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Old 02-02-2013, 08:30 AM   #1
Boomygrrl's Avatar
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Default Maybe I'm getting too sensitive

I was posting on a feminist facebook page. Apparently now, all FB friends can see when you post, even if it doesn't concern them. Whatever. I guess I'll either gain respect or lose some friends because I'm a feminist. Whatever. I'm tired of being diplomatic sometimes.

Well, my husband told me that my feminist posts concern him because he thinks others will think I am an angry wife and that they will think he is treating me poorly. I said "say what?" I asked for specific, concrete examples in which I stated that he is treating me poorly. He said he could not do so. Because FB friends can see my posts, I am careful about what I say. I don't complain about people in my life, because well...it will bite me in the ass. I did not complain about my husband or any particular person on my posts. Somehow having feminist view points and displaying them in public makes it look like I am an angry wife. I found that condescending to say the least!!!
My husband is a "benign sexist." He seems to want to preserve his male privilege and if women gain rights that at least do not tamper with male privilege, then he's okay with it. He makes remarks from time to time that piss me off. ONe recently-- In order to stop sexual harassment with female astronauts, don't allow female astronauts. WTF!!!
I'm tired of women having to watch how their thoughts or behaviors might effect men in their lives, only be defined by the men in their lives, and sacrifice whatever including career so that men can freely do whatever they want, even if its illegal, unethical, abhorrent. Ugggggh!!

Okay, I digress.

A post from a high school friend, whom I am tempted to un-friend on FB:

"You know, have whatever opinion you want about women in combat roles. But to assume that there would be any violence of any kind because of it towards the women who choose to do so is not only a huge insult, and shows that you have fallen for the "hate the troops" mentality of the left wing media."

Many of his posts are conservative good; liberal bad; main stream media bad; Obama bad; anything remotely liberal bad; Obama is damaging to our country; anyone who voted for Obama is either ignorant or evil."

ANyways, here was my response:
"Many of your posts have such dichotomous thinking. Unfortunately, this one hit a strong nerve with me."

At first, he thought I was angry like him about the media...then he must've reread it and asked how he was being dichotomous here.

Here's what ticks me off about what he posted. No one is assuming that all military is bad and that we should ban it because of violent incidences. WEll, I'm sure some would come to that conclusion. Mainstream thought would not go to that conclusion.
I am insulted becasue there is abuse towards women in the military. Not all men are doing it and not all women are going to be victims. I saw his post as just another set up in his paranoid "I told you so" when the media does report more violence towards women. Rather than looking at the systemic problems in the military or in our society towards women who go outside of the box in their career choices, he will not care about that. He will see this as a liberal attack.

I'm sick of this way of thinking. AM I being too sensitive and over-analyzing?
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Old 02-02-2013, 08:45 AM   #2
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I basically agree with everything in your post, Boomygirl, so no, I don't think you are being too sensitive and over-analyzing.

I remember arguments I had with people (both sexes) who told me I was being too sensitive and over-analyzing when I objected to the use of "he" in all cases, such as referring to any child as "he" when it could easily be "she." I was told "he" clearly was meant to include both sexes. But they never used "she" and meant it to include both sexes.
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:50 AM   #3
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:56 AM   #4
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I haven't un-friended him yet, but I have his posts hidden for now. I just can't take it right now. What I hate about the "hiding post" option is that it sometimes undoes itself. I know his dumb ass posts will eventually make it back to my newsfeed. At least, hopefully, for a little while, I don't have to read his hatred and ignorance.
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Old 02-02-2013, 11:49 AM   #5
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just de-friend. I've started doing that.

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Old 02-02-2013, 03:09 PM   #6
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No but sexism is pretty normal unfortunately. I've learned to not let it bother me so much. But it would most definitely bother me from a bf/so. I'm assuming you've tried to explain things to your husband logically and he is probably just stubborn/stuck in his ways. I guess at this point you just have to accept that if he's not going to change.
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Old 02-08-2013, 01:38 PM   #7
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Wow, sooooo many issues at play in this one vent.

About your FB friend: don't unfriend; he is entitled to his opinion...even if it doesn't match yours. Counter his points when you feel like it but don't take it to heart. Yes, in this case, i think you are being overly sensitive to your friend...but not overly sensitive to societal mistreatment of women.

I wouldn't worry about about your FB friends stalking your participation on feminist sites. Do ppl reallly do that? If they openly judge you for that or challenge your POV, I'm sure you will be able to eloquently "defend" your interest in such sites and POV. And plz tell them to get a life! LOL

Not sure what you're saying to ruffle your husband's feathers.

I realize this is a couple of weeks old and you're probably over it but it was such a good thread starter, I couldn't resist!
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Old 02-08-2013, 03:09 PM   #8
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Facebook has become such a creepy place. So annoying that people see things you post that, like you said, don't concern them. So distressing that we learn things we don't want to know about our "friends" -- like when they have political views that make us sick. The hide button is your friend. If it weren't for that, I would have gone insane long ago.

As for your partner worrying that what you post reflects badly on him..... well, that's a whole other can of worms. I don't know what to do with that one.
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Old 02-08-2013, 03:18 PM   #9
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From the myriad amount of unsettling things you've disclosed about your husband in the past, I have to say his reaction is not at all surprising. I am sorry you are still dealing with that.

As for the FB stuff...eh, people are dumb. I'd just let it go.
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Old 02-23-2013, 04:46 PM   #10
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Thanks for the responses. I apologize for neglecting the thread.
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