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Old 10-14-2012, 01:36 PM   #41
 
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I've been waiting tables at a little family bar and grill for two months. I've never waited tables before, and I feel like I picked-up on it pretty quickly and well. Some nights my tips aren't great, but only because the place gets slow. My tips are ALWAYS above 15%. I've never had a complaint or any kind of a real issue about my service.

Tonight, a family came in around 9:30PM (it was slowing down.) It was a father or grandfather with a woman, teenage/20-something young lady and a cute little boy (around 4.)

I took their drink orders immediately and brought them-out within two minutes.

I took their dinner order, and the man ordered for the little boy. I made smalltalk with the little boy, like I always do with little kids. (I love little kids!)

I took the menus and told them their soups would be right out.

The SECOND I got to the computer to punch in their orders, I realized, "Waaaaaait, the man didn't give me an order..."

I thought, "Maybe he just didn't order anything, since a lot of people don't order dinner that late at night" but I went back to the table and said, "Sir, I am so sorry, but did you want to order anything else?"

He literally looked at me with his arms folded across his chest and said, "I WAS but I do not WANT anything NOW. You TOOK my menu away without ASKING me."

Me: I'm so, so sorry about that...I took your menu after you ordered for the little boy and I honestly just forgot to specifically ask you what you wanted. But I didn't put anybody's orders into the computer yet, so you can just tell me what you want now and it will come-out with everybody else's food.

Him: I don't WANT anything NOW. It's TOO LATE.

I apologized again, went and put their orders in, came back and checked if they needed a drink refill, brought their soups and walked away.

I brought out their dinner, and one of the women said, "Just bring us a check for the drinks and we want to speak to the manager."

I was like, "Oh good lord, what are they even complaining about?"

I went to my manager in the kitchen and briefed him on what happened. He told me not to worry about it, that he's SO used to this and always sticks-up for the waitresses when the diners are a bit out-of-line.

Wellllllll, he told my manager that I was VERY disrespectful and must have a problem with black people.

Like...what what what?????

I admit, I was wrong in overlooking his order, but WITHIN THIRTY SECONDS I CAME BACK APOLOGIZING PROFUSELY.

-He could have spoken-up and said, "Hey, I also would like to order..."

-I brought-out their drinks and soups RIGHT AWAY.

-I was perfectly nice and polite and helpful and peppy. I always am.

They left, and then the table I had right next to them asked me to get the manager for them. He came over to them, and this couple told him that they really hoped I didn't get into trouble at all, because I was perfectly wonderful to them and to that other table.

My coworkers teased me about it because it was kinda ridiculous AND the two women both had ordered steak dinners which were never eaten, so four of the girls I worked with dug into the steak and baked potatoes and said it was the best part of their day to get free steak dinners!

Glad something good came out of it.

I'm, of course, pretty hurt/insulted that people would make that assumption of me.
I worked as a Hostess for nearly four years. I also had to wait on people. Some people are just craby and expect you to know everything and treat them like a God just because of your title. I once had a woman tell me her fried chicken was crispier and her salad had more lettuce than the last time she was there..... She was seriously upset about that. I also had a lot of regulars who were great and always made my job easy. These were the people I enjoyed serving and I always made an extra effort to make them happy. The managers have heard every complaint under the sun and know that some guests just want to complain for no reason or want a free meal. A guest once ate a burger and had a bite left. He then asked for the manager and claimed he did not want cheese on the burger he just ate.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:09 PM   #42
 
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I'm not certain racism wasn't involved.

This is someone who freely labeled a "friend" as a slut, and fiercely clung to that being an OK thing to do for hundreds and hundreds of posts saying the opposite.

I'm sorry...I just have a hard time believing that the patron had such a strong reaction for...absolutely no reason at all...
You're right. The couple could have been racist.
OH COME ON! That's not funny - it's offensive to suggest that people of colour were "racist." Way to trivialize a serious issue.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:20 PM   #43
 
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I'm sorry for being so rude and offensive.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:21 PM   #44
 
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Good Lord!! Not everyone in this thread knows or needs to know the sociological definition of racism! Yes I understand we as Black people don't have the (societal) power to truly be racist. But I think many here are using the word racism/t interchangeably with prejudice or discrimination. Gee whiz...
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:22 PM   #45
 
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You're right. The couple could have been racist.

I know you're trying to lighten the mood, but no, the couple couldn't have been racist against a white woman.


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    1. rac·ism/ˈrāˌsizəm/





      Noun:
      • The belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, esp. so as to distinguish it as...
      • Prejudice or discrimination directed against someone of a different race based on such a belief
OK, so you're being serious, not making a poor attempt at humour. Complaining about someone else's racism, however mistaken or misguided those complaints may be, is not a belief that races possess specific characteristics or prejudice directed at someone based on those beliefs. Doing it to be a jerk or get free stuff doesn't fit that definition, either.

I know there isn't one universal definition of racism, but that one is pretty lousy. For one thing, racism isn't simply preconceived notions about races possessing certain traits, but a belief in the inherent inferiority of some races and the inherent superiority of others. Also racism isn't just about prejudice, but about prejudice PLUS power.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:26 PM   #46
 
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Ive met racist black people. I work with a guy who talks horribly about other races and is always saying evrybody hates black people. In my opinion, black on white racism is possible. I know us history says it cant be but it is.

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A Black person saying everybody hates Black people isn't being racist. Bitter and over-generalizing, yes, but also partially rooted in reality, and not racist.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:28 PM   #47
 
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It's VERY possible. Especially with how things were in the past. A lot have resentment. So in my opinion, it's just as possible as any sort of racism.

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(Justified) resentment is not racism.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:33 PM   #48
 
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:35 PM   #49
 
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You're right. The couple could have been racist.
OH COME ON! That's not funny - it's offensive to suggest that people of colour were "racist." Way to trivialize a serious issue.
I apologize if you mistook the meaning and were offending by it but it was not joke or jab at anyone. I was agreeing that it could have been a case of racism. But on the side of the other party involved. Look, racism is something that I attach to the dislike or putting down of another person because of the color of their skin. You can call it racism or prejudice or another label. I simple was implying that yes it could have been but it could have been the black couple having something against a white person. And you cannot say that doesn't happen.

Read the rest of my commets and ask if they go along with what you think I meant? No, the don't. Now read it how I intended it. Yes, they do. I may not always phrase something the best way and I might offend people not on purpose but I don't see anything comical or to joke about when race is involved.
Having something against A white person is NOT the same thing as being a racist. I honestly cannot make sense at all of your longer post so I have no idea what you meant. But I do not believe that people of colour can ever be racist. Can they hold prejudices, be resentful, be jerks, treat other people badly, or generalize about people? Sure. But that in and of itself is not racism.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:39 PM   #50
 
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Search Results
    1. rac·ism/ˈrāˌsizəm/







      Noun:
      • The belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, esp. so as to distinguish it as...
      • Prejudice or discrimination directed against someone of a different race based on such a belief
OK, so you're being serious, not making a poor attempt at humour. Complaining about someone else's racism, however mistaken or misguided those complaints may be, is not a belief that races possess specific characteristics or prejudice directed at someone based on those beliefs. Doing it to be a jerk or get free stuff doesn't fit that definition, either.

I know there isn't one universal definition of racism, but that one is pretty lousy. For one thing, racism isn't simply preconceived notions about races possessing certain traits, but a belief in the inherent inferiority of some races and the inherent superiority of others. Also racism isn't just about prejudice, but about prejudice PLUS power.
It's prejudice but the power to hold down or back a race or culture that you find to be inferior back on skin color or other physical features.

Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you over think and over analyze too much? Just because someone has a different point of view or doesn't word something exactly like you might does not meant they are wrong or misguided. Everyone has an input that can be valuable. I do have the right to assess a situation and give my o
And no one is trying to deny you that right. But when you offer an opinion that others find incomprehensible or incorrect or based on factual errors, they also have the right to express that.

I am not sure what me overthinking or overanalyzing has to do with anything. I don't have to overthink this issue because it is very familiar to me. I have worked, studied, lectured and published extensively on this topic as well as living it. Anyway, I would rather overthink it than put out a series of posts like yours that are illogical, incomprehensible and based on flimsy to no factual or scholarly basis. For example, what does this even mean?

It's prejudice but the power to hold down or back a race or culture that you find to be inferior back on skin color or other physical features.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:42 PM   #51
 
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:45 PM   #52
 
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I don't see how she's agitated at all. I think she genuinely doesn't understand what you're trying to say. I'm a bit confused myself.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:47 PM   #53
 
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I apologize if you mistook the meaning and were offending by it but it was not joke or jab at anyone. I was agreeing that it could have been a case of racism. But on the side of the other party involved. Look, racism is something that I attach to the dislike or putting down of another person because of the color of their skin. You can call it racism or prejudice or another label. I simple was implying that yes it could have been but it could have been the black couple having something against a white person. And you cannot say that doesn't happen.

Read the rest of my commets and ask if they go along with what you think I meant? No, the don't. Now read it how I intended it. Yes, they do. I may not always phrase something the best way and I might offend people not on purpose but I don't see anything comical or to joke about when race is involved.
Having something against A white person is NOT the same thing as being a racist. I honestly cannot make sense at all of your longer post so I have no idea what you meant. But I do not believe that people of colour can ever be racist. Can they hold prejudices, be resentful, be jerks, treat other people badly, or generalize about people? Sure. But that in and of itself is not racism.
If you can't understand them so be it. But don't you think you jumped the gun a bit with your reaction to me. This is obviously a very touchy subject with you and I don't want to keep trying to explain anymore. I don't want you to keep getting aggitated but maybe, just maybe you should read more and think about the person making the post and truly think hard about whether they're making fun of a very sensitive subject. I do not appreciate your tone.
It's not a touchy subject to me, and I'm not agitated. I legitimately thought you were joking when I saw your post because it honestly seemed so ridiculous to me and to come out of nowhere. I see now you were serious, so I apologize for assuming that you were trying to be funny (if anything, that was giving you the benefit of the doubt compared to how the rest of your posts in the thread seem to me.) I'm glad you weren't actually joking about a serious subject and I am sorry I accused you of that. I stand by the rest of my posts - and their tone.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:58 PM   #54
 
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Old 10-14-2012, 04:03 PM   #55
 
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Old 10-14-2012, 04:05 PM   #56
 
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From Dictionary.com...

racism

Origin
rac·ism

   [rey-siz-uhm] Show IPA
noun 1.a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

2.a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

3. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

I think Speckla is speaking to the 3rd definition.
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Old 10-14-2012, 04:11 PM   #57
 
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Old 10-14-2012, 05:10 PM   #58
 
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I'm just having a really hard time understanding how it's more plausible that black patrons could be racist but not plausible that a white server could be racist. And not specifically referring to CIBC's situation, just generally. Reading all of these posts saying "people say anything for a free lunch" you would think that the general situation (i.e., experiencing racism in a restaurant) is all just fabricated bs. That's what bothers me. Someone even said, "I know US history says x, but y is the truth." I'm like.....oh, ok. LOL

No one cares about the proper definition of anything until it's on a topic that concerns them, that is clear. Perhaps you are underthinking, Speckla. Everything doesn't boil down to a Beatles song. To borrow a quote, the facts matter.

Racism is not always intended, overt, or done from a place of hate. I know, hard to believe, right. Lot's of racist people don't even "hate" the objects of their racism they just think they should stick with their own kind, not be uppity, not date their children, not go to school with their kids, "it's the way we've always done things," etc.

I have never known CIBC to be racist. However, it could be that this man took something she did (in action, said something, whatever) as evidence that she thought they were inferior. It may not have even been the taking the menu thing....that's just what she thinks triggered the reaction. One thing I noticed is she never described the family as black until the very end of the story. Sounds like it was a mega misunderstanding if anything.

If you post something on here, get ready for responses. Really, from anyone or everyone. You don't have the right to comment and have no one disagree with you. Sorry, you don't.
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Old 10-14-2012, 05:40 PM   #59
 
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My manager and the hostess both commented that the two women seemed mortified and embarrassed. Not because of me, but because of the man.
I think that says it all, that he's just a loud-mouth who reports people to their managers all the time and they go along with him instead of telling him to cut it out.

I've also had people be quite rude and demanding/entitled and had their children or spouses criticize them right in front of me and tell them,"Be nice!"

I know I did everything in my power to be a good server and rectify the situation. They didn't give me the chance to.

I KNOW I'm not better than anybody. The last couple of years have been the most humbling I could imagine.
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Old 10-14-2012, 05:48 PM   #60
 
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I dont think you did anything racist at all. The times Ive have actual racism they completely ignored the fact we were sitting there. Some people are very sensitive to everything, I dont think what they did was right at all, but perhaps its happened to them multiple times before and unfortunately just have a bad taste in their mouth from it. So sadly everyone is gonna get the repercussions of it. Or they may of been using that as an excuse for a free meal. Ive also seen tons of people act a hot mess because acting like someone treated them wrong even when they didnt would get them something free whether it be a meal or a product of some sort.
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