Is it Feb. 15, yet?

V-day is fun when you're 5 and that's about it. If two adults need retail America to remind them to profess their love for one another then they have issues. If you love someone, it should be celebrated daily, and not in an obnoxious, giant teddy bear kind of way.


"Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, today is a gift . . . that's why it's called the present." - Unknown
I'm a big romantic, so the chance to have a day dedicated to being romantic, is pretty cool in my book. When I was married, or when I was with my ex-BF, it was a reason to go a little above and beyond what we did on a daily basis. Especially with my husband, since he wasn't as romantic as I would have liked. With my ex-BF, I would get roses instead of him bringing me flowers that he thought were pretty from the food store or I'd get an extra-sweet card or he'd call me a few extra times during the day just because it was Valentine's Day. He did the same thing on my birthday. He was always telling me and showing me that he loved me, but did a little extra on holidays and the like.

I agree that we shouldn't "need" a day to remind us to be sweet or kind or caring to those that we love. But, it exists. And when you're single (especially recently single), seeing all of this stuff about how fantastic it is to be in love, it's pretty depressing and hard to ignore.
"It's hard to remember a time, when I didn't have you", Richie Sambora
"Boys are bad and men are stupid", WB's
"After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh" Mr. Big
A friend sent this to me last year ... I think it makes some good points and may help some people get through next week.

**
Last Valentine's Day, I was supposed to attend a party where everyone had to dress as a V object. I was leaning toward vixen, or vamp, but wound up staying home because my boyfriend and I had just broken up in an awful, screaming, tear-filled fight that left both of us sucker punched and hysterical. The timing was ironic, but I was too upset to notice. My entire body felt like it might break apart from sadness, the kind of pain where you cry so long and hard you can hardly breathe, and your chest does actually start to hurt.

But as the year wore on, and I'd laughingly respond to the kind question "When did you two break up?" with a slightly bitter laugh and "Valentine's Day," I started to hear people saying, "Me too." "Really?" I'd ask excitedly, glad that I'd found a kindred breakup soul, and we'd eagerly exchange stories. It got easier as I realized that I wasn't unique.

In some cases, the importance of the most romantic day of the year forces people to assess the state of their relationships. For John, Valentine's Day spearheaded a breakup. "I felt things weren't going well and I couldn't imagine wholeheartedly participating in Valentine's Day, then a week later saying, 'All that stuff that's written in the card—I didn't mean it.' " While John generally associates the holiday with "mild trauma," it was more the realization that the two-year relationship was not going to last much longer that made him want to put the breaks on it sooner rather than later.

Another friend's breakup happened to coincide with Valentine's Day. Lacey found out her boyfriend was cheating on her by breaking into his e-mail, where she found missives from several girls about their ongoing hookups with her man. February 14 was simply the tip of the liar's iceberg.

Dana's five-year relationship ended last Valentine's Day—a move that, from what she describes, was long overdue. Her live-in boyfriend had cheated on her early in their relationship, and she'd had trouble trusting him ever since, especially for the long periods of time she lived in New York while he was still in Texas. On their way to a romantic sushi dinner, he finally exploded at her, yelling, "You don't trust me and never will." They fought in McCarren Park, where he left her sobbing, before detailing their fight in his online journal. For Dana, V Day played a small but vital part in pushing them their separate ways. Happily, she's in a new relationship and doesn't think the day's been forever tarnished by her ex.

As Cindy Chupack pointed out in The Between Boyfriends Book (St. Martin's Press, 2003), holidays, for many couples, mean pressure, and none more so than Valentine's Day. There's so much incentive for everything to be perfect that it can make some people forget what the day is meant to celebrate: love. According to Bennett Madison, author of I Hate Valentine's Day (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, 2005), a snarky guide to surviving the dreaded holiday, it's a "cultural moment" ripe for relationship strife. "Anyone who expects a holiday to go totally smoothly is deluding themselves. The more ideal you expect it to be, the more potential for disaster there is, and some people set their expectations really high for Valentine's Day," he reveals.



I have mixed feelings toward the day—like New Year's Eve, it's so oversignified that you're almost bound to be disappointed with the end result. On the other hand, if I'm dating someone on V Day, I wouldn't want to treat it like any other random day. But are candy and flowers really a good way of showing your love? Can't there be a happy medium between honest emotional expression and sappy, clichéd offerings? I'd rather be swept away for a spontaneous quickie, or receive a single handpicked rose at an unexpected moment, than have someone pursue such things on February 14 out of a sense of obligation. I have a theory that there are some people who are into Valentine's Day and some who aren't, but even for those, like me, who lean more toward the latter, it's hard not to want someone to kiss and cuddle with, to send cards and get giggly over, to be all the mushy things that Valentine's Day has come to stand for. Even if you don't want to be one of those girls who dresses in red and gushes about her lover and makes kissing noises into the phone, V Day can work its insidious effect into our brains.

As for me, I hope the day arrives and leaves as quickly as possible, not because I'm not a romantic but because all the cheesy drama attendant upon the day is the farthest thing from romance I can imagine. Love can be expressed in countless ways, and often it's the little things, rather than the grand gestures, fancy dinners, or hours of processing that show you how someone really feels. Give me a spontaneous back rub, flowers for no reason (I like roses and gerberas), cupcakes, mix CDs, hugs, smiles, or heartfelt, racy e-mails, anything truly from your heart—not because I asked or you feel duty bound, but because you really mean it. True love is not only worth waiting for, it's worth suffering a little heartbreak along the way; but that's a lesson that needs more than one day to sink in.
A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.

-Mohandas Gandhi
Discgirl -

I don't even notice V day anymore. I used to get blue if I didn't have someone or go to anti-V day parties and events. Now, I'm just really into my freedom and play/ looking around. I guess that the majority of my friends are like Amneris now, but older. They have wonderful spouses and children and lives. But they feel more or less trapped. Happily so, most of the time. But they are locked in.

And whether or not people may pity us adult single women sometimes, we do have freedom. And if we keep ourselves up and maintain a great outlook on life we have many, many options.

The other thing I think about is what you said about it isn't easy for 2s either. It most definitely is not. That's why it pays to wait until someone very fitting and special and worthwhile comes into your life. THEN it could be worth all of the sacrifice and change. Meanwhile, freedom is priceless. Enjoy it. Because once it goes, it's hard to get back.
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."

"I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision."
- Eleanor Roosevelt (both quotes)

(taking a break from posting starting late august 2009)
Discgirl -

I don't even notice V day anymore. I used to get blue if I didn't have someone or go to anti-V day parties and events. Now, I'm just really into my freedom and play/ looking around. I guess that the majority of my friends are like Amneris now, but older. They have wonderful spouses and children and lives. But they feel more or less trapped. Happily so, most of the time. But they are locked in.

And whether or not people may pity us adult single women sometimes, we do have freedom. And if we keep ourselves up and maintain a great outlook on life we have many, many options.

The other thing I think about is what you said about it isn't easy for 2s either. It most definitely is not. That's why it pays to wait until someone very fitting and special and worthwhile comes into your life. THEN it could be worth all of the sacrifice and change. Meanwhile, freedom is priceless. Enjoy it. Because once it goes, it's hard to get back.
Originally Posted by deeply curled
So are you saying I'm trapped?

Just kidding....
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali












So are you saying I'm trapped?

Just kidding....
Originally Posted by Amneris
Not at all, my love.

Code:
But you know you are, girl.  The key is wanting to be in that state, with your man, carrying a child that is a unique reflection of both of you and your love and commitment to each other.  No better place to be, if you want it and are with the right person.  Much kudos and best wishes to you.  And all respect for taking on the burden and joys of motherhood
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."

"I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision."
- Eleanor Roosevelt (both quotes)

(taking a break from posting starting late august 2009)
V Day is when they sell good chocolate. If someone special gives me the chocolate, that's a bonus. But the day itself really doesn't mean anything to me, aside from the knowledge that I'll have to peel red or pink foil off the chocolate before I eat it.

Hooray, chocolate!

I'm not really a "holiday" person, though. I just never get caught up in them.
I'm not dating anyone, but for once I'm looking forward to the 14th because I'm in Vienna and it's ball season so I'm going to another real Vienese ball (not a Valentines ball either) Last year I was rather depressed about valentines day, but this year I don't even care that I'm not dating anyone. I agree with whoever said that Valentines day is only fun when you're 5.
V Day is when they sell good chocolate. If someone special gives me the chocolate, that's a bonus. But the day itself really doesn't mean anything to me, aside from the knowledge that I'll have to peel red or pink foil off the chocolate before I eat it.

Hooray, chocolate!
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
Last night I was out shopping with a girlfriend and she said she can't until next weekend, all the good chocolate is going to be CHEAP!!!!
I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
Audrey Hepburn
All I have to say, & someone may disagree with me, but:

I think the V-day jewelry advertised by Kay & Zales, all the frilly pink & red stuff, fake roses in whatever type material, glass decorations, etc. throughout every store is trashy looking.

All I have to say, & someone may disagree with me, but:

I think the V-day jewelry advertised by Kay & Zales, all the frilly pink & red stuff, fake roses in whatever type material, glass decorations, etc. throughout every store is trashy looking.

Originally Posted by Liz's loops
I know you want a gold-dipped REAL ROSE of your very own!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rock on with your bad self.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I know you want a gold-dipped REAL ROSE of your very own!
Originally Posted by PartyHair
ewww Xs 3!



I hated V-day also. It did not matter if I was seeing someone or not..It feels so forced...I am waiting for 2-15-07 also.. Only 6 more days!!!hang in there!!!!
Plus, what kinds of single men show up at a Planned Parenthood event anyway? Married ones and sensitive, ponytail men, that's who.
Originally Posted by Discgirl
That made me laugh. Did you see Singles? Kyra Sedgwick's character had a ponytail boyfriend who was oh so sensitive, yet boring. Good movie. Rent it, if you haven't seen it.

February 15th will be here soon. Hang tough.
Originally Posted by medussa
I dated a man with a ponytail once..He was hardly the sensitive, crying type. He was kinda of rugged,yet sexy!!Oooooweee!!
All I have to say, & someone may disagree with me, but:

I think the V-day jewelry advertised by Kay & Zales, all the frilly pink & red stuff, fake roses in whatever type material, glass decorations, etc. throughout every store is trashy looking.

Originally Posted by Liz's loops
I agree with you. I tend to think almost all of those glass decorations are trashy, though. Like the ones that people keep in display cases in their homes.
All I have to say, & someone may disagree with me, but:

I think the V-day jewelry advertised by Kay & Zales, all the frilly pink & red stuff, fake roses in whatever type material, glass decorations, etc. throughout every store is trashy looking.

Originally Posted by Liz's loops
I agree with you. I tend to think almost all of those glass decorations are trashy, though. Like the ones that people keep in display cases in their homes.
Originally Posted by Munchy
Heck, I think 99% of all the jewelry in those stores is ugly and trashy, too. And this time of the year (along with pre-xmas and pre-mother's day) there are just soooooo many commercials that make me wanna gag!
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
I know you want a gold-dipped REAL ROSE of your very own!
Originally Posted by PartyHair
ewww Xs 3!



Originally Posted by Liz's loops

Code:
I see you're making good use of those emoticons...
I'm not usually a valentine day hater but over the holidays I needed something for new year's dinner so I hit the grocery store. I just about threw a FIT when I saw the valentine's day candy already set up. Man! I feel like these people are just hastening my death by speeding up the calendar even more than it already is.

Pretty soon you'll be able to buy halloween candy in May.

Code:
I see you're making good use of those emoticons...
Originally Posted by WileECoyote - Daddy's grl
I learned from the best! I bow to thee!
I hate V-day, mostly because it DOES that "you're useless if you're not hooked up!" crap. Say what? I was single for years before I met the hubby. I didn't hate being single. I hated being reminded that society considered me worthless because I was single.

And of course now I'm married and the pressure's on to have a baby. Urk.

It NEVER ends.

Love yourself now, no matter what, because someone else's love and approval ALWAYS comes with strings attached.
I like having something "down below"
Originally Posted by spring1onu
What would you call it, sci-fi guru?
Originally Posted by smurfette
don't click this. seriously.

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