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Old 12-07-2012, 07:32 PM   #41
 
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I think this whole situation is so messed up and sad. I feel worst for that orphaned child. I do understand why his teammates are saddened by his death, however gruesome and evil the circumstances surrounding it were. They knew him, played with him, & probably had no indication this was going to happen. If this was your parent, brother, or best friend that offed someone & then killed themselves, would you not miss the person you thought you knew?
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Old 12-07-2012, 08:03 PM   #42
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 View Post
I'm responding to the earlier comment: something like having a baby will throw even the best couples into a mealstrom or something.
Spidey, I never said anything like that. Here's what I wrote in my initial post on this subject:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
]In abusive relationships, pregnancy and childbirth tend to trigger even worse abuse. The abuser feels threatened by the fetus/baby, viewing it as a rival for the mother's love and attention.
So, I was talking about relationships in which abuse was already ongoing.

As coilynapp has pointed out, pregnancy is statistically a dangerous time for abused women. There is also a great deal of research on causation. These studies show that (a) many abusers behave more abusively in direct response to pregnancy, and (b) they do so because they perceive it as a challenge to their control over, and access to, their victims.
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Old 12-07-2012, 08:18 PM   #43
 
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Btw I do see how that first post of mine could be interpreted to mean something very different from what I wanted to say. I'm sure that speaking at cross-purposes for a few posts didn't do much to clarify anything.

I'd also like to point out that I was talking not about stressful situations a couple may face, but about events that abusers tend to perceive as threatening: pregnancy, childbirth, and (of course) attempts by the victim to end the relationship.

Last edited by Eilonwy; 12-07-2012 at 08:22 PM.
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Old 12-07-2012, 08:24 PM   #44
 
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^^ITA.

Nothing a woman (or man) ever does, warrants (or causes) any kind of abuse. Period. If someone is going to kill their SO, they have been abusing them already in the past and killing (especially a murder-suicide) is the final act. Abuse can escalate during and right after pregnancy, that's not the fault of the person being abused, it's the fault of the abuser. Coming home late after a concert can escalate abuse, that's not the fault of the person being abused, it's the fault of the abuser. Anything that a victim does that indicates to the abuser that he/she is losing their (perceived) control, will escalate abuse. It is a fact--that's not the fault of the person being abused, it's the fault of the abuser.
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Old 12-08-2012, 09:53 AM   #45
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lcl0706 View Post
I think this whole situation is so messed up and sad. I feel worst for that orphaned child. I do understand why his teammates are saddened by his death, however gruesome and evil the circumstances surrounding it were. They knew him, played with him, & probably had no indication this was going to happen. If this was your parent, brother, or best friend that offed someone & then killed themselves, would you not miss the person you thought you knew?
of course, but some of the statements of sadness seem to completely gloss over the fact that he killed a woman. what about kassandra, when is someone going to pay attention to her, and remember her? or her poor family, can you imagine how awful it would be to have your daughter murdered, and everytime you turn on the tv someone is saying the murderer was "such a good, kind, sweet guy."

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Old 12-08-2012, 10:03 AM   #46
 
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Kasandra Michelle Perkins: We Must Say Her Name | Racialicious - the intersection of race and pop culture
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Old 12-08-2012, 10:41 AM   #47
 
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and thank you for that link
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Old 12-08-2012, 11:04 AM   #48
 
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nvm, going on a rant.

i just think that we don't know that was beating her.
yes, he killed her, but i don't think we know for sure what went on in that relationship and it's not fair to add fuel to this fire by assuming she was some beaten woman.
arguing does not mean there was abuse.

Last edited by frau; 12-08-2012 at 11:21 AM.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:02 PM   #49
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frau View Post
arguing does not mean there was abuse.
True, but murder-suicide usually does. The alternative is that he was experiencing psychosis or something.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:34 PM   #50
 
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Frau, I was just thinking the same thing yesterday. We don't know that he was beating her. BUT abuse is not necessarily beating. They were arguing a lot according to reports (there could have been some verbal abuse or mental abuse--and also physical because we know that so many victims never report it). And I agree with Eilonwy, a murder-suicide usually indicates that the murderer was abusing the victim. And no, I don't think just because you have a brain injury you can go and selectively kill your SO (not your mum and daughter in the house) and then later (not immediately) kill yourself.


Two things are for sure, he killed Kasandra and he had issues.
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Old 12-14-2012, 10:04 PM   #51
 
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i don't like this. feels like his mom is providing some information that will probably be never verified as a "reason" for why he snapped. hey dude, if you think the kid is not yours buy a paternity kit, find out and if she's not tell her the relationship is over and be done with the kid who would be too young to even remember you as her dad.

re: the finances i'm also guessing maybe that's why his mom was so quick to claim that she'd raise the child. does the whole world need to know baby's financial situation for the next 18-23 years? if the mother is going to put it out there that the killer didn't believe the kid was his then kasandra's family should have full custody of the baby. we all KNOW she's hers!!! so tacky and distasteful and more fodder to blame the victim.
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Old 12-14-2012, 10:14 PM   #52
 
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^^^makes me sick. His mum I think should stay out of that baby's life forever. I would not want to be raised by my mum's killer's mum. NO WAY. They should not let her.

He's still crazy as all get out. And he still killed her. Nothing changes that. And knowing that questioning the paternity of the child was an issue makes him even more evil to me that he would kill her over that. No reason justifies why he killed her. EVER.
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