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-   -   Would you date...? Would you marry...? (http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/non-hair-discussion/153068-would-you-date-would-you-marry.html)

spiderlashes5000 12-19-2012 11:42 AM

Would you date...? Would you marry...?
 
A person who was living in the US illegally, if you were a legal US citizen?

Not a slam on any particular country or on undocumented immigrants in general.

Limiting it to the US bc I know have an understanding of the laws (e.g., if you get married, they may be able to apply for citizenship, depending on the circumstances of the expired visa...if there ever was one, etc. And if the marriage is deemed fraudulent, the person can be deported. And if children are born, they are citizens, et., etc.

redcelticcurls 12-19-2012 11:43 AM

Unless it was life or death, no.

Curlyminx 12-19-2012 11:50 AM

If I was in love, yes.

Just to help with citizenship? No.

spiderlashes5000 12-19-2012 11:55 AM

Oops, I should have clarified: you have genuine romantic feelings for this person. Not trying to "help" the person.

The New Black 12-19-2012 12:01 PM

Nope.

moodydove 12-19-2012 12:04 PM

Yea.

Lotsawaves 12-19-2012 12:08 PM

If he was here illegally....no. No matter my feelings about him romantically, I don't think I would trust him. That's just me.

Sigi 12-19-2012 12:14 PM

In my early 20s I fell for a person who had immigration issues. He was a Russian who had left the USSR, and was denied residency here. He had lived here for quite a few years though, I guess, through appeals. But at some point the govt put it's foot down and said no more appeals, it's time for you to go back to your country of origin. I went there and lived with him and his family for 3 months. But in the end, the long distance relationship just didn't work out for us.

He was very upfront about his immigration problems. I think he honestly did care about/love me, but I do wonder if he was trying to snag a green card. There was a proposal, but I felt it was genuine at the time. :oops:

23 year old Sigi = gullible

:error:

spiderlashes5000 12-19-2012 12:20 PM

:love3:

^^ "Say you, say me, say it for always, that's the way it should be.."

Springcurl 12-19-2012 12:27 PM

My daughter did. He was brought here when he was 7 by his parents and they overstayed their visa and never left. She met him in middle school and started dating him in 9th grade and they got married just after she got out of college.

When they went to immigration last year so he could apply for a green card she said it was just like the movies and kind of scary. She had pictures of them from their sophomore formal, junior and senior prom and the woman looked at them and then said, "That's a nice story." But she said it like it was a story, not the truth.
He said he was a bartender and she asked him his date of birth and a bunch of stuff then out of nowhere said, "what's in a Manhattan?"

But they were approved and now he has a green card.

They married for love, obv.

Josephine 12-19-2012 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 (Post 2088847)
A person who was living in the US illegally, if you were a legal US citizen?

Not a slam on any particular country or on undocumented immigrants in general.

Limiting it to the US bc I know have an understanding of the laws (e.g., if you get married, they may be able to apply for citizenship, depending on the circumstances of the expired visa...if there ever was one, etc. And if the marriage is deemed fraudulent, the person can be deported. And if children are born, they are citizens, et., etc.

Yes I have, both. Really not an issue to me except that most likely it would be no because usually when you dont have your papers you have a sucky job and that's not going to cut it for me anymore. Obviously once you get married you can start filing right away and at least get the work visa(at least that's how it was back around 99).

NetG 12-19-2012 12:31 PM

Theoretically, no.

Could it happen in a situation somehow? Possibly. Because I deal with technology and import/export laws constantly I'm less likely to even want to date someone who isn't a US citizen because it means I wouldn't ever be able to have work out around that person and be a pain to deal with. But, for example, I knew a Canadian citizen who was a physicist working here, and was very attracted to him. I'm not sure why we didn't date, but I definitely didn't think of not wanting to date him because he was foreign in that time and situation. With all the various immigration laws something easily could have happened to make his presence here no longer legal, and if we'd already been dating I suspect I would have kept dating him.


In high school I knew a guy who found out our senior year he wasn't actually in the US legally. His parents hadn't explained expired visas or whatever their situation was to him before that, and he was turning 18. His then girlfriend was 18 and they were definitely in love, and she offered to marry him. I believe he was able to gain legal status and stick around, and don't know if they ended up married eventually or not.

spiderlashes5000 12-19-2012 02:06 PM

Would it matter if the person's staus was such that even after you married him/her, the person would never get a green card or citizenship?

Josephine 12-19-2012 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 (Post 2088944)
Would it matter if the person's staus was such that even after you married him/her, the person would never get a green card or citizenship?


Well of course, that doesn't make sense. No one wants to stay here illegaly? You're at risk. Why would anyone not want to??

spiderlashes5000 12-19-2012 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Josephine (Post 2088951)
Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 (Post 2088944)
Would it matter if the person's staus was such that even after you married him/her, the person would never get a green card or citizenship?


Well of course, that doesn't make sense. No one wants to stay here illegaly? You're at risk. Why would anyone not want to??

Not that they don't want to get a green card...but they will never be permitted to get one.

jeepcurlygurl 12-19-2012 02:19 PM

It would depend on the issues behind it. I know people who are here illegally AFTER they have been here legally (problems with work visas, etc, that were not of their doing). This I might be able to live with as long as they are trying to right that wrong.

But in general I guess I would have less of a problem with someone who did porn (as discussed in another thread) than with someone here illegally who has no intention of becoming a citizen or legal member of society here.

OBB 12-19-2012 02:25 PM

so jeepy would you marry me if i was here illegally and doing porn?

Amneris 12-19-2012 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 (Post 2088944)
Would it matter if the person's staus was such that even after you married him/her, the person would never get a green card or citizenship?


To your original question, absolutely yes I would if I loved the person and who they were and was certain they weren't using me for citizenship. People are illegal for many reasons. Some, like springcurl's son in law, are brought by their parents and have little control. Others are fleeing for their lives or fleeing extreme poverty. If someone could come from those circumstances and become a person I'd be interested in with the appropriate attributes/credentials etc. they would be a remarkable and interesting person. Some of my ancestors were illegal immigrants - I don't like how immigration is restricted and illegals are stigmatized today when we look at the facts of how the new world was built.

If they would never get citizenship, I am not sure I would marry them, because this would leave our family life at constant threat of disruption if they could be deported or denied certain rights. I would not want to have children in such circumstances and I would not get married without knowing children were an option.

Lotsawaves 12-19-2012 02:29 PM

OBB, I took it as you could do porn, but you would have to be here legally.

Josephine 12-19-2012 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 (Post 2088954)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Josephine (Post 2088951)
Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 (Post 2088944)
Would it matter if the person's staus was such that even after you married him/her, the person would never get a green card or citizenship?


Well of course, that doesn't make sense. No one wants to stay here illegaly? You're at risk. Why would anyone not want to??

Not that they don't want to get a green card...but they will never be permitted to get one.

I am not that familiar with the laws but in the U.S. why would one not be able to after marriage unless they are a criminal and not allowed to stay? In that case, no it would be very hard. You are always worrying about deportation on some level and hiding. I guess you'd have to be mad crazy in love and be willing to move out of country if the love was that strong. I never say never..(looking at my situation now lol).


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