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The New Black 12-05-2012 02:29 PM

No, apparently men and women CAN'T be just friends
 
Men's friendships with women 'driven by sexual attraction' - Telegraph

Discuss.

Josephine 12-05-2012 02:37 PM

I've always known this(well since college). I totally believe in when Harry met Sally.

Also what a waste of a study!

luvmylocs 12-05-2012 02:38 PM

didn't read the article but i can say that even if my guy friends are "attracted" to me in the beginning or even now, they've proven to be good friends. i talk to them about relationship stuff and things where i need a guys opinion and they give advice and none of them get out of line and try to make a move. so yeah, the might be "driven by sexual attraction" but at the end of the day....we are friends and that's good enough for me.

Josephine 12-05-2012 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvmylocs (Post 2081161)
didn't read the article but i can say that even if my guy friends are "attracted" to me in the beginning or even now, they've proven to be good friends. i talk to them about relationship stuff and things where i need a guys opinion and they give advice and none of them get out of line and try to make a move. so yeah, the might be "driven by sexual attraction" but at the end of the day....we are friends and that's good enough for me.

Oh yea of course, I don't care what their motives are. But when I'm dating someone seriously, my relationships with them may change.

Fifi.G 12-05-2012 02:47 PM

^ Well said, LML.

I still would not lump any and every man (or woman for that matter) on the planet into that category. Have I had guy friends who I shared a mutual attraction with? Yes. Did we put aside this to never mess up our friendship? Yes. Have I had guy friends that were attracted to me but I was not attracted to them? Yes. Have I had a 'buddy' in mutual single moment that I fully trusted? Yes. Have I had true male friends who were absolutely in love with their girlfriend/spouse and that I have never picked up on once ounce of attraction with? Yes. More than one.

OBB 12-05-2012 03:04 PM

welp i guess the secret is out. im on here trying to get as much curly sex as i can

goldencurly 12-05-2012 03:08 PM

My best friend is a man. We've been friends since we were very small children and didn't know the difference between male and female. One of my favorite memories of him is someone asking us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I said a pirate. He said Wonder Woman. Neither of us understood why this was troublesome then. Now, it is hilarious! At the party after my wedding, he wore Wonder Woman's tiara. No, he's not gay, he's just fun. I don't think ours was motivated by gender or attraction. Unless it was my Tonka truck earth-mover he was attracted to.

Lotsawaves 12-05-2012 03:09 PM

I always suspected that, OBB.

gemidevi 12-05-2012 03:14 PM

But aren't all friendships derived through some sort of attraction? Even Women-to-Women relationships. We tend to pick out the people we believe is 'attractive' or have that 'quality' about them...and then we build from there.

So, maybe men and women can't be friends, in the beginning. But after the attraction fades, that's when a relationship is truly born, right? Friendship isn't just meeting someone and then wham-bam, you are friends. There is a 'courting' period to see if that person can be a friend, through similar goals, beliefs, values, etc. And this is true for all friendships - same sex or opposite sex.

Mind you, I am in a relationship so my 'friendships' with men are catagorized as either "brotherly friends", "work friends/collegeaus" or "associates". I have a male best friend, that is my boyfriend and if I need 'manly advice' I go to him or if it's about him, I go to by "brothers".

Just my 2 cents...I'll jump off my soap box now. :)

coilynapp 12-05-2012 03:24 PM

I think the article should say "some men can't be JUST friends with women"

CanItBeChristine 12-05-2012 03:28 PM

Most of my guy friends are gay or my cousins, but I also have a lot of straight ones. One of my closest friends is a straight guy, and he's also the person I probably trust most in the world.

That said, I was actually just telling him the other day, "You know, you're the only straight male that I consider a good friend that never says anything inappropriate or suggestive and makes me uncomfortable." (And I'm not saying I'm any Scarlett Johaanson.)

So...I believe that.

Fifi.G 12-05-2012 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gemidevi (Post 2081177)
But aren't all friendships derived through some sort of attraction? Even Women-to-Women relationships. We tend to pick out the people we believe is 'attractive' or have that 'quality' about them...and then we build from there.

So, maybe men and women can't be friends, in the beginning. But after the attraction fades, that's when a relationship is truly born, right? Friendship isn't just meeting someone and then wham-bam, you are friends. There is a 'courting' period to see if that person can be a friend, through similar goals, beliefs, values, etc. And this is true for all friendships - same sex or opposite sex.

Mind you, I am in a relationship so my 'friendships' with men are catagorized as either "brotherly friends", "work friends/collegeaus" or "associates". I have a male best friend, that is my boyfriend and if I need 'manly advice' I go to him or if it's about him, I go to by "brothers".

Just my 2 cents...I'll jump off my soap box now. :)

That is a good point, even though it there is a large difference in sexual and plutonic attraction. There has always been something I truly liked about any of my friends, and that made me want to know them better. It is a quality or qualities that attract you to the person. You can have a close and strictly 'friend' relationship with anyone, and also be hurt by them.

Agreed with CN that it should say 'some'. In a way it is saying that women can never sense a sexual attraction. A few might slide by, but that is not true of all either. Most of the time, you know.

sarah42 12-05-2012 04:03 PM

I think it's true in a large majority of cases.

coilynapp 12-05-2012 04:12 PM

The comments on the article are hella funny.

It's true, a lot of social research really just confirms what we already know. There are rarely any surprises ever, but these comments are giving me life rofl.

curlypearl 12-05-2012 04:15 PM

I'm friends with a guy. He doesn't like my "type" (he prefers girls with straight hair, bangs, and a look out of Walton's Mountain). He hates makeup. Reverse all that and you get me.

He is totally unattractive to me. He is cross-eyed, flabby and generally a disaster in my eyes.

We became friends at work. We both like software, clocks, lighthouses and have very little else in common except we worked in the same place for 25 years or so and respected each others work a great deal. We helped each other at work in important ways.

Our communication is limited because we have so little in common. Mostly we joke around, but still, I consider him a friend.

Saria 12-05-2012 04:18 PM

While I can say that most of my male friends found me attractive at some point, I've also had some that have never been the least bit attracted to me. I'm friends with these men due to mutual respect as colleagues, or common interests. Seriously zero physical interest there.
And the ones who were at some point interested have long moved past that.

iroc 12-05-2012 04:19 PM

I think most male-female relationships have the ability to become romantic. At some point during the friendship, at least one (if not both)of the individuals will most likely develop an attraction, or 'feelings' for the other person. It may be for a short time, it may be long.

There are a lot of questionable situations. There's alcohol involved, one of you just broke up with your significant other, there was a death in the family, you're locked in a bathroom and its a zombie apocalypse. I don't know, anything can happen.


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I997 using CurlTalk App

NetG 12-05-2012 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine (Post 2081185)
Most of my guy friends are gay or my cousins, but I also have a lot of straight ones. One of my closest friends is a straight guy, and he's also the person I probably trust most in the world.

That said, I was actually just telling him the other day, "You know, you're the only straight male that I consider a good friend that never says anything inappropriate or suggestive and makes me uncomfortable." (And I'm not saying I'm any Scarlett Johaanson.)

So...I believe that.

Of course, a lot of us think (and hope) he is VERY attracted to you, and respects who you are as a person, thus the good behavior. ;)


I agree with most of what has been said - one person being attracted to the other doesn't keep them from being friends. I've had guys I was friends with and attracted to and nothing happened at all. I've had guys who were attracted to me and I wasn't interested in them, and nothing happened and we stayed friends. And then there are the guys who I was friends with over the fact they liked one of my friends.... :)

Fifi.G 12-05-2012 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iroc (Post 2081221)
I think most male-female relationships have the ability to become romantic. At some point during the friendship, at least one (if not both)of the individuals will most likely develop an attraction, or 'feelings' for the other person. It may be for a short time, it may be long.

There are a lot of questionable situations. There's alcohol involved, one of you just broke up with your significant other, there was a death in the family, you're locked in a bathroom and its a zombie apocalypse. I don't know, anything can happen.


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I997 using CurlTalk App

And on the other hand you can be in those situations and still restrain. I can not even begin to count the number of times I spent alone with the guy I had a mutual attraction for. He is an incredibly good man who would never cheat on anyone. We were drunk and half naked together every other night, but both of us knew that we would put our friendship in danger, based on our personalities and interactions with each other.

My buddy and I had a different relationship. We did have a drunken mishap (let me add kinda/sorta. i had made up my mind that I wanted to go there), but evolved from that, and had sober encounters as well. He eventually married my first cousin, and very close friend, and fathered 3 of my adorable second cousins. She is aware of our 'trysts' which took place because we cared for/trusted each other (loved but not in love) and we have never had an awkward moment. He was the second guy I was with, and I do not regret it.

There are many different situations, but men and women can push past them, and remain close.

Fifi.G 12-05-2012 05:54 PM

I personally could never say that men and women can not be friends because after close to 40 years on this earth, many good and invaluable guy friend (with different attraction or no attraction variables) and only one real 'buddy'... I know that's not the case.


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