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Old 11-17-2012, 09:37 AM   #1
 
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Default Have you ever overcome troubles in your life and found contentment after it?

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Last edited by happyhair20; 12-02-2012 at 08:35 AM.
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Old 11-17-2012, 09:54 AM   #2
 
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happyhair, please don`t feel bad. I have overcome some huge things in my life, too personal to discuss here. Suffice it to say that I am amazed I survived, and even more amazed that I have quite a good life now, despite suffering from clinical depression. I am 51 now and I have finally learned how to create my own happiness.

I would like to tell you that what helped me through the worst, was counselling and keeping a journal/diary. When you write things down, it gets them out of your head, and into a place where you can view your emotions in a more analytic, detached way. This will help you to have more objectivity, which will in turn give you a better perspective on things. Also, please realise that comparing yourself endlessly to others will only cause you grief...The grass always looks greener on the other side. Every person has good times and bad times...and no one is happy all the time.

It helps to stop looking at others, and to try some things that make you happy You must have some hobbies, or enjoy certain activities...or you can always find new ones! Sometimes, just getting away from our own thoughts, and focusing on new and different activities, helps you can also find new friends that way! I know it may sound Pollyanna-ish, but thinking in a positive way - and replacing your negative thoughts with happier ones - can make a big difference in how you perceive your life. I hope this helps, and I hope you realise that you are as capable of creating happiness for yourself as anyone else you just need to shift your attitude over a few degrees...Life is what we make it, and you have the power to change yours into something better!

There are so many self-help books out there that can help, maybe you can try reading a few...? Also, I think it is a good reality check to realise that life is not happy all the time - happiness lies in the small things and moments, and is not a constant back-ground sound track...if you focus on the small moments of happiness, the rest of your life will improve, too.

Sorry that this is a novel, lol! I am not trying to preach at you - it's just, I totally get where you are coming from, and from my own life, I know that recovery is a step-by-step process...the important thing is to begin the journey and by coming and talking about it here, it appears that you have already begun yours! I wish you peace of mind, and I wish you joy. Each small step forward you take towards creating the life you want will empower and motivate you
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My hair officially hates protein Once a month is enough!
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Old 11-17-2012, 10:10 AM   #3
 
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Old 11-17-2012, 12:35 PM   #4
 
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happyhair20 -

You're making me worry about you!

Please don't be offended, but have you thought of seeing a psychiatrist? I have Bipolar II disorder, so I know how devastating it can be. I'm not suggesting medical help because I'm dismissing the despair and horrible pain you're experiencing in your life, but because you do not have to go through this alone. You are not helpless. I could write details, and go on and on with examples, but please trust me when I say I've been there...and beyond there...and I would not exist as I do now, if I had not let myself help myself. Seriously.

Even if there isn't underlying illness, your sadness could have brought on clinical depression, and there are ways to help alleviate its miserable side effects.
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Old 11-17-2012, 12:46 PM   #5
 
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What's that old school yard saying again - oh yes, "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me" lol! It isn't really true, words can hurt, but it is true, in that you are the one who determines whether or not the words will hurt you. That's the really cool thing about life - YOU are the only boss of you! lol! You could look at those mean and gossipy people, shrug your shoulders, and walk away. And find nicer friends

Here is another old saying - I had a teacher who always said this to us, and I now know he was correct:

"While you sit at home crying, your enemies are out dancing".

It's true that after people share some gossip, they promptly forget about you, and move on to a new target. Only you will remember it...I once ran into a clique of girls where I worked; they were gossiping about me. I said to them, "Wow, that's amazing, my life is so much more exciting than yours, that you all sit around and talk about it!" and then I walked away. They never bothered me again.

I think it is so awesome and positive that you are realising that when life hits a low point, it's a self-teaching moment - you see now that you must make some changes. If life was always high, you'd never change anything - and so you'd never learn, or grow...I am sure that keeping a diary will help, especially if you have no one else to share with at the moment...

Please remember that you are a lovely person, and that you have just as much right as anyone else to be on the planet, and to have a fulfilling life No one else is better than you, and we are all the same, really. And we all deserve our little moments of joy!

I have two tiles on my bathroom wall, that I see every day: One says, "Happiness is wanting what you have" and the other one says, "If wishes were horses, I'd have a stampede". Lol! I spend most of my time somewhere in between those two sentiments. And sometimes I believe one of the tiles more than the other. *shrug* that's life! lol!

I am really glad that I was able to help you in any way at all, and I am *certain* that you can grab the steering wheel of your life, and drive it wherever you want to go! Yay you!

ETA: That was awesome advice Gardencurls gave you....
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Finer, mixed with coarser strands, low-porosity, wavy curly whirly hair...3A, 2C hair. Medium thickness, medium elasticity.
S-shaped hair with corkscrew ends. My hair is even more confused than me ;p
My hair officially hates protein Once a month is enough!
Currently a fan of TiGi products, (rock on, TiGi Curlesque styling creme!) but that will soon change - I am a self-avowed product junkie! Yay!
BIG fan of supersoaker method - thanks Rudeechick!
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Old 11-17-2012, 01:12 PM   #6
 
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Last edited by happyhair20; 12-02-2012 at 08:36 AM.
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Old 11-17-2012, 01:17 PM   #7
 
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oh, I am sure you will! And I think counselling is a *brilliant* idea! You could even just call the Help Hotline - that's what they are there for, to listen, and to encourage...I am so relieved that you are feeling better already! That's great
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Finer, mixed with coarser strands, low-porosity, wavy curly whirly hair...3A, 2C hair. Medium thickness, medium elasticity.
S-shaped hair with corkscrew ends. My hair is even more confused than me ;p
My hair officially hates protein Once a month is enough!
Currently a fan of TiGi products, (rock on, TiGi Curlesque styling creme!) but that will soon change - I am a self-avowed product junkie! Yay!
BIG fan of supersoaker method - thanks Rudeechick!
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Old 11-17-2012, 02:50 PM   #8
 
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Yes, but it doesn't happen as quickly as we would like.
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Old 11-19-2012, 09:21 PM   #9
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happyhair20 View Post
I hope with each day I make more and more progress.
Just remember you don't have to do this alone! I'm going to send you smiley faces so you know I'm thinking about you and cheering you on!

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Old 11-20-2012, 11:50 AM   #10
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happyhair20 View Post
I guess right now I just feel so alone and attacked (there are people who have gossiped about me and have spread lies to purposely hurt me and I have never dealt with this kind of thing before. the horrible looks, everything is just so hard to deal with).
First of all, ((((((((((hugs)))))))))), and piggybacking off of gardencurls' wonderful advice.

As much as it hurts, try to realize that "what people think of you is none of your business".

I know we are human, and it is natural to want to be liked and must be devestating to have people saying untrue things about you.

Not to be curt, but truly, there is nothing you can do about that.

Your choice is to love yourself, know yourself, and stand tall.

If not, you will be destroyed.

there is absolutely nothing you can do about other people's mouths.

You can't change anyone's belief sysytem. You will destroy yourself trying.

The teasing, ridicule, or gossip- NOTHING you do can make a person be sympathetic or fair.

YOU can change you, however - by becoming stronger and knowing your worth.

It all begins with knowing your worth. Tow the line of arrogance. Know you are the bomb, but don't detonate.

Best to you.
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