Must....rant.....NOW

sinistral55 · 01-08-2013, 11:00 AM

Last night, during my daughter's counseling appointment, she happily announced out of the blue that her dad told her that it's "her job to make sure he takes his medicine every day!"

I'm not sure if anybody here remembers the history behind my husband and his refusal to take care of his type 2 diabetes. After years and years of frustration on my part, it had gotten to the point where he wouldn't even tell me ANYTHING pertaining to his health.

His enabling sister was the next target until SHE saw and experienced his outright refusal to take care of himself....so now she has backed off. Which says a LOT--for her.

I...am...so....livid....

That he would put our child into this position.

He has ALWAYS held silent resentment towards me for not holding his hand, taking over every single aspect of his health care from calling his insurance to arrange things, to physically going to HIS job to turn in his requests for PTO time for his appointments, to literally taking time from MY job to GO TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE AND BE THE fkkn PATIENT INSTEAD OF HIM

He has collapsed from high blood sugars several times...a couple of times in her presence. The ambulance had to be called and she was very VERY VERY upset. He has also had a heart attack that he kept secret from me.

I can't even type straight, I'm so pissed off.....

I'm so afraid that if something serious happens to him that she will blame herself. I REFUSE!!!!

I haven't even stopped to wonder if it's just an innocent "can you remind me sometimes" sort of thing because I.KNOW.HIM.

I SEE WTF YOU'RE DOING!!!!!!!!!!!! I SEE IT!!!!!!!!

claudine19 · 01-08-2013, 11:54 AM

Wow.

Really manipulative of him.

The New Black · 01-08-2013, 12:31 PM

Sounds like my husband.

sinistral55 · 01-08-2013, 12:32 PM

Yes, very, and I plan on saying something to him if I can calm down.

I just wrote her counselor a history of this issue, since we have never gotten into details. I spoke to her one-on-one at the first appointment and outlined his and my health issues. But she doesn't know the past history re: him and this diabetes thing.

It's just a few paragraghs describing of much of what I've described here on the board in the past. The counseling sessions are pretty laid back, but my daughter is VERY astute and I'm never sure of what to say or not say in front of her, although last night I indicated to the counselor that I was concerned (while F was distracted with a toy). So that's why I wrote it down....just so she can know.

The thing I've never understood is how, when we were still married, how he used to be resentful of my attempts to assist with the whole health issue (to the point where I'd back off).......yet it bothered him greatly if I DIDN'T attempt to assist.

The more I think about it all, the more upset I get. I do not appreciate this at all. AT.ALL.

goldencurly · 01-08-2013, 01:07 PM

He is cut from the same cloth as my x. I am so sorry.

You need to have a talk with your daughter about her father. You do not have to tell her he is awful. But you do need to tell her that her father is an adult and he is responsible for his own medication and he should not have asked her to get involved. You can explain that sometimes adults don't want to be responsible for themselves because it's easier to pawn it off on someone/anyone else but that is not the right thing to do.

My x did this to my daughter when she was 6 but it was his antidepressant meds. Grrrrrr. I talked with my shrink about it and this is how he told me to handle it.

(((HUGS)))

SunshineGrrl · 01-10-2013, 04:16 PM

Wow. Just wow. I just...I...can't...whoa.

That is beyond ridiculous. If he needs a reminder, have him get a watch that allows for multiple alarms so he can take his meds. Hell, phones allow for multiple alarms. If that is beyond his capability, can't they just put him on the pump? That will at least alleviate the high blood sugar problems, then he'd only have to deal with low blood sugar episodes.

Why would any parent tell their kid it's their (the kids) responsibility to be the adult because they (the parent) can't be an adult and take on the adult responsibility of taking his own meds on time? The things people do to kids and wonder why we have a jacked up society?

^^Not referring specifically to this situation with the last sentence. Just a small personal rant of my own.

sinistral55 · 01-11-2013, 09:29 AM

We don't have much phone access during the day, so I just sent him email simply asking if he said it. He claims complete ignorance. I don't buy it.

I have no idea how to proceed about this situation but it WILL be addressed during her appt next week.

ETA:

First response was "I have no idea what either of you are talking about."

Next response "I just told her to remind me to take my medicine but that was a month ago and I never said it was 'her job"."

Again, typical--I KNOW him. Aside from the initial question, I haven't responded....just sitting back while he continues to explain.

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NetG · 01-12-2013, 07:51 AM

I'm glad she has you to be an adult for her, at least.

It is VERY tiring to have a parent who doesn't want to act as a parent and asks you to take on adult responsibilities when it's inappropriate to do so.