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MCoons91 03-26-2013 07:43 AM

Personal problem, opinions please!
 
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to get opinions on a big decision I am facing. Ok so I grew up in Charleston, SC, born and raised, still living here. I love it here! The beach, the history, everything. My fiance and I met here, and he is originally from Dayton, Ohio. We have been together 4 years now, lived together for 3. We love each other very much and are very close. He is my best friend yada yada....Anyway, We have been struggling financially. I havent been able to find good work as I am under qualified. I have a part time job for an after school program. I also only have two years of college so far, but I am currently working on finishing. My fiance has always done construction so hes never done any college. So work is hard to find right now. We are young, trying to get on our feet. So his family who is in Ohio presents him with this opportunity to move back there. His dad owns his own construction company and my fiance would work with him and would receive 16 an hour starting out, his dad offered to put a down payment on a home/apartment, and offered to pay for a new work truck for him (we are also in a terrible car situation, we have no car, I've been borrowing my parents for work). My fiance also has a great solid plan to get me a car when he goes up first and gets settled there, then comes back for me. That sounds like a great opportunity! It could really get us on our feet. The problem is, I do NOT want to move to Ohio. I've only visited there twice, and I didn't even like visiting. Its way too cold, Its way different than what im used to. I also feel like my fiance needs to be more independent from his family and we should try to figure things out on our own. Not only that but I'd be leaving everything and everyone I know to go 13 hours away from home. Its a big sacrifice and I'd be entirely dependent on that until I finished school. Its scary for me, and I don't know what I should do. I think about alot of what if's, such as if it didnt work out. Has anyone ever experienced a similar situation? Or been faced with a big decision like this? Am I in the wrong for not wanting this? UGH..

CurlyCanadian 03-26-2013 07:54 AM

Can you finish school there? Maybe plan to go for the two years and he can work while you finish school, then reevaluate where you want to live.

PerriP 03-26-2013 08:25 AM

I don't think you are in the wrong about not wanting this. If you don't want it, you don't want it.

That said, I grew up military, to me a place is a place. If the work was in Ohio, I'd go to Ohio, it's how I was raised. It's not easy making a new life, new friends, etc, but people do it all the time.

I guess the real question is what do you really want? Your fiancee has an opportunity to work, to help provide for you but it involves moving. What will be the long term cost if he stays with you, or if he goes without you. What are you willing to risk?

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Lotsawaves 03-26-2013 08:34 AM

You could look at it as an opportunity and a temporary situation. Your goal could be to get on your feet, finish school, save money, etc in order to one day move back.

MCoons91 03-26-2013 08:34 AM

Yeah I guess I'm being a little ridiculous about it. I can finish school there because my community college offers online classes which I've been doing anyway. Oh well, guess I will see what happens when it happens.

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Lotsawaves 03-26-2013 08:37 AM

You're not being ridiculous. I would be concerned also. It's not that you two are married, but it does sound like you have a pretty solid relationship.

MCoons91 03-26-2013 08:43 AM

Oh we do and once again when money permits we will be married. So realistically it is the best over all situation. We are lucky to have a good opportunity. I'm sure others aren't as fortunate some times. Thanks yall , your opinions have helped me see what's best.

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scrills 03-26-2013 11:01 AM

I feel your pain. I am facing my own dilemmas in that area. I live in Ohio, he lives in IL. I don't want to leave Cleveland, but my reasons are different.

I have things that are keeping me here. A house that I owe more than it's worth, I've been with the same company for almost 12 years, and I run a small business out of my house so I would loose my workers. I also loss my mom in October so leaving my family at this point seems stupid dumb.

All that being said, I am considering the move. Why? Because I have to live my life. I have to grow. I have to change. I have to go where there is opportunity. Are there some challenges? Yes, and I need them all to be addressed before I made my decision, but I realize that one way or another, I will have to make room in my life for someone else. Even if I stay in Ohio, I will have to make sacrifices.

so like the others said, What do you really want? How can you benefit from this move? Are you prepared to let him go while you stay? Are there other options?

poisonivy 03-26-2013 05:51 PM

I've lived in Ohio for 18 years. The weather sucks here. So depressing. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to live here.

RedCatWaves 03-26-2013 06:11 PM

I'm from New Jersey, the armpit of the nation, and even I wouldn't move to Ohio. You will be stuck there and you will probably hate it, especially since you seem to love the beach and history of SC. Ohio doesn't have a lot to offer. And I have a hard time believing Ohio has more work opportunities. It's a place where people have left in droves, to find better work. It's not someplace people generally move TO.

MCoons91 03-26-2013 06:27 PM

Ugh..I was afraid of that..Well hopefully it will only be temporary.. I hate snow too. We dont get snow in SC thankfully. But I know Ohio does alot. and yes he has a job waiting for him. His father owns a business so that's who he's working for.

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curlisue1 03-26-2013 09:40 PM

I live pretty close to Dayton. The winters aren't nice. I'm so tired of snow and cold right now that I could scream. Don't do it. Ohio is a black hole that sucks people in and doesn't let them leave!! Stay where the weather is nicer.

spiderlashes5000 03-27-2013 09:11 AM

How did his father build such a viable construction business (that even cold, dreary, wet Ohio winters won't slow down)? Can't his father just coach him in starting his own construction business in SC? Surely, the weather in SC is more amenable to the construction trade than OH for more months of the year.

Personally, I don't like dayton either and wouldn't want to move there but...when you first met, what was the understanding about where you would settle down?

It seems to me that your (singular) life is on course. You're working toward your degree, working parttime and using your parents' car. But it's his life that is stalled. Why are you the one expected to uproot yourself? It seems like a mistake to mess up the part that is working.

thelio 03-27-2013 09:21 AM

If the dad is willing to help his son get a car and house and ohio, would he be willing to help him get those things in SC? you say you have no car right now. if he had a relaible car he could look for jobs in sc that is driving distance away. get what i am saying?

if his dad is not willing to help him do this, i feel his dad his using this as a way to suck his son in maybe? "if you come work with me, i will give you a car and house. if not you can make due with what you got or dont got."

spiderlashes5000 03-27-2013 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelio (Post 2144943)
If the dad is willing to help his son get a car and house and ohio, would he be willing to help him get those things in SC? you say you have no car right now. if he had a relaible car he could look for jobs in sc that is driving distance away. get what i am saying?

if his dad is not willing to help him do this, i feel his dad his using this as a way to suck his son in maybe? "if you come work with me, i will give you a car and house. if not you can make due with what you got or dont got."

yeah, but maybe the father isn't doing that maliciously...just would really benefit from the son working for him? And could then would be in a better financial position to help him?

I think it's a little different to say, I will buy you a car. And I will buy you a car if you're putting in 12 hours a day working for me.

scrills 03-27-2013 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MCoons91 (Post 2144658)
Ugh..I was afraid of that..Well hopefully it will only be temporary.. I hate snow too. We dont get snow in SC thankfully. But I know Ohio does alot. and yes he has a job waiting for him. His father owns a business so that's who he's working for.

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Personally, I'm lukewarm on Dayton but for what it's worth, know that it doesn't get nearly as much snow as northern Ohio. So when you hear that Ohio gets a ton of snow, it's usually us up north

Lotsawaves 03-27-2013 09:55 AM

But her fiance would be working for his dad in his company. I think that makes a difference as far as his dad helping out.

My eldest daughter moved to Columbus, OH with her fiance for 2 years while he was getting his Masters. She didn't love it, but found things to enjoy there. She knew it was temporary and she would be moving back to AZ, so she did fine. It was worth it in the long run.

spiderlashes5000 03-27-2013 10:03 AM

Columbus is a much better city than Dayton. Not just saying that bc I live here. It just is. Dayton is pretty bad. :(

But it does have less snow than Northern OH.

Josephine 03-27-2013 10:25 AM

You guys would benefit financially by moving up there. I'm also assuming he would not be able to find a 16/hr job in SC? If he could find something comparable, why could his dad not help him from another state? Maybe not as much since he won't be working for him, but at least a little? So would his dad only be helping with the house/apt down payment if he moved up there..kinda seems trapping. Because if you guys bought a place, you're more likely to stay there longer? Is there a plan to move back? Is this just temporary to help get things started? Also working for family long term can cause issues.

I think if it's short term and it would benefit your future, it may not be a bad idea. But I would hope you and him have tried your best to see if financially you could also make it work in SC because OH sounds veryyy depressing. And you live in a really nice city so it had better be worth it.

murrrcat 03-27-2013 10:40 AM

I would probably be spazzing if I was in your situation but as an outsider looking in, I say, can you transfer your job too? Will your job help you find a place there to work? (if it's like a company or store whatever) If so, Just go and if you hate it, go back.

I mean, you can go and not struggle and just hate living there, or you can stay and struggle.

But if you really really loathe the idea, then stay, maybe he can go for a bit by himself and then come back?



I mean maybe if someone in SC would decide to do work on the roads maybe there would be more jobs, I'm just saying, it's like a third world country. The roads....potholes on highways....sick joke. No streetlights, people up north be like "why is it so dark here" Driving through the forbidden Forrest, I swear. End rant.


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