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Old 03-21-2013, 10:00 AM   #41
 
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I am weird. I am just "me". I didn't fit into any cliques in school at all and still do not. I am a nerdy, smartazz, artzish woman who is married with kids and a bazillion pets. When I think of myself these are the words that come to mind:

independent
creative
maker
care-giver
mom
wife
daughter
aunt
artist
knitter
gardener
craftsman
bookworm
outdoorsy
and of course: weird
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Old 03-21-2013, 04:12 PM   #42
 
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I wonder if men were asked the same question if they would feel the need to identify as "Man". Most of the replies listed being a "woman". Sort of like how it seems like most people don't need to identify as being white. Or how ( I don't think) any heterosexuals identified as such while some homosexuals did. I find that interesting! I guess some things are considered "default" to the point where they don't need to be distinguished and not having to worry about that part of your identity be as much of a heavy influence on your life in a positive or negative way.
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Old 03-21-2013, 04:20 PM   #43
 
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^ ya, I think what 'identifies' you would be what stands out, or separates you from the majority. It makes you you bc its less common. I wouldn't identify myself as someone with hair, or someone who drives a car, while, say, NetG may identify herself as a horseback rider.

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Old 03-21-2013, 05:17 PM   #44
 
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I wonder if men were asked the same question if they would feel the need to identify as "Man". Most of the replies listed being a "woman". Sort of like how it seems like most people don't need to identify as being white. Or how ( I don't think) any heterosexuals identified as such while some homosexuals did. I find that interesting! I guess some things are considered "default" to the point where they don't need to be distinguished and not having to worry about that part of your identity be as much of a heavy influence on your life in a positive or negative way.


Exactly. I think it's like that for any elevated default group. White/male/hetero seems to be the American default and folks in those categories probably don't feel the need to ID as white/male/hetero. They just ARE those things unless otherwise noted. I would also put christian in that category, but I noticed a lot of christians ID'd themselves as such. To me, it's the default, which is why I ID as non-theist.
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Old 03-21-2013, 06:09 PM   #45
 
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I wonder if men were asked the same question if they would feel the need to identify as "Man". Most of the replies listed being a "woman". Sort of like how it seems like most people don't need to identify as being white. Or how ( I don't think) any heterosexuals identified as such while some homosexuals did. I find that interesting! I guess some things are considered "default" to the point where they don't need to be distinguished and not having to worry about that part of your identity be as much of a heavy influence on your life in a positive or negative way.
Heterosexual women will identify as wives/mothers though, and many of us did (or girlfriend.) Of course, homosexual women can be all those things too, but I know for me as a heterosexual woman, the act of conceiving, carrying, bearing my children and raising them with my husband is very much a part of my sexuality and my identity.
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Old 03-21-2013, 06:13 PM   #46
 
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I wonder if men were asked the same question if they would feel the need to identify as "Man". Most of the replies listed being a "woman". Sort of like how it seems like most people don't need to identify as being white. Or how ( I don't think) any heterosexuals identified as such while some homosexuals did. I find that interesting! I guess some things are considered "default" to the point where they don't need to be distinguished and not having to worry about that part of your identity be as much of a heavy influence on your life in a positive or negative way.


Exactly. I think it's like that for any elevated default group. White/male/hetero seems to be the American default and folks in those categories probably don't feel the need to ID as white/male/hetero. They just ARE those things unless otherwise noted. I would also put christian in that category, but I noticed a lot of christians ID'd themselves as such. To me, it's the default, which is why I ID as non-theist.
I don't think Christianity is a default (for one thing, it's way more diverse in meaning than "male" or "white.") I think Christians who are the "right" kind certainly enjoy privilege as compared to others, but it's not something you just ARE. Practising Christians very consciously integrate their faith into all aspects of their life and adopt a specific worldview, so it's always something of which they are aware. Marginal Christians who may say they are Christian because they celebrate Christmas, go to church once or twice a year etc. might see it as a default or something they just are, but not those who are very involved with their faith.
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:00 PM   #47
 
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I wonder if men were asked the same question if they would feel the need to identify as "Man". Most of the replies listed being a "woman". Sort of like how it seems like most people don't need to identify as being white. Or how ( I don't think) any heterosexuals identified as such while some homosexuals did. I find that interesting! I guess some things are considered "default" to the point where they don't need to be distinguished and not having to worry about that part of your identity be as much of a heavy influence on your life in a positive or negative way.


Exactly. I think it's like that for any elevated default group. White/male/hetero seems to be the American default and folks in those categories probably don't feel the need to ID as white/male/hetero. They just ARE those things unless otherwise noted. I would also put christian in that category, but I noticed a lot of christians ID'd themselves as such. To me, it's the default, which is why I ID as non-theist.
I don't think Christianity is a default (for one thing, it's way more diverse in meaning than "male" or "white.") I think Christians who are the "right" kind certainly enjoy privilege as compared to others, but it's not something you just ARE. Practising Christians very consciously integrate their faith into all aspects of their life and adopt a specific worldview, so it's always something of which they are aware. Marginal Christians who may say they are Christian because they celebrate Christmas, go to church once or twice a year etc. might see it as a default or something they just are, but not those who are very involved with their faith.
I agree, I think religion is more of a choice and it is one that is very emotional, spiritual, and rational for many who are deeply involved with their faith or who choose to not follow any religion. I think that is why most people identify as whatever religion, or lack thereof, they are regardless of whether they are the majority/privileged group. Religion is also a group that has more movement while sex, race, and orientation (allowing for the fact that people are on a spectrum) don't for the most part. I don't see Christianity as purely default but I do know that as someone from the United States it is an easy assumption to make since it is the most popular religion here which is why to non-Christians it may hold a default status or quality.

I still think that is the reason that people didn't identify as being heterosexual. Wife and mother are usually choices (with varying degrees of societal pressures). I wouldn't consider them "default", hence the need for them to be pointed out over heterosexuality. However, I do see why you pointed them out as being related to sexuality. If I were a wife or a mother I would definitely point those things out!
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Old 03-22-2013, 08:51 AM   #48
 
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I wonder if men were asked the same question if they would feel the need to identify as "Man". Most of the replies listed being a "woman". Sort of like how it seems like most people don't need to identify as being white. Or how ( I don't think) any heterosexuals identified as such while some homosexuals did. I find that interesting! I guess some things are considered "default" to the point where they don't need to be distinguished and not having to worry about that part of your identity be as much of a heavy influence on your life in a positive or negative way.
Well you're going to identify most with what people point out to you or how you're always reminded that you are different/not part of the status quo.

For me out of all the different identities i have, being female sticks out the most(it cross all races, religions, ages, personalities, etc). Especially since I'm in a male dominated career and apparently I'm not typically feminine is certain ways.
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Old 03-22-2013, 08:53 AM   #49
 
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I wonder if men were asked the same question if they would feel the need to identify as "Man". Most of the replies listed being a "woman". Sort of like how it seems like most people don't need to identify as being white. Or how ( I don't think) any heterosexuals identified as such while some homosexuals did. I find that interesting! I guess some things are considered "default" to the point where they don't need to be distinguished and not having to worry about that part of your identity be as much of a heavy influence on your life in a positive or negative way.
Heterosexual women will identify as wives/mothers though, and many of us did (or girlfriend.) Of course, homosexual women can be all those things too, but I know for me as a heterosexual woman, the act of conceiving, carrying, bearing my children and raising them with my husband is very much a part of my sexuality and my identity.
Soo...I definitely understand identifying yourself as a mother but I don't understand the wife part. Is it really all that different?? I would never identify myself as being a gf, even when I was in a really long relationship.
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Old 03-22-2013, 09:49 AM   #50
 
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I identify myself as a partner. Thats part of who I am. I make decisions and live my life based on the relationship I share with my partner. Thats very much part of who I am. I also know there are subtle differences in myself based on who I am with. Different people bring out different parts of my personality.

I can only come up with

Woman
Mother - particularly SAHM
Partner
Avid reader
Lover of music



I define myself by the above, as well as spiritual, 'unfinished', and the death of my father mold me at the moment.


I can't think of anything else that stands out, except I do identify as an introvert. I like to avoid most social situations and I like to be with myself. That very much molds who I am.

I guess I group my identity and my current defining emotions together.

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Old 03-22-2013, 10:24 AM   #51
 
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I wonder if men were asked the same question if they would feel the need to identify as "Man". Most of the replies listed being a "woman". Sort of like how it seems like most people don't need to identify as being white. Or how ( I don't think) any heterosexuals identified as such while some homosexuals did. I find that interesting! I guess some things are considered "default" to the point where they don't need to be distinguished and not having to worry about that part of your identity be as much of a heavy influence on your life in a positive or negative way.
Well you're going to identify most with what people point out to you or how you're always reminded that you are different/not part of the status quo.

For me out of all the different identities i have, being female sticks out the most(it cross all races, religions, ages, personalities, etc). Especially since I'm in a male dominated career and apparently I'm not typically feminine is certain ways.
I agree. I almost put something to that effect in my explanation post back on page 2, that a lot of people's identities may be with groups who are often persecuted or marginalized.
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Old 03-22-2013, 11:14 AM   #52
 
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^^ I agree, which is why white males don't need to identify as such because no one ever refers to them as part of a group. They're just individuals.

Must be nice.
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Old 03-22-2013, 12:45 PM   #53
 
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^^ I agree, which is why white males don't need to identify as such because no one ever refers to them as part of a group. They're just individuals.

Must be nice.
LoL!

But someone said what really defines us is what sets us apart. Well. I guess mine would be I care about others. Many have stopped( or never did) to do so. When I do things for others I never think of what they'll do for me.

That is a rare quality in this day and age.
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Old 03-22-2013, 01:19 PM   #54
 
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^^ I agree, which is why white males don't need to identify as such because no one ever refers to them as part of a group. They're just individuals.

Must be nice.
LoL!

But someone said what really defines us is what sets us apart. Well. I guess mine would be I care about others. Many have stopped( or never did) to do so. When I do things for others I never think of what they'll do for me.

That is a rare quality in this day and age.
Cool, but that's totally not what I'm going for in the thread.
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Old 03-22-2013, 01:32 PM   #55
 
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I'm not sure I understand what you were looking for. I kinda guessed like everyone else. '

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Old 03-22-2013, 01:53 PM   #56
 
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Maybe I didn't get it right either. I listed groups that I identify myself as, am comfortable with, think of as part of myself, are important to me.
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:12 PM   #57
 
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I wonder if men were asked the same question if they would feel the need to identify as "Man". Most of the replies listed being a "woman". Sort of like how it seems like most people don't need to identify as being white. Or how ( I don't think) any heterosexuals identified as such while some homosexuals did. I find that interesting! I guess some things are considered "default" to the point where they don't need to be distinguished and not having to worry about that part of your identity be as much of a heavy influence on your life in a positive or negative way.
Heterosexual women will identify as wives/mothers though, and many of us did (or girlfriend.) Of course, homosexual women can be all those things too, but I know for me as a heterosexual woman, the act of conceiving, carrying, bearing my children and raising them with my husband is very much a part of my sexuality and my identity.
Soo...I definitely understand identifying yourself as a mother but I don't understand the wife part. Is it really all that different?? I would never identify myself as being a gf, even when I was in a really long relationship.
Interesting. On the one hand, your spousal relationship is supposed to be your most important relationship (at least in my world view). So I can see wanting to honor that relationship by including that relationship as part of your identity.

But it's not like I felt any special kinship or bond w/ other "wives" (when I was married) or that I felt I was losing membership in a group when I stopped being married. And it's not like I took on a new set of attributes when I became a wife. I was still essentially the same person, as a person.

I guess marriage or "partnership" or whatever relates to a very siginificant relationship that we would want to honor. But IDK that it changed me so deeply that it's one of the top things I identify with.

I mean, if I am dating Bob for a year and then we break up...has my identity radically changed? Then I am alone and I start dating Mike, am I changed as a human being again. Say I date Mike for 10 years, and then one day decide to marry him...have I changed who I am again? Then we get separated but still have sex and go to the movies occasionally, am I someone else? Personally, I think not.
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Old 03-22-2013, 02:57 PM   #58
 
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I think the point is the different things different people feel defines themselves. The point here is that one person would define themselves one way while another would define themselves another.

You (gy) don't have to understand or agree that a relationship defines another person, it does to them.

This doesn't seem to be the type of topic that is debated.


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Old 03-22-2013, 03:01 PM   #59
 
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Hmmm, ok yeah, I should've explained better. When I say "identity," I mean something deeper than fashionista (no shade). For the most part, I'm looking for how you define yourself as a human being, and that's probably based on traits that are either immutable or somehow center on deeply held principles and values. I'm not just looking for groups that you belong to for the moment.
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I'm not sure I understand what you were looking for. I kinda guessed like everyone else. '

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Old 03-22-2013, 03:53 PM   #60
 
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Hmmm, ok yeah, I should've explained better. When I say "identity," I mean something deeper than fashionista (no shade). For the most part, I'm looking for how you define yourself as a human being, and that's probably based on traits that are either immutable or somehow center on deeply held principles and values. I'm not just looking for groups that you belong to for the moment.
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I'm not sure I understand what you were looking for. I kinda guessed like everyone else. '

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Hope that clarifies?
Oh, cause you told BAP that what she said wasn't what you were looking for so I got confused.

Sorry! Carry on.


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