| luvmylocs |
12-30-2012 07:19 PM |
falling in love...
i'm falling in love with a guy. i haven't told him. it's still early, sort of. we met in may of last year and dated a few months but it never got really serious. i didn't think he was ready for what i was so i backed away and we ended up being friends, real friends over the course of the year plus that followed us sort of dating. i was always attracted to him and enjoyed talking to him and respected him a lot. we had lots of things in common. we'd keep in touch periodically via email, text or an occasional phone conversation. i was in a relationship and told him so. he also dated and became more ready for commitment but i don't think things really took off with anyone. he never stepped out of bounds with me and i really wanted my relationship to work so i didn't jeopardize it in any way. my relationship didn't work out. after over a year it was obviously lacking in emotional and physical intimacy. when my relationship ended i told the friend and he asked me to lunch that weekend. i went and we've been seeing each other ever since and communicating daily.
everything feels so good!! i really like being around him and the chemistry is fantastic. we can talk, laugh, play and also have more serious discussions (often times that he initiates). we're on the same page about many things. i wrote in my journal the other day all the reasons that are not physical that i like him because i didn't want to be driven by that just because it was so lacking in my previous relationship. i'm clear in my mind that it's not just physical, for him either, i asked. we actually haven't gone there yet but it's so nice to be in his arms and the kissing is so nice!!
i'm a little scared. this feels like what it's supposed to be like, a mature, healthy, adult relationship. i feel like i want to be with him more than anything else in the world. in a way it's not like anything i've ever experienced, perhaps because we're both feeling so connected at the same time. many times i like a guy and he's lukewarm on me or vice versa, we just can't get the feelings together at the same time. i don't want something bad to happen with us. i really think i'm falling or already in love with him. we both agree that our relationship, marathon, not a sprint and honestly i don't feel anxious. i feel calm about him but super excited when he's on his way over or we talk or are going out on a date or just hanging out. i told myself that i would do and say what i feel with him and not censor myself out of fear of what could go wrong. so far so good. he's very verbal and expressive with me too. he's divorced (a few years) no kids. he's also a few years older than me. he knows i want to marry and have a child and he is open to marriage again and a child so we'll see. i'm trying not to worry about all the what ifs and just enjoy the ride.
this year isn't ending at all like i thought it might but i can honestly say i'm SO happy and it feels so nice to be into someone passionately and to have those feelings reciprocated. i really hope 2013 is my year for love and more.
i guess that's it ;) i just wanted to share what's going on with my curlfriends.
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