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triple_spiral 11-14-2012 10:15 AM

So, how was falling in love?
 
Ok, last time I started a break-up thread that was fascinating but also kind of depressing. It's the holidays and I want to hear only happy things!

So tell me all about falling in love! I never have been and am so curious. Is it true that when you're in love, you JUST KNOW and don't need to even ask? Did it happen all at once or slowly, developing over time? Has anyone here ever honest-to-God fallen in love at first sight or is that myth? When and how did you know?

Tell me your love stories!

jeepcurlygurl 11-14-2012 11:23 AM

That's a hard question to answer! I've been in true deep love a few times. One was love at first sight but most of them took some time to really know it was love.
Not sure I can describe it well but some of the basic feelings are a knot in the stomach, heart beating extra fast, the urge to grin all the time. I think about the person I'm in love with through out much of the day. I want to know more about him, find out what he likes and doesn't like, learn his history. I want to buy him little presents, make him laugh, make him happy.
I've known my current boyfriend for 45+ years. We have always liked each other, had the hots for each other in high school but never got together, have bumped into each other over the years. Then a few years ago we would run into each other often and talked more and more. He asked for my number one day and then sent a text to me from his dog Zoey. It was too cute. We went out never really thinking it would be anything more than just the friendship it had always been but at some point it just sparked and turned into much more.

bcody09 11-14-2012 11:26 AM

Being in love is the most amazing feeling. In my case, it developed over time but then one day BAM, I realized I couldn't live without this guy. And that's when I knew. When that person is all you can think about, and you just feel like a better person when you're around them, that's when you know. For me, the fact I could be 100% myself, and not have to hide anything and he still stayed and loved me more helped expedite the falling in love. We also have been able to talk and compromise on everything from when to get married to how much of our salaries go into savings to who gets to pick the houses we live in (he's in the Navy). It's just all been wonderful.

The New Black 11-14-2012 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by triple_spiral (Post 2070187)
Ok, last time I started a break-up thread that was fascinating but also kind of depressing. It's the holidays and I want to hear only happy things!

So tell me all about falling in love! I never have been and am so curious. Is it true that when you're in love, you JUST KNOW and don't need to even ask? Did it happen all at once or slowly, developing over time? Has anyone here ever honest-to-God fallen in love at first sight or is that myth? When and how did you know?

Tell me your love stories!

I've only been in love once. And it started slowly, but once it began it escalated quickly. My love became very intense. Like JCG, I think about him all the time, want to know all about him, grin a lot (over the dumbest things, just thinking about him), want to be around him a lot and want to make him happy. Compared to my feelings for other men I've known/dated/etc., I find that I care more about how he feels, how things affect him, how his life is in general. Things that bother me about other men don't bother me about him. That could change over time though.

We're similar in a lot of ways, which is odd because people might assume we're very different. We have similar backgrounds/upbringings/parents and I can see a lot of myself in him (and vice versa). We react similarly to some situations, which can be maddening but comforting too. I don't know a lot of people like me, so meeting a man like myself is interesting...Our senses of humor are about the same too.

I don't know, if you just KNOW if you're in love. I think a lot of people confuse love and lust, or even love and codependency. Perhaps if you've been in a relationship where you've confused love with something else, it's easier to know the real thing when it does happen though.

That's how I'm experiencing being "in love." But it means different things to different people. So others can call it what they want.

Fifi.G 11-14-2012 11:52 AM

I have been in love twice. The first time I had known the guy for many years, but not incredibly well. We went to different schools and met at the local pool, in kindergarten, when I had a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. He gave me nothing but hell, for years, after that. Splashed me relentlessly every summer, pulled my hair, you know... the normal boy stuff. I loathed him. That is until we were in high school. I started talking to him one night at a party. We were 16 and he was beyond drunk, but funny and easy to talk to. I helped a mutual friend get him to a car so he could lie down in the back seat. As we were walking away he asked me to come back. I walked up and he said, "I probably shouldn't tell you this but I have been in head over heels in love with you since we were four years old" and then he passed out. I knew when he said it that he meant every word, and that I had feeling for him too. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Those feelings quickly turned to a deep love. We were together 7 years.

The second time was kind of the same, but felt different in ways. I knew him for many years, had a 'feeling we might hit it off' and it turned out he felt the same thing. It happened fast and hard and to keep the thread up beat & sweet, I will leave it at that.

Fifi.G 11-14-2012 12:35 PM

And I am sorry, I got a little lost in the moment ;) As far as "how was it?", it was/is great. It is an amazing feeling, both times. Falling in love at 16 and 36 was similar in so many ways, and so different in many others. At 16 we had so many plans and dreams. He was an amazing artist and also helped his father build homes so he drew blue prints to our home. Silly, but sweet. The second time I felt 16 all over again. Nervous, anxious, thought about him non stop. We would text until 3am because we could not get enough of talking to each other, but I had more sense and didn't 'expect' the moon, so to speak.

Josephine 11-14-2012 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bcody09 (Post 2070229)
Being in love is the most amazing feeling. In my case, it developed over time but then one day BAM, I realized I couldn't live without this guy. And that's when I knew. When that person is all you can think about, and you just feel like a better person when you're around them, that's when you know. For me, the fact I could be 100% myself, and not have to hide anything and he still stayed and loved me more helped expedite the falling in love. We also have been able to talk and compromise on everything from when to get married to how much of our salaries go into savings to who gets to pick the houses we live in (he's in the Navy). It's just all been wonderful.

I agree esp with the bolded. And for me in the beginning I can't stay physically separated from him for too long and he feels the same way. I want to see him ALL the time, and when we've spent the the whole weekend together, when I go back home for a couple hours, we start missing each other..he'll text me and tell me to come back now, lol. I'm sure it's different when you live together. I've never lived with a guy I've been in love with so I'm not sure how that goes. I want to touch and hug, kiss and cuddle with him all the time (and I normally hate all those things).

I'm not sure when I realized it but it was gradual. I think he was in love with me early on but didn't tell me because I definitely didn't feel the same way. He's amazing and will to do pretty much anything to make me happy.

But being in love and being compatible in a long term relationship are very different and separate for me. I've been in love before with men(2) that are not compatible with me..and that sucks! I still love them and not any less just because we have differences. I just can't be with them. Current guy and I are so similar on so many things(values, views, habits, etc) and enjoy the same activities that it makes it even better and will hopefully make the relationship last longer.

Oh yea, and being in love is the best high ever.

crimsonshedemon 11-14-2012 12:55 PM

When I met my husband, I knew I would marry him. I was 18 and dating an abusive man. Somehow my husband knew I was being abused and was my friend. He gave me the courage to break up with the abusive boyfriend. We talked all the time, day and night- about the hard stuff.... marriage, divorce, religion, children, etc. i wanted no surprises and there havent been any. I knew him before we married even tho it was a short time.
Loved hanging out and just being together. I could see myself marrying him and for the first time I wanted children, with him. If it werent for him, I'n not sure I would've been able to get away from the abusive boyfriend.... Which made me love him even more.
We met at the end if May, got engaged in Aug and married in October (my parents, hard core baptists, made dating him very difficult so we got married. We just celebrated 18yrs in Oct. I have never doubted that he's my soul mate. He would do anything for me and he does. I got sick early on in our marriage and it hasnt phased him. He works a lot so I dont have too.
It hasnt been easy but we are in it together.

sus811 11-14-2012 01:25 PM

I have said "I love you" romantically 3 times. The first one I wanted to hear it so bad, but I don't think he ever really meant it. The second one that said it had timeframes on everything relationship related and by the time he said it I don't think I felt it. This one, now, makes me wonder if I ever meant it before!! We said it mutually within a week of meeting, but it was one of those things where we felt like we had know. Each other forever. We would spend most of our evenings together and were so drawn to each other the feelings were intense. We still haven't been together too long, but it feels like nothing else I have experienced. I hope this one is "it" and that this feeling of unconditional love is reciprocated always, but if not, I only hope that I will never regret feeling this way!! It's pure bliss.

I honestly don't think it was love at first sight, I was leaning that way just emailing (we met online) and then I heard his voice and I felt love and major attraction to him. Then when we met in person we never wanted to be apart!!

iroc 11-14-2012 04:02 PM

My first 3 loves started out as friends whom I had no attraction or interest in until their continuous pursuit wore me down. I always felt sure of their love, confident that they wouldn't leave me, and I knew how they felt BC they made it clear from the beginning.

My current man was love at first sight. We met while we were involved with other people and I was completely head over heels for him, but he was involved and so I let it go. The day he revealed he felt the same, I was beside myself. He wanted to run away together, but he was involved with a family member of mine and I was afraid of the backlash.

I wrote journals about him, I lost many nights of sleep over him. I was in love with him and he wasn't even mine. He assumed that I wasn't interested BC I didnt pursue anything after he revealed his feelings. We lost touch.

I never stopped thinking about him.
I looked for him everywhere. I remember Googling his name when I was about to get married.

Fast forward 10 years. I had 2 kids and my marriage had fallen apart. I ran into him again. We went out for drinks and I convinced myself I'd moved past him. I had not. Nor had he.

When we started seeing eachother I was amazed at how calm and sure I felt with him around. When I looked in his eyes my mind cleared. I felt like I couldn't breathe when he wasn't near me. We had both come out of unhappy relationships and didn't want to get involved. We tried to keep our distance but we couldn't stay apart. We were like magnets. I would stare at him all the time. We couldn't sleep when we were apart. His skin smells good.I never wanted him to wear cologne.





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Nej 11-14-2012 05:10 PM

I've only been 'in love' once but I've loved others.

Falling in love was pretty amazing. He was my partner, my support and my best friend. I have never met anyone else in my life I have connected with so easily, whom I could be 100% myself around, and whom I could also have the best time with just being total ridiculous goofballs.

He made me feel sexy, beautiful and like I was the most important person in the world. I honestly felt like I could get through anything with him. He saw me at my worst and even though I drove him crazy at times (and vice versa) he accepted all parts of me. The good with the bad. He saw me disgusting and sick and took care of me and still told me I was the most beautiful person in the world because of who I was.

As I've grown I've realized that sometimes that's not enough. For me it was important to have the freedom to explore myself more. He wasn't willing to come along with me, and I wasn't willing to give it up for him.

I've also met others whom I was compatible value wise, and have loved. But, that same transcendental 'spark' (not talking about sexual chemistry) wasn't there.

Ericachristina 11-14-2012 07:22 PM

WOW! All these stories about love are so intense and amazing!

For me I was 19 and after the first date I knew he was the man I was going to marry. He was unlike any other man I have ever met, I don't know how I knew but I just knew he was a wonderful caring soul.

We spent a lot of time together and got to know each other well before we said the L word.


I think what makes it work so well is that we are so comfortable with each other. We know each other so well, and we really enjoy being around each other. When we are apart even after years of dating and now in marriage we always miss each other. We really have a good time together and we compliment each other. We love each other so much that the spark is always there. We make each other laugh and finish each other's sentences without trying to. We rather be together than with anyone else in the world and we support each other in every way possible. At our wedding people commented that we were looking at each other like no one else was even in the room and they were right sometimes we didn't even notice the 300 people around us.

Knotty_Maddy 11-14-2012 07:45 PM

Such beautiful romantic stories here...I got misty eyed reading everyone's posts :)

I think you do "Know" the minute it happens - and you might not particularly feel "love" at the moment of recognition...lol! When I met my husband on a blind date, I felt I "knew" in my gut that he was the one, though what I was actually thinking in my brain was like "seriously? He's the one? God, are you kidding me? He is a freaking Great Dane puppy!" ;p He seemed like such a big flopper, so silly, soooo tall (I am very short) so - ridiculous ;p and so very funny :) turns out he was ridiculously charming! I don't think there was any massive sexual chemistry, but that wasn't important to me - my priorities were having a good, stable marriage, with a man who would love and emotionally support myself and my son...

Turned out great :) we have had our rough patches over the 20 years, but at heart, he is still that ridiculous Great Dane puppy - and I still love him :love6:

(oh and, PS, he was - and is still - such an amaaaazing Dad for my (now our!) son! And he is still charming and funny, and spoils me rotten...and what has become the main point in our relationship is, we have realised we just really, really *like* each other so much! There is no one we'd rather hang out with than each other :)

triple_spiral 11-15-2012 09:13 AM

Wow....all of these stories were amazing, I feel like I watched a bunch of little movies! I'm happy for all of you that have found the person you want to be with forever! Thank you all for sharing your stories!!

divegirl 11-15-2012 02:19 PM

My guy and I have only been together for ~6 months but it's already the best relationship I've ever had! We met online but then discovered we had a bunch of mutual friends and in fact, we work for the same institution doing similar jobs, just at different locations. We have been on uncannily similar life paths independently of each other. He is into sailing and recently said to me that he has been on a heading of 1 degree and I have been on a heading of 359 degrees and we finally ran into each other.

I wouldn't say that it was instant. We actually took a little while to get going. Part of that was because I had actually dated a very good friend of his for a little while (also met him online) - we figured that out very quickly and were upfront and honest about it, but I decided to leave it all up to him in case he was weirded out about it. So it took us a while to meet in person, partly because we live in different cities and partly because I think he was just trying to process that.

But we got over that and honestly, he is the first man I've been with where I can say that I want to marry him. He's just awesome and our relationship is great - no drama or insecurities, just honesty and good communication and love and FUN. And we have so much in common and enjoy spending our time in similar ways (working out, socializing, cooking) so we spend a lot of time doing those things together.

I had two one-month-long trips planned that happened only a couple months after we started dating. Before the first trip, he initiated The Conversation to make sure we were "on the same page" before my trip. Then he picked me up from the airport when I got home. That weekend, he told me he was "madly in love" with me. Then he asked me to go to Chicago with him for Thanksgiving and meet his family. Then he took me to the airport for my second trip!

It's funny because physically, he's not the usual 'type' that I am attracted to. For starters, he's only an inch or two taller than me and I usually like tall men. But in one of many revelations, I've discovered all of that stuff doesn't matter - I find him extremely attractive now!

This relationship has made me realize how imperfect some of my other previous relationships have been. In one, I was a 'mother' to a semi-slacker (and hated it); in another, I had to work for every scrap of attention. It's been amazing to experience a participatory, equal, loving, positive, functional relationship!

Wow, sorry for the novel!!

Josephine 11-15-2012 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divegirl (Post 2070895)
My guy and I have only been together for ~6 months but it's already the best relationship I've ever had! We met online but then discovered we had a bunch of mutual friends and in fact, we work for the same institution doing similar jobs, just at different locations. We have been on uncannily similar life paths independently of each other. He is into sailing and recently said to me that he has been on a heading of 1 degree and I have been on a heading of 359 degrees and we finally ran into each other.

I wouldn't say that it was instant. We actually took a little while to get going. Part of that was because I had actually dated a very good friend of his for a little while (also met him online) - we figured that out very quickly and were upfront and honest about it, but I decided to leave it all up to him in case he was weirded out about it. So it took us a while to meet in person, partly because we live in different cities and partly because I think he was just trying to process that.

But we got over that and honestly, he is the first man I've been with where I can say that I want to marry him. He's just awesome and our relationship is great - no drama or insecurities, just honesty and good communication and love and FUN. And we have so much in common and enjoy spending our time in similar ways (working out, socializing, cooking) so we spend a lot of time doing those things together.

I had two one-month-long trips planned that happened only a couple months after we started dating. Before the first trip, he initiated The Conversation to make sure we were "on the same page" before my trip. Then he picked me up from the airport when I got home. That weekend, he told me he was "madly in love" with me. Then he asked me to go to Chicago with him for Thanksgiving and meet his family. Then he took me to the airport for my second trip!

It's funny because physically, he's not the usual 'type' that I am attracted to. For starters, he's only an inch or two taller than me and I usually like tall men. But in one of many revelations, I've discovered all of that stuff doesn't matter - I find him extremely attractive now!

This relationship has made me realize how imperfect some of my other previous relationships have been. In one, I was a 'mother' to a semi-slacker (and hated it); in another, I had to work for every scrap of attention. It's been amazing to experience a participatory, equal, loving, positive, functional relationship!

Wow, sorry for the novel!!

Nice, besides the sailing, I can relate to this post very much!!

KellyB 11-15-2012 04:03 PM

meeting people you fall in love with online is much more common every day.

dee-nature 11-15-2012 07:12 PM

Ooooooh fun thread! I love being in love when you feel it you know because it is a feeling that you have never felt before. The first time i fell in love it was the best feeling in the world. Its like floating and no one can bring you down. It especially feels better when the feeling is mutual. You feel safe,secure,and genuinely happy. The best love is the first because its that innocent kind; you have never felt hurt, or heartbreak so you are free to love without boundaries . I have loved many times but nothing beats the first time. At the end of the day love is love and its beautiful.

I have never fell in love at first sight. I have fell in lust at first sight many times though lol. I think love is beyond looks you have to build and work for it to come.To me its another form of trust. i do believe that love at first sight is a myth. But that's just me.

LAwoman 11-16-2012 12:19 PM

I love falling in love ... perhaps that's why I've done it so many times. The butterflies, the excitement every time they call, the "can't stop grinning and/or thinking about them" feelings ... it's quite grand. :love4:

But while falling in love has been quite easy for me...staying in love is quite another story. That's the tricky part.


Quote:

Is it true that when you're in love, you JUST KNOW and don't need to even ask? Did it happen all at once or slowly, developing over time?
As for the first question, for me, YES. I just knew.

As for the 2nd, it's happened both ways for me. Several boyfriends I met and had that "instantaneous" feeling...not love at first sight, perse, but very intense LUST at first sight that quickly developed into love/lust.

But with several others, the feelings happened slowly over time. With my most recent ex, we were co-workers and friends for at least a year before any romantic feelings developed (at least on my end).

With my current...well let's just say that it took me approximately 16 years to realize that I loved him. It's been well worth the wait, I must say.

iroc 11-16-2012 01:20 PM

I think I always felt it was right at the time. The stuff that I should have picked up on that's wrong, I didn't see until after. That's love for ya.

I love falling in love too. I love the anxiousness, nervousness, the wondering what he's doing, if he feels the same way, the wanting to talk to him constantly but holding back BC you don't know the boundaries of the relationship. The knot in your stomach.

Some people don't like that part. I love it.


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