Accused of being a racist (waitressing woes)

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What are cheese balls? Are they like Cheetos cheese curls but round? Or are we talking actual balls of cheese?

Sorry for the guano.
Originally Posted by The New Black
Maybe it's a Honey Boo Boo reference? I think they come in a giant plastic container and are like round cheetos.
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Dogs and nature abhor a vacuum.
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What are cheese balls? Are they like Cheetos cheese curls but round? Or are we talking actual balls of cheese?

Sorry for the guano.
Originally Posted by The New Black
Oh...
No MAS.

I am the new Black.

"Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.

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What are cheese balls? Are they like Cheetos cheese curls but round? Or are we talking actual balls of cheese?

Sorry for the guano.
Originally Posted by The New Black
Originally Posted by thelio
Yes!

Dogs and nature abhor a vacuum.
http://geaugadoggy.wordpress.com
I am going to say something that might be controversial but immagonnasayit.

I am not a racist person. BUT I don't have a lot of experience interacting with black people. People are people, but because I am socially aware I am sure sometimes I can overcompensate in my interactions, or unassumingly behave in away that may be construed as being racist. It is not intentional but that doesn't mean I don't do it on occasion with some individuals. I am sure it also happens when Muslim women come into my store dressed in hijab/burqa.

I have a feeling this type of behavior is what RCW is referring to.
Originally Posted by Nej
Do you mind saying where you live because it always surprises me when I hear people say that but I never speak up. West Virginia is known for being a "very white" state but in the larger cities I'd say they're at least 30% black. Even in most of the rural areas it's not like black ppl are scarce.

I understand a black person not having much interaction with white ppl because most white people distance themselves from "black areas." However, when a white person says this I have to wonder why it is. I don't think it always happens intentionally. I'm not saying that or assuming it of you, Nej. I was on this forum where several posters (white I just assumed) were talking about attractions in L.A. and sharing pictures. All of the people pictured were white and... I guess I'd just pictured LA as more like Cincy with Hispanics, right? I know nothing of CA but from what I've heard about LA I've always assumed it was mostly black and Hispanic and that Melrose Place and all that was fiction or that part was very isolated. I jumped in and expressed surprise at there not being any black or Hispanic people pictured. They replied (not knowing my race) that "yeah, of course there are blacks and Hispanics there but it's not like we associate with them on a daily basis." I just don't get that. Are big cities that segregated that races just don't mix? Is this a common thing?
Originally Posted by Blackbanjogirl
Yes it's pretty common.
My daughter went to college in New Hampshire and there were some kids at her college that had never seen people of color except on TV.

And certainly here in Boston, some of the more affluent outlying suburbs like Needham and Newton, residents there wouldn't have much interaction with POC.


Obamacare is not a blueprint for socialism. You're thinking of the New Testament. ~~ John Fugelsang



Sometimes we are falsely accused of things...
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My daughter went to college in New Hampshire and there were some kids at her college that had never seen people of color except on TV.

And certainly here in Boston, some of the more affluent outlying suburbs like Needham and Newton, residents there wouldn't have much interaction with POC.
Originally Posted by Springcurl
I was going to say that about NH as well.
Springcurl likes this.
Central Massachusetts

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In regards to Vagazzling: They just want to get into the goods without worrying about getting scratched up by fake crystals. ~spring1onu~
I can actually see where Nej is coming from too. For me, 95% of the people I have dealt with on a regular basis for my whole life have been white or Asian.

Grew up in suburban NJ. Out of 200 kids in my graduating class, 3 were black and 3 were Hispanic. My friends were all white, Indian, or Chinese.

Went to school in upstate NY. Certainly more diverse than my hometown, but in my major and in my community service group, which together comprised the majority of my friends, there was one Hispanic guy, and one black girl.

Went to work at a big science company. Still surrounded by almost entirely white and Asian people. In my core group, it was me and about 8 white guys. Switched science companies. Same thing.

My biggest interest right now? Distance running. If you ever look at the mass of runners in a marathon, you will see how overwhelmingly white a sport it is.

I meet my friends through running and work, so most of them are white.

It's not like I'm actively avoiding POC, but I've just always lived/worked in environments where they are underrepresented.

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Speckla
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Posts: n/a
I

No one cares about the proper definition of anything until it's on a topic that concerns them, that is clear. Perhaps you are underthinking, Speckla. Everything doesn't boil down to a Beatles song. To borrow a quote, the facts matter.


If you post something on here, get ready for responses. Really, from anyone or everyone. You don't have the right to comment and have no one disagree with you. Sorry, you don't.
Originally Posted by curlyarca
1) You're right. Perhaps I am underthinking things or just really not even capable of understanding them. It's better to stay out of something than jump into the middle. Especially if you're a lousey swimmer.

2) I'll have to amen that. And I apologize. Showing my ignorance again.
Originally Posted by Speckla

Underthinking, yes; not capable of understanding, no.

I don't understand why you're apologizing (or deleting all of your posts).
Originally Posted by curlyarca
I'm deleting them because they're just fluffy lines of nonsensical babble. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of having made such an ass of myself...
But I do have to ask one thing. I only know Yellow Submarine and I Wanna Hold Your Hand by the Beatles and I sure you're not referring to either of those...explain the analogy, please?

1) You're right. Perhaps I am underthinking things or just really not even capable of understanding them. It's better to stay out of something than jump into the middle. Especially if you're a lousey swimmer.

2) I'll have to amen that. And I apologize. Showing my ignorance again.
Originally Posted by Speckla

Underthinking, yes; not capable of understanding, no.

I don't understand why you're apologizing (or deleting all of your posts).
Originally Posted by curlyarca
I'm deleting them because they're just fluffy lines of nonsensical babble. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of having made such an ass of myself...
But I do have to ask one thing. I only know Yellow Submarine and I Wanna Hold Your Hand by the Beatles and I sure you're not referring to either of those...explain the analogy, please?
Originally Posted by Speckla
My guess would be All You Need Is Love.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











Honestly, even with a definition more like how people use it, I don't think people of color can be racist toward white people. I think people of color can be racist toward each other, but no, not towards white people. White is held up as ideal, and you'll be hard-pressed to find a single person of color who genuinely believes being white is inferior.
Originally Posted by Saria
My mom's side feel white people are infrerior. They dont like my dad, and treat my sister and I different because of it. I have been asked on severl occasions if I have ever ben molested by my father because white men likes having sex with their daughters. White people are trashy, stupid, evil, should die out, incompetent, ect. Oh the things I grew up hearing about the white devil.

Back on topic: I dont hink you did anything wrong, CIBC. The man could have been having a bad day and took it out on you.
Originally Posted by thelio
Thelio, I wouldn't necessarily say that things like that mean an inherent belief that white people are actually inferior. I think they point to other issues (and that is horrifying behaviour regardless) but they don't necessarily indicate a feeling of "Black supremacy" equal to the phenomenon of white supremacy.
coilynapp likes this.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











Honestly, even with a definition more like how people use it, I don't think people of color can be racist toward white people. I think people of color can be racist toward each other, but no, not towards white people. White is held up as ideal, and you'll be hard-pressed to find a single person of color who genuinely believes being white is inferior.
Originally Posted by Saria
I don't think that's exactly true among every person of color. There are plenty of us who think that a lot of things that white people say and do are weird or crazy. Many people of color don't have the arrogance to believe they are superior to whites in every way, but there are a fair number of us who don't think whites are all that and a bag of chips either.
Originally Posted by LadyV69
For sure, but thinking whites do weird or crazy things and aren't all that is a far cry from thinking Blacks are inherently superior to them.
coilynapp likes this.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











Speckla
Guest
Posts: n/a


Underthinking, yes; not capable of understanding, no.

I don't understand why you're apologizing (or deleting all of your posts).
Originally Posted by curlyarca
I'm deleting them because they're just fluffy lines of nonsensical babble. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of having made such an ass of myself...
But I do have to ask one thing. I only know Yellow Submarine and I Wanna Hold Your Hand by the Beatles and I sure you're not referring to either of those...explain the analogy, please?
Originally Posted by Speckla
My guess would be All You Need Is Love.
Originally Posted by Amneris
Ok. I just googled the lyrics. Gotcha.
Oh, lady! First of all, this situation sucks. Take heart, horrible complaints happen to us all... Ugh, the stories I could tell!

Don't beat yourself up, and (omg I sound like my dad!) this was a great learning opportunity.

You don't know the personality of your customers and they don't know you. At the first, slightest, ever-so-subtle, hint-of-a-complaint, misunderstanding, grumpiness, whatever, I send a neutral party over to do damage control. Manager, hostess, another waitress...

Sometimes it's just to chat them up, other times to help soften a mistake (like, "Hey, Christine is concerned we are are not doing all we could be to make sure you're happy. Is there anything I can do to change that? Tell me what needs to be done, and I'd love to do it!"). It shows that you are genuinely concerned enough to get someone else involved.

(Hopefully this doesn't come across as preachy! Just wanted to offer the point of view of someone who has done this for a million years... I've been a waitress, a patron, and a manager. This tactic has been successful for me no matter which shoes I was wearing.)
- Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
- Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you.
Oh, lady! First of all, this situation sucks. Take heart, horrible complaints happen to us all... Ugh, the stories I could tell!

Don't beat yourself up, and (omg I sound like my dad!) this was a great learning opportunity.

You don't know the personality of your customers and they don't know you. At the first, slightest, ever-so-subtle, hint-of-a-complaint, misunderstanding, grumpiness, whatever, I send a neutral party over to do damage control. Manager, hostess, another waitress...

Sometimes it's just to chat them up, other times to help soften a mistake (like, "Hey, Christine is concerned we are are not doing all we could be to make sure you're happy. Is there anything I can do to change that? Tell me what needs to be done, and I'd love to do it!"). It shows that you are genuinely concerned enough to get someone else involved.

(Hopefully this doesn't come across as preachy! Just wanted to offer the point of view of someone who has done this for a million years... I've been a waitress, a patron, and a manager. This tactic has been successful for me no matter which shoes I was wearing.)
Originally Posted by Rubber Biscuit
Totally! I wish I had briefed the manager about what happened after he refused to order the first time.
Also, yesterday I bought two greeting cards. I thought the total seemed high, but didn't want to be that person scrutinizing the receipt in front of the cashier, so I checked when I left and realized she rang me up for the same card twice.

I turned right around, told the cashier very nicely, she apologized and told me she couldn't do a return and got the manager, then went-off to help somebody else.

On my way out, I passed the cashier who had originally rung me up and made the mistake, and called out thanks to her. She said goodbye and sorry again for the mistake.

Everybody was happy!

And I couldn't help but think, "THIS IS HOW YOU ACT WHEN SOMEBODY MAKES AN INNOCENT MISTAKE!"
luvmylocs likes this.
The couple that stuck-up for me last Friday after this happened came in tonight.

They hugged and kissed me hello.

It made me feel totally better about everything.

I'm clearly doing a good job!
kayb likes this.
The couple that stuck-up for me last Friday after this happened came in tonight.

They hugged and kissed me hello.

It made me feel totally better about everything.

I'm clearly doing a good job!
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine
YES! Yes you are, and don't give that freak-incident another thought. 😊
I have to shower in order to wake up properly in the mornings

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