Parents having a "favourite" child

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My brother has always been clearly my mom's favorite, but I was clearly my dad's favorite. Personality wise, that just makes total sense.

My dad died years ago, and my mom and I are close, but my brother's still her favorite. She thinks I'm really weird. Like REALLY weird. However, even though I'm not the favorite, she clearly thinks I'm "better than" my brother, if that makes sense? I have a good job, make good money, my boyfriend is a nice guy, when I have people over I offer them drinks and places to sit. My brother fights constantly with his wife, barely makes enough money to get by, his wife is rude and standoffish, and they are missing basic social skills like offering guests a drink (even a glass of water) or a place to sit or to take their coat.
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
I, too, love my children differently and can easily name traits in both that I like more and less. I have an easier child and a more difficult child, too, but the difficult child has some really extraordinarily positive traits that offset the troublesome ones.

I have asked myself you know, if we were in a burning building and coud only save one, etc., and I really, honestly could not answer the question.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
This is exactly how I feel about my kids, too.

As for when I was growing up, I never perceived that my parents acted like they had a favorite. However, my sisters claim that I've always been the favorite. I was definitely the easiest child of the three of us, but I didn't think my parents gave me any preferential treatment.
^^^Oh yeah, i forgot about that part, cosmicfly; I firmly believe my mother favors my daughter over my son as the favorite grandchild.

It pisses me off and maybe I will say something. or maybe not...bc it could bite me in the butt.
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I'm sure I've already told this story on NC.com, but I will share it again.

One time in college, I was chatting with my boyfriend's mom, and she volunteered this to me, "Sometimes Michael is my favorite because he is my oldest. Sometimes Tommy is my favorite, because he is my youngest. Sometimes Katie is my favorite because she's my only daughter. But Christopher? Christopher can take care of himself."

Christopher was my boyfriend. And I will NEVER understand that.

My kids are so similar and so dissimilar and so sweet and so make-me-crazy and so funny and so maddening, and each in their own way. They each need more from me in different ways and at different times, and sometimes in the same ways and the same times.
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^^^Oh yeah, i forgot about that part, cosmicfly; I firmly believe my mother favors my daughter over my son as the favorite grandchild.

It pisses me off and maybe I will say something. or maybe not...bc it could bite me in the butt.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
She also favors him over my brother's 2 boys, which I find odd, especially since my brother's oldest boy is a lot like my brother and Max is like, well, me. I have a theory though, that Max was born less than a year after my brother got married and 5 months before my brother's first child was born, so Max was her replacement baby.

My mother is not a bad person but she is bossy and rude and miserable and my daughter is sensitive. When I remind her of this, she flies off the handle. My youngest son reacts to her by ratcheting up his wild behavior but my daughter gets sad and then is really sassy with me (I think because she feels comfortable). I will be relieved when they don't need to spend as much regular time with her. .
Tell me if you think my mom had a favorite because I still can't figure it out.

I'm 10 years older than my sister. When my sister was 17 my mom and I drove her off to college. My sister would turn 18 in college half a month later. As we were driving home, my mom said to me, "I can't believe that Emily's going to be 18 later this month!" (my birthday is 6 days before Emily's.) My mom continued, "Do you know what that means? That means that 18 years ago I became a parent!"


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My brother, sister, and I all have different moms and they are 8 and 10 years older than me so I have to be MY mom's favorite.But I'm my dad's favorite, too. And everyone knows. I'm the only one he raised full-time so we have had so much time together. Him and I have a very close relationship. We always have, even at times when I was acting out. I have been out of the house for 13 years and he still does things like mow my lawn once in a while and help when my car breaks down. We talk and text and go out to breakfast/lunch all the time. It's just not like that with my brother and sister. I feel bad that my brother and sister still struggle with it but we are all adults now and there's not much I can do about it anyway.

I'll admit that my daughter is my favorite. Not that I like spending time with her more, but she is just by far the easier of the two to parent. I know my son feels it and I try really hard not to make it worse. I spend much more quality time with him and try to point out all the things I love about him. He is by far the more affectionate of the two and he's definitely a mama's boy and proud of it.

My son is the favorite grandchild in my mom's family and it's clear to everyone. His nickname with them all is "the cutest". He gets praised more and loved more. Luckily my daughter is extremely easy going and it doesn't bother her at all. In fact she welcomes it as she doesn't like to be the center of attention and just wants to do her own thing.
High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

I wanted to add that my dad really wanted to be around a lot for my brother and sister and tried but my sister's mother moved her to another state so she only spent summers with us and my brother's mother is difficult to say the least. Once my brother had his own car and could sneak over we saw him all the time. Also my dad could've fought harder to spend time with them too. I feel bad for all of that. I wasn't trying to sound like he just loved me more or anything.
High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

I'm my Dads favorite, my brother is my Moms. Not in a negative way at all, we're both really close to the other, just more in common.

I almost always call my Dads phone to chat and he'll put my Mom on, rarely do I call her just to see whats up. I haven't lived at home for over 10 years, but my Dad still tries to give me cash if I'm over there and leaving to meet friends and is always buying stuff for my house

I'm 100% the favorite of my Grandparents. I am the only girl, and oldest of 10 though. We lived with my Grandparents when I was born, then again for about 6 months while my parents were building a house that kept getting pushed back.

My Grandmother used to show dogs and I would travel with her a lot of weekends, and we took a porcelain doll making course togeather. My Grandfather and I are so much alike and I'm the only one that can call him on his crap and he'll just laugh, he tends to get curmudgeonly with the boys
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I have 4 favorites. They're all my favorite, at different times, in different ways.
Springcurl and Saria like this.
One time in college, I was chatting with my boyfriend's mom, and she volunteered this to me, "Sometimes Michael is my favorite because he is my oldest. Sometimes Tommy is my favorite, because he is my youngest. Sometimes Katie is my favorite because she's my only daughter. But Christopher? Christopher can take care of himself."

Christopher was my boyfriend. And I will NEVER understand that.
Originally Posted by Poodlehead
Interesting, I bet this is what my mom would say about me. She's told me before that she never had to worry about me, because I can take care of myself. And that she never worried I was going to be talked into something, or just go along with a group, and get in trouble. If I was going to get in trouble, there's nothing she could do to stop me. This is all according to her!

I think, because she perceived I didn't need her as much, and she perceived she didn't have as much of a role in influencing me, that I wasn't her favorite.
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON

I have asked myself you know, if we were in a burning building and coud only save one, etc., and I really, honestly could not answer the question.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
My only idea would be to grab the one who's closest, I guess. I don't know, I'm not a parent so don't quote me!

But this is interesting. I'm the youngest of 3 girls; my sisters are 15 months apart whereas I'm about 5-6 years younger than them, so it just contributes to the "baby" factor. Also, because of my medical crap I've always been a bit more of a focus to my family. It always made me feel really uncomfortable and guilty, even as a little kid. But I think my parents did a good job at treating us equally an whatnot.

But my oldest sister did once say, "You know, maybe it's a good thing that out of all of us you have CF, because if it was me or Christina mom and dad may have stopped having kids right then and there." Which is kind of sad if I think about it. I'm glad we're ALL here and I know my parents feel the same way.
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I wouldn't say I have a favourite but there are times when I've preferred one over the other, usually related to various behavioural crap they've thrown our way over the years.

For me - my sister was always the favourite as far as I could see. When I met my SO and he got to know the family, he said he could see that she was my mum's favourite but that I was my dad's. I'm not convinced but it would make sense as I'm like my mum and she's like my dad so I guess they like what they like! She was always the pretty one, popular, clever, sociable, everything I'm not so I think it was easy and an obvious kind of thing for her to be the favoured one. As we grew up, she went to college, I didn't, she got married, I didn't, she had children in wedlock, I didn't, then I left to go live on the other side of the world - I haven't made it easy for them to change their minds!
There were times that it bothered me, but only fleetingly, now it doesn't matter to me, we can't help how we feel.
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i only have one child so shes my favorite. but as a child i didnt even had to speculate who was my dad's favorite-my youngest sister. one of the most devastating memories of my childhood was when i was an older teen i confronted my dad and asked him why he treated my younger sister better than he treated me he answered bluntly "because i love her more."

Last edited by OBB; 02-25-2013 at 11:59 PM.
My sister has always been my mom's "favorite," mainly because they're crazy similar personality wise. I think my mom recognized the kind of trouble she got herself into, so she worried about my sister as well. But at the same time, one of her primary goals was to keep my sister out of juvey. So she got praised when she did well, and barely punished when she did wrong. With me as the older, responsible one with more common sense, my mom just expected the best of me. So when I did well, that was the norm. When I didn't do well or did something wrong, it was made into a big deal. My sister was expected to make mistakes. There were things that happened over the years and my entire family, including my mom, jokes (but they're sort of serious) that I'm the "good child." But my sister was still mom's favorite.

As for me, well, I'm pretty sure I'm my daddy's favorite, though he's far less obvious with his favoritism. I definitely have more of his personality. Plus as soon as I was born, I was cuddly. My mom had to stay in the hospital. So my dad held me first, and he had me home alone for a few days in which we had the chance to really bond. So from day one as his first child - a daughter nonetheless - we've been very very close. He spoils both of his girls, though. He just gets along with me a lot more. He rarely yelled at me ever because he had no need to. He often got frustrated with my sister. And now it's my mom and sister at times living under the same roof (I've moved out).

Regardless, it worked out and balanced well enough. I have had times where I've resented my mom favoring my sister, only because it's more obvious. It has been to a point on several occasions where it has affected me pretty directly. My day's favoritism was so subtle, I'm pretty sure my sister just thinks she's both their favorites. I only know it exists because I'm personally familiar with the relationship I have with my dad. My dad never really made decisions based on favoritism. My mother did (and still does). Little things like she calls my sister with news before she calls me, even though she can reach me quicker. It's every single time something happens, without fail. But I've accepted it for what it is now that I'm an adult. As a kid it was rough. But I have vowed to never favor one of my kids over the other...or at least not show it and/or allow myself to make decisions (like who to punish or how hard to punish them) because of it.
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I think I was the favourite because I was less of a challenge than my brother when we were growing up (dyslexia and autism) but I saw my brother as the favourite because of the amount of attention he got from mum and dad. But then now when I talk to or see my parents the first thing they ask is 'how is B?'

They love us both the same though.
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i only have one child so shes my favorite. but as a child i didnt even had to speculate who was my dad's favorite-my youngest sister. one of the most devastating memories of my childhood was when i was an older teen i confronted my dad and asked him why he treated my younger sister better than he treated me he answered bluntly "because i love her more."
Originally Posted by OBB
Awww that's terrible. I guess I always heard that in Asian cultures, the first child was like the big cahoona. And also that boys were favored. But I guess every family is different.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

One time in college, I was chatting with my boyfriend's mom, and she volunteered this to me, "Sometimes Michael is my favorite because he is my oldest. Sometimes Tommy is my favorite, because he is my youngest. Sometimes Katie is my favorite because she's my only daughter. But Christopher? Christopher can take care of himself."

Christopher was my boyfriend. And I will NEVER understand that.
Originally Posted by Poodlehead
Interesting, I bet this is what my mom would say about me. She's told me before that she never had to worry about me, because I can take care of myself. And that she never worried I was going to be talked into something, or just go along with a group, and get in trouble. If I was going to get in trouble, there's nothing she could do to stop me. This is all according to her!

I think, because she perceived I didn't need her as much, and she perceived she didn't have as much of a role in influencing me, that I wasn't her favorite.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
That's what my parents were told by my first grade teacher at their first parent-teacher conference. And it was totally accurate!

As a kid, I thought I was my mom's favorite and that my brother was my dad's favorite. Turns out he thought HE was our mom's favorite and that I was our dad's favorite. In the end, I don't think either one really had a favorite, but that they showed us their love differently. I spent more time with Mom because of horses and he spent more time with Dad because of baseball, but family was always super important so we all spent time together, too.

As an adult, I think it's safe to say I'm the favorite because I'm the one who has real interest in being a participating member of the family, giving gifts appropriate to my current financial ability, helping out others when they need it, etc.
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!
My siblings are my moms favorite. She would never admit it, but it's always been clear to me. Their biological father died, in front of them, when they were toddlers. Who could blame her? I couldn't. It might bother me slightly, from time to time, but I always understood why.

I am/was (still weird to say that) my dads favorite, and his only biological child. He loved my siblings very much, but I was his mini me. I am also the baby so, even though my mom had her favorites, I made all the rules

I am sacred. Haha
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

You also reminded me of a conversation I had with one of my closest friends, 6 years ago. She was pregnant with her 2nd child, 9 years after her first. She told me that she had no idea how she could possibly love another child more than her son. It kind of shocked me at first, but I told her that she would find things to completely and equally love about this baby, too. She did. She loves her daughter just as much. It may be for different reasons at times, but it's equal.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

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