Go Back   CurlTalk > Life > Non-hair discussion

Like Tree61Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-05-2012, 02:29 PM   #1
 
The New Black's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 13,683
Default No, apparently men and women CAN'T be just friends

Men's friendships with women 'driven by sexual attraction' - Telegraph

Discuss.
__________________
No MAS.

I am the new Black.

"Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Kimshi4242

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/kimshi4242
The New Black is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 02:37 PM   #2
 
Josephine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 16,554
Default

I've always known this(well since college). I totally believe in when Harry met Sally.

Also what a waste of a study!

Last edited by Josephine; 12-05-2012 at 02:59 PM.
Josephine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 02:38 PM   #3
 
luvmylocs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 1999
Posts: 8,862
Default

didn't read the article but i can say that even if my guy friends are "attracted" to me in the beginning or even now, they've proven to be good friends. i talk to them about relationship stuff and things where i need a guys opinion and they give advice and none of them get out of line and try to make a move. so yeah, the might be "driven by sexual attraction" but at the end of the day....we are friends and that's good enough for me.
Nej, maria_i, NetG and 5 others like this.
__________________
a dreamy pisces
please recycle, it matters...
i change lives...through fitness
i'm more relaxed being natural
luvmylocs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 02:41 PM   #4
 
Josephine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 16,554
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmylocs View Post
didn't read the article but i can say that even if my guy friends are "attracted" to me in the beginning or even now, they've proven to be good friends. i talk to them about relationship stuff and things where i need a guys opinion and they give advice and none of them get out of line and try to make a move. so yeah, the might be "driven by sexual attraction" but at the end of the day....we are friends and that's good enough for me.
Oh yea of course, I don't care what their motives are. But when I'm dating someone seriously, my relationships with them may change.
Josephine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 02:47 PM   #5
 
Fifi.G's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 7,299
Default

^ Well said, LML.

I still would not lump any and every man (or woman for that matter) on the planet into that category. Have I had guy friends who I shared a mutual attraction with? Yes. Did we put aside this to never mess up our friendship? Yes. Have I had guy friends that were attracted to me but I was not attracted to them? Yes. Have I had a 'buddy' in mutual single moment that I fully trusted? Yes. Have I had true male friends who were absolutely in love with their girlfriend/spouse and that I have never picked up on once ounce of attraction with? Yes. More than one.
Who Me?, Nej, Amneris and 1 others like this.
__________________
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Fifi.G is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 03:04 PM   #6
OBB
 
OBB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,158
Default

welp i guess the secret is out. im on here trying to get as much curly sex as i can
coilynapp likes this.
OBB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 03:08 PM   #7
 
goldencurly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 8,179
Default

My best friend is a man. We've been friends since we were very small children and didn't know the difference between male and female. One of my favorite memories of him is someone asking us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I said a pirate. He said Wonder Woman. Neither of us understood why this was troublesome then. Now, it is hilarious! At the party after my wedding, he wore Wonder Woman's tiara. No, he's not gay, he's just fun. I don't think ours was motivated by gender or attraction. Unless it was my Tonka truck earth-mover he was attracted to.
Lotsawaves, NetG, Amneris and 1 others like this.
goldencurly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 03:09 PM   #8
 
Lotsawaves's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 9,163
Default

I always suspected that, OBB.
rouquinne and curlypearl like this.
Lotsawaves is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 03:14 PM   #9
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,237
Send a message via MSN to gemidevi
Default

But aren't all friendships derived through some sort of attraction? Even Women-to-Women relationships. We tend to pick out the people we believe is 'attractive' or have that 'quality' about them...and then we build from there.

So, maybe men and women can't be friends, in the beginning. But after the attraction fades, that's when a relationship is truly born, right? Friendship isn't just meeting someone and then wham-bam, you are friends. There is a 'courting' period to see if that person can be a friend, through similar goals, beliefs, values, etc. And this is true for all friendships - same sex or opposite sex.

Mind you, I am in a relationship so my 'friendships' with men are catagorized as either "brotherly friends", "work friends/collegeaus" or "associates". I have a male best friend, that is my boyfriend and if I need 'manly advice' I go to him or if it's about him, I go to by "brothers".

Just my 2 cents...I'll jump off my soap box now.
luvmylocs, Nej, Lotsawaves and 1 others like this.
__________________
*disclaimer* spelling, grammatical and psychological errors are for your enjoyment.
gemidevi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 03:24 PM   #10
 
coilynapp's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,213
Default

I think the article should say "some men can't be JUST friends with women"
Who Me?, Josephine, Nej and 3 others like this.
__________________
coilynapp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 03:28 PM   #11
 
CanItBeChristine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 8,461
Default

Most of my guy friends are gay or my cousins, but I also have a lot of straight ones. One of my closest friends is a straight guy, and he's also the person I probably trust most in the world.

That said, I was actually just telling him the other day, "You know, you're the only straight male that I consider a good friend that never says anything inappropriate or suggestive and makes me uncomfortable." (And I'm not saying I'm any Scarlett Johaanson.)

So...I believe that.
curlypearl likes this.
CanItBeChristine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 03:38 PM   #12
 
Fifi.G's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 7,299
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by gemidevi View Post
But aren't all friendships derived through some sort of attraction? Even Women-to-Women relationships. We tend to pick out the people we believe is 'attractive' or have that 'quality' about them...and then we build from there.

So, maybe men and women can't be friends, in the beginning. But after the attraction fades, that's when a relationship is truly born, right? Friendship isn't just meeting someone and then wham-bam, you are friends. There is a 'courting' period to see if that person can be a friend, through similar goals, beliefs, values, etc. And this is true for all friendships - same sex or opposite sex.

Mind you, I am in a relationship so my 'friendships' with men are catagorized as either "brotherly friends", "work friends/collegeaus" or "associates". I have a male best friend, that is my boyfriend and if I need 'manly advice' I go to him or if it's about him, I go to by "brothers".

Just my 2 cents...I'll jump off my soap box now.
That is a good point, even though it there is a large difference in sexual and plutonic attraction. There has always been something I truly liked about any of my friends, and that made me want to know them better. It is a quality or qualities that attract you to the person. You can have a close and strictly 'friend' relationship with anyone, and also be hurt by them.

Agreed with CN that it should say 'some'. In a way it is saying that women can never sense a sexual attraction. A few might slide by, but that is not true of all either. Most of the time, you know.
__________________
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Fifi.G is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 04:03 PM   #13
 
sarah42's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,588
Default

I think it's true in a large majority of cases.
__________________
sarah42 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 04:12 PM   #14
 
coilynapp's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,213
Default

The comments on the article are hella funny.

It's true, a lot of social research really just confirms what we already know. There are rarely any surprises ever, but these comments are giving me life rofl.
__________________
coilynapp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 04:15 PM   #15
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,344
Default

I'm friends with a guy. He doesn't like my "type" (he prefers girls with straight hair, bangs, and a look out of Walton's Mountain). He hates makeup. Reverse all that and you get me.

He is totally unattractive to me. He is cross-eyed, flabby and generally a disaster in my eyes.

We became friends at work. We both like software, clocks, lighthouses and have very little else in common except we worked in the same place for 25 years or so and respected each others work a great deal. We helped each other at work in important ways.

Our communication is limited because we have so little in common. Mostly we joke around, but still, I consider him a friend.
__________________
2/c and some 3A. Modified CG.
Highly porous. Color over grey.
Best 1st day method: Super Soaker
Conditioners: Curl Junkie Beauticurls Strengthening Conditioner,
Deep condish: Curl Junkie Curl Rehab
Stylers: Experimenting with cones & sulfates while the dews are high. Sometimes try roller sets - classic glamor but I prefer my curls.
Every day is a gift
curlypearl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 04:18 PM   #16
 
Saria's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 6,877
Default

While I can say that most of my male friends found me attractive at some point, I've also had some that have never been the least bit attracted to me. I'm friends with these men due to mutual respect as colleagues, or common interests. Seriously zero physical interest there.
And the ones who were at some point interested have long moved past that.
curlypearl likes this.
__________________
Saria is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 04:19 PM   #17
 
iroc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,371
Default

I think most male-female relationships have the ability to become romantic. At some point during the friendship, at least one (if not both)of the individuals will most likely develop an attraction, or 'feelings' for the other person. It may be for a short time, it may be long.

There are a lot of questionable situations. There's alcohol involved, one of you just broke up with your significant other, there was a death in the family, you're locked in a bathroom and its a zombie apocalypse. I don't know, anything can happen.


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I997 using CurlTalk App
Josephine likes this.
__________________
iroc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 04:32 PM   #18
 
NetG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 20,104
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine View Post
Most of my guy friends are gay or my cousins, but I also have a lot of straight ones. One of my closest friends is a straight guy, and he's also the person I probably trust most in the world.

That said, I was actually just telling him the other day, "You know, you're the only straight male that I consider a good friend that never says anything inappropriate or suggestive and makes me uncomfortable." (And I'm not saying I'm any Scarlett Johaanson.)

So...I believe that.
Of course, a lot of us think (and hope) he is VERY attracted to you, and respects who you are as a person, thus the good behavior.


I agree with most of what has been said - one person being attracted to the other doesn't keep them from being friends. I've had guys I was friends with and attracted to and nothing happened at all. I've had guys who were attracted to me and I wasn't interested in them, and nothing happened and we stayed friends. And then there are the guys who I was friends with over the fact they liked one of my friends....
Josephine likes this.
__________________
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!
NetG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 05:05 PM   #19
 
Fifi.G's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 7,299
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by iroc View Post
I think most male-female relationships have the ability to become romantic. At some point during the friendship, at least one (if not both)of the individuals will most likely develop an attraction, or 'feelings' for the other person. It may be for a short time, it may be long.

There are a lot of questionable situations. There's alcohol involved, one of you just broke up with your significant other, there was a death in the family, you're locked in a bathroom and its a zombie apocalypse. I don't know, anything can happen.


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I997 using CurlTalk App
And on the other hand you can be in those situations and still restrain. I can not even begin to count the number of times I spent alone with the guy I had a mutual attraction for. He is an incredibly good man who would never cheat on anyone. We were drunk and half naked together every other night, but both of us knew that we would put our friendship in danger, based on our personalities and interactions with each other.

My buddy and I had a different relationship. We did have a drunken mishap (let me add kinda/sorta. i had made up my mind that I wanted to go there), but evolved from that, and had sober encounters as well. He eventually married my first cousin, and very close friend, and fathered 3 of my adorable second cousins. She is aware of our 'trysts' which took place because we cared for/trusted each other (loved but not in love) and we have never had an awkward moment. He was the second guy I was with, and I do not regret it.

There are many different situations, but men and women can push past them, and remain close.
__________________
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??


Last edited by Fifi.G; 12-05-2012 at 05:21 PM.
Fifi.G is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2012, 05:54 PM   #20
 
Fifi.G's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 7,299
Default

I personally could never say that men and women can not be friends because after close to 40 years on this earth, many good and invaluable guy friend (with different attraction or no attraction variables) and only one real 'buddy'... I know that's not the case.
curlypearl likes this.
__________________
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Fifi.G is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Trending Topics[-]hide

Thread Tools
Display Modes



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:50 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com