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-   -   Should I respond to him? (http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/non-hair-discussion/155511-should-i-respond-him.html)

sKorpio1190 02-26-2013 11:47 AM

Should I respond to him?
 
Last night my ex sent me an email. All it said was I'm deeply sorry for causing you pain... We dated for about 7 months and I thought he was "the one." But, he was too immature and was scared of being commited so I finally told him I can't do this anymore and we stopped seeing each other. We still saw each other everyday because we had classes with each other every semester, so it hurt me a lot and took me a long time to get over him. Well, I graduated this spring so it's making things easier not to see him. I was actually just thinking about him last night when he emailed me. Now, the last time we spoke was in December, and I told him not to speak to me because another girl told me that he was all over her and used to talk badly about me the previous semester. Talking crap I can get over, but the fact that he was chasing after her while still talking to me was what hurt. Let me explain... He emailed me in December telling me that I'm beautiful, intelligent, and will make some man a very lucky husband to have me one day. When I told the girl (who ironically I saw that night) about those sweet emails, she goes "oh.... That's interesting...." Then she proceeded to tell me how he used to complain about me and how he always stares at her in class and flirts with her etc., but she turned him down because she has a bf. Of course it broke my heart all over again so I replied to his emails and told him what the girl told me and told him never to contact me again because he hurt me for the last time. Well, it's been over 2 months and he sent me that last night. Idk if he contacted me before because I blocked his email and ironically just unblocked it 2 weeks ago. So.... I'm torn. Do I respond? Of course my friends say no because they don't want me getting hurt, but I did love him. So idk :-/ I would appreciate any advice. Sorry this was so long

RedCatWaves 02-26-2013 11:53 AM

Um...do you really have to ask this?

Don't respond, and put him back on block. And move on with your life.

When men reveal their true selves...it's always a good idea to listen to them. He's already told you what an ashole he is...believe him.

annabananalise 02-26-2013 11:53 AM

No. It seems like he's jerking you around and being very passive about it. He either feels guilty and wants to you alleviate his guilt (up to you whether or not you do it) or he just wants to keep a door open (again up to you whether or not you want to). But I say no.

Delete the email. Move on.

sKorpio1190 02-26-2013 12:13 PM

Thanks guys. I was considering something short like "too little too late"

claudine19 02-26-2013 12:16 PM

I'm with the others.

Keep that door closed.

spiderlashes5000 02-26-2013 12:35 PM

I'm not one to really delete ppl from this or that bc it seems a bit much to me. But if that's what you need to do to keep yourself from getting caught back up in his BS, then you should. He seems manipulative.

redcelticcurls 02-26-2013 12:37 PM

No. No way. Never.

geeky 02-26-2013 01:08 PM

Don't respond at all, not even a one-liner. Block him if you have to and move on.

sKorpio1190 02-26-2013 05:42 PM

I'm just curious... Do u all feel that way because he was flirting with the other girl while sweet talking me as well, or...?

redcelticcurls 02-26-2013 05:43 PM

Most of the responders are middle aged. We've learned to spot manipulative bs. ;)

sKorpio1190 02-26-2013 05:57 PM

Lol. Teach me! I'm genuinely curious to know why everyone says no. I want to learn! I know I will learn from experience unfortunately :-/ which I have a bit so far, but I'd like to know other people's logic in this. I haven't responded yet, and haven't decided if I will

goldencurly 02-26-2013 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redcelticcurls (Post 2127201)
Most of the responders are middle aged. We've learned to spot manipulative bs. ;)

^^^ This. Do not have any further contact with him. Delete all messages and BLOCK him.

Marie01141976 02-26-2013 06:03 PM

I agree with redcelticcurls. He is being manipulative. I am 37, and I definitely kissed some frogs before I met my keeper! I kept getting sucked in by these types, always thinking that I might "miss out" if I didn't give them another chance. Just remember this little gem my mother shared with me when I was dating a jerky guy in my twenties: you are young and the relationship is "new" as well(meaning less than 1 or 2 years)...this is the best it is supposed to be (the honeymoon phase), if it sucks now, how bad will it be when you are older and have responsibilities, kids, stress, advancing age, health scares, etc...? That was a good piece of advice, so I thought I would pass it along :) puts things in perspective!

sKorpio1190 02-26-2013 06:08 PM

Lol that is good advice Marie. But, things were good when we were seeing each other (romantically, not casually)

Marie01141976 02-26-2013 06:11 PM

Good, except when he was talking bad about you behind your back and flirting with another girl :( that shows a lack of maturity and a lack of respect...both major no nos in my book.

sKorpio1190 02-26-2013 06:24 PM

True true. That was always his biggest problem. He's really not a bad person, but he was just immature. I'm younger than him but I have always felt much older than I am. Almost like an old soul u can say. To be fair, I spoke badly about him as well, but just because I got sick of seeing him everyday and how happy go lucky he was after hurting me like nothing ever happened. I guess I was bitter, I hate to admit. I'm glad he has at least thought about me, and realized that he did hurt me. He was never really one to apologize, so I was shocked to get that email. Especially when I wasn't exactly nice when I sent him the message in december

redcelticcurls 02-26-2013 06:33 PM

He knows what good words to say to make a woman feel important. But, they're just words, not actions.

He also knows how to insult a woman to another woman to make the other woman feel as if she's the better option. Words again. He knows that words can be impact full, even if the actions tell the truth. People can cling to words, especially if they're words they want to hear.

His actions show that his interest is minimal and fleeting. Perhaps he likes the idea of having a group of adoring women. Perhaps he wants to keep a full bullpen to make booty calls easier.

Regardless, the words don't match the actions. Judge the actions, not the words.

RedCatWaves 02-26-2013 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sKorpio1190 (Post 2127213)
Lol. Teach me! I'm genuinely curious to know why everyone says no. I want to learn! I know I will learn from experience unfortunately :-/ which I have a bit so far, but I'd like to know other people's logic in this. I haven't responded yet, and haven't decided if I will



A man who truly cares about you won't hurt you or chase other women or "talk crap" about you. There's probably one reason he's contacting you now...to keep you on a string for occasional booty calls. Don't be taken in by the "oh he never apologizes, so he must really mean it this time, he must really love me". It's BS.

sKorpio1190 02-26-2013 06:58 PM

More good points ladies. I see where you are coming from. However, keep in mind that we never slept together. He wants to wait until he's married. Who knew men like that existed huh?! Lol Shocking but true:-|

Speckla 02-26-2013 07:00 PM

If you reply then he'll reply back and you'll reply and so forth. It's not healthy to keep reopening partially healed wounds. Be careful because you might learn things you didn't need to know and get hurt worse. You can be just as hurt whether you slept with someone or not. If he was worth the effort than he'd have proven himself a long time ago. Sounds like he's playing with you.


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