pregnancy after miscarriage

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  • 1 Post By goldy
  • 1 Post By Amneris
  • 1 Post By maria_i

ladies, how have you or someone close to you handled being pregnant after a miscarriage? how do you balance being excited but scared you might miscarry again? how do you now worry about everything you feel (or don't feel) when you've had a miscarriage before? they say every pregnancy is different (i.e. morning sickness, breast soreness, etc) so if you felt something before but don't every second now how do you not worry something is wrong. just curious how women keep sane after they have a loss but get pregnant again. in a way detaching from being pregnant seems to be the best way to handle it but then that's not really "fair" to the new baby a woman is carrying and of course if you're detached you'd miss all the "joys" of pregnancy. how do you survive without going bizonkers between doctor visits?

i appreciate your thoughts on this if you've had a succesful pregnancy after miscarriage or know someone close to you that did and how they handled it. sorry if this should have been on the pregnancy board, i just wanted the most responses.
a dreamy pisces
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Last edited by luvmylocs; 03-04-2013 at 02:58 PM.
I believe the time, in their pregnancy, in which they miscarried has an effect on how they go about their subsequent pregnancies.

I also believe each woman is different in how they feel about pregnancy. I have not suffered the loss of a miscarriage; however, I did approach my entire pregnancy with caution. I did feel joy and connect with my baby, but I always felt a sense of concern. I did have two scares during my first trimester which may have also played a role in how I felt.

I do know a friend of mine suffered a very early loss & it did not seem to effect her during her subsequent pregnancies. She shared a lot with me during the pregnancies, so much so that only she, her husband & I knew about the early miscarriage. So I feel she would have felt comfortable talking to me about concerns or feelings during her subsequent pregnancies.
Amneris likes this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poodlehead
Ah, it all makes sense now. Goldy is the puppet master!
thanks for that perspective goldy!
a dreamy pisces
please recycle, it matters...
i change lives...through fitness
i'm more relaxed being natural
LOL, any "joys" of pregnancy for me didn't kick in until the third trimester. I was a nervous wreck with both kids, and I had a very early loss my first pregnancy, so I don't think that had anything to do with my state of nerves throughout the next pregnancies. Between the symptoms and the stress and anxiety, there wasn't a lot to enjoy for months. I want more kids, but I think that fear of tragedy is the hardest thing to face, and there's no reason to think anything would happen.

I think pregnancy is just miserable and stressful for some women regardless of their history, but society puts all this pressure on women to have a perfect pregnancy, or it's not "fair" to the baby. We're supposed to look magazine-ready at all times, not gain too much weight but have this round belly, be perfectly bonded with baby, and follow an impossible list of what not to consume.

I do have friends who had later-term losses and like goldy said, their responses varied, but generally, the later the loss, the more difficult they found pregnancy. Many of them felt once they got past the point in pregnancy where the last loss occurred, they felt better about things.
lucyprimrose likes this.
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^^^ thanks!

my only time being preggie i got preggie easy, the first try or rather the first time i didn't prevent but then at my 16 week appt (the one where i would have found out i was having a boy), no heartbeat. it was so devasting. i'd been under a huge amount of stress in the relationship and actually something major occurred just the weekend before my appt. i had to deliver the fetus vaginally (another traumatic experience) and the doctors didn't find anything wrong with the fetus or me (which was good). my period came 4 weeks later and it's sort of like a distant memory. i've just been thinking how i will respond when pregnant again having had that experience. i don't want to be scared the whole time.
a dreamy pisces
please recycle, it matters...
i change lives...through fitness
i'm more relaxed being natural

Last edited by luvmylocs; 03-05-2013 at 10:15 AM.
A friend of mine went through a lo i don't think they weress and she did not announce her pregnancy or really do any kind of planning until really late when she got pregnant again. I think that is a normal reaction.
I agree with Amneris, there is so much pressure to bond with your baby and be perfectly glowing and delighted and it is a load of hooey. The pressure, that is. I am not a gushy person by nature and also have a superstitious/practical streak, so I did not really bond with either baby until they were born. I don't think they lost out because I did not dung them sings in utero. As far as the joys of pregnancy, some women have severe nausea, or back pain, or ate on bed rest or are otherwise miserable. And if you already have a young child, the only thing you readily get to experience is the joys of trying to keep your ish together while chasing after your toddler.
So I think that women experience pregnancy differently, they experience pregnancy after loss differently, and however they do it is the right way for them, no matter what the magazines say they are "supposed to" feel
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luvmylocs likes this.
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Well I was a wreck my whole pregnancy after having a miscarriage, but after passing the first trimester the chances of miscarriage lower. Now I have a healthy baby boy. Just try not to worry about it too much and enjoy it to the fullest.
Regarding my experience, by the time I realized my period was late (b/c sometimes I had irregular cycles), I made an OB appointment. The doctor confirmed that I was pregnant, but in the next breath said that I was in the midst of miscarrying (due to low hormone levels/lack of fetal development/no heartbeat). So because I was so early in that pregnancy, sure I was disappointed, but I never got a chance to become emotionally invested.

Fast forward about 10 months later. Once again it was a while before I realized I was pregnant. This time I decided to wait another 2 or 3 weeks before scheduling an appointment... I guess I was fearful of history repeating itself.

This time around my experience was completely different. My doctor not only confirmed that I was pregnant, but did a sonogram/ultrasound that confirmed I was actually several weeks further along than we realized.

For me, once I heard that initial heartbeat and saw that form on the tv screen, any anxiety I had was gone. With each appointment my confidence grew because everything was progressing so well.

The icing on the cake was that I had NO morning sickness, and NO weight gain (I was overweight at the time and my doctor said everything was fine). I sailed through my pregnancy. The last 2 weeks were a chore, but I actually enjoyed my pregnancy, so much so that the disappointment and physical pain of the miscarriage are a distant memory.
Thanks for sharing these highly personal stories.
a dreamy pisces
please recycle, it matters...
i change lives...through fitness
i'm more relaxed being natural

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