I feel like I'll never get married

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Does anyone else feel this way? Let me explain what I mean exactly. I have never had a bf, and I'm going to start graduate school this year, so it's not like I'm a kid in high school. I never get asked out on dates. Period. So I have no idea what that's like. Guys dont talk to me in general. It's gotten to the point where I honestly just don't think I will ever have anyone, yet alone get married and have a family. My mother always tells me "if u REALLY wanted a bf u could have one. U just don't want it" and that always pisses me off. I hate feeling this way, but as time goes by I have lost all hope at this point. I'm starting to become bitter as well which really bothers me because I don't want to be that type of person. When I see all my ex- friends with their significant others and moving on with their lives I feel like I am the same old lonely, depressed girl who's only activity in life is school. At this point I don't even have friends. Now that everyone has a S.O they are moving on and don't bother talking to me anymore. Sigh. Now I just assume that I will always be alone and depressed and end up just living with a bunch of pets (not to be cliche but just cuz I love animals)
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
Don't fret. It's not your fault males are mostly ugly and undesirable

I find it a lot more common now for women to be in their twenties without having dated anyone. So, you're not alone there. When I was in high school I used to worry about this, but sure enough I eventually met guys I liked. Don't stress. At least not till you're older and can see nothing but an endless sea of ugly.
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Eh...I'm kinda with your mom on this one. If you really wanted to date, you'd make it happen. Use some dating sites, tell your friends you want to meet people, be brave and flirt a little. You'll get some dates. I can't guarantee you'll find a relationship or get married, but you really can put yourself out there more and meet eligible men if you want to.
I agree to a point that you are reason that partially the reason that you are single only because it sounds like you are a bit frustrated and discouraged with not having someone in your life. There is a vibe that that is going to unconsciously give off and its a man repellant. So is desperation. So don't worry about it. I know that's easier said than done but I'm speaking with experience. I was single for a long time and most friends were moving on husbands and starting families. I started focusing on my life and what I wanted to do and started to get out and enjoy myself single and all. After some time while I was content being single, my husband began to pursue me. And I wasn't interested at first because I was tired of not finding Mr right and didn't want to be bothered. So it took a while but I finally caved and went out with him and we were married less than a year later. So it can happen. And all this happened in my 30's. So its not too late. Just figure out what you want out of life, better yourself (which sounds easy for you since your completing your education) and focus on yourself. You'll be surprised how a new confident attitude will change how you appear to people. Hope this helps!
Don't fret. It's not your fault males are mostly ugly and undesirable

I find it a lot more common now for women to be in their twenties without having dated anyone. So, you're not alone there. When I was in high school I used to worry about this, but sure enough I eventually met guys I liked. Don't stress. At least not till you're older and can see nothing but an endless sea of ugly.
Originally Posted by Saria
Lol!
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
I agree to a point that you are reason that partially the reason that you are single only because it sounds like you are a bit frustrated and discouraged with not having someone in your life. There is a vibe that that is going to unconsciously give off and its a man repellant. So is desperation. So don't worry about it. I know that's easier said than done but I'm speaking with experience. I was single for a long time and most friends were moving on husbands and starting families. I started focusing on my life and what I wanted to do and started to get out and enjoy myself single and all. After some time while I was content being single, my husband began to pursue me. And I wasn't interested at first because I was tired of not finding Mr right and didn't want to be bothered. So it took a while but I finally caved and went out with him and we were married less than a year later. So it can happen. And all this happened in my 30's. So its not too late. Just figure out what you want out of life, better yourself (which sounds easy for you since your completing your education) and focus on yourself. You'll be surprised how a new confident attitude will change how you appear to people. Hope this helps!
Originally Posted by newseason
Thank u newseason
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
You're pretty young to worry about that but I wonder if you are not going to social events or being social when you go. That is why you wouldn't get asked out.

Rarely I feel that I also won't ever get married but generally I've never felt that way.
Don't get bitter and start internalizing the fact you're a late bloomer into a pity party. Please stay positive. I have two gfs who never had bfs until after they graduated college, and now both are married w/ kids.
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Don't get bitter and start internalizing the fact you're a late bloomer into a pity party. Please stay positive. I have two gfs who never had bfs until after they graduated college, and now both are married w/ kids.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Thank u spiderlashes I'm trying my best not to be. It just gets hard sometimes u know? Like I keep asking myself what don't I have that everyone else does? Aside a bf lol u know what I mean
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I think a lot of young women seem to think that men should just be approaching them out of the blue and and asking to take them to dinner. And that's just really not how it works.

First, I'd suggest forgetting about finding a boyfriend, and start by finding a social life. This doesn't have to be drastic. You could start out by just talking to people in your classes more. Ask them out for coffee to discuss the class or share notes or study. Maybe turn that into some kind of study group. Or you could join some kind of school-related activity or group. But don't JUST join--join and then try to start a conversation. Ask people about themselves. And again, try to move the relationship outside of the initial setting. Go out for coffee, or a drink. The best way to make friends is to HAVE friends. Then you can meet their friends. And do social things together.

And this is basically the same way you can meet men. You put yourself in social situations where you are both enjoying yourself alone, and actively interested in getting to know other people.
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
Don't get bitter and start internalizing the fact you're a late bloomer into a pity party. Please stay positive. I have two gfs who never had bfs until after they graduated college, and now both are married w/ kids.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Thank u spiderlashes I'm trying my best not to be. It just gets hard sometimes u know? Like I keep asking myself what don't I have that everyone else does? Aside a bf lol u know what I mean
Originally Posted by sKorpio1190
But let me just qualify that by saying, no one is promised marriage. Some ppl experience marriage, others don't and some other experience it multiple times. There is no guarantee. And I know plenty of lovely, attractive women who have never been married and who really want to be.

But some women expeience certain challenges in their dating and social lives and turn really bitter and defeatist over it. And that is a HUGE turn off when they meet new men. Baggage!

Just try to be the best person you can be. And if it's meant for you to get married one day, the guy will find you...or you will find him or whatever your beliefs on that would dictate.

eta - and until then, use this time wisely to educate yourself, start your career, travel or whatever so you are not still trying to sow your oats once the husband and kids happen.
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Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 02-19-2013 at 09:47 AM.
I agree with a lot of previous posters. To an extent, I do think that if you wanted to be in a relationship, you'd make it happen. However, since you also said that you don't have any friends right now period,I'm concerned that you may be subconciously thinking that a man will fill some void in your life. That is the absolute WRONG reason to enter into a relationship. No one person can fulfill every emotional or social need and it's unfair as well as unhealthy to place that kind of burden on someone. Instead of focusing on getting a man right now, focus on expanding your social circle. See if there are any clubs or activities you may be interested in and join (school newspaper, sorority, chess club, whatever). Once there, speak to whomever is there and ask them about themselves, what classes they are taking, what books they like to read, etc. Extend invites to them to join you for lunch, coffee, movies, etc. If someone turns you down, move on to the next person. Expanding your social circle will ensure that you won't be dependent on just one person to fulfill your needs and will ultimately make you more dynamic and interesting when you do meet men.

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ITA with what has already been posted. I just want to stress the importance of getting involved in something you like, putting yourself out there to be noticed, making friends, and not thinking something is wrong with you. Try not to get discouraged and take baby steps if you need to.
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Thanks everyone
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My two cents include:

1. I do not agree with the "if you want a relationship you will make it happen." The whole world knows I want to date, problem is there is no one around me that I find interesting or attractive. There is also no one around me that is single. It's not that easy "to make something happen" so I most certainly do not agree with that position.

2. Grad school is a new experience and you will meet a ton of new persons. If you are an introvert, or even not, you will find yourself working closely with a bunch of new people. This is a great way to get to know people better as you spend many late nights together studying.

3. Maybe study/try some place new (even by yourself) once a week. Always walk with a book. It can be a conversation starter and you still get work done. Getting out there is no guarantee that something will happen and you will find someone but getting out of our comfort zones helps us meet new people and is a good way of finding out what we like and what we don't like. It cannot hurt.

Good luck, S.
I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
"

Last edited by kayb; 02-19-2013 at 07:40 PM.
yea, I agree you need to put yourself out there, unless you want your boo thang to break into your house and rob you but then fall in love with you. BUT, I disagree that if you want a relationship you can get one, ummm I mean I guess if I want a relationship with someone who's ugly and I don't like. I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
multicultcurly, SCG, Saria and 5 others like this.
yea, I agree you need to put yourself out there, unless you want your boo thang to break into your house and rob you but then fall in love with you. BUT, I disagree that if you want a relationship you can get one, ummm I mean I guess if I want a relationship with someone who's ugly and I don't like. I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
Originally Posted by murrrcat
Or to re-use this awesome pic that cailin posted:

I feel like I'll never get married-imageuploadedbycurltalk1361329965.486985.jpg

It's like when we had that thread about male prostitutes and women were posting they could just get it for free. Uh, I don't care if it is free, I don't want it and you'd have to pay me to hit what's available.
yea, I agree you need to put yourself out there, unless you want your boo thang to break into your house and rob you but then fall in love with you. BUT, I disagree that if you want a relationship you can get one, ummm I mean I guess if I want a relationship with someone who's ugly and I don't like. I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
Originally Posted by murrrcat
Lmao

+1 I concur.

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yea, I agree you need to put yourself out there, unless you want your boo thang to break into your house and rob you but then fall in love with you. BUT, I disagree that if you want a relationship you can get one, ummm I mean I guess if I want a relationship with someone who's ugly and I don't like. I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
Originally Posted by murrrcat

Some of this just needs to go in my signature.


As soon as I figure out how to edit my signature.
I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
"
My two cents include:

1. I do not agree with the "if you want a relationship you will make it happen." The whole world knows I want to date, problem is there is no one around me that I find interesting or attractive. There is also no one around me that is single. It's not that easy "to make something happen" so I most certainly do not agree with that position.

2. Grad school is a new experience and you will meet a ton of new persons. If you are an introvert, or even not, you will find yourself working closely with a bunch of new people. This is a great way to get to know people better as you spend many late nights together studying.

3. Maybe study/try some place new (even by yourself) once a week. Always walk with a book. It can be a conversation starter and you still get work done. Getting out there is no guarantee that something will happen and you will find someone but getting out of our comfort zones helps us meet new people and is a good way of finding out what we like and what we don't like. It cannot hurt.

Good luck, S.
Originally Posted by kayb
Thanks Kayb! I'm gad to see that not everyone agrees with my mother's statement. She does not understand where I am coming from at ALL. I mean, she's been with my father for over 30 years already! I too hope I'll meet people in law school, or at least be too stressed to care lol

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