Are your plans ironclad?

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Or will you bump?

Are there different levels of commitment to you?

Are certain plans (w/ platonic friends or coworkers maybe) considered casual and not a problem for you to bow out of?

What if a long-time friend wanted to go out to eat or out for a drink (which you can go anytime)? And you didn't have anything going on so you said yes and let the friend choose the day? But then someone offered you tickets to a concert or big show (one night only)? Would you take a raincheck/reschedule w/ the first friend?

What if a friend did a favor for you and wanted you to bring him dinner on a weeknight when he is working late? And specified a preference of day? Would you later ask him what his second choice of day is if you found out an out of town friend was unexpectedly going to be in town?

What if you do happy hour w/ a friend from work every other Fri, but then get asked out on a date w/ someone you realy like. Would you tell her she is on her own this time?
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Generally, my plans are ironclad. I've many times been on the receiving end of being bailed on and it sucks, so I try not to do that to other people.

In rare instances, I will reschedule if something really unusual comes up (like example two), but in general, I either stick with the original plan or, in the case of something like example one, try to see if the person I originally made plans with could be included in the special event. In my case, example three isn't relevant.
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I'm not real flexible about 'plans'. I get pretty disgruntled when people change plans, times, places. I get especially cranky when people are late.
But that said, there are of course circumstances and life that can get in the way of things so I will usually let it go without a fuss unless it's a chronic occurrence from the same person (I'm looking at YOU, always late sister and plan changing family!).
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I consider plans ironclad to an extent. I won't just go and cancel or show up late or whatever, unless it's a very specific reason I'm sure to communicate as early as possible. If I have casual plans with someone who I see pretty regularly, and then something particularly unusual comes up (tickets to something, a friend from out of town unexpectedly shows up, etc.) I'll cancel and tell the person why, and if possible invite them to the new plans.

I generally have a "whoever invites me first" rule for making my plans, but that, too, is pretty much subject to the above exceptions. If I have dinner plans with local friends for 2 weeks from now, and then another friend all of a sudden invites me to some special occasion like free tickets to a football game, I'd reschedule dinner.
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I consider plans ironclad to an extent. I won't just go and cancel or show up late or whatever, unless it's a very specific reason I'm sure to communicate as early as possible. If I have casual plans with someone who I see pretty regularly, and then something particularly unusual comes up (tickets to something, a friend from out of town unexpectedly shows up, etc.) I'll cancel and tell the person why, and if possible invite them to the new plans.

I generally have a "whoever invites me first" rule for making my plans, but that, too, is pretty much subject to the above exceptions. If I have dinner plans with local friends for 2 weeks from now, and then another friend all of a sudden invites me to some special occasion like free tickets to a football game, I'd reschedule dinner.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
I think that's the key. It's really awful when people dump you at the last minute. It's the courteous thing to let them know ASAP so they can make other plans, too.
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Or will you bump?

Are there different levels of commitment to you?

Are certain plans (w/ platonic friends or coworkers maybe) considered casual and not a problem for you to bow out of?

What if a long-time friend wanted to go out to eat or out for a drink (which you can go anytime)? And you didn't have anything going on so you said yes and let the friend choose the day? But then someone offered you tickets to a concert or big show (one night only)? Would you take a raincheck/reschedule w/ the first friend?

What if a friend did a favor for you and wanted you to bring him dinner on a weeknight when he is working late? And specified a preference of day? Would you later ask him what his second choice of day is if you found out an out of town friend was unexpectedly going to be in town?

What if you do happy hour w/ a friend from work every other Fri, but then get asked out on a date w/ someone you realy like. Would you tell her she is on her own this time?
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
To the last question, definitely yes, a good friend would understand a date is important(as long as it's not happening all the time or often). I've noticed this is only an issue with women(not all obviously but I mean men are less likely to get upset if you a friend blows him off for a date).

No plans are not that ironclad, I am flexible and like to be around flexible people. Obviously I am also reliable and will follow through plans and would have to have a good reason to change/cancel. Sometimes if it's a casual plan, I may change but I'd rather not. It's frustrating when people change/cancel often(poor planning, busy, never really committed in the first place, etc).
I keep my commitments. If I say I will do something, I do it unless I am physically unable. It is an illness, and has caused me soooo much stress over the course of my life. I've been so staunch about keeping plans and making myself miserable, that now I find myself rarely making any plans out of fear that I won't be able to keep them.

I do most things now on the spur of the moment, which makes me more able to live in the moment. I find my life much more enjoyable.

Of course that has whittled down my involvement with others - friends, family, and community (unless of course they like to live in the moment too)
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To an extent, my plans are ironclad. Due to past self esteem and social anxiety issues, I hate being bailed on as I used to feel that the person didn't like me if I got ditched. I no longer automatically feel like this but the thought can come back every now and then which I'm working on. So I try not to bail on other people unless it's an emergency, like a death in the family. Which actually did happen to me this past summer. I had to cancel dinner plans with a friend as I had to go out of town to my grandmother's funeral. It was fine and we rescheduled the dinner a few weeks later, but still.

I have a "Whoever invites me first and whoever I invite first policy." If I make plans with one friend, but later on, a different one invites me out to do something else, I don't cancel on Friend #1. It's no different with a guy.
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Mine are, I just find it hard/unsettling to change plans. Once they are made and I have put time aside to commit to doing something with you I kind of expect the same from the other side. Being bailed on sucks!
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I'm not real flexible about 'plans'. I get pretty disgruntled when people change plans, times, places. I get especially cranky when people are late.
But that said, there are of course circumstances and life that can get in the way of things so I will usually let it go without a fuss unless it's a chronic occurrence from the same person (I'm looking at YOU, always late sister and plan changing family!).
Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl
This! It needs to be something pretty big that comes up, that I would change plans for. A friend from Norway was visiting a few weeks ago and we had plans on the Saturday. They wound up being given theatre tickets for the Saturday and asked if we could do Friday. I had other plans, but cancelled those as I hadn't seen her in 7 years.


I do have 2 friends that are pretty flaky, so I almost always make back up plans when I have plans with them. Something they could be included in if they showed up.
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I guess I'm in the minority so far, but I'd cancel for all of those three examples. Unless the reason I had plans originally was because of someone being in emotional distress (bad breakup, really needed to talk, etc.)

ETA. I also cancel plans sometimes (casual ones like coffee) simply because I get home from a long day and don't want to go. I do see and talk to my friends a LOT though and I've never had a time where it was an issue for the other person.
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I respect my friends and won't treat them as "unless I have something better to do."

So while my plans aren't ironclad, that's a guideline in my decision making. Unusual circumstances like a friend from out of town who for some reason can't join us in the original plans is one thing. Having an invitation to something which sounds more fun than dinner is not a reason to cancel plans.

My friends are all aware that a possible horse injury/illness is always grounds for cancellation, but any friends with kids of course can cancel for kid-related reasons if needed. Personal health, of course, is also ok.

So I am somewhat flexible, and more likely to skip a group event for something I may enjoy more because then my absence won't make a difference in the enjoyment others have.
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I won't change plans if something or someone "better" comes up. I hate disappointing people.

Illness is, of course, the exception, including sometimes in the past when I was so deeply depressed I just couldn't get my act together. (I was drinking in those days). I avoided making plans then except with my best friend who understood if I cancelled.
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I guess I'm in the minority so far, but I'd cancel for all of those three examples. Unless the reason I had plans originally was because of someone being in emotional distress (bad breakup, really needed to talk, etc.)

ETA. I also cancel plans sometimes (casual ones like coffee) simply because I get home from a long day and don't want to go. I do see and talk to my friends a LOT though and I've never had a time where it was an issue for the other person.
Originally Posted by Narnia
I'm the same way. Usually our plans are in a group of 10 or so, so it doesn't make a difference if I don't show up. They still go do things without me!

I guess I'm in the minority so far, but I'd cancel for all of those three examples. Unless the reason I had plans originally was because of someone being in emotional distress (bad breakup, really needed to talk, etc.)

ETA. I also cancel plans sometimes (casual ones like coffee) simply because I get home from a long day and don't want to go. I do see and talk to my friends a LOT though and I've never had a time where it was an issue for the other person.
Originally Posted by Narnia
Nah, I'm the same way(in those examples). I would actually be mad if a friend didn't cancel plans with me (that we could make any other day) and missed out on seeing someoe out of town or a show that was just on that day. Then again me and most of my friends are single and childfree so it's easy to reschedule.
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I keep my plans about 95 per cent of the time, but if something comes up for the friend with whom I've made them, I'm understanding about canceling. However, a friend of either gender who dumps me for a date will likely be demoted in my affections (yes, I have a male friend who does this).

I just don't roll that way.

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I'm usually flexible if others want to cancel, especially if I initiated the plans. I am much more rigid about plans if someone else set it up because I feel like I hate letting people down, especially if they go out of their way for me. I am a true introvert and used to cancel at the drop of a hat but have learned that I must force myself to do things. I can almost always talk myself out of doing things so I don't let myself do it anymore. I do them & 75% of the time, I'm fine with it. The other 25% of the time, I feel tortured.

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