Age differences

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I'm in a 'thinking about life' sort of mood right now and I was just wandering what you guys thought was the most and age difference can be between a couple, or whether age doesn't matter when people love each other? What do you guys think? Random- I know, but im just curious... Xx

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I think it depends. I don't see a big deal in a 20-year age difference between a 40-year old and a 60-year old, but a 15-year old and a 35-year old? No, no, NO!
"...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." ~Harry Dresden

Yea it totally depends on your age.
"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
I think it depends. I don't see a big deal in a 20-year age difference between a 40-year old and a 60-year old, but a 15-year old and a 35-year old? No, no, NO!
Originally Posted by Nallia
Really? I would think there would be a huge difference between 40 and 60. The life stages would be too drastically different for a romantic relationship.
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Agreed. It depends on the individuals too.
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I think it depends. I don't see a big deal in a 20-year age difference between a 40-year old and a 60-year old, but a 15-year old and a 35-year old? No, no, NO!
Originally Posted by Nallia
Really? I would think there would be a huge difference between 40 and 60. The life stages would be too drastically different for a romantic relationship.
Originally Posted by multicultcurly
Possibly, but that's a determination that would need to be made by them. At 40, people are (usually) mature enough and have enough life experience to make a more objective decision as to what will and won't work in a relationship. Life stages can be drastically different between people of the same age group too. To continue with this particular age example, there are plenty of people in their 40s who have small children or are just having their first children today. Year there are also people in their 40s who have children in college or who are already married and starting their own families. Those people may be in life stages too different for a relationship between them to work too.

Over time, I think age becomes less important in determining compatibility than life experience. But how important is up to the parties involved. In the case of a minor age always matters. With someone who is a new adult, I think it matters almost as much, even though legality may no longer be an issue, simply because of a lack of practical life experience. However, once someone is a legal adult it really isn't any of my business anymore.

Personally, I have never had any desire to be involved with anyone more than 5 years older or younger than I am, but I don't care if other adults make a different choice.
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"...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." ~Harry Dresden

Having been in a (former) marriage where there was a large age difference (him older), I really think there is (almost) always something just a bit "off", and possibly unhealthy, about relationships where there is a large age gap.

There is (almost) always a reason why the older person is looking for someone younger, rather than someone his or her, (usally his) own age...and it's usually creepy.

As long as we're talking about consenting adults, 4 or 6 or even 10 years is not a big deal. More than that is a big deal.
DH & I are 21 years apart!!!! And it is... Challenging. Honestly I'd never want someone 20 years younger than me. I see them as kids. Well.. Actually they'd be like 14, so I'd be in prison. So... But say a 20 year old guy. Try as he might, my mind just flashes "THIS IS A CHILD!! Don't do it!" LoL!

As far as the creepy factor.., I can't dispute that even being in such a relationship. Not sure why his mind or other people's minds don't have that cut off. I think May/December relationships are complicated to say the least.
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For me personally I've gone out with someone 15 years older and younger. For a long term relationship I usually prefer someone close to my age. I just think it makes it easier.
But whatever makes 2 adults happy is fine with me, whether it's a 2 week or 40 year difference.
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I'm very laissez-faire about it. If 2 people love each other and they are both above the age of consent, it's none of my business what their age difference is. It may seem weird to me, but if they are happy, go for it.

ETA, maybe laissez-faire isn't the right term - substitute "relaxed"
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Roughly speaking, I think 10 yrs is the biggest age gap there should be. Otherwise, there can be too much difference in needs and also goals. And not much shared history.

At 40 (to continue w/ the above example), a person's career might be starting to take off. The person is taking it more seriously and working hard to get ahead and make a name for him/herself. But the 60 yr old is getting ready to retire.

The 40 yr old will still have a high sex drive (esp if female) and the 60 yr old's may be declining. If the 60 yr old is a man, he may be dealing w/ ED and other problems that strongly impair his sexual functioning.

The 40 yr old grew up w/ totally different music, pop culture and social mores than the 60 yr old and their tastes and interests would likely be shaped by that.

Generalizations, I know but...

I have dated much older men and was even married to one who was quite a bit older and I agree w/ those who say it's not good for a LTR. I can see the appeal on both sides but that wears off and then you can be stuck w/ someone you can't relate to.
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Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 11-05-2012 at 10:11 AM.
For me 10 is the max, within a few years (up or down) is ideal and what I am currently attracted.

When I was younger I was attracted to guys 10 years older than me because a dude in his early 30s was good and more mature than 20s(even though I still felt it was sorta creepy). I cant do that big of an age difference up anymore. 40s is just too old for me.
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i think it depends on the situation.

i have two exaples.

1. a good friend is about 8 years younger then her husband. a lot of people thinks she is very much older then she really is because she is very mature and responsible. her husband is very silly and can be a big kid. they balance each other out. its a great match

2. my cousin is about 8 years older then her boyfriend. she was once very mature, respondsible, no nonsense, take care of business kind of chick. since being with him on and off for almost a decade, she has been on a steady decline imo. she tries to do better, but then let him back in her life. she allows him to hold her down.

i think like with all relationships, if its healthy its ok. but when one part is hindering, or one part allows themselves to be hindered in order to hold onto the relationship, its a no go.
Knotty_Maddy likes this.
My DF & I are 15 years apart. We're like two peas in a pod.
My dad & his GF are 23 years apart. They're like peanutbutter & jelly.
My DF's dad & stepmom are 20 years apart. They're like peanutbutter & chocolate.

Age aint nothing but a number. If you're compatible you're compatible. If not, then not.
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For me personally, I was born in 1986, so I'm 26 now. My rule is that he has to be born in the 80's, making the oldest 32 and youngest 23. Granted it depends on the guy, but that's my general, and I definitely wouldn't go younger than 23. Even then, I think 31 right now would be my max.
"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
My DF & I are 15 years apart.
Originally Posted by LISA LISA

What is DF? My google search loaded a bunch of odd meanings.
Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. Anais Nin
My DF & I are 15 years apart.
Originally Posted by LISA LISA

What is DF? My google search loaded a bunch of odd meanings.
Originally Posted by Zinnia
I assume it's Dear Fiancé.
"...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." ~Harry Dresden

Thank you!

For some reason, that definition never entered my mind.

My DF & I are 15 years apart.
Originally Posted by LISA LISA

What is DF? My google search loaded a bunch of odd meanings.
Originally Posted by Zinnia
I assume it's Dear Fiancé.
Originally Posted by Nallia
Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. Anais Nin
Having been in a (former) marriage where there was a large age difference (him older), I really think there is (almost) always something just a bit "off", and possibly unhealthy, about relationships where there is a large age gap.

There is (almost) always a reason why the older person is looking for someone younger, rather than someone his or her, (usally his) own age...and it's usually creepy.

As long as we're talking about consenting adults, 4 or 6 or even 10 years is not a big deal. More than that is a big deal.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I agree completely. I even think 10 years is pushing it a little bit.

I'm an ageist when it comes to relationships. I think about how different I am and how much I change over certain times of my life. I don't know how a person who is several years off in age than I, could be on the same level.


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My DF & I are 15 years apart. We're like two peas in a pod.
My dad & his GF are 23 years apart. They're like peanutbutter & jelly.
My DF's dad & stepmom are 20 years apart. They're like peanutbutter & chocolate.

Age aint nothing but a number. If you're compatible you're compatible. If not, then not.
Originally Posted by LISA LISA
Sounds like if you're hungry, you're all set. For everything else, who knows.


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