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Old 12-27-2012, 11:35 AM   #21
 
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In LadyV's situation, I would want to know if helping out family in a manner that puts our potential combined finances at risk is a future risk, or if this was an isolated incident that the person would not repeat. When a need is imminent, it's a struggle to have conversations about why someone shouldn't "help" a family member or friend in ways that can have potential long-term detriment. Often, emotions make it hard to have financial/business conversations.

So I'd be more interested in joint loans, credit cards, business ventures, etc., than in the current credit score. And, I'd want to do some behavioral interviewing (tell me about a time when a family member or close friend needed something important and you were asked to help. How did that impact the relationship? Would you do anything differently in a similar situation today?). I would try not to make it feel like a job interview, but marriage is work , just with more emotional and physical benefits than the average career. I absolutely think there should be financial benefits as well, and I write this as the greater earner in my marriage.

Finances are just one part of an equation, so I won't say it would be a deal breaker, but poor money management would definitely be very difficult to overlook.
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Old 12-27-2012, 12:14 PM   #22
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in Viet culture its expected that we help family members out so having bad credit can be the norm for some. in my family unless a particular member abuses our generosity we all reciprocate.
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Old 12-27-2012, 12:55 PM   #23
 
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If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.
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Old 12-27-2012, 01:14 PM   #24
 
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If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.
Me, too! Mine is a result of hefty medical bills and being unemployed during that time, too. I couldn't make payments because I wasn't working because I was sick...it was a vicious cycle that I'm trying to dig myself out of now that I'm employed, but it seems like quicksand...

murrcat: Unfortunately, I've seen this happen too much with students and their parents. It's not common, but it does happen.
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This area is under construction as my hair type changed and nothing works well for me. I shampoo, I condition and pretty much have done nothing but chuck my hair in a messy bun for the past oh...year? Yeah, I'm that lazy.

No...going no-poo or CG does not work for me. It leaves me overconditioned and oily in a second no matter what I use, so that's not what's not working.
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Old 12-27-2012, 01:32 PM   #25
 
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If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.
um no....

i have good credit, own my house and paid down a whack of debt this year and i'm STILL single!

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Old 12-27-2012, 01:45 PM   #26
 
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If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.
um no....

i have good credit, own my house and paid down a whack of debt this year and i'm STILL single!

rou, why you gotta ruin my dreams like that?!
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This area is under construction as my hair type changed and nothing works well for me. I shampoo, I condition and pretty much have done nothing but chuck my hair in a messy bun for the past oh...year? Yeah, I'm that lazy.

No...going no-poo or CG does not work for me. It leaves me overconditioned and oily in a second no matter what I use, so that's not what's not working.
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Old 12-27-2012, 01:48 PM   #27
 
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If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.
um no....

i have good credit, own my house and paid down a whack of debt this year and i'm STILL single!

rou, why you gotta ruin my dreams like that?!
Yeah. I need to be able to place the blame somewhere!

It couldn't possibly be me.
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Old 12-27-2012, 02:01 PM   #28
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If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.

what are you saying Minx? that you helped your family members out and they messed up your credit? or that you abused your family's generosity? or that you have a secret Viet family?
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Old 12-27-2012, 02:05 PM   #29
 
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If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.

what are you saying Minx? that you helped your family members out and they messed up your credit? or that you abused your family's generosity? or that you have a secret Viet family?
OBB, My response is an answer to the thread name of: Is bad credit a dealbreaker?

If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.




No. I ruined my credit being a poor financial planner. For being irresponsible. My family benefitted nothing from my bad credit. And I unfortunately don't have a Viet family.

And yes. I'm sure I have abused my family's generosity at least once (I'm ashamed to admit).
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Old 12-27-2012, 02:09 PM   #30
 
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It is not a deal breaker for me. I have great credit but my boyfriend has NO credit. Has never had a credit card, pays cash for most everything, has owned his property since right out of high school, has a couple small loans for business vehicles and equipment and that's it. If he were to check his credit I'm sure it would be horrendous. I couldn't care less.

If a guy asked me what my credit score was, THAT would be a dealbreaker. : )
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Old 12-27-2012, 02:13 PM   #31
 
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If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.

what are you saying Minx? that you helped your family members out and they messed up your credit? or that you abused your family's generosity? or that you have a secret Viet family?
My name is Sunshine, not Minx. And who blabbed all my secrets to you?!
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This area is under construction as my hair type changed and nothing works well for me. I shampoo, I condition and pretty much have done nothing but chuck my hair in a messy bun for the past oh...year? Yeah, I'm that lazy.

No...going no-poo or CG does not work for me. It leaves me overconditioned and oily in a second no matter what I use, so that's not what's not working.
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Old 12-27-2012, 02:17 PM   #32
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If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.

what are you saying Minx? that you helped your family members out and they messed up your credit? or that you abused your family's generosity? or that you have a secret Viet family?
OBB, My response is an answer to the thread name of: Is bad credit a dealbreaker?

If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.




No. I ruined my credit being a poor financial planner. For being irresponsible. My family benefitted nothing from my bad credit. And I unfortunately don't have a Viet family.

And yes. I'm sure I have abused my family's generosity at least once (I'm ashamed to admit).

i was wondering why you wanted to show me your credit report when we met for lunch several years ago? like you i have abused my family's generosity in the past and also had my credit ruined when helping family members. its the pitfalls/benefits of having a close family. i learn from it go on and having a Viet family is not all its cracked up to be.
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Old 12-27-2012, 03:37 PM   #33
 
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It would only be a dealbreaker if they weren't doing anything to fix their credit status. Personally, I can't be with someone who doesn't have their financial stuff together and isn't actively doing anything about it. Finances are important in any serious long-term relationship. Your partner's financial stress becomes your stress. The limitations set by this are some of the biggest points of conflict for many couples.
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Old 12-27-2012, 03:53 PM   #34
 
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what are you saying Minx? that you helped your family members out and they messed up your credit? or that you abused your family's generosity? or that you have a secret Viet family?
OBB, My response is an answer to the thread name of: Is bad credit a dealbreaker?

If it is, that might explain my forever alone status.




No. I ruined my credit being a poor financial planner. For being irresponsible. My family benefitted nothing from my bad credit. And I unfortunately don't have a Viet family.

And yes. I'm sure I have abused my family's generosity at least once (I'm ashamed to admit).

i was wondering why you wanted to show me your credit report when we met for lunch several years ago? like you i have abused my family's generosity in the past and also had my credit ruined when helping family members. its the pitfalls/benefits of having a close family. i learn from it go on and having a Viet family is not all its cracked up to be.
What?!? That isn't how you make new friends????? I base all friends on their creditworthiness.

They better not even expect me to do the same though. You'd get some serious stink eye.

All kidding aside though, I have fixed it but when the going got rough, I was willing to sacrifice my credit score to continue living.
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Old 12-27-2012, 09:02 PM   #35
 
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I don't care at all about credit score, due to the many different possibilities, some of which were explained here. I do very much care about financial responsibility, though, whether that was born into someone or a hard lesson learned for them. Optimism when it comes to money isn't appealing to me. "Oh, it'll happen somehow..." "Oh, it'll all take care of itself..."
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Old 12-27-2012, 09:12 PM   #36
 
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I really couldn't marry someone with chronically bad credit. Almost everybody has one rough patch in their life where their bills don't get paid and their credit slips. That's not a problem. What is a problem, however, is someone with credit in the 500s that has never paid a bill in their life. Another deal breaker for me is bankruptcy for anything except medical bills. Bankruptcy for credit card debt makes me stabby. Foreclosure would be a case-by-case basis.

I guess I know too much about how credit works and doesn't work to feel much sympathy for people who get in over their heads and make me, as a consumer, pay for their mistakes. I also know that people rarely get in that much trouble with credit cards and then never have trouble again.

I care much less about how much money someone makes than how they manage the money they do have. There really isn't as much of a correlation as you might think between salary and credit score. I refuse to have my credit messed up by someone who has no self control and I'm not going to pay off someone's debts that they acquired before we met.
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Old 12-28-2012, 11:25 AM   #37
 
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I really couldn't marry someone with chronically bad credit. Almost everybody has one rough patch in their life where their bills don't get paid and their credit slips. That's not a problem. What is a problem, however, is someone with credit in the 500s that has never paid a bill in their life. Another deal breaker for me is bankruptcy for anything except medical bills. Bankruptcy for credit card debt makes me stabby. Foreclosure would be a case-by-case basis.

I guess I know too much about how credit works and doesn't work to feel much sympathy for people who get in over their heads and make me, as a consumer, pay for their mistakes. I also know that people rarely get in that much trouble with credit cards and then never have trouble again.

I care much less about how much money someone makes than how they manage the money they do have. There really isn't as much of a correlation as you might think between salary and credit score. I refuse to have my credit messed up by someone who has no self control and I'm not going to pay off someone's debts that they acquired before we met.
I agree except I had an ex go bankrupt because of his ex. He was livid of course. So I didn't hold that against him. He's very timely and good with money in general.
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Old 12-28-2012, 12:27 PM   #38
 
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With the economy, people losing their jobs & homes, I'm sure there are many, many with low credit scores. To me it would depend on why. Some people are irresponsible and that would be a dealbreaker for me.
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Lots of people are struggling to make ends meet from losing their jobs or not getting a good job (or a job at all) after graduation. I don't think i would just use a blanket bad credit = no dating. It would depend on why. And honestly that to me is a convo for when you've decided that the person is a potential partner and by then you'll have already assessed their financial responsibility without asking about credit.
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Old 12-29-2012, 07:28 AM   #39
 
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Bad credit I can work with...you can raise your credit score. But IRS tax problems...THAT is a deal breaker.
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Old 12-29-2012, 08:22 AM   #40
 
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I agree that this issue is relevant when considering whether to marry or cohabit and share finances and a life, but I'm not sure it's relevant on a first date.

I also agree that it's not so much the score as the circumstances that matter. I think there needs to be discussion as to what was going on. Credit or money problems after a rough patch or due to temporary setbacks that could lead to future success (like going back to school) are, as others have pointed out, different from chronic problems based on irresponsibility, shopping addictions, inability to say no to others, etc.

Also, money issues are important because they can show differences in values that can have serious effects on someone's life. For example, OBB has said that in his family, it is expected that he help extended family members even if it has negative effects upon his credit. Some people might tolerate this because it is the same in their family. Others might find this completely unacceptable. Or you could have two people battling over whose family to help more. But it seems so tacky to come out on a first date and ask someone about their credit rating - no different than asking how much they make. There are questions to ask that can find out the relevant information without being so gauche.

Ladyv, in your situation, since this was a long time ago and you have learned from the experience and have not repeated it, I would think a reasonable person would not hold this against having a relationship with you and if they do, you don't need them.
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