Why did you get married?

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IF you are or have been married of course. It's not as simple as just being in love for a lot of people. Personally I was not in love. I thought it was crazy to base an eternal institution on a temporary feeling. I thought my husband was a good guy and he'd be good to me, so I'd be "safe." Well, we see how that worked out.
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Because I had a plan for my life where having a family of my own was a necessity, and I believed I needed to be married to do that. So I specifically set out to find a certain kind of partner by a certain time. And when I met my husband, I knew that he was the right person because we shared values and that same aspiration of a family and a home. And I also loved him and was attracted to him and he likewise for me. I saw a future for us that would allow us to be happy and meet our spiritual goals together. It definitely wasn't as simple as being in love. You do need to be in love, but there had better be more than just that.
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Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











We got married for tax advantages, health insurance, and to legitimize our offspring. I wouldn't have bothered with marriage otherwise. Our love and committment to each other is unaffected by a piece of paper from the state.
Because of love. I felt he wasn't just the person I could live with but the person I didn't want to live without.

We were together almost 8 years before we exchanged vows. We've been together 14 years now.
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Originally Posted by Poodlehead
Ah, it all makes sense now. Goldy is the puppet master!
I was madly in love, and I had a need to somehow possess my husband. The former was nice; the latter, kinda nuts.

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Speckla
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1. Love
2. Love
3. Love
4. Trust, love, love, wanting to be completely with him for the rest of my life. Being married is also a spiritual commitment to me. It is a symbol of joining together with someone heart, body, and soul. The license is just a piece of paper but taking our vows in front of family and friends is the outward show of commitment.
5. Love
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Last edited by Speckla; 02-24-2013 at 09:28 AM.
Love, love, love! As cheesy as it sounds, it's true.




I'm a pretty indecisive person about everything, but on my wedding day that wasn't even an ounce of "Am I doing the right thing?" or nervousness. I felt more calm than ever and just pure happiness.




Byron,GA> Charleston, SC> Jacksonville, FL> Guilford, CT> Rohnert Park, CA! A southern drawl in sunny Cali! .
The amount of time from slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is exactly one bananosecond.
I do have a secret yen for pink in unexpected places. ~ninja dog
I've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 8 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.
I dated my husband, then-boyfriend, for 7ish years. We were in love, committed to each other, and had similar life goals. We discussed kids and wanted to try to have a family. Neither of us were up for bucking the social norms more than we already had (dated long distance for-freakin-ever, bought a house, "lived together", etc), especially when it came to bringing children into the mix, so we went for it. No regrets.

Last edited by Like.Australia; 02-24-2013 at 12:15 PM.
I was pregnant and he had just joined the military. For us to all be together we had to be married. It just made the most sense to us. Sure we were in love but the benefits of being married in the military were the main reason. I'm sure we would have waited if I wasn't pregnant. People always like to say "It's not because we're pregnant. We life each other and want to be together." Well we were just being practical.
High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

Honestly.... family pressure and a sense of obligation. I almost backed out at the last minute and I often wish I had, but then I don't think we would have stayed together long enough to generate my daughter.

I am getting married again because we are partners and because we are unhappy when we are apart and for love. I said no to him for 2 years and I'm glad I did. I think our relationship and each of us individually grew as a result. We are not married yet for practical reasons but I'm not in a hurry. The plan is for next June.
So we can legally meddle in each others business.
M2LR, spring1onu, xcptnl and 3 others like this.
I'm going to revise my answer.

I did it all for the nookie.
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Byron,GA> Charleston, SC> Jacksonville, FL> Guilford, CT> Rohnert Park, CA! A southern drawl in sunny Cali! .
The amount of time from slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is exactly one bananosecond.
I do have a secret yen for pink in unexpected places. ~ninja dog
I've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 8 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.
For love. And I really like the partnership of marriage and/or living together as a committed couple. I've had 2 husbands (married for 10 years each) and a 3rd live in fiance (also for 10 years).

I've been lucky to know so many great guys in my lifetime. My current boyfriend is really great and I love him to death. We would get married if we didn't have such different life styles.
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Last edited by jeepcurlygurl; 02-24-2013 at 06:52 PM.
Speckla
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I'm going to revise my answer.

I did it all for the nookie.
Originally Posted by spring1onu
You just settled because I was already taken.
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I loved him and felt we had similar goals and values. And I knew he wanted to marry me. So I was thinking about it...

But then I found out I was pregnant and I stopped thinking. LOL Just said OK and hoped for the best.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I've been thinking about this. I think marriage has two broad components.

There's the more traditional part of marriage, where it is business arrangement / joining of two families / creation of a new family / religious and/or cultural requirement. Under that model, you more systematically choose someone based on their lifestyle, values, wealth, life goals, cultural and religious identity or beliefs or non-beliefs if applicable, and other such factors.

Then there's the more modern, romantic part of marriage where you are looking for a sexual partner / friend / companionship. Under that model, "love" is supreme and you look for someone you are attracted to who is funny, sweet, a good conversationalist, good lover, etc.

You ideally need both. If the first takes priority and is all you focus on, then over time, you won't feel fulfilled or will feel you "settled" or will stray. But if the second takes priority and is all you focus on, then you may become discontent or stressed or have friction over various issues (money, family, religion/culture, or whatever.) And at different times in life, one set of factors may take priority over the other and the balance will change.

But I think sometimes people focus on only one model. And I think the first model exclusively can work if both partners understand and commit to that, but not if they don't or that changes, and the second almost certainly won't work forever unless there is some of the first as well. This society currently is in my opinion too focussed on the second model.
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Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











Because i love my husband with all of my heart and know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. 💓
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Because we were in the military and if we didn't get married, we wouldn't get assignments together. Also, he's my best friend. Our 19th anniversary is in September.
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I love him and we wanted to have children together.I knew he'd be an awesome father and husband, and turns out I was right!
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Why did you get married?

thats a damn good question

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