View Poll Results: Dear Abby's Advice on this one was...
Dead Wrong! 29 51.79%
Abby's Right! 27 48.21%
Voters: 56. You may not vote on this poll

From Dear Abby - Sound Off!

Banned
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 4,210
What type of Baptists were you raised around? My great grandmother was dyed in the wool Southern Baptist and was nowhere near that extreme. Sounds as if you're describing old school plain dress Mennonites or Amish or what we called "Pentecostals" where I grew up.
Originally Posted by discgirl
First of all, I'm from NY, so does that mean that the Baptists here are still "Southern"?

Second of all, these are *not* Amish people, just rural Baptists...sorry to say.
What type of Baptists were you raised around? My great grandmother was dyed in the wool Southern Baptist and was nowhere near that extreme. Sounds as if you're describing old school plain dress Mennonites or Amish or what we called "Pentecostals" where I grew up.
Originally Posted by discgirl
First of all, I'm from NY, so does that mean that the Baptists here are still "Southern"?

Second of all, these are *not* Amish people, just rural Baptists...sorry to say.
Originally Posted by slinky1
sorry to say...? Just want to pop in and speak up for the Baptist. Discgirl is correct that the majority of Baptists are not nearly as strict as was mentioned before. In fact, I do not personally know any that follow all the things mentioned earlier. This is similiar to saying that Catholics don't practice birth control or get divorced. In the real world, people usually follow their own convictions.
Hmm... I don't know about the whole dancing thing....but then I'm not all THAT religious myself eventhough I do attend church more often than never. Ha.

My parents do have strong morals and they try passing them down... and it works for me I guess.
3 b/c curls with bangs.
Banned
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 4,210
What type of Baptists were you raised around? My great grandmother was dyed in the wool Southern Baptist and was nowhere near that extreme. Sounds as if you're describing old school plain dress Mennonites or Amish or what we called "Pentecostals" where I grew up.
Originally Posted by discgirl
First of all, I'm from NY, so does that mean that the Baptists here are still "Southern"?

Second of all, these are *not* Amish people, just rural Baptists...sorry to say.
Originally Posted by slinky1
sorry to say...? Just want to pop in and speak up for the Baptist. Discgirl is correct that the majority of Baptists are not nearly as strict as was mentioned before. In fact, I do not personally know any that follow all the things mentioned earlier. This is similiar to saying that Catholics don't practice birth control or get divorced. In the real world, people usually follow their own convictions.
Originally Posted by RoseAnnaDana
I know many different kinds of Baptists myself, all from different areas. But, I know quite a few of the strict ones, and they act as if all Baptists are like them. My mom works with these people, and she's always trying to get under their skin by telling them about other Baptists who's rules aren't as strict...troublemaker that she is...
I cited to Southern Baptists b/c they are a huge sect of Protestants often cited for their very conservative views and religious beliefs. I referenced the "plain dressed" people b/c oftentimes, they adhere to the code you're referencing just as do some modern-day Quakers.
My parents do have strong morals and they try passing them down... and it works for me I guess.
Originally Posted by rubyloxx


So... you're saying it's immoral to go on vacation with a person of the opposite sex?

The good people do is interred with their bones. Their mistakes live on forever...
My parents do have strong morals and they try passing them down... and it works for me I guess.
Originally Posted by rubyloxx


So... you're saying it's immoral to go on vacation with a person of the opposite sex?

Originally Posted by Mephisto
That may be the case for some people.
My two cents. Advice itself isn't right or wrong. It's someone's opinion, which would make it good or bad. I think in this case she gave bad advice. She really took the easy way out instead of providing a more detailed response. Although we don't know all the facts surrounding the situation, I think this girl should go on the cruise. Just because she is going on the cruise with her boyfriend, doesn't mean that they are going to play headboard hockey the whole time. The parents seem to show a lack of distrust if they feel otherwise.
Fortune favors the bold.
Abby took the easy route because it was a dumb question. If you are 23 asking that kind of idiotic advice you deserve what you get.
there comes a time when parents need to acknowlege their "child" is a full grown consenting adult and respect that.
Originally Posted by SummerCurls
I agree. That time is the day the child moves out, before which time they are not "full grown" adults IMO. Close maybe, at most.
Abby took the easy route because it was a dumb question. If you are 23 asking that kind of idiotic advice you deserve what you get.
Originally Posted by perfectlyfrizzycurls
Respecting the fact that she lives in her parents' house and therefore is subject to their rules is idiotic? Thank God such "idiocy" still exists. "You're not the boss of me" is what I'd consider truly idiotic and immature.

Although really I think the answer should have been somewhere in between, meaning her and her parents come to an understanding that although she lives there, she is still an adult and to a large extent should do what she feels is right etc. But if the parents disagree, she should either agree to their rules or move out.
I agree. That time is the day the child moves out, before which time they are not "full grown" adults IMO. Close maybe, at most



A full grown consenting adult is that by law not when they move out of the house. There are 15/16/17 yr olds that are moved out of the house, they are no more consenting than a 4 yr old- legally-Unless their states law books state so.

There are adults living at home- again for various reason- some even pay their parents rent in a landlady/lord situation. They are adults even if their address is the same as their parents. While they do need to respect the wishes of their parents, they also have full right to live their life.
SC
2/3a/3b
Sounds as if you're describing old school plain dress Mennonites or Amish or what we called "Pentecostals" where I grew up.
Originally Posted by discgirl
I referenced the "plain dressed" people b/c oftentimes, they adhere to the code you're referencing just as do some modern-day Quakers.
Originally Posted by discgirl
Are you talking about Quakers (Society of Friends) or the Amish? They are very different denominations, in appearance as well as in belief and practice. Modern Quakers do not dress any differently than others, though they were know for their plain dress in the late 1700s.
"Beware the man of one book." --Latin proverb
My parents do have strong morals and they try passing them down... and it works for me I guess.
Originally Posted by rubyloxx


So... you're saying it's immoral to go on vacation with a person of the opposite sex?

Originally Posted by Mephisto
That may be the case for some people.
Originally Posted by naturalT
No, I'm not saying its immoral... its just the faith the parents should put in their child. My parents trust me to make the right decisions...they want me to make mistakes so I can learn from them... but they have every right to protect me when they think/know something could go wrong. My exboyfriend earned my parent's respect... They know he'd never try to pull anything on me. He's expressed his values to them through his manners and speech (but never just came out and said what my parents wanted to hear)...this is how he earned their respect. Some parents just dont know the person well enough and doesnt feel it is 'safe' for them to go away with them. Anyway, its not our problem...until we get into a situation like this. The end.
3 b/c curls with bangs.
My brother and his girlfriend came to visit a few years ago. He was 42. she was 31, but living with her folks. She had been away to college, has several older siblings (married and out of the house), but she had to promise that on this trip they would sleep in separate hotel rooms (they camped - in one tent), and that they would stay in separate rooms at my house. Yeah, right. It was very funny for several reasons, not the least of which is that my SO and I are NOT married, but have been sharing a bed for 21 years. Her folks are nice people, just very old fashioned, catholic, and from another country. They think we're married - so do lots of other people.

But everyone's happy now - my brother and his girlfriend got married and started a family.
2b/3a shoulder length hennaed curls
CG off and on since March 2002
I went to a Quaker college for four years. I'm fully aware they are no longer "plain" and well-acquainted with their beliefs and practices. I have many friends (no pun intended) who are Quaker -- some born into the Society of Friends and some who chose to become Quakers as adults or teenagers.. Some of the people I know now and went to college with came from families who did not dance, drink or smoke as part of their Quaker tradition. We also had Mennonites at our school, but they weren't plain. Some of them did come from those sorts of families though and they didn't participate in the activities I just mentioned either for their religious reasons. Maybe, they were from small and unusual sects or something.

I also know that Mennonites and the Amish do not look identical. Nevertheless, the both have plain sects. Additionally, the strict non-worldly groups as far as I know all place a high value on modesty, they don't play musical instruments and they don't dance. I'm wasn't talking about core substantive doctrine or theology.
everyone like ourselves are entitled to an opinion... We live in the United States of America.. and we are granted with the First Ammendment... Abby may be old fashioned like the reader's parents... but she understands (being a mother herself) what its like to be a parent... And of parent's have rules... then they are to be obeyed. Its all a matter of opinion... and Abby could only give the advice that she knew she could give... And that is to just suck it up.
3 b/c curls with bangs.
I'm a parent, I have three kids and I disagree with Abbey. I'm raising my kids to the best of my ability and I believe when they become of age, that teaching is going to stay with them.
However when they reach consenting age, they have the right by law to do whatever they wish- with in the law of course.
SC
2/3a/3b
That letter was interesting for me to ready because I am 23 and still live at home (six more months, then I'm OUT!). I agree with the people who said Abby took the easy way out. Things could be worked out differently than she suggested.
My story: My parents are Catholic and do not believe in premarital sex or living with someone before you get married. They are, however, realistic about things and know that they have to let their adult children do what they feel is right. I have a boyfriend whose house I sleep at every couple of weeks or so and I have gone camping with him and gone on "overnight" trips with him. I basically have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy going. I don't say, "Goodnight! Sleeping at my boyfriend's house tonight!". I leave it at, "I'll be staying out tonight so I'll see you in the morning." I'm sure they know where I am but we don't discuss it because I know how they feel and they know I'm old enough to decide for myself.
2C hair
Banned
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 4,210
Gosh...if she knew it was gonna cause this much trouble, she should have lied and said she was going w/girlfriends.

In any case, I'm 23, live at home (OUCH...but not for long...), and I went away for 2 weeks over summer break and my parents were enthralled that I was not going to be in the house for that long. They were so happy to have me gone that they both took the two weeks off from work to be together. 'Course, my parents *hate* me, but...

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