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Old 01-01-2013, 09:45 PM   #1
 
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Default What to bring for someone in mourning

My friend's dad passed away very suddenly today. The funeral is on Thursday but I'm going to be out of town and I want to stop by tomorrow and bring her something or just drop by and give my condolences. She's 17 and has lived only with her dad for many years and she was very close with him; I grew up going to synagogue and hebrew school with her and he was a pretty constant presence. My friend things I should hold off on actually seeing her but I still want to drop by and give her something. Suggestions?
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Old 01-01-2013, 11:58 PM   #2
 
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I'm sorry for your friend's loss. That's so tragic to lose one's father so young.

You could bring her some prepared food. ready to serve, or heat and serve. Even if she's not eating well, it will give her at least something easy to eat if she's able. It will also provide something visitors can eat, since she'll no doubt have many people stopping by.

Otherwise, I think your presence is enough.
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Old 01-02-2013, 12:18 AM   #3
 
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How terrible. I am sorry for your friends loss as well.

Food always helps, though you really don't eat much for a day or two. To be honest, the things I found most helpful after my dad passed were trash bags, paper towels, toilet paper, etc. I only had to go to the grocery store one time, in a week and a half, thanks to the food & items like this.
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Old 01-02-2013, 01:07 AM   #4
 
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I agree on prepared food. If you met her in Hebrew school I would guess there will be a funeral in the next two days - and that means a lot of people will be coming by. One of the biggest things someone did for us when my grandma passed away was get trays of prepared food for us so there was something for visitors to eat, because none of us would have thought much about that with everything going on.

Of course, try not to do what they did and buy ham and cheese sandwiches if there will be many folks who may keep kosher around...
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:08 AM   #5
 
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I agree with the others. Food. There was nothing more frustrating than having to feed people while preparing for my mother's funeral.

A card

I also like the idea of essentials for the home.

Essentials for her, all the things you need on a daily basis, perhaps with a note about how important it is for her to remember to also take care of herself

Really, anything. Just showing up really helps. I was very grateful to the people who reached out to me, especially those I hadn't been close to recently.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:35 AM   #6
 
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Flowers.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:39 AM   #7
 
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I agree with all of the above. You may also want to bring her a basket of some pamper items; candles, bath products, fragrant sprays, a book, etc.

Such a tragic thing to happen, especially this time of year. She will be in my thoughts and prayers. You're a good friend to want to be there for her. I'm sure she will greatly appreciate that.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:47 AM   #8
 
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Does she have a mother? Will other adults be moving in to help her out? Or will she be moving out of the house to go live somewhere else?

How awful!

I would probably give a few gift cards to supermarkets, etc. if I could afford it. And I would try to bring her her favorite meal and something to comfort her...stuffed animal, religious item, maybe a pic of the two of you together to show you'll be there for her thru this.
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:08 PM   #9
 
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Will the family be sitting shiva? If so bring some food or if you bake, then some baked goods.

I also like the idea of getting her something just for herself. If you think she would appreciate it, then a journal to write her thoughts. If she enjoys reading, then a few books. Or some enjoyable movies, which you could buy at a movie stop for inexpensive & wrap up with some pop corn, etc.
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Old 01-02-2013, 11:39 PM   #10
 
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The mother lives in the same city but they're not close. She does have some half siblings that live not too far away. Thankfully her father was very wealthy and paying for all of this, plus college for the next four years, is not an issue, but I don't know what they're going to do until she turns 18.

I mixed up the day of the funeral; it's going to be Friday, not Thursday, and I have to miss the actual funeral because we're coming back from a family trip but we're planning to go to her house, which will be open for a condolence meal. I'll probably bring her some sort of bath set.
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