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Old 12-06-2012, 09:52 AM   #41
 
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I can not bold so I will just say that thought crossed my mind too, when applied to a sexual attraction argument.

I have been friends with a woman since we were 3 years old who is lesbian. Should I be worried? Nah I believe our friendship is safe. I have the history of our friendship to support that hunch.

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Old 12-06-2012, 10:01 AM   #42
 
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Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl View Post
So what is the actual point of the 'study'? Men and women shouldn't be friends? Men can't be trusted to control their feelings? My male friend of nearly 50 years will eventually come on to me because he just can't help it?
What about lesbians? Will my lesbian girlfriend of 40 years one day come on to me too?
I just have to disagree. I find it normal and easy to have friends of the opposite sex, with no sexual feelings whatsoever.
There is no point, that's why I said it's a waste! The study is not about lesbians or women, but straight men.
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Old 12-06-2012, 10:27 AM   #43
 
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Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl View Post
So what is the actual point of the 'study'? Men and women shouldn't be friends? Men can't be trusted to control their feelings? My male friend of nearly 50 years will eventually come on to me because he just can't help it?
What about lesbians? Will my lesbian girlfriend of 40 years one day come on to me too?
I just have to disagree. I find it normal and easy to have friends of the opposite sex, with no sexual feelings whatsoever.
Seriously.

I am attracted to both men and women. I guess I should not have any friends at all since I am going to try to jump all of them. Oh wait, only men are supposed to have sexual feelings so I am safe.

This is all BS. I do agree that there is the potential for sexual attraction in any relationship. But just because there is the potential and just because an actual attraction pops up does not mean people have to act on it. If I had acted on every attraction, no matter how momentary and passing, I ever had, then I really would have jumped 85% of all people I know.
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Old 12-06-2012, 11:24 AM   #44
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl View Post
So what is the actual point of the 'study'? Men and women shouldn't be friends? Men can't be trusted to control their feelings? My male friend of nearly 50 years will eventually come on to me because he just can't help it?
What about lesbians? Will my lesbian girlfriend of 40 years one day come on to me too?
I just have to disagree. I find it normal and easy to have friends of the opposite sex, with no sexual feelings whatsoever.
Seriously.

I am attracted to both men and women. I guess I should not have any friends at all since I am going to try to jump all of them. Oh wait, only men are supposed to have sexual feelings so I am safe.

This is all BS. I do agree that there is the potential for sexual attraction in any relationship. But just because there is the potential and just because an actual attraction pops up does not mean people have to act on it. If I had acted on every attraction, no matter how momentary and passing, I ever had, then I really would have jumped 85% of all people I know.
I can agree that people don't have to act on their attraction to every person they deem as such. However, I think male privilege can also get in the way and can prevent men and women from being in truly platonic relationships because men generally feel that they are entitled to sex whenever they want, without any regard for the woman's needs or feelings. I also think it mainly explains why women have an easier time being friends with men they aren't necessarily attracted to, since we aren't supposed to have sexual needs. A situation I was in just last weekend is illustrative of the struggle I have with the issue.

I went to a birthday party for an acquaintance's daughter. It was at a karoake bar. I chatted with one guy there for awhile. I thought he was nice, but not dating or boyfriend material. Personally, I think he might be a good friend, but that's all. He gave me a business card. I didn't give him my number. I haven't called him because I don't want to send mixed signals. I don't want him to make more of it than I am and actually want to date me, when I don't want the same thing. I'm beginning to think it's way easier to be friends with men when you're younger as there is isn't as much pressure. Once people are in their 30's or 40's, they tend to feel more pressure to marry and/or have children and they tend to think platonic relationships are a waste of time.
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Old 12-06-2012, 03:41 PM   #45
 
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This thread just made me laugh. I realized that every lesbian friend I've had has hit on me in some way or another. Whether telling me I should try something new, telling me it was too bad I was into men, or telling me they'd try to convince me if they weren't in a relationship. The difference being I've never had a lesbian pout or throw a fit or hold it against me that I wasn't interested. It's totally possible all my male friends have found me attractive to some degree, but that the ones who were willing to say something about it typically aren't my friends anymore because they didn't take my lack of romantic interest well. One of my best friends did express interest in me at one point, and after he dated someone who was a better match for him he understood why I wasn't interested and why we were better as friends, but he's a great guy and someone who would push aside the attraction to allow a friendship regardless; not the type of guy who thinks he's "owed" something by women.

It doesn't bother me if someone is attracted to me and behaves respectfully and accepts my lack of attraction... but whether they're attracted to me or not I dislike people who don't treat me with respect.
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Old 12-07-2012, 07:19 PM   #46
 
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I can agree that people don't have to act on their attraction to every person they deem as such. However, I think male privilege can also get in the way and can prevent men and women from being in truly platonic relationships because men generally feel that they are entitled to sex whenever they want, without any regard for the woman's needs or feelings. I also think it mainly explains why women have an easier time being friends with men they aren't necessarily attracted to, since we aren't supposed to have sexual needs.
That just proves that women can't be friends with entitled male d**chebags, not that men and women can't be friends. There are some men that can't be friends with people of the opposite sex, and some women too. They tend to be folks that don't see people of the opposite sex as PEOPLE, but as plot points or means to some end.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:35 PM   #47
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I don't get all this "things just happen" BS. I get drunk with a good friend of mine, they try to kiss me I set boundaries and say no. End of story, where's the drama? I did nothing wrong, and there's no reason for my partner to get mad at me for somebody else action unless I don't make clear boundaries.

I never got into romantic relationships with my male friends for a reason. Not a good romantic match but we can still like each other a lot as people.

Feelings for the opposite sex come and go. I have MANY male friends, regardless of what is going on in their heads I set my own boundaries and that's that. Not all men are the same. Not all women are the same. People are people. My relationships with them may change if I get serious with a bf and vice versa, but at the end of the day they are my friend. Most are different relationships than I have with my girlfriends but so what? I think they don't work if you don't trust yourself. Then that's you being responsible for yourself and has nothing to do with men and women not being able to be friends.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:55 PM   #48
 
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I think findings like this are just a way to police women. What they're trying to tell us is:

-men don't really at their core value you for, or see you for, anything but your attractiveness. Your intellect, personality, character, interests, talents and experiences mean nothing. You are a sexual being.

-if men accept you as a friend without any funny business, then you aren't sexually attractive

-the women who work or socialize or cross paths with your man are threats and competition for you

It's a way to keep women from full participation in society. It puts the onus on the woman to not befriend the men at work (often the people in the more powerful positions) without assumptions being made, or to have to drop their male friends as soon as they're in a relationship with a woman or else be seen as a home-wrecker.

And of course not all men are attracted to women.
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