No, apparently men and women CAN'T be just friends

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Yes I'm sure there are some men who 'can't' be just friends with women. And there are some women who 'can't' be just friends with men. But there are also those who can.

Most of my close friends are men (and only a few of them are gay). Some of them are men I used to be in relationships with so at one time there WAS sex, but not anymore. Others have been friends for decades with no sex at all.
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I've always known this(well since college). I totally believe in when Harry met Sally.

Also what a waste of a study!
Originally Posted by Josephine
As much as I would like to believe that it's possible, I have to agree with you. I haven't had close male friends in years. And IME, trying to remain friends with an ex is just too awkward and painful, so I don't attempt to do that anymore. At my age, men aren't willing or able to be platonic, which isn't all that great for me since I have no interest in dating but I still desire male company.
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A tabloid has misrepresented an academic study in order to protect the patriarchy.
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Not exactly groundbreaking.

I do have a female friend that I was very smitten with 15+ years ago-

But- I was seeing others- as was she- and I didn't want to scare her away when we became good friends.

Also- as petty as it sounds- she aged- and it helps that my last few GF's have all been more attractive than her.
That comment is just beyond wrong, wow...

...and these ones:

Many women are like vampires and total control freaks. Like Black Widow Spiders,they lure vulnerable men into their web and slowly but surely drain them of strength and willpower. They continually seek to control and question their every move.

Better not to bother with them.
The obesity apedemic among young women in the UK is reducing this effect.

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

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The next article in the link TNB posted is interesting too.

"Men prefer women who act dumb" because they have not changed since the Neanderthal days.

I am sensing a theme here. lol
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Yes I'm sure there are some men who 'can't' be just friends with women. And there are some women who 'can't' be just friends with men. But there are also those who can.

Most of my close friends are men (and only a few of them are gay). Some of them are men I used to be in relationships with so at one time there WAS sex, but not anymore. Others have been friends for decades with no sex at all.
Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl
But there WAS sex. At one point there either is, or will be a potential sex situation in the future.

That's all I'm saying.

Of course there may be relationships where this isn't an issue, but I think in most cases it is. People should just keep that in mind.


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Yes I'm sure there are some men who 'can't' be just friends with women. And there are some women who 'can't' be just friends with men. But there are also those who can.

Most of my close friends are men (and only a few of them are gay). Some of them are men I used to be in relationships with so at one time there WAS sex, but not anymore. Others have been friends for decades with no sex at all.
Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl
But there WAS sex. At one point there either is, or will be a potential sex situation in the future.

That's all I'm saying.

Of course there may be relationships where this isn't an issue, but I think in most cases it is. People should just keep that in mind.
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Originally Posted by iroc
Many of my male friends have been around for 10-20-30-40 years. How long do we have to wait to find out that they aren't after sex? : )
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^ I view those situations differently.

I have been an acquaintance (through work or through social circles) with men than I ended up in a relationship with. We were friendly and chatted about day to day stuff, but they were not a close friend prior to romantic involvement.

I have started out dating men and then discovered that we were better suited for friendship, and we have remained friends. The 'connection' or spark needed for romance was not there. Again, different situation.

I can not be friends with a man that I have been in a romantic relationship with, and still have feelings for (as in I was very much so in love and needed time) or it ended very bitterly. That's about it.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

A tabloid has misrepresented an academic study in order to protect the patriarchy.
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I was reading responses and thinking "Well, isn't this convenient - men want women, therefore as the weaker sex we MUST give in... and therefore, women should obviously be kept in the home away from nefarious influences. Let men take care of business."
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Yes I'm sure there are some men who 'can't' be just friends with women. And there are some women who 'can't' be just friends with men. But there are also those who can.

Most of my close friends are men (and only a few of them are gay). Some of them are men I used to be in relationships with so at one time there WAS sex, but not anymore. Others have been friends for decades with no sex at all.
Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl
But there WAS sex. At one point there either is, or will be a potential sex situation in the future.

That's all I'm saying.

Of course there may be relationships where this isn't an issue, but I think in most cases it is. People should just keep that in mind.
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Originally Posted by iroc
Many of my male friends have been around for 10-20-30-40 years. How long do we have to wait to find out that they aren't after sex? : )
Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl
Excellent point, Jeepy
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

A tabloid has misrepresented an academic study in order to protect the patriarchy.
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I was reading responses and thinking "Well, isn't this convenient - men want women, therefore as the weaker sex we MUST give in... and therefore, women should obviously be kept in the home away from nefarious influences. Let men take care of business."
Originally Posted by NetG
We must play dumb and stay in the cave because the neanderthals are out to pounce.
NetG likes this.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

My parents were actually called in for a conference with one of my elementary school teacher because I was "close friend with boys" and she found this to be dangerous and un healthy. Being a young girl I had no idea that this was an impossible task because they only wanted me for sex. My virtue was in jeopardy. I had just stopped playing with dolls. I have to say kudos to my father because he told her that was the biggest pile of **** he had ever heard. His best friend was a woman. They had been friends since high school, and never had a romantic involvement. He had several great female friends.

I'll add one more thing and then hush. You'll have to forgive me. This is a topic I have always enjoyed discussing.

One of my younger nephews, the one with health problems and autism, had one good friend who is a little girl. The rest of the kids at school tease him, horribly. His mom has always acted like this was strange and would not take her eyes off of them during play dates. They were 6 or 7 when they first became friends and are 12 now. She wouldn't allow him to spend more than a couple of hours around her for fear of ... I hate that she makes his only friend seem like something strange or wrong.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??


Last edited by Fifi.G; 12-05-2012 at 10:19 PM.
Yes I'm sure there are some men who 'can't' be just friends with women. And there are some women who 'can't' be just friends with men. But there are also those who can.

Most of my close friends are men (and only a few of them are gay). Some of them are men I used to be in relationships with so at one time there WAS sex, but not anymore. Others have been friends for decades with no sex at all.
Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl
But there WAS sex. At one point there either is, or will be a potential sex situation in the future.

That's all I'm saying.

Of course there may be relationships where this isn't an issue, but I think in most cases it is. People should just keep that in mind.
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Originally Posted by iroc
Many of my male friends have been around for 10-20-30-40 years. How long do we have to wait to find out that they aren't after sex? : )
Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl

I don't necessarily believe the men are after sex. I believe when you have a male female relationship, there is always a potential for a sexual relationship to develop.

Humans are sexual creatures. Its natural. And we develop feelings for people in unexpected situations too. Some people are available to these situations when they come up, some are not. If someone needs to use willpower to keep from having sex with a person, I don't think they should encourage that relationship (unless they just want to go ahead and have sex with the person. Then just do it).

I don't keep ice cream in my freezer unless at some point I'm going to eat it.


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No, apparently men and women CAN'T be just friends-imageuploadedbycurltalk1354796690.124526.jpg

Sorry. It seemed like a prime moment for a Dahmer joke.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

I've always known this(well since college). I totally believe in when Harry met Sally.

Also what a waste of a study!
Originally Posted by Josephine
As much as I would like to believe that it's possible, I have to agree with you. I haven't had close male friends in years. And IME, trying to remain friends with an ex is just too awkward and painful, so I don't attempt to do that anymore. At my age, men aren't willing or able to be platonic, which isn't all that great for me since I have no interest in dating but I still desire male company.
Originally Posted by LadyV69

Yea, I have one male friend now because i met him through a good friend and it is nice, I've had dinners with him and sometimes I call him to ask him his opinions on men and relationships. I know he's attracted to me though and has joked about hooking up but he knows I won't. I have another male friend a bit like that and he also knows it's not happening. Both these guys are involved with other women(just sex, not serious) so it's easier to be friends.

I have some other male friends(more distant) and I know there is some attraction on their end, even if they met my man and they like him bla bla.

Of course men and women can be friends . But I don't believe for a second that a man is not at least somewhat attracted to the woman.

On guy that I dated briefly had a female friend who was married(they were friends since hs) with a child and they were just friends but he did admit that his platonic female friends were all at least somewhat attractive and that he probably wouldn't be friends with them if they weren't. Or at least on that level.

But there WAS sex. At one point there either is, or will be a potential sex situation in the future.

That's all I'm saying.

Of course there may be relationships where this isn't an issue, but I think in most cases it is. People should just keep that in mind.
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Originally Posted by iroc
Many of my male friends have been around for 10-20-30-40 years. How long do we have to wait to find out that they aren't after sex? : )
Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl

I don't necessarily believe the men are after sex. I believe when you have a male female relationship, there is always a potential for a sexual relationship to develop.

Humans are sexual creatures. Its natural. And we develop feelings for people in unexpected situations too. Some people are available to these situations when they come up, some are not. If someone needs to use willpower to keep from having sex with a person, I don't think they should encourage that relationship (unless they just want to go ahead and have sex with the person. Then just do it).

I don't keep ice cream in my freezer unless at some point I'm going to eat it.


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Originally Posted by iroc
I agree. Again, I don't think women do this (keep the icecream just in case) but men do. Obviously in the meanwhile there are benefits to the friendship for the man too.

For women that don't believe this, do you really think that if you made a move and you were both single(or not, depending on the morals of the man), he would say no? Or at least say no easily? I know some men might as to not ruin the friendship but you know he's already thought about it.
You know what? This article is a huge steaming pile of ********.

A tabloid has misrepresented an academic study in order to protect the patriarchy.
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I was reading responses and thinking "Well, isn't this convenient - men want women, therefore as the weaker sex we MUST give in... and therefore, women should obviously be kept in the home away from nefarious influences. Let men take care of business."
Originally Posted by NetG
Mmmm-hmmmm. Yep.

Except -- wait: protect the patriarchy or sell more ads?

a) Original reporting by the Daily Mail. *facepalm* Folks, these are the same people who brought you Samantha Brick. Remember her?

b) Also, there is A LOT of confirmation bias in this here thread. Just sayin'.

c) Daily Mail/Telegraph KNOW people think this, whether it's actually true or not isn't relevant. They're just telling everyone what they "already know." People love to hear how right they are. Fox News has built a "news" network on this principle.
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While I am suffering from insomnia, I might as well reply. Just keep in mind I have only slept 2 hours, maybe. I might say something crazier than normal.


Take the guy I had a *mutual attraction* with. When we were spending a great deal of time together, we were single. When we were dating someone else, we were cuddled up with them at night. No one was going behind anyones back. But let me add that we were always around each other. We were a large and tight knit group of friends. During a single moment we thought about it, and talked about it, and decided we would not risk the friendship. We never had a romantic/physical involvement. We adored our talks and advice and could not stand the idea of something bad happening and never being able to pick up the phone and talk to each other again. We worked past the attraction. He is now married and has a son. I am thrilled for him. He is one of the most fantastic people I know, and deserves a happy ending. He's not always had the best luck with women/relationships. For that matter, all of my guy friends (for 20++ years) are now married or engaged and have families.

When it comes to the other, I in no way feel comfortable presuming that every man is attracted to me. Yes, I am well aware some have been, but I also know other men who are beyond picky about the "type" of woman they will sleep with or date. They are pickier than my gay bff and that is saying something. Also, if you (people) can go out on a few dates and discover no real spark or attraction beyond friendship, why can't you automatically know there is not one otherwise?
I can say/have said that I have been attracted, we have been attracted, or he has been attracted (different people mind you and during one brief point) but I have to ask why it is so difficult to imagine that no one is?
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

^ and... Why is it that the woman can not be aware of all these things?

Again, forgive. My brain is moving at the pace of a snail. Lol.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

So what is the actual point of the 'study'? Men and women shouldn't be friends? Men can't be trusted to control their feelings? My male friend of nearly 50 years will eventually come on to me because he just can't help it?
What about lesbians? Will my lesbian girlfriend of 40 years one day come on to me too?
I just have to disagree. I find it normal and easy to have friends of the opposite sex, with no sexual feelings whatsoever.
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Hair texture-medium/fine, porosity-normal except for the ends which are porous, elasticity-normal.
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