Personal problem, opinions please!

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It seems to me that your (singular) life is on course. You're working toward your degree, working parttime and using your parents' car. But it's his life that is stalled. Why are you the one expected to uproot yourself? It seems like a mistake to mess up the part that is working.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000


This. Why ruin your life to fix his? Especially in Ohio...
Saying that she will RUIN her life if she moves to Ohio is pretty exaggerated.
She can continue her schooling there. This only has to be a temporary move.
You guys would benefit financially by moving up there.
Originally Posted by Josephine
It would benefit ~him~ financially to move to dayton. But they are not married and she is working on her degree in Charleston. If she moved to Dayton, she wouldn't have a car and might get hemmed up trying to transfer her credits.
annabananalise likes this.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Ok I'll try to answer every person's inquiries as best as I can. Let me clear up some things.
His dad is offering to pay for a new car and a security deposit/down payment. My fiance will pay the rent. We will be renting. I have told him from the beginning of our relationship that I never wanted to move to Ohio. We have been talking alot about it this week, and I am willing to give it a chance, but I DO NOT want to stay there long term. Period. End of discussion. I love living by the coast. He does not like Charleston like I do, so I told him we can compromise and move somewhere still on the coast but maybe another city. I have family and no a few people in NC, VA, I'm flexible with that, and we would still kind of be in the middle with our families.
His dad is not necessarily being malicious with his intents I know his dad, he wouldn't do that. I think he just needs the help right now because surprising he does have a good bit of work, and hes backed up. He'd rather hire his son first and give him a change than just give up the job to someone else. I DO see what every one is saying though about his dad offering the same opportunities here, and I think if my fiance really looked he could easily find something in Charleston. Part of me feels like he may miss his family too. So I'm willing to go up there and maybe finish school. Unless I just get there and withing a couple months realize I just absolutely hate it and can't deal. I don't plan on settleing there or have a family there. I will put my foot down on that one. Thanks to everyone, I appreciate all the honest and good advice! I am taking it all into consideration, and some of you have made me realize things I probably wouldn't have otherwise.
Mostly 2B with 2C elements and quite a few random 3A corkscrews in my underneath layer. Re-tested my hair porosity and it is now low. I have fairly dense, medium thick hair.

Use: Shea Moisture Raw shampoo and conditioner, co-wash w/ suave naturals coconut, aussie ausome volume mousse and Herbal essence totally twisted gel.
You guys would benefit financially by moving up there.
Originally Posted by Josephine
It would benefit ~him~ financially to move to dayton. But they are not married and she is working on her degree in Charleston. If she moved to Dayton, she wouldn't have a car and might get hemmed up trying to transfer her credits.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
She said she could transfer and finish elsewhere and didn't mention that it would be a major setback for her degree(I don't know this for sure, was just assuming). She doesn't have a great job either so assuming she could find some other type of part time work up there. The car is an issue, but the fiancee said that he could fix that.

Also I was looking at it from a couple/unit perspective. She's engaged to him and will be marrying him. So what ever benefits him would obviously benefit her. I understand the city is really ****ty so it would potentially be a hard sacrifice.

I don't know all the facts but if I had an opportunity to set my future and had no options for a job/career in the current city and my fiance didn't care and could still do what he was doing in another city, I would think he's being selfish.

It is hard though to be in a relationship when either one is not set and still working on the future. People need to make compromises and relationships are hard when some other things need to take temporary priority.
You guys would benefit financially by moving up there.
Originally Posted by Josephine
It would benefit ~him~ financially to move to dayton. But they are not married and she is working on her degree in Charleston. If she moved to Dayton, she wouldn't have a car and might get hemmed up trying to transfer her credits.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
She said she could transfer and finish elsewhere and didn't mention that it would be a major setback for her degree(I don't know this for sure, was just assuming). She doesn't have a great job either so assuming she could find some other type of part time work up there. The car is an issue, but the fiancee said that he could fix that.

Also I was looking at it from a couple/unit perspective. She's engaged to him and will be marrying him. So what ever benefits him would obviously benefit her. I understand the city is really ****ty so it would potentially be a hard sacrifice.

I don't know all the facts but if I had an opportunity to set my future and had no options for a job/career in the current city and my fiance didn't care and could still do what he was doing in another city, I would think he's being selfish.

It is hard though to be in a relationship when either one is not set and still working on the future. People need to make compromises and relationships are hard when some other things need to take temporary priority.
Originally Posted by Josephine

I just don't see how it would be a temporary thing. At what point is he going to voluntarily give up the job w/ his father and asistance from his father and move back to the east coast, jobless and homeless?

To me it sounds like she is being asked to give up her quality of life in favor of his.

And ppl do that all the time so I'm not saying she shouldn't. But call it what it is and honestly evaluate if that's what you want to do.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 03-27-2013 at 12:25 PM.

I just don't see how it would be a temporary thing. At what point is he going to voluntarily give up the job w/ his father and asistance from his father and move back to the east coast, jobless and homeless?

To me it sounds like she is being asked to give up her quality of life in favor of his.

And ppl do that all the time so I'm not saying she shouldn't. But call it what it is and honestly evaluate if that's what you want to do.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Yes this is a risk, but I'm assuming there would be an agreement that it is temporary and he'd look for work elsewhere and move after they've saved up. Regardless, it's still a risk you are taking because what if he changes his mind and wants to stay. People do it all the time. Or she could risk losing him.

I don't see it as only in favor of his life, I see it as something that could help the both of them. If she has to financially support him in SC(or sacrifice on other activities) because he can't get a decent job or has to save for a car and other things his father is offering up there, then her quality of life will also be affected.

But I just read the OPs last post and she says that if he really tried he could find something in Charleston so in that case....I'd be more reluctant.
murrrcat and annabananalise like this.
I love how many Ohio expert we have on this board. Who knew!!!!

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At the end of the day, it sounds like someone is going to have to make sacrifices here. If not, they will have to sacrifice the relationship.

I think you need to consider what you are willing to sacrifice. And you have to be VERY honest with yourself about how you would deal with things if the move became permanent which it easily could.

Have you asked him if he actually wants to stay where you are? Have you discussed other cities/possibilities? Are you willing to let him go and attempt a long distance relationship?
Josephine and murrrcat like this.
Also, I don't know if you were just saying this because you were mad at the situation but.... you're borrowing your parents car so I'm assuming you are near your family, and then you said that he needs to learn how to be dependent from his family, I felt that that's a bit harsh on him because you're with your family! and his is miles away! That's not fair.


Maybe if you guys looked towards those other locations they would have more jobs or something he might like, because if he could find work, then he just doesn't like the work there is.

Good luck.

I just don't see how it would be a temporary thing. At what point is he going to voluntarily give up the job w/ his father and asistance from his father and move back to the east coast, jobless and homeless?

To me it sounds like she is being asked to give up her quality of life in favor of his.

And ppl do that all the time so I'm not saying she shouldn't. But call it what it is and honestly evaluate if that's what you want to do.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Yes this is a risk, but I'm assuming there would be an agreement that it is temporary and he'd look for work elsewhere and move after they've saved up. Regardless, it's still a risk you are taking because what if he changes his mind and wants to stay. People do it all the time. Or she could risk losing him.

I don't see it as only in favor of his life, I see it as something that could help the both of them. If she has to financially support him in SC(or sacrifice on other activities) because he can't get a decent job or has to save for a car and other things his father is offering up there, then her quality of life will also be affected.

But I just read the OPs last post and she says that if he really tried he could find something in Charleston so in that case....I'd be more reluctant.
Originally Posted by Josephine
I would totally agree with you if 1) she was finished with college and 2) if he was getting some kind of transferable skill that he could use elsewhere.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I feel bad for ohio, everyone hates it. lmao.
Josephine likes this.

I would totally agree with you if 1) she was finished with college and 2) if he was getting some kind of transferable skill that he could use elsewhere.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
I don't see why she couldn't finish there(unless she's in a really good program where she's at now which doesn't sound like the case) and I thought the skills would be transferrable but I guess not, he just can't find something there. The main benefit would be that they could save money and move elsewhere. Either way, if he cant find work where he is currently at, why not move to a city where he'll get more money/support than a new city where she has to transfer anyways.
I feel bad for ohio, everyone hates it. lmao.
Originally Posted by murrrcat
I knew a guy from Ohio. He didn't blame Lebron at all.
If moving home means an opportunity ti get certified (assuming that hes not), he will gain more transferable skills

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I feel bad for ohio, everyone hates it. lmao.
Originally Posted by murrrcat

It is rather lackluster. (At least I am in Columbus.)
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I guess I'm the only one on this board who actually likes living in OH, and I live in Dayton (suburb of) at that! I love the change of seasons, our snow isn't bad at all. Cost of living is good, it's a small enough city that you can get across town rather quickly.

If you do move to Dayton, please keep an open mind. It really isn't all bad! Every city has good and bad points.
scrills likes this.
Well this escalated rather quickly, and kind of back fired..
Moral of the story, only I can live my life so ultimately its my decision to make. Thanks to those of you who offered advice but some of the negativity and arguing just wasn't necessary. And I meant no disrespect to Ohio. Especially since the person I love was born and raised there. I just didn't really care to leave what I love (SC). Anyway my fiance and I have a plan now so, I'm out. Peace!

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Mostly 2B with 2C elements and quite a few random 3A corkscrews in my underneath layer. Re-tested my hair porosity and it is now low. I have fairly dense, medium thick hair.

Use: Shea Moisture Raw shampoo and conditioner, co-wash w/ suave naturals coconut, aussie ausome volume mousse and Herbal essence totally twisted gel.
I live in central Indiana, and have seen a lot of winters. Not world ending, and when spring and summer roll around we appreciate it and make the most of it. Also, we have fall ( my fave) so I can live with 4 wintery months. FWIW I'd live to visit SC/ southeast. Sometimes we have make sacrifices in the short term but you might learn to like the change.

Good luck with your decision, whichever one you choose.
Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
I guess I need to clear up the fact that I decided to go. I thought I was being clear with my last few posts then looked back and realized I never out right said it. I am going. So those of you basically telling me to suck it up, I did a while back. Lol. But anyway thanks again everyone!

Sent from my DROID RAZR using CurlTalk App
Mostly 2B with 2C elements and quite a few random 3A corkscrews in my underneath layer. Re-tested my hair porosity and it is now low. I have fairly dense, medium thick hair.

Use: Shea Moisture Raw shampoo and conditioner, co-wash w/ suave naturals coconut, aussie ausome volume mousse and Herbal essence totally twisted gel.
Good luck, MC....hope it's a great experience for you both
Josephine likes this.
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