"In a Relationship" with somebody you have never met in person...

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I have mixed emotions on this. It worries me as well, and fOr myself, it's a giant NO! My best friend has different feelings about it. He does a hefty amount of on line chatting. This is how he met the guy he is currently involved with. They have been talking, non stop, for a few months now. It moved from on line, to text and telephone calls. Until a few weeks ago, they had never met in person. They have spent 2 days around each other, and at this point they are in a relationship and both are "in love". This makes me nervous. The guy lives 6 hours away. As many know, 'long distance' has it's own set of issues.

I can however understand that they have built a mental connection first. This guy does seem to be who he says he is, so far. What the future holds, we shall see. I have tried to keep an open mind and remain supportive YET honest.

I think there are many dangers in establishing a relationship, and the L word, with someone you have spent no time (or 48 hours) face to face with.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Interesting timing for this thread: Manti Te'o hoax: Do you believe he is a victim? [poll] - latimes.com

Manti Te'o hoax: Do you believe he is a victim?
Originally Posted by The New Black
I guess so, he was lied to but why is this news? I don't understand why we need to know about this at all?? People get tricked/duped sometimes. It sucks but what's the point of announcing it to the world?
Originally Posted by Josephine
I'm under the impression there's a good chance that he wasn't actually tricked but was part of the hoax in order to get publicity?
Originally Posted by Who Me?
Okay, so just making sure, this is for publicity - whether he's in on it or not. It's just annoying that this stuff makes news. I know it does when other famous pointless people do so(paris hilton, kim k, etc) but was surprised an athlete is trying to get fame this way.

I read an article on it and this is the funniest reply ever
"This is kind of like when Jan Brady dated George Glass on the Brady Bunch"

LOL
LAwoman likes this.
there's the chemistry issue You can be perfect in every way, but no attraction. Sometimes you feel attraction, until you kiss and there's nothing . Chemistry isn't predicable.

Compatible physical affection needs are very important. I don't' mean just sex, I mean cuddling, touching in general, kissing, hugging, etc. Some people like a lot, some people don't. If you're too different, you're going to drive each other crazy, or miserable. Since people tend to be more affectionate a the beginning of a relationship, it's kinda hard to predict if it's going to be right down the road after the hormones calm down. I think it would be too easy to get emotionally attached before you know some very vital things.
wild~hair likes this.
I agree (w/ Fifi...forgot to quote). One or two mtgs does not a relationship make. You have to learn the person. The real person. Not just the "persona" they are spoonfeeding you in emails. There is so much you miss when you don't spend face time w/ someone on a regular basis in a variety of settings.
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My boyfriend and I started dating before we met in person, a friend introduced us. We did Skype a lot and he visited me 2-3 months in to our relationship, then I visited him for a month about 6 months in. We've been together for almost a year and a half and I live with him now and am happier than ever. I do believe you can get to know someone if you really talk to them. However, this sounds like she's jumping the gun a bit. I became friends with my boyfriend before either of us said anything about liking one another. It was important to me, I feel that it helps a lot in my opinion versus just looking to date. If that makes sense?

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My dear sister is in one of these. I just roll my eyes. She's not very good at picking partners honestly.
I agree (w/ Fifi...forgot to quote). One or two mtgs does not a relationship make. You have to learn the person. The real person. Not just the "persona" they are spoonfeeding you in emails. There is so much you miss when you don't spend face time w/ someone on a regular basis in a variety of settings.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Absolutely. Spending time face to face is so very important. Not just what a person says, but how they say it, is important. You have to see them to fully be able to read them.

I worry that the physical interaction will be lacking, and thats not just "gettin' physical". lol. Though that is a part of relationships.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Interesting timing for this thread: Manti Te'o hoax: Do you believe he is a victim? [poll] - latimes.com

Manti Te'o hoax: Do you believe he is a victim?
Originally Posted by The New Black
I guess so, he was lied to but why is this news? I don't understand why we need to know about this at all?? People get tricked/duped sometimes. It sucks but what's the point of announcing it to the world?
Originally Posted by Josephine
In the age of the Internet and 24-hour news channels, the definition of news has changed quite a bit.

I honestly don't really understand the details, the more I read. I just looked at another article about the matter but couldn't finish it. I wouldn't be totally surprised to hear Manti Te'o is in on the hoax. But it is a lame way to get your 15 minutes.
Josephine likes this.
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Interesting timing for this thread: Manti Te'o hoax: Do you believe he is a victim? [poll] - latimes.com

Manti Te'o hoax: Do you believe he is a victim?
Originally Posted by The New Black
I guess so, he was lied to but why is this news? I don't understand why we need to know about this at all?? People get tricked/duped sometimes. It sucks but what's the point of announcing it to the world?
Originally Posted by Josephine
I'm under the impression there's a good chance that he wasn't actually tricked but was part of the hoax in order to get publicity?
Originally Posted by Who Me?
It's not just for 15 minutes of fame in this case, though, if Manti is involved. It is for publicity which was part of his campaign for the Heisman - more name recognition, etc., and more chance to make millions straight out of college. It's gone from a joke hoax to attempting to manipulate emotions to get millions out of it. Heck, it was that even if he was deceived, which I doubt given how contradictory stories were... and I think his parents were in on it, too. His father gave too many statements as if he had met this girl when he really didn't to think he was oblivious to it all.
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Funny photo my former manager put in fb(he went to Alabama)

"In a Relationship" with somebody you have never met in person...-imageuploadedbycurltalk1358455213.670492.jpg
The New Black likes this.
It doesn't sound like your friend even really WANTS a "real" in-person relationship so for the level of attention/commitment she's looking for, this is "real" enough for her.

There are people (immature, insecure people) who thrive the drama of meeting someone new, dating long-distance, "falling in love," dramatic "break ups" - but they don't really want to sustain a REAL relationship. They even like the version of themselves they get to present to these people who don't really know them. If that's what she's looking for, she's probably found about the best way of doing it. Chances are, she's finding guys who are looking for about the same thing.
Josephine, geeky, maria_i and 2 others like this.
Interesting timing for this thread: Manti Te'o hoax: Do you believe he is a victim? [poll] - latimes.com

Manti Te'o hoax: Do you believe he is a victim?
Originally Posted by The New Black
Ah I was about to start a thread on this subject.

I have to say my answer is no. Now could I be wrong? Absolutely! It's just my gut feeling based on what I've read online.

And even if he was totally 100% "Catfished" as they say, well, he's been caught in some lies anyway. There was an article in the South Bend Tribune from 2009 where they describe in GREAT detail his "fairytale" meeting with the chic supposedly after a ND/Stanford game, how they "locked eyes, yada yada yada"

And his own FATHER made a statement in the Tribune sometime in 2010/11 that the 2 would sometimes meet up in Hawaii.

But now his official statement is "he never met her in person." Ok dude.
he was a heisman candidate, one of the top 3 and football is big in this country, and the girlfriend dying (supposedly the same day as his grandmother) became a BIG part of his story so if it wasn't true it changes the perception of his as a player going through adversity. if he in anyway had something to do with the hoax/lie then it calls into question his character. i think that's why this is news....
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Last edited by luvmylocs; 01-17-2013 at 05:16 PM.
This story screams Catfish!
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I said to her, "Things might change when you meet" and she said, "They'll get BETTER."

I'm not close friends with her at all...she lives nearby and we have a lot of shared interests, so I guess I could see us becoming better friends, and if one of my close friends was acting like this over a guy on the Internet, I probably WOULD speak-up that it seemed a little weird, but I don't feel it's worth too much energy...for all I know, she's gone through this fifty times in the past year with other guys. Who knows.

Also, she sent me the exact text exchange when he asked her to be his girlfriend. Right after she said yes, she said she was going to make it Facebook official...and I don't even think she was saying it in jest...she did indeed make it Facebook official right away, along with all the gushy posts with his initials.

So, when you think about that part of the story, it sounds like she really wants to make sure EVERYBODY KNOWS SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND!

She's very sweet, but I feel like this would be a lot more understandable if she was younger.
Nothing wrong with a little skeptism because there are a lot of people on the Internet putting out false information and its hard to know who you are really talking to.
There are the obvious safety hazards with meeting up with people online, and although it can be done you have to be smart about it.
Some of my friends are so eager to be in a relationship they have tried online dating. I think sometimes people are a bit too trusting, you can't take every thing at face value right off the bat, and people should be realistic about their online relationships. Falling in love or calling someone your boyfriend when you hardly know them or have never met face to face is unrealistic. There are a lot of vulnerable and dare I say slightly desperate people out there who may be easy to take advantage of due to their open hearts, eagerness and gullibility. Women need to stay alert set the terms and be aware.

I don't think there is anything wrong with meeting people online we do live in a technologically savy world and sometimes it works out. my cousin married someone she met online and it worked out and one of my other friends has been through a divorce because her husband was cheating on her with various women he met on a popular dating site. Like anything it can be good or bad. It can be a great way to meet a variety of different people easily at the click of a mouse or it can be destructive. I don't think you are wrong to be worried about her just remind her to be safe and take proper percautions.
coilynapp likes this.
I didn't even think of this, but I hope she didn't give him money to come here.
I don't have any experience with internet dating, so maybe I'm just out of the loop, but it sounds strange to me. The original story made me think of that girl we all knew, in our 9th grade homeroom, who just had a ten second conversation with her crush, out by her locker. By the end of homeroom, they were married with three kids. Does that make any sense?

I really don't think it's a relationship unless you are seeing each other in person. And by seeing, I think you are spending time together, in public and private (unless you are 13, then it can and should be all in group environments.)

Scams are a concern, too. CIBC, if the opportunity presented itself, I think I would express my concerns, in a gentle, but matter of fact manner. She may not change anything, but it could also be food for thought, just a little seed in the back of her mind.

Honestly, if I was single, I don't think I would be broadcasting my relationship status on FB, unless I was about to be married. It's just too much information. I've noticed that fewer of my single FB friends are sharing that kind of information lately. Maybe because we are in our mid-40s, or maybe because it really is too much information?
The New Black likes this.
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how old is she? i figure she is either young and naive or feels she is so old she will never find anyone and be forever alone.
KurlyKae and The New Black like this.
Sounds like she has a pattern of choosing guys who are long-distance or otherwise unavailable for an actual in-person relationship.
Originally Posted by geeky
This is me. It's so sad!

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