Narnia

Your SO maintaining a friendship with an ex, and seeing them occasionally (occasionally as in two or three times a year)?

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wild~hair

Yes, and it's not hypothetical. SO gets together with one of his exes every few months or so. They're friends now, so, yeah. That's what friends do.

Fifi.G

I always try to trust someone I date, unless they give me a reason not to, so... yes. I would be okay with that. I have dated guys who were good friends with ex girlfriends, and I became friends with them as well.

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PerriP

Yes. I currently work down the hall from my ex. We see each other all the time and are good friends. His wife also works down the hall.
Even when we didn't work near one another we'd see each other now and then. I can't imagine a time when that would not be the case. And if I expect a SO to be okay with that I would need to be okay with him having the same type of relationship with an ex.

All of that being said it would depend on how things were handled. If there was sneaky stuff going on that is a different thing

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The New Black

It depends on how secure I felt with the SO.

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dia99

Yes, if the past is truly the past in terms of romantic feelings on both parts, which I'd have to trust my partner to be honest about. If feelings were still there for either of them, no.

I am much less likely to remain friends with someone I dated, but would be very likely to remain friends with my husband if we divorced - we've been together for 17 years and have a daughter. Any new person would need to be okay with that. And, if I were getting a divorce I would have exhausted all hope of reconciliation (counseling, prayer, planning, etc.) so feelings would not be important - it's ovah :-)!

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jeepcurlygurl

I would be (and am) fine with it. My boyfriend is still close with the mother of his oldest son. She visits, they go to dinner, etc.

I'm friends with various exes. Some I see rarely, others more often. I'm going to a concert with one of them next week.
I always tell my current boyfriend the situation and they have to choose how they deal with it.

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spiderlashes5000

I'm friends w/ several of my exes. When I'm in a relationship, I will curtail the amount of face-to-face time I spend w/ them but I don't cut them off completely. I expect my SO to respect that and I would respect his likewise (if I believedhis intentions were honorable).

To me, the issue is why they are spending time together and what they are doing.

One of my exes, for example, is the biggest video game junkie. So a few weeks ago, I decided to buy a video game system for my kids for Christmas and I enisted the help of this exbf. He hooked up all four of his game systems so I could compare and he went w/ me to Best Buy to help me pick out all the stuff I would need.

To me, that was totally innocent and anyone who would object to that has a problem.

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Narnia

Thanks ladies, ugh, why can't my ex date one of you lot?
His new girlfriend is getting all up in his face about our friendship. I haven't seen him since they started dating (mainly because he was deployed) but we spoke, and when he was here he had mentioned to her that he would be seeing me for coffee and she flipped out. I told him lets not do it until she can get a grip, and now that he's back for Xmas, and getting posted in another city for the next two years, he "snuck off" to coffee with me last night. She won't meet me, and according to my ex, she doesn't trust women since her last BF cheated. Whatever.
I'm just frustrated. I support their relationship, give him advice, etc, yet if she ever met me she would be a total B to me.

I'm over it, I was just wondering if I was being unreasonable by thinking him and I could maintain a friendship.

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The New Black

It really depends on the people involved. Some people can remain friends with exes, some can't - and shouldn't. If he "snuck" off to meet with anyone, especially an ex, I'd be livid!

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No MAS.

I am the new Black.

"HIV is a complex mother. Trust me I've written multiple papers and even a rap song about it." Murrcat aka Turtles

"Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.

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Narnia

She would be.
That's for him to evaluate I guess.

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"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

spiderlashes5000

True. But be aware that by sneaking off and telling you (especially if he laughed or joked or complained) your exbf is guilty of treating the current gf rather disrespectfully and compromising the intimate bond they are supposed to share WITH YOU.

Be careful.

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The New Black

Sneaking is usually a telltale sign of cheating, maybe that's not the case here. But yeah she'd be right to be mad if she found out.

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No MAS.

I am the new Black.

"HIV is a complex mother. Trust me I've written multiple papers and even a rap song about it." Murrcat aka Turtles

"Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Kimshi4242

spiderlashes5000

It's definitely laying the groundwork for cheating IF either you or this guy has any residual feelings left. (Not all cheating is physical.)

Not trying to insult you but just waving a little flag in the distance.

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Narnia

Oh, I see it believe me. It would never be between him and I, but I know he is capable as our relationship ended based on his infidelity.
Last time he was here, like I said, he said she would be mad and therefore wouldn't see me. Yesterday he texted and asked if I'd like to go for coffee, and I responded "wow, permission was granted finally! Definitely, sounds good." assuming that he was "allowed". It wasn't until an hour into the conversation that yes, she would be mad, but it was important to him to see me before he moved away.

I know he has feelings for me still, not necessarily in that intimate/relationship way, but that he cares about me and my well-being. I was his first serious relationship, and the first girl that he ever loved, and right or wrong, we went through a lot together (good old military life!) and we have a strong bond.
I am incredibly supportive of his relationship and would love to meet her. I was disappointed to find out that he didn't tell her he was meeting with me beforehand, and also to find out that if we met, she would not be nice to me or happy to meet me.

All that said, he is moving away and I won't see him again, so the point is moot now. I am just a touch bothered that she would be like that.

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Narnia

Agreed. And this happened with us - he had a friend who is female, and they had never dated. He denied talking to her at all and then I found out that they skyped multiple times when he was deployed in Afghanistan. He insisted that it was innocent, but my point always was that I would be fine with it if he had told me from the beginning when I asked, but because he lied to me I assumed there was something to hide. I always told him "those with nothing to hide, hide nothing."

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"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

roseannadana

I would not be ok with my husband sneaking off to have lunch with his ex, and I wouldn't like him getting relationship advice from her either.

If things are above board, that's ok.

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Narnia

No I wasn't asking if it was okay to sneak off and see your ex. I already know the answer to that

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"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

PartyHair

So this guy cheated on you and you want to be his friend? And somehow you're annoyed with his current girlfriend? When you know firsthand he's a cheater? You can't see her point of view on this and be empathetic to her?

I personally would go out of my way to not see this guy.

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dee-nature

If your not gonna be comfy with seeing him occasionally you should prob not be friends.

In his GF point of view i would be bothered thats just me. If she dont like it and he continues to sneak behind her back it shows lack on regard for her feelings and thats wrong. u shouldn't be a part of that.

I must say hanging out with my ex reminded me of why i fell for him and we started dating again. We broke up cus he cheated (dont judge me) we were high school sweethearts and he has expressed for 8 yrs his remorse for what he did. But he was my first love and we were bestfriends. When i decided to forgive and be friends we saw each other on a regular (a little less than often and a little more than occasionally ).

If u wanna be strictly friends make sure all feelings are put to the side one both ends.

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