I don't mean to sound petty. This woman is like 19 or 20 years older than I am. It's not a jealousy thing to me at all. When I met her, I really admired her and wanted to like her bc she is an intelligent and accomplished woman.I'm trying to figure out how the SIL being "unattractive" is relevant to this story...
Your beef is with your husband. If you don't like how the kids' hair is being treated, you need to take it up with him. He is the one letting his sister mess up their hair.
I just mention that bc she hasn't dated in years. Her last relationship was in the 80s. She doesn't date or have kids and I think she is frustrated by that. And resentful. (I think she was interested in adopting kids at one point but I guess that didn't work out or maybe she changed her mind.)
M2LR and TNB explained exactly what I mean; that she has this weird need to control. And she does it to her other brothers' wives and she tries to parent their kids, too. But it's different in my case for various reasons.
When I've told other people about her, they just say she needs to get laid or maybe I should introduce her to someone.
And I actually tried to fix her up w/ one of my older male friends when I was dating my exhd, but he said no when he saw her pic.
Maybe it's not that relevent but I think she'd be less overinvolved in other people's lives if she had a more satisfying personal life of her own. I could be wrong...
My exhd is never gonna stand up to her now. He wouldn't when we were married so he certainly won't now.
It just seems really petty to mock on her looks. You probably wouldn't have done that if the situation involved an unattractive male relative. Gods forbid if a woman dares to be ugly...it makes the world hate her. I suspect that you used that descriptor to color your story.
I really try not to judge womens' child status based on my life choice to be a mother. There are many women (many of them here on this board) who are perfectly happy being childfree and it really bothers them that the world seems to want to blame everything about them on that childfree status. It's a very sexist attitude.
Your story seems to be that your children are coming home (late) with messed up hair. They are in the care of their father during that hair messing up. HE is the one who needs to be addressed. If I were you, I wouldn't give a rat's ass how it happened, but I'd be letting him know it was unacceptable to wreck their hair and make them late for bedtime on a school night and he needs to FIX it. Now. I don't care how. Just get them home on time, with decent hair. Period. What he does with his sister is his own business.