western isn't the model of what is right or how things should be. IK a lot of the topic because I have dated mostly Asian men and have researched both cultures deeply to both understand them and not walk into Korea with false hopes. Did it from an anthropological view, as I should anyway since I study anth. Study the culture, but do not be ethnocentric.
Check out my personal blog





Last edited by sleepymeko; 08-19-2012 at 01:01 PM.

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:24 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com