I feel like I'll never get married

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yea, I agree you need to put yourself out there, unless you want your boo thang to break into your house and rob you but then fall in love with you. BUT, I disagree that if you want a relationship you can get one, ummm I mean I guess if I want a relationship with someone who's ugly and I don't like. I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
Originally Posted by murrrcat
lmao
kayb and annabananalise like this.
sKorpio in the almost same boat as you. Not to depress u but I am about to be 26 and never no boyfriend,date, or relationship. I have no idea where I went wrong. I finished with my masters August 2012. I am getting things done that I want to do and I'm not thirsty enough to just be dating ANYBODY. Now I'm in a new state and want to socialize and have even joined two meetup groups but every single time an event happens I have no cash flow. I am about ready to join a dating site because I feel like I don't have any options left. My parents aren't saying the if u wanted to make it happen u would bit and like others have posted I don't know if I agree with that philosophy. I am from an old fashioned man chases woman household and I have been chased before (granted high school) but it taught me a lesson: if a man wants you HE will make it happen. Out of the two guys in undergrad I seriously crushed on, I tried being the initiator a bit with one and it seemed ok until I found out he had a GIRLFRIEND. (This all was discovered in a week and we had not moved from phone conversations). And I am about to commit serious pro woman faux pad but I have even managed to lose a little over 50 lbs from 2012-2013 and still boo. So all I can really say is keep on achieving what you want so that you won't look back and see this life you could have had but didn't because you were so worried about marriage, relationships, love etc.
Last relaxer: Nov. 24, 2008
BC: December 19, 2009
Products: Whatever works!
Thanks gagirl. U didn't depress me. I'm actually comforted in knowing I'm not the ONLY person in this situation. I think it's awesome that u got ur masters! I hope I can successfully get my JD. I was actually contacted by one of the schools I applied to yesterday and told that they sent me an offer for a scholarship and grant in the mail. I'm dying to see for how much! So I'm just "riding that wave" of happiness as long as I can and trying not to think about my loneliness for now
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
sKorpio in the almost same boat as you. Not to depress u but I am about to be 26 and never no boyfriend,date, or relationship. I have no idea where I went wrong. I finished with my masters August 2012. I am getting things done that I want to do and I'm not thirsty enough to just be dating ANYBODY. Now I'm in a new state and want to socialize and have even joined two meetup groups but every single time an event happens I have no cash flow. I am about ready to join a dating site because I feel like I don't have any options left. My parents aren't saying the if u wanted to make it happen u would bit and like others have posted I don't know if I agree with that philosophy. I am from an old fashioned man chases woman household and I have been chased before (granted high school) but it taught me a lesson: if a man wants you HE will make it happen. Out of the two guys in undergrad I seriously crushed on, I tried being the initiator a bit with one and it seemed ok until I found out he had a GIRLFRIEND. (This all was discovered in a week and we had not moved from phone conversations). And I am about to commit serious pro woman faux pad but I have even managed to lose a little over 50 lbs from 2012-2013 and still boo. So all I can really say is keep on achieving what you want so that you won't look back and see this life you could have had but didn't because you were so worried about marriage, relationships, love etc.
Originally Posted by gagirl09
I am an old fashioned girl in this regard too, but 'making it happen' doesn't just mean being the initiator. It's fine to want a guy to take the lead, but you have to put yourself in situations where you meet men, and then you have to be approachable.

Why not try online dating? It's how I met my husband, and it'a very popular way to meet people. I put up my ad and only respond to guys who wrote to me first - I made it happen by putting myself out there.
If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
Jenny-
I've thought of that. I'm just nervous u know? I wish my self esteem was higher cuz I think that's my biggest issue, or one of them anyway lol. I might do that , but first I need to know where I'm going to school. I'm waiting to hear back from one school regarding a scholarship, so maybe after that I can take the plunge. As long as it doesn't impede on my studies.
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
I am an old fashioned girl in this regard too, but 'making it happen' doesn't just mean being the initiator. It's fine to want a guy to take the lead, but you have to put yourself in situations where you meet men, and then you have to be approachable.
Originally Posted by Jenny C
Exactly! It's one thing to not want to be chasing guys. It's another to just sit there quietly and expect guys to walk up to you out of the blue and ask you out (not that I'm saying anyone here is expecting that, but some people do). You gotta think that any guy you think is worth being in a relationship with probably has other girls that think the same way. And no offense to anyone here, but you're not the hottest thing on earth. The world doesn't stop and admire your hotness and want to be near you. There are a LOT of attractive women in this world. You need to be friendly. And interesting. It's not chasing a guy to say hello, and ask him how he's liking that book he's reading. Or to be engaged in a mutual activity together, where he realizes how attractive it is that you're having a ton of fun, and laughing, and how you keep making interesting observations to the group.

Some other thoughts: I think that anyone who says "you can have a relationship if you want one" is completely true--but you don't want ANY relationship. You want the right relationship. And that's not something you can just go out and get because you want it.

HOWEVER...you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. You should go out on dates with anyone. Everyone. Get to know people. That guy you think is too goofy, too short, not educated enough, kinda dull, has a weird sense of humor, not quite hot enough for you, etc.? That's superficial. Give him a chance and get to know him. It's not "settling" because the guy is only 5'8" and balding and didn't finish college, if he turns out to be the most wonderful man you've ever met and the best sex you've ever had and an amazing partner. It is "settling", however, if you are with the guy even though he doesn't make you feel amazing, even if he's 6'3", hot, and a millionaire.
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
I concur w/ a lot of the above. "Get dressed and get in the way!" or "You gotta be in it to win it!"

Personally, I would not give every guy a chance; I have certain standards I won't compromise...and yes, they include height and other "superficialiaties" others might scoff at LOL. But I do believe in stretching one's comfort zone a little. And in prayer...but that's just me.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I don't believe in the whole don't be superficial I'm not gonna force myself I date someone who's not sexually attractive to me. I've tried before I was repulsed lol.
That being said, I'm not saying they need to be perfect, everyone has flaws. Even the sexy guy in my class has horrible dress style but that's okay he can be naked....LOL
Who Me?, Saria, thelio and 2 others like this.
I turned 27 never having had a proper boyfriend. I was starting to think it would never happen. Ten days after my birthday, I received an email through an online dating site I was signed up to. One month and one day after my 27th birthday, I was out on a date. Nearly two years later, Im in a serious relationship with the same man and we are planning a future together.

Im not saying this to make you feel worse - quite the opposite. I want to show you that things can happen out of the blue and they can happen to you. I have no doubts youll find a wonderful man.
Yes, my tail is naturally curly.
No, it was NOT me who cried 'wee wee wee wee wee' all the way home.
I don't believe in the whole don't be superficial I'm not gonna force myself I date someone who's not sexually attractive to me. I've tried before I was repulsed lol.
Originally Posted by murrrcat
Are you saying you've never known someone and didn't think of them sexually at first, but then got to know them and thought they were super hot?

I mean, I'm not saying you should date men you find physically repulsive! I'm just saying that you should give a guy a chance even if he doesn't make you forget what you were doing the first time he walks by.

It's like if you're at a bar and there's a bunch of totally average guys there. You're totally not into any of them. And then the band goes on stage, and one of those "totally average" looks guys is the lead singer. And the band's really good. And all of a sudden that guy goes from just average wouldn't-look-twice to "man he's sexy". I mean, isn't that why boys start bands in high school in the first place?! To get girls who see them as "whatever" to think they're sexy?!
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
I turned 27 never having had a proper boyfriend. I was starting to think it would never happen. Ten days after my birthday, I received an email through an online dating site I was signed up to. One month and one day after my 27th birthday, I was out on a date. Nearly two years later, Im in a serious relationship with the same man and we are planning a future together.

Im not saying this to make you feel worse - quite the opposite. I want to show you that things can happen out of the blue and they can happen to you. I have no doubts youll find a wonderful man.
Originally Posted by Piglet
Thanks piglet. This does make me feel better. Maybe there is hope for me. Things do happen for a reason (at least I hope!) lately things have been going fairly well for me (such as being offered aid for law school), so I'm hoping that luck spreads to other areas of my life too. I'm glad it worked out for u
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
skoropio...I've noticed you keep mentioning law school in this thread, which is about you and dating. Is it possible you keep sublimating your interest in dating under your studies IRL?

Or maybe I am reading too much into it.

(Not saying men should be your priority over your schoolwork! But that rather than address the topic of men head on, you keep mentally switching gears back onto something else that is more comfortable to deal with?)
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

skoropio...I've noticed you keep mentioning law school in this thread, which is about you and dating. Is it possible you keep sublimating your interest in dating under your studies IRL?

Or maybe I am reading too much into it.

(Not saying men should be your priority over your schoolwork! But that rather than address the topic of men head on, you keep mentally switching gears back onto something else that is more comfortable to deal with?)
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
No. It just happens to be the only thing going on in my life right now.
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
^^^Ok but YOU are going on in your life, too!
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Lol. I'm trying!
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
I don't believe in the whole don't be superficial I'm not gonna force myself I date someone who's not sexually attractive to me. I've tried before I was repulsed lol.
Originally Posted by murrrcat
Are you saying you've never known someone and didn't think of them sexually at first, but then got to know them and thought they were super hot?

I mean, I'm not saying you should date men you find physically repulsive! I'm just saying that you should give a guy a chance even if he doesn't make you forget what you were doing the first time he walks by.

It's like if you're at a bar and there's a bunch of totally average guys there. You're totally not into any of them. And then the band goes on stage, and one of those "totally average" looks guys is the lead singer. And the band's really good. And all of a sudden that guy goes from just average wouldn't-look-twice to "man he's sexy". I mean, isn't that why boys start bands in high school in the first place?! To get girls who see them as "whatever" to think they're sexy?!
Originally Posted by Who Me?


No. My ex monster, was hot, but he was .....SHORT. 5'7.5 OMG (not even 5'8!) we were literally almost the same exact height like twins! Still hot, so I actually gave him a shot because, someone said to me, but he's an awesome person (which he was) I was like omg he's tom cruise short, I'm katie holmes! .....He's still hot...but now a jerk.....jerk chicken. I think my katie holmes hawtness over powered his, and bruised his tom cruise ego. Oh well.

The other guy was just meh, I gave him a shot too, realllllly sweet but after a make out sesh I was like barrrff no go away, I can't fake this attraction that isn't there. That was back when I was like meh about life.

I do get what you're saying but not really because I usually find someone hot and then their personality just makes it better.

I don't even see average men though, I just see ugly and hawt. My life is black and white.



Back when I was just like meh let me be one with the world so I went on a date with the meh guy and ended up meeting the hot guy right before my date with the meh guy. And I was actually texting the hot one during my date with the meh one because I'm just an awful person and rude but that comes with being hot.

So moral of the story is, put yourself outside. Maybe you should just go on a date with some subhuman male too just to get your feet wet.
I'm with u on this murrrcat. If there's no sexual attraction whatsoever, I can't date someone. I mean if you are average looking and we really click, then u will start looking better in my eyes. However, if there's nothing about u at all that I find attractive, then we can't date. My friend used to do what she called "pity dates" and regretted it every time. Call it what u want, but that's how I feel. I need to like SOMETHING about u. U don't have to be a model, but ok looking is fine with me as long as ur mind intrigues me eventually he would become more attractive in my eyes
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity

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