Go Back   CurlTalk > Life > Non-hair discussion

Like Tree16Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-25-2013, 10:26 AM   #1
 
Amneris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 25,108
Default Parents having a "favourite" child

I heard on the radio this morning that a survey of parents showed that the majority with more than one child said one was their favourite.

Of my two, I honestly can't say I have a favourite. I love them both differently and see different qualities in each I admire. My first is more challenging in terms of his behaviour, but it doesn't make me either prefer his brother or to prefer him because he needs more attention, or whatever. But I wonder if the kids will grow up and perceive it differently - that because one gets disciplined more, he is loved less, or something.

Of my parents, I know they always insisted that they have no favourites. I don't think my father does, but deep down I think mama might prefer me even though she would never, ever say it.

What do you guys think? If you have more than one kid, do you have a favourite, and why? If you had one or more siblings, did you feel your parents had a favourite, or did they ever outright say that they did?
__________________
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











Amneris is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 10:32 AM   #2
 
redcelticcurls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,014
Send a message via Yahoo to redcelticcurls
Default

My parents had favorites, though it tended to rotate.

When we were little, my sister tended to be the favorite.

I'm my dad's favorite as I'm just a female version of him.

My brother was the favorite of both of my grandmothers.

My mom would say that it depends on the situation. She will bond differently with her three kids depending on the situation at hand.

Of course, we were all displaced by the grandkids.
murrrcat likes this.
__________________
Kiva! Microfinance works.

Med/Coarse, porous curly.
redcelticcurls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 10:39 AM   #3
SCG
 
SCG's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,109
Default

My parents have never come out and said they had a favorite, but I can tell that both of them "prefer" my sister... And by extension, my little brother gets a bit of preferential treatment, because he is very similar (personality-wise) to my sister. I mean, it makes sense. They're both very nice, considerate and respectful, whereas my older brother and I are sort of obnoxious and headstrong. Also, the two of them have always had annoyingly clean rooms. Strangely enough, I think that was the deciding factor for my mom.
Saria likes this.
__________________

"And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance
But you are not alone in this"

“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” - Tina Fey
SCG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 10:46 AM   #4
 
murrrcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 7,831
Default

my brother because he's accomplished the most with his life, graduated college, played college sports, has a career, makes good money, has a family etc, me and my other brother.....HAHAHHAAHHAH

going by rcc, yea....I think my nephew is everyone's favorite now.
Saria likes this.
__________________

Last edited by murrrcat; 02-25-2013 at 10:52 AM.
murrrcat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 10:47 AM   #5
 
spiderlashes5000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 19,330
Default

I, too, love my children differently and can easily name traits in both that I like more and less. I have an easier child and a more difficult child, too, but the difficult child has some really extraordinarily positive traits that offset the troublesome ones.

I have asked myself you know, if we were in a burning building and coud only save one, etc., and I really, honestly could not answer the question.

Being an only child, myself, I had wondered how that would all play out if I had more than one.

God just blessed me w/ two awesome kids! And I am so grateful.
geeky, Amneris, sarah42 and 1 others like this.
__________________
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

spiderlashes5000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 10:52 AM   #6
 
Amneris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 25,108
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 View Post
I, too, love my children differently and can easily name traits in both that I like more and less. I have an easier child and a more difficult child, too, but the difficult child has some really extraordinarily positive traits that offset the troublesome ones.

I have asked myself you know, if we were in a burning building and coud only save one, etc., and I really, honestly could not answer the question.

Being an only child, myself, I had wondered how that would all play out if I had more than one.

God just blessed me w/ two awesome kids! And I am so grateful.
Yep, I could have written every word of this.

For those who think their own parents had a favourite that wasn't you, does that bother you?
__________________
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











Amneris is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 10:54 AM   #7
 
murrrcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 7,831
Default

for me, now I'm not bothered, my parents lurrve me (too much actually). He was the middle child, and demanded lots of attention when we were little, so the world has always revolved around him, but I'm not one for the spot light.
__________________
murrrcat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 10:58 AM   #8
 
redcelticcurls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,014
Send a message via Yahoo to redcelticcurls
Default

It did when I was little, and more so when no one would admit it. I knew they were lying.

Now, no. I think it's pretty normal to have a favorite and that the favorite can rotate.
__________________
Kiva! Microfinance works.

Med/Coarse, porous curly.
redcelticcurls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 11:07 AM   #9
 
cympreni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 8,026
Default

My parents clearly had a favorite. She could do no wrong in their eyes. She actually did, all the time, but when she did it, it was an "understandable mistake."

With my kids, I love them both, they're both awesome and great kids. But I probably spend more time with my youngest simply because we have more in common, both good and bad. Everyone jokes that he's my little clone. My oldest has more in common with my husband, so it kinda works out.
cympreni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 11:14 AM   #10
 
Saria's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 6,877
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SCG View Post
My parents have never come out and said they had a favorite, but I can tell that both of them "prefer" my sister... And by extension, my little brother gets a bit of preferential treatment, because he is very similar (personality-wise) to my sister. I mean, it makes sense. They're both very nice, considerate and respectful, whereas my older brother and I are sort of obnoxious and headstrong. Also, the two of them have always had annoyingly clean rooms. Strangely enough, I think that was the deciding factor for my mom.
LOL, we really are the same person.
My brother is the even-tempered, obedient, tidy one. I'm stubborn, temperamental, cranky, and generally not willing to just accept whatever my parents wanted as law. I mean, I never got into trouble because I've never been interested in the least in the things that supposedly tempt teenagers, but I was and am difficult nonetheless. I'm also a slob.
On the other hand, I'm way more interesting than my brother!
SCG and Rubber Biscuit like this.
__________________
Saria is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 11:16 AM   #11
 
jeepcurlygurl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 14,678
Default

I'm definitely the favorite of the 3 kids. Middle child, super responsible and grown up at a young age. I stayed here and have helped out my parents all these years, while my sisters moved away (older sister was gone 16 years before coming back, younger sister was gone 25 years and just moved back 2 years ago).
I've always been my Dad's favorite because I was a tomboy and liked to do stuff with him - fishing, gardening, looking for critters, scrounging in the woods for mushrooms, etc.
I've been my mom's favorite because we both like to read and sit out in the sun, cook, etc.
But it comes at a price. When I turned 50 I told my sisters it was their turn. I have 'retired' from being the one who is expected to do everything. They don't do much yet but they will have to as I have learned to say 'no' more often.
PerriP likes this.
__________________
In Western PA
Found NC in 2004. CG since 2-05, going grey since 9-05. 3B with some 3A.
Hair texture-medium/fine, porosity-normal, elasticity-normal.
Suave & VO5 cond, LA Looks Sport Gel, Ojon Restorative Treatment, oils, honey, vinegar.
http://public.fotki.com/jeepcurlygurl/ password jeepy **updated Feb 2014**
https://www.facebook.com/lifetheuniverseandtodd
jeepcurlygurl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 11:19 AM   #12
 
murrrcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 7,831
Default

I did a 360, I was that way too saria, when I was a teen, my parents called me the junk lady. my cousin called me the bag lady

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Now I'm like a clean freak...unless I'm busy. No I'm still a slob (slob in disguise) but once a week I transform into a clean freak, and clean like crazy, and then I let it go to crap again.


I like to be organized but I fail at it.
__________________
murrrcat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 11:21 AM   #13
 
nynaeve77's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 4,237
Default

I don't have a preference with my kids. I like hanging out with them for different reasons, though. My daughter is my partner in all things girly--shopping, mani/pedis, etc. She's so clever and creative, so we draw (or she does and I attempt to) and make up stories a lot. My little guy is very outdoorsy, so we play outside a lot with our dog. He also loves books and toy cars so I read to him and crash cars. They're both pretty good and oddly tend to get disciplined for the same stuff. I think this is because my son copies his big sister, so if she's whiny or picky about dinner, he is too. I'm sure as he gets older, he'll find different ways to push my buttons.

I don't know if my parents have a favorite. I think if pressed, I'd say my dad prefers my middle sister because they're so similar (which is why they fight the most, too), but it's very clear he loves all of us a lot so no one cares. I really don't think my mom has a preference.
Saria and murrrcat like this.
__________________
"Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."--Linus, A Charlie Brown Christmas
-----------------------------------------------
My fotki: http://public.fotki.com/nynaeve77/
Password: orphanannie
nynaeve77 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 11:28 AM   #14
 
LadyV69's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,442
Default

Growing up I was more like my mother in temprament where we were/are both introverted, obedient, shy, etc. My sister took after our father in temprament where she was more outgoing, stubborn and confident. So I don't know if it was them playing favorites per se, but them gravitating more toward the kids that were more like them emotionally.

In adulthood, though, my sister has required more attention and resources as she is a single parent. As I have stopped being obedient and started standing up for myself more of late, I have been ignored. It does bother me somewhat because it feels like I have to be a total screwup to get any attention from my folks and it shouldn't be that way but it is what it is. Thank heaven for my friends.




Sent from my DROID X2 using CurlTalk App
PerriP likes this.
__________________
Fine haired, low density, highly porous curly kinky lady
Last relaxer: Not sure. 3/08 or 4/08
BC'd: 9/18/09
Co-wash: Suave Naturals, HEHH, Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle, CJ Daily Fix
Leave-In: KCKT, Giovanni Direct Leave-In, CJ Smoothing Lotion
Stylers: ORS Twist and Loc Gel, KCCC, Ecostyler, SheaMoisture Deep Treatment Masque
Deep Conditioner: DevaCurl Heaven In Hair, CJ Deep Fix

http://confessionsofladyv69.wordpress.com/
LadyV69 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 11:34 AM   #15
 
annabananalise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,791
Default

I don't know about when we were younger, but we always thought the 3rd was the favorite but in retrospect it was probably because she was so sensitive and reserved that they were worried we picked on her.

(My sister and I picked on everyone equally).

And then the baby got the typical I'm-the-baby-of-the-family treatment from everybody. She's our bb, what are you gonna do?

Now I think it may be me. Mainly because I'm pretty open with my parents and talk to them about a lot of things. They've started to open up to me about their problems (usually with the girls, but sometimes with each other). It's weird. After 25 years they still act like high schoolers with their drama. Idk i've turned into the family peacemaker and they use my services a lot, but still try to coddle me as thanks.

They offer me a lot of things even though I'm grown and employed and independentz. Like I told them about my break up and my dad was like "do you want me to fly you home for a bit?" Daddy I love you but it's not that srs. Thanks though.

I also think I'm my grandma's favorite. Probably because we talk a couple times a week regularly. And I joined her sorority.
__________________
Last relaxer: 8.4.10
BC: 9.6.11

when will your favs?

annabananalise is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 11:35 AM   #16
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,903
Default

I was my mom's favorite and my sis was my dad's. it could get real ugly in the house when my parents used us to hurt each other.
thelio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 11:41 AM   #17
SCG
 
SCG's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,109
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saria View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by SCG View Post
My parents have never come out and said they had a favorite, but I can tell that both of them "prefer" my sister... And by extension, my little brother gets a bit of preferential treatment, because he is very similar (personality-wise) to my sister. I mean, it makes sense. They're both very nice, considerate and respectful, whereas my older brother and I are sort of obnoxious and headstrong. Also, the two of them have always had annoyingly clean rooms. Strangely enough, I think that was the deciding factor for my mom.
LOL, we really are the same person.
My brother is the even-tempered, obedient, tidy one. I'm stubborn, temperamental, cranky, and generally not willing to just accept whatever my parents wanted as law. I mean, I never got into trouble because I've never been interested in the least in the things that supposedly tempt teenagers, but I was and am difficult nonetheless. I'm also a slob.
On the other hand, I'm way more interesting than my brother!
Haha! How true...

As for Amneris' second question, I don't really care much anymore. It really bothered me when I was younger for some reason. But again, I was (am) very dramatic about some things, and that was just the topic du jour, at the time. I know they love all of us, and they're proud of me. That's really all that matters, in the long run!
__________________

"And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance
But you are not alone in this"

“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” - Tina Fey
SCG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 11:57 AM   #18
 
luvmylocs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 1999
Posts: 8,862
Default

i think i was/am my dad's favorite because i am more like him and he values that i'm responsible and not mooching off them and using them like he felt my brother has over the years. he doesn't always respect my brothers choices so i think he has a a hard time with that relationship.

i think my mother prefers my brother because he allows her to still feel "valuable" as a mother because she still helps him out a lot financially and otherwise. they both have had weight loss surgery and relate in other ways so she feels more confortable with him if that makes sense. with me i think she's happy to have a daughter but since i'm an independent, get out and live life person and i don't always want to be up under mommy she gets frustrated by me and feels i don't love her (even though we talk daily).

i'm not bothered by my parents favorites. i would say i felt more distress about just not having a good relationship with my mother through the years (regardless of whose "fault" it is). the fact that she has a special connection with my brother doesn't bother me. i feel like each child needs a parent that sort of roots for them so in our case it was balanced and not an issue.
__________________
a dreamy pisces
please recycle, it matters...
i change lives...through fitness
i'm more relaxed being natural
luvmylocs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 12:20 PM   #19
 
geeky's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 10,191
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 View Post
I, too, love my children differently and can easily name traits in both that I like more and less. I have an easier child and a more difficult child, too, but the difficult child has some really extraordinarily positive traits that offset the troublesome ones.

I have asked myself you know, if we were in a burning building and coud only save one, etc., and I really, honestly could not answer the question.

Being an only child, myself, I had wondered how that would all play out if I had more than one.

God just blessed me w/ two awesome kids! And I am so grateful.
This exactly. I am an only child so I can't comment on it from a child's perspective. But there are ways I bond with each of my kids and I really appreciate both of them. I spend more time with my daughter because she is younger (almost 5) and still very attached to me but I try to make sure that I get time in with my son too. Since my son is very easy and very easy-going and also older and therefore less needy I do worry he does get overshadowed sometimes where my daughter is more challenging and also has a bigger personality, but I try to be conscious of that. The default is that I spend more time with my daughter and my husband more with my son but we make sure we change it up every once in a while.
__________________
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
geeky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 12:22 PM   #20
 
cosmicfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,115
Default

My brother (2 years younger than I am) was clearly my mom's favorite although she denies it. He has been displaced by my older son, who is the oldest grandchild. I don't think my father liked either of us. It bothered me that my mother preferred my brother and it bothers me that she gives my son preferential treatment. I've called her out on it but she claims I am harder on him than I am on the younger 2. Probably, but he can be so difficult lately and he is older (12 next week; the others are 8 and 4 1/2).

I do not have a favorite child, but I think I do treat them differently, if that makes sense. I spend more actual time with the 4 year old, do more things with my daughter, and talk more with the 12 year old. It's what they need right now from me, I think.
__________________
cosmicfly is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Trending Topics[-]hide

Thread Tools
Display Modes



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:45 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com