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Old 10-17-2012, 02:16 PM   #1
 
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Default Carpooling and Fairness

Say you're carpooling with someone twice a week. You alternate. So it looks like this:

SUNDAY: YOU
TUESDAY: OTHER PERSON
SUNDAY: YOU
TUESDAY: OTHER PERSON

Now let's say the other person misses a bunch of days for various reasons so it looks like this.

SUNDAY: YOU
TUESDAY: YOU
SUNDAY: YOU
TUESDAY: OTHER PERSON
SUNDAY: YOU
TUESDAY: YOU
SUNDAY: YOU
TUESDAY: YOU

Now lets say it's today. In your mind, who should drive? What's equitable?
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Old 10-17-2012, 02:19 PM   #2
 
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Clearly other person.

If you're alternating days, you should be alternating who is doing the driving, rather than scheduling each person on alternate days, and adhering to that schedule no matter what.


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Old 10-17-2012, 02:46 PM   #3
 
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Well, I'm feeling a little crazy right now because I just sent her an email asking her what time she's picking me up tonight and the email chain goes like this:

Me:
Quote:
Hey. What time do you want to pick me up tonight?
Her:
Quote:
oh, i'm driving am i?
Me:
Quote:
Ha! Thought that was a given but if you want me to I will.


Her:
Quote:
hey-

i'm a little confused about how we carpool. i always assumed i would drive every other time we drove *together* (and vice versa for you) b/c that's what seems fair- switching off. but this would be the 4th time in a row i've driven, including once to the game in CT. i'm just worried we're thinking about this differently, ya know?
So four times in a row she's driven WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER but not four times in a row. What seems fair to me is every other TIME not every other time we're together. Also I find the fact that she's counting how many times she's driven surprising. but I responded:

Quote:
Well, I guess we are thinking about it differently. I mean, I assumed every other time, also, but I wasn't thinking about it as when we're together.

I'll drive.

ETA: She's counting back to September 4, which is when we went to Connecticut. And that was the last time she drove until two Thursdays ago.
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Old 10-17-2012, 02:52 PM   #4
 
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I hate carpooling. I give you credit for not strangling her.
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Old 10-17-2012, 02:52 PM   #5
 
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I think I'm with her on this. You carpool on days when you are both going.
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Old 10-17-2012, 02:56 PM   #6
 
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Yeah, it doesn't really make much sense to me.

"You drive every time by yourself for the past two months but when we drive together it's STILL your turn to drive because that's how we alternate."

Whatever, I'm not going to be a right fighter. I'm driving tonight.
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:01 PM   #7
 
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of course you drive everytime by yourself....I don't get it??
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:07 PM   #8
 
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of course you drive everytime by yourself....I don't get it??
I'm saying that TO ME it just doesn't seem equitable that in a carpooling situation where we alternate that after I've been driving without her since September 4 with the exception of two other times that it would still be MY turn to drive.

However since we never really discussed it and I think one way and she thinks the other it doesn't really matter and I'll drive.
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:09 PM   #9
 
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From the op I th ought you meant that you had driven together all those times. I think I agree with her...I'd assume it only counts when you're together in that situation.

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Old 10-17-2012, 03:09 PM   #10
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Springcurl View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by murrrcat View Post
of course you drive everytime by yourself....I don't get it??
I'm saying that TO ME it just doesn't seem equitable that in a carpooling situation where we alternate that after I've been driving without her since September 4 with the exception of two other times that it would still be MY turn to drive.

However since we never really discussed it and I think one way and she thinks the other it doesn't really matter and I'll drive.

I know, I wasn't trying to come off as in you're crazy but I agree, it doesn't make sense.


That's why I don't share with people LOL. They take advantage of you.

maybe just drive this one time, and then after make sure she drives.
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:10 PM   #11
 
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Yeah, it doesn't really make much sense to me.

"You drive every time by yourself for the past two months but when we drive together it's STILL your turn to drive because that's how we alternate."

Whatever, I'm not going to be a right fighter. I'm driving tonight.
I don't really understand - when you're driving alone, is she just not going that night? Is she driving there alone?

If you're carpooling and there are times when she doesn't go to wherever it is that you're going, then I don't see why it would automatically be her turn just because you've been driving there alone the past X times. If she drives there separately, well then she's been driving too, so again, why would it be her turn. I would assume what she assumed, that when you carpool together, you alternate who drives each carpool.

Either way, I probably wouldn't care all that much unless it was like a 5 hour drive.
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:14 PM   #12
 
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She doesn't go so I drive by myself. I'm basically assuming fairness based on wear and tear of my car-- it's a 45 mile drive each way. Certainly that's what I would do if I were in her shoes, but whatever.
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:15 PM   #13
 
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Wait. Now I'm confused.


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Old 10-17-2012, 03:19 PM   #14
 
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Wait. Now I'm confused.


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Hmm. What's confusing? I've been driving by myself with the exception of 4 times since September 4. Tonight we're actually going together so I figured she'd drive. the last time we were together she drove so she says it's not her turn.

I think it's her turn because the last time we drove together was 2 weeks ago and she drove then... but since then I've been going and driving.

ETA: We're carpooling to save gas $$ and mileage. So that's why I think it's not equitable-- I have been neither saving gas nor money since she has only been there 4 times in a month and a half.
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Last edited by Springcurl; 10-17-2012 at 03:24 PM.
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:22 PM   #15
 
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Originally Posted by Springcurl View Post
She doesn't go so I drive by myself. I'm basically assuming fairness based on wear and tear of my car-- it's a 45 mile drive each way. Certainly that's what I would do if I were in her shoes, but whatever.
But the wear and tear on your car, when she's not going, has absolutely nothing to do with her. I'm with her on this one--you should be alternating based on the times you're actually car pooling, not based on the times either of you is driving there alone, as that's irrelevant to the car pooling.

Also, how is she supposed to know how many times you've gone without her? She only knows that the last time you went together, she drove, which makes it your turn this time.
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:23 PM   #16
 
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oooh Okay, Now I can understand why she says it's not her turn. I mean if you're going anyway and it's in your car, that's not really her problem, because she's not with you, so that really has nothing to do with her.

Does she drive separately the times you go by yourself? or is she doing something different?
I see what she's saying and I would say it's your turn also.


I think. I'm still kind of confused....
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:34 PM   #17
 
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She doesn't go so I drive by myself. I'm basically assuming fairness based on wear and tear of my car-- it's a 45 mile drive each way. Certainly that's what I would do if I were in her shoes, but whatever.
But the wear and tear on your car, when she's not going, has absolutely nothing to do with her. I'm with her on this one--you should be alternating based on the times you're actually car pooling, not based on the times either of you is driving there alone, as that's irrelevant to the car pooling.

Also, how is she supposed to know how many times you've gone without her? She only knows that the last time you went together, she drove, which makes it your turn this time.
We drive to practice together. So we have practice Sunday and Thursday. (don't know why I wrote Tuesday) So she knows what I"m doing yes.

Whatever. We've never talked about it. LIke I said, if it were me I'd be like, "Well, you've driven a month by yourself and using a lot of miles so let me drive tonight." But that's just me.
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Old 10-17-2012, 04:05 PM   #18
 
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I would say you alternate based on when you carpool, so obviously when you are together.

I kind of see where you are coming from but not really. From her perspective, why should the wear and tear on your car and cost of gas for you be her problem when she didn't benefit from it since she missed out on the practices.
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Old 10-17-2012, 04:36 PM   #19
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I can see you POV but I'm with her on this one.
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Old 10-17-2012, 04:48 PM   #20
 
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Yeah, I am with her on this one too.

Regardless if she misses practices or you drive yourself more often, etc. if you had an agreement on which days you'd drive, then I would stick to that.

This is also why I don't care much for carpooling. parties, practices, out to dinner, whatever...I hate carpooling.
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