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Cabana Boy 12-17-2003 09:13 AM

Curly Poll
 
I want to see if men and women differ on this.

My first thought would be no. I would feel like I was taking on extra baggage (children and a divorced husband). My second thought would have to be it depends on the situation and how much I might like this person.

AmmerieDrifts 12-17-2003 09:15 AM

Your second thought was my first thought.

MizKerri 12-17-2003 09:18 AM

I voted yes, but you're right, it would depend on the situation and how much I liked this person. I am more okay with divorced than with kids. I'm divorced myself so I think it would be hypocritical of me to say I wouldn't date a man that was as well. I like kids and want them someday but I am not sure how I feel about having them in my life right now.

But if I really like the guy and liked his children as well, then I'd at least give it a shot.

Starla 12-17-2003 09:20 AM

My vote was for no, but if it were an exceptional guy I would definitely consider it.
He would just have to be amazingly perfect for me.

naturalt 12-17-2003 09:30 AM

I voted no. As a rule I would not...but there are always exceptions to the rule.

mazey 12-17-2003 09:34 AM

Re: Curly Poll
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Cabana Boy
My first thought would be no. I would feel like I was taking on extra baggage (children and a divorced husband). My second thought would have to be it depends on the situation and how much I might like this person.

I totally agree. A few years ago, I would have said no way, but now I wouldn't completely rule it out.

goldy 12-17-2003 09:36 AM

i'm pretty young so at this point i would try to avoid that situation. i voted no. but if i felt something really strong with the guy then maybe i'd take the chance.

NetG 12-17-2003 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amt
Your second thought was my first thought.

I put no, for lack of a "maybe" answer.

rouquinne 12-17-2003 10:09 AM

well... duh! of COURSE i would!

i'm 43 and single and can't have children or adopt my own.

the dating pool for people like me would be miniscule [even more miniscule than it already is] if i excluded divorced with children.

maria_i 12-17-2003 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by naturalT
I voted no. As a rule I would not...but there are always exceptions to the rule.

ditto

geeky 12-17-2003 11:04 AM

It wouldn't be something I would seek out, but it wouldn't cause me to rule a guy out either. I'd consider it along with everything else, though ideally he wouldn't have kids.

newlynatural 12-17-2003 11:14 AM

I think I would. So many men I meet seem to have children and I'm not sure if I want to give birth. I would love to raise a child, but childbirth....not so much.

Katalina 12-17-2003 11:53 AM

When I was single and in my 20s I ruled out this category of men. It is the baggage thing, like you say. Now I am older and married. If something unforseen were to happen, and I was dating again, I would leave my options far more open.

Discgirl 12-17-2003 11:55 AM

As a general rule, I wouldn't say no. I would not, however, date some guy with a "Baby Mama." I don't want some woman who never had a clearly defined, committed relationship with my partner feeling entitled to constantly make demands or somehow think we're of equal footing with me in respect to my SO just b/c she had a baby. (I'm talking about something different from a divorced wife, an accidental pregnancy or a life partner with whom things didn't work out.) I would take into account as the relationship progressed how he dealt with his child/children and the health of his relationship with his ex-spouse. Someone who neglects or acts like a visitor with their own children and who constantly has drama with or talks badly about his former spouse speaks tons.

People have all kinds of baggage regardless of their age or marital/parental status. Some people in their early 20's aren't fit to date b/c their parents completely screwed them up. Some men in their 30's or whatever with kids are perfectly mature and emotionally stable. They just happen to have a child.

roseannadana 12-17-2003 11:57 AM

Date? Of course, why not? Divorced people with children need love too! :wink: But then, I never looked at everyone I dated as a potential candidate for marriage.

mrspoppers 12-17-2003 01:31 PM

I said yes. Every situation is different and every man is different. Something like having kids is/was not a deal breaker with me.

For instance, I have a good friend whose husband had a one-night stand when he was 16 or so. Yep, the girl got pregnant and kept the baby. My friend came along 5 years later and they got married. They've been married for 12 years now and, while they've had problems with the kid, it's not because of any issues with my friend or her husband.

legends 12-17-2003 01:40 PM

Date - sure? But for serious, long term relationship, I vote no, especially if he's the primary care giver. Selfish? Probably. But I don't want to be a mother to kids of my own...I REALLY don't want to be a mother to someone else's kids.

Aya9877 12-17-2003 01:54 PM

I personally would have no problem with it under the right circumstances. I would say that since there are kids involved, he would need to have a healthy relationship with his ex-wife. Obviously she will always be a part of his life to some degree or another, and the last thing you need is the mother of his children giving him a hard time about his new woman. Having kids doesn't bother me as long as he is a good dad, and it shows me how he would be if we were to have kids. With the divorce rate being as high as it is, it will become more and more difficult the older we get for single people to find a partner that hasnt been married before or that doesn't have kids from a previous relationship.

Imagine if you and they were meant to be. Wouldnt that be reason enough why his first marriage didn't work. So you'd risk missing out on that because he made a mistake the first time around?

This topic is the exact reason though that more couples should wait to have children. Solidify your roles as husband and wife and build a solid foundation before bringing children into the picture.

Spider 12-17-2003 01:59 PM

When you get to a certain age, a lot of people in the dating pool are divorced and or/with kids...

It's a double edged sword. Because if you are late 30's, never been married, that can be a concern for some as well. So you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. :shock:

gemidevi 12-17-2003 03:05 PM

Re: Curly Poll
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Cabana Boy
I want to see if men and women differ on this.

My first thought would be no. I would feel like I was taking on extra baggage (children and a divorced husband). My second thought would have to be it depends on the situation and how much I might like this person.

hard one to answer. i am currently 'dating' a man who is twice divorced and i dont hold that against him. he has step-children, but they dont live with him. i dont think if i would date a man who has biological children (either from marriage or not) - just because i am not ready for a family yet. (i gotta get rid of mine first - JOKING!).

so if he is divorced, sure i'd date him. if he has children...hmm...i'd have to think about it really hard. but most likely, no i wouldnt date him.


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