Go Back   CurlTalk > Life > Non-hair discussion

Like Tree62Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-26-2013, 09:32 PM   #41
 
Curlygirl323's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 51
Default

You remind me a little of how I used to be, always placing my value in whether or not I had a man by my side. I used to be lonely and envious of those girls with boyfriends, so much so that I dated the first guy who ever asked me out in high school. We should have stayed split up when we broke up right before I graduated HS. Instead, I stayed with him when I left for college. Despite not having much of a relationship with long distance, I still said yes when he proposed. That's what any girl wants, is a boyfriend who loves her and wants to marry her. We dated 3.5 years, were engaged for a year and a half. I almost went through with it too. Why? Because it was familiar, I just wanted to be loved and be in a position to start a family. When I finally came to terms with myself a little more, I realized that while he was a great guy, we weren't right for one another.

I followed that relationship up with a series of what I like to call "what if" flings. There was never a future with any of them, but I just wanted a future so much that I played the "maybe" game with myself. And I kept letting them walk all over me, use me and I always was there whenever it was convenient for them. All because I didn't want to be alone.

But guess what? Selling myself short with "what ifs" left me lonelier than ever. I was so caught up on guys who weren't after anything serious or long term with me, that I wouldn't have opened myself up in a capacity to let anyone truly love me and be worthy of my love.

I finally met my soulmate and we're happier than ever. But I almost missed out on him too. We met online and I had literally logged on to delete my profile because I was so sick of how I was letting men into my life for all the wrong reasons. I logged in to see a message from him and decided to respond just to see what he was about. When we talked enough to finally meet, and he suggested taking me indoor skydiving as a first date, I knew he was after something serious. We hit it off and never once have I doubted his feelings for me. Not for one single second. NOT ONE. From day one I have just known, not only his feelings for me, but mine for him. Zero doubts.

I tell you all this because I don't want you to sell yourself short like I did for so long. Nothing good will come from you responding to him other than you risking wasting more time on a guy who has already shown you his true colors. But, from experience of not really listening to people who told me what I already knew deep down, I also know that you are going to do what you're going to do. The wise choice would be to ignore him. Block him again, and if he finds a new way to contact you where you can't just ignore it (like face to face), tell him to get lost. But I also know we don't always make wise choices. Just know that decisions have consequences. People here have given advice that should be loud and clear. But your choices are up to you. You've got support here. And when you find the right guy, there won't be any of this BS. But we'll continue to be here to listen.
__________________
3B/Medium Texture/Normal Porosity
Co-Wash: Suave Naturals or Giovanni Smooth As Silk Deeper Moisture
Conditioner: GVP Matrix Biolage Conditioning Balm
Leave-In: Giovanni Direct Leave-In
Anti-Frizz: Curl Keeper
Gel: Herbal Essences Totally Twisted Curl Scrunching Gel; LA Looks Sport Gel; LA Looks Nutra Curl; IC Hair Polisher Styling Gel
Curlygirl323 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2013, 09:57 PM   #42
 
MojoDojo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 468
Default

NONONONONONONONONONONO.

This guy is trying to manipulate you, one way or another. If you haven't deleted the email, then for goodness sake, just do it and re-block it.

(Been there, done that, not worth the stupid t-shirt)
murrrcat and annabananalise like this.
MojoDojo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2013, 10:47 PM   #43
 
cympreni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 8,026
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sKorpio1190 View Post
More good points ladies. I see where you are coming from. However, keep in mind that we never slept together. He wants to wait until he's married. Who knew men like that existed huh?! Lol Shocking but true
FYI, that's sometimes used as a player move.

What they do is say they say they want to wait for sex to earn your trust while they sweep you off your feet. Eventually you'll become the "special" one worth breaking their rule for, then they'll dump you and move on to the next woman. Guys like are willing to play the game for a while.
lani13 likes this.
cympreni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2013, 10:51 PM   #44
 
sKorpio1190's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,747
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by cympreni View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by sKorpio1190 View Post
More good points ladies. I see where you are coming from. However, keep in mind that we never slept together. He wants to wait until he's married. Who knew men like that existed huh?! Lol Shocking but true
FYI, that's sometimes used as a player move.

What they do is say they say they want to wait for sex to earn your trust while they sweep you off your feet. Eventually you'll become the "special" one worth breaking their rule for, then they'll dump you and move on to the next woman. Guys like are willing to play the game for a while.
Nah. He was the real deal. Believe me. If anything I was the one who was trying to get him to break his rule. He's very religious so that played a big part in it, but I know what ur talking about. I know it wasn't the case with him though. That's one thing I never had to worry about with him
__________________
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
sKorpio1190 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2013, 11:33 PM   #45
 
cympreni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 8,026
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sKorpio1190 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by cympreni View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by sKorpio1190 View Post
More good points ladies. I see where you are coming from. However, keep in mind that we never slept together. He wants to wait until he's married. Who knew men like that existed huh?! Lol Shocking but true
FYI, that's sometimes used as a player move.

What they do is say they say they want to wait for sex to earn your trust while they sweep you off your feet. Eventually you'll become the "special" one worth breaking their rule for, then they'll dump you and move on to the next woman. Guys like are willing to play the game for a while.
Nah. He was the real deal. Believe me. If anything I was the one who was trying to get him to break his rule. He's very religious so that played a big part in it, but I know what ur talking about. I know it wasn't the case with him though. That's one thing I never had to worry about with him
That's what guys like that want! They get off on women begging them for sex. And I've seen religious guys do it too. Based on what you said, I think that was he was doing.

Guys who don't cheat have a saying "why go out for a hamburger when you have a steak at home." If a guy likes you and wants to be with you, he ain't looking elsewhere. It doesn't matter if you're offically exclusive or not. And he sure as hell doesn't bad mouth her to others! Those early months when you're falling in love, you don't see faults. It's all puppies and rainbows. And when you love, or really like someone, you care about what others think of them, so you don't bad mouth them to others at all. I've been married for 10 years, I hesitate even talking about the little annoyances because i don't want others to judge him based on my mood swings.

The fact that he was doing all that during the relationship says to me he didn't really like you that much. Since he didn't like you that much, then there was nothing to get over, therefore no reason for him to trying to get back with you months later.

But for the sake of argument, lets give the benefit of the doubt for a moment. Would you want to be with a guy who learns everything the hard way, that takes months to realize his mistake and apologize, that doesn't respect your wishes? Part of being a responsible, mature adult is realizing mistakes have consequences. Sometimes that consequence is losing someone. You have to accept that you hurt them, and you need to leave them alone. Mature people realize that if you keep contacting someone who's heart they broke is opening wounds. He contacted you months later, after you asked him to stop, so he obviously hasn't learned any of that yet. Even in best cases scenario, he is still putting his feelings above your own (his need for forgiveness vs your need to get over him). Would you really want to be with a guy like that?

He is so not worth it.
cympreni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2013, 07:40 AM   #46
 
spiderlashes5000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 19,709
Default

I think some ppl here may be reading a lot into this guy's agenda. We don't know if he is mean, a player, a dog, a virgin, anything. For all we know, the female acquaintance w/ whom he allegedly flirted could have been exaggerating or making things up.

All we know is that the guy was unwilling to commit to skorpio during the 7 months they dated. Skorpio apparently wants a guy who is ready to commit.

She halfway gave him another chance after they broke up and he was, again, unwilling to commit. And as far as I know, he still hasn't said he is now willing to commit. But skorpio is still looking for a commitment.

Based on the information given, he is a bad match for her. And for that reason and she should not entertain him any longer...bc she still has it bad for this guy and once the convo starts flowing again, she wil be wide open.

I'm not going to say this guy is evil and terrible and abusive and all this other stuff. IDK that and it's beside the point anyway.
__________________
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 02-27-2013 at 07:44 AM.
spiderlashes5000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2013, 08:14 AM   #47
 
murrrcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 7,831
Default

sometimes I don't think males realize what their actions and words do, because they are slow. But that is le fact of males. They be slow.

He may not realize that he's messing with you mentally by continuously talking to you. Because he is slow.
scrills and annabananalise like this.
__________________
murrrcat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2013, 09:06 AM   #48
 
sKorpio1190's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,747
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 View Post
I think some ppl here may be reading a lot into this guy's agenda. We don't know if he is mean, a player, a dog, a virgin, anything. For all we know, the female acquaintance w/ whom he allegedly flirted could have been exaggerating or making things up.

All we know is that the guy was unwilling to commit to skorpio during the 7 months they dated. Skorpio apparently wants a guy who is ready to commit.

She halfway gave him another chance after they broke up and he was, again, unwilling to commit. And as far as I know, he still hasn't said he is now willing to commit. But skorpio is still looking for a commitment.

Based on the information given, he is a bad match for her. And for that reason and she should not entertain him any longer...bc she still has it bad for this guy and once the convo starts flowing again, she wil be wide open.

I'm not going to say this guy is evil and terrible and abusive and all this other stuff. IDK that and it's beside the point anyway.
Spider, thank you so much. I'm glad u said this. He is not a bad person in my eyes. His problem is that he is immature, and I learned now that I cannot change that. He needs to grow up on his own. Ur right, he never committed and still was not willing to last time we spoke. So, he hurt me, but I don't hate him. I'm trying to finish healing and move on. He does have to learn that when he hurts someone they will not stick around, as someone else here mentioned. I have to show him that I will not take it anymore. I know in my heart I was very good to him, and he knows it to. So, I have no regrets that I was good to him. It leaves me feeling like I'm a good person and deserve to be treated the same way I treated him. Therefore, I'm not going to respond to him. I'm just happy he realized he was wrong and apologized, and I'm going to hold on to that and let it end there because I am happy and don't want to ruin it by responding
__________________
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
sKorpio1190 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2013, 09:07 AM   #49
 
sKorpio1190's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,747
Default

Murrrcat, yes he is slow. Young and immature. Same thing lol
__________________
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
sKorpio1190 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-29-2013, 11:53 PM   #50
 
sKorpio1190's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,747
Default

I wanted to update what happened. I did not respond to him and then a month later he emails me twice more saying that he has something really important to tell me. So I finally said ok what do u want? He said he would call me later and I didn't hear from him for two days. Now, he said that he had something of "dire importance" to tell me. I got pissed off because u don't just wait around for days after telling someone that and leave them hanging. So I told him not to bother calling me cuz obviously it wasn't as important as he made it out to be. He calls me that night 6 times in a row at 1am. I rejected all calls and he leaves me a voicemail saying that I am irrational and being ridiculous and that he DID have something important to say but not if I'm acting like this. He also made it a point to say he did some "thinking" and he realizes he never did anything wrong and that I have no reason to treat him the way I am. Am I surprised that he screwed this up and really had nothing good to say? No. Am I disappointed? Yea. I guess after 3 years he still hasn't grown up. He'll never get it
__________________
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
sKorpio1190 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2013, 12:19 AM   #51
 
redcelticcurls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,014
Send a message via Yahoo to redcelticcurls
Default

I'm sorry it turned out this way, but at least you aren't tied to him, now.
__________________
Kiva! Microfinance works.

Med/Coarse, porous curly.
redcelticcurls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2013, 03:52 AM   #52
 
Sayoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 420
Default

Oh boy what a classic ashole...u get rid of this douchebag u hv more important things to do than receiving his calls n seeing his face, excuse my french.
murrrcat likes this.
Sayoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2013, 04:15 AM   #53
 
Dedachan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,386
Default

At least now your decision has been made a lot easier.

What a douche.
Dedachan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2013, 05:02 AM   #54
 
sKorpio1190's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,747
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sayoon View Post
Oh boy what a classic ashole...u get rid of this douchebag u hv more important things to do than receiving his calls n seeing his face, excuse my french.
Oh don't worry, I've called him worse!
__________________
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
sKorpio1190 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2013, 07:21 AM   #55
 
Jenny C's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 1999
Posts: 4,532
Default

You know, as much as it sucks it's actually a good thing this happened because now you can move on without wondering if you made the right decision. He has made it really clear that he doesn't care about your feelings at all. Who knows what game he's playing, but lucky for you you're not playing it with him anymore.
scrills likes this.
__________________
If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
Jenny C is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2013, 08:13 AM   #56
 
Lotsawaves's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 9,181
Default

With some people....you give them enough rope and they will hang themselves with it. It was a good decision not to go running back to him. Now move on and upward!
Lotsawaves is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2013, 08:28 AM   #57
 
sKorpio1190's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,747
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenny C View Post
You know, as much as it sucks it's actually a good thing this happened because now you can move on without wondering if you made the right decision. He has made it really clear that he doesn't care about your feelings at all. Who knows what game he's playing, but lucky for you you're not playing it with him anymore.
I agree
__________________
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
sKorpio1190 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2013, 11:23 AM   #58
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 114
Default

Gosh what an ignorant ass.
Krullenbol is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2013, 04:25 PM   #59
 
sKorpio1190's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,747
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Krullenbol View Post
Gosh what an ignorant ass.
Yup
__________________
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
sKorpio1190 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:30 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com