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Old 11-08-2012, 06:29 AM   #1
 
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Default Do you and your SO have a traditional relationship?

I mean re: gender roles. Do you let your SO for most things, initiate most contact (including sexual), things like that?

If you are in a relationship...
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Old 11-08-2012, 07:14 AM   #2
 
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When I was married, I wore the pants, so to speak.

eta - not necesarily how I wanted it but just how it worked out.
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Old 11-08-2012, 07:27 AM   #3
 
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It's about 50/50 for most things. It might err slightly towards me for initiating sexual contact, since I have, uh, delicate flora.

But, he's unlike any man I've been with before. Very warm and loves to give affection. We've been together nearly 4 years, and he still insists on kissing me hello/good-bye, good morning/good night, holding my hand, opening my door. We say "I love you" several times each day.

I don't know if this makes us traditional or not, but it works great for us.
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:31 AM   #4
 
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Yes. Mostly. His drive is over the top, so I barely get a chance to get myself together before he's groping again!

Other than that - yes also. I may be a strange breed of woman in this day and age, but I like it that way. I cook, clean, laundry, do the traditional wifey stuff. The inside of the house is my turf. He does all the man stuff - fix things, mow lawn, weed whack, snow blow, maintain the cars, ... and most of all.... pay for the big stuff - mortgages, major repairs, etc.
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:39 AM   #5
 
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I am married to a very traditional Latin man, .... therefore I let him think he runs the show.

Any woman worth her salt knows how to do this.
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:44 AM   #6
 
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Apparently Lisa Lisa and I have the same marriage and I have been with my husband for 20 years now...

Loved your last line, Kitschy! (adorable bear, too!)
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Old 11-08-2012, 09:08 AM   #7
 
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No, I'm a dominating type and let a guy know up front. I'll never even let a guy think he runs the show. It's all me lol but I've learned to share from my last relationship.
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Old 11-08-2012, 09:20 AM   #8
 
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I prefer to wear the pants, and I tend to draw men that prefer that, especially in boot season.
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Old 11-08-2012, 09:21 AM   #9
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitschy View Post
I am married to a very traditional Latin man, .... therefore I let him think he runs the show.

Any woman worth her salt knows how to do this.
Teach me, teach me!
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Old 11-08-2012, 09:23 AM   #10
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 View Post
When I was married, I wore the pants, so to speak.

eta - not necesarily how I wanted it but just how it worked out.
This was my case as well, I wore the pants while married, not necesarily how I wanted it but just how it worked out. He worked from home, I had a full time job outside the house, a maid to help in, and all the bills where in my name, so most of the errands I had to do them personally.

Now I have a serious relationship, he comes from a traditional and loving family, and we are getting married in january, to move to another country where he works, and to be honest, I am looking fwrd to taking a break from all the "manly" activities of running a house and just be a loving wife, do the traditional wifey things, and take care of us in that way.

This is the most traditional relationship I've had, but also he is a total gentleman, very affectionate and a very communicative person.

I didn't think I was ever going to admit it, since I grew up with only bothers and was taught to be independent, a leader and I have this tendency of taking control, etc but I'm loving every minute of my traditional relationship letting him think he runs the show.
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Old 11-08-2012, 10:03 AM   #11
 
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Hmmm... the responses are very interesting so far...

I guess I only touched on the physical aspect.

For other stuff:

Me
Finances (personal and business)
Sweeping/Mopping
Cleaning Bathroom
Holiday/Birthday Card & Gift giving
Feeding the dogs
Mending stuff
Shopping for household items
Shopping for clothing

Him
Car problems/filling up gas
Food shopping
Cooking
Household repairs

50/50
Laundry
Garbage
Making the bed
Vacation planning
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Old 11-08-2012, 10:11 AM   #12
 
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We are not traditional, I would say if you look at everything across the board we are pretty egalitarian, and that suits me just fine. I've been in relationships where I wore the pants all the time and I hated that. I felt more like a mom. I also would not be able to deal with a relationship where strict gender roles were the rule, because I don't naturally conform to a lot of them.
I am in a stereotypically male profession, my husband is in a stereotypically female one. We both cook, we both do our share of cleaning. I do the laundry, he does the trash. I take care of the water softener, he takes care of the heat/ac unit. We split child care pretty evenly.
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Old 11-08-2012, 03:34 PM   #13
 
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When he is home. we play to our strengths... I am the brains of the operation and he does the heavy lifting. I earn more and take care of the finances. I do most of the childcare when I'm not at work because I'm home more. I do more than half of the cleaning. I hate to clean but he does almost all of the home maintenance/ repair type things because he is skilled at that and I am not, so it seems fair that I would do more cleaning. I think I cook more but we both like to cook so it's really never an issue.

As for sex, I like him to initiate and he does frequently but I do too. He initiates more but I'm pretty sure I drop hints that he should.

I've had other relationships where I wear the pants all the time, and I don't care for it- I don't want to be my partner's mother, I want to be his partner. This works because we shift roles as necessary so the burden is shared although not always the same way.

As an added note, I feel lucky because for a time, things were really difficult and it didn't seem like we would make it. Things are still difficult for other reasons, but we have managed to strengthen ourselves and our relationship despite some serious outside issues.
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Old 11-08-2012, 04:26 PM   #14
 
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I am pretty strong willed and don't often do what I'm told. I very easily becoming the dominant one in the relationship due to my personality.

Thing is, I don't want to wear the pants in the relationship.

It takes a strong man to be able to work around that. And let me be strong without taking offense to my personality, while still being the man in the relationship. Talk about a difficult balance.

I prefer to be the homemaker. I cook, I clean, I keep house, I take care of the kids. I don't like someone else stepping on my toes in that area. I prefer my men to make the money, and do man-like things.

As for initiating sex, I prefer he be the aggressor, he likes me to be. We try to share that role.

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Old 11-08-2012, 04:54 PM   #15
 
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For me there are just things that I do not like to do like shovelling snow, worrying about the cars taking out the garbage and carrying anything that is heavy. My husband does all the things I don’t like to do and he also helps with the cleaning and the laundry. The only thing he doesn’t really do is cook because he is terrible...tried that once he made chicken floating in...something???!

We both work so sharing tasks work out best for us and we arrange to do things based on our schedules.

I am the one that plans things. I am a very organized person and I like to take charge of things so everything has to be on time and done properly. I planned the entire wedding and I plan our vacations and usually deal with anything that needs to be scheduled and any issues or problems that arise in daily life because I tend to be more aggressive than he is.

in terms of intimacy we are very affectionate with each other...pretty much every time we are near each other we are stuck to each other lol we enjoy hanging out and doing things together so we always miss each other when we are not together (I know that sounds cheesy) so in that department its equal.

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Old 11-08-2012, 04:55 PM   #16
 
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As far as the house goes, it's pretty even. I do all of the cooking, he does most of the cleaning. Our grocery shopping is done evenly (either together or whoever feels like going or has time), and take care of the kids evenly (we usually are all home together and if one has to go somewhere alone, the other stays with the kids). We both work full time, he earns more, but I work more , we combine our money to pay bills. He pays the regular monthly bills, I take care of my personal bills (cell phone, vicky's secret), any family medical bills. He does the "man" stuff, like car,mowing or broken stuff. I do all appointments and personal shopping. It works out great for us.

On a personal level, it's pretty standard. He has most of the drive, and I'm all about the pda. At first we clashed on this, but somehow over the years we've evened out to a balance, he's more affectionate and I tend more to his needs. It has helped us stay happy for over a decade . But think it's because like KellyB said, I know how to make him feel like a man, while working the gears behind the scenes.
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Old 11-09-2012, 11:50 AM   #17
 
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Its hard for me to talk about "traditional" relationship, but given how but my partner and I are, there are perceived roles that both of us should play.

Unfortunately, I am the one in charge. To the point that I feel like her mother. I'm tired of being the breadwinner, the decison maker, the shopper, the everything. I have her think that she initiates.

She does laundry, waters the lawn, washes the car, takes the trash out, and vacuums.

I think I've covered her job. She also feeds the dogs and cleans their poop. I'd do that, but shes insisted the dogs are hers so she can do it all herself.
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Old 11-09-2012, 01:04 PM   #18
 
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Nope

I do housework and handle the boys affairs.
I take out the trash, he does the vacuuming
He does the shopping and pays the bills
He cooks more than I do.
He fixes the cars, I fix everything in the house.
We're probably about even on initiating, maybe slightly more him because as of late, my libido peaks while he's at work.
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