"She doesn't have a family, so she doesn't have a life"--a rant

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I've been working part-time at a clothing store since October. I have so much retail experience, and then I've gone through some really stressful offices and bosses, so when I came back to retail, honestly, nothing phases me or stresses me out anymore and people always comment on how great that is.

I've never had a problem with the head manager, but EVERYBODY complains about what a huge ***** she is, including the assistant manager, who started the day I did.

The assistant manager is very, very nice, and I like her, but she makes me uncomfortable in how she is always complaining about the head manager to me. I think it's inappropriate, so I just don't say anything. (That's what I'm supposed to do, right?)

(And I can't help but feel that I think I would probably have my "*****y" moments if I was managing a store, too, thinking of all the different people I'd have to manage. I think you probably have to be a *****.)

The other day, she was complaining to me that the head manager wouldn't give her a certain day off, and then started saying that the head manager has "no life" because she "is nearing 40 and is single and has no kids and probably never will." She also said that she thinks the head manager is jealous of her because SHE is married with children.

Okay...I might be projecting a bit, because one thing I am very sensitive about is "running out of time" to get married and have kids, because it is something I very much want to do.

THAT said, it drives me crazy that some people think that the only way a woman can have a life is if she's a wife and a mother.

Maybe she gets the greatest joy and fulfillment running a retail store and maybe it's all she's ever wanted in life, and if that's the case, who says she needs to get married or have kids?

I've also met plenty of miserable, unpleasant people who are married with children, so that doesn't mean you're necessarily going to be happy.

I just think it's frustrating when women have that attitude.
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Last edited by CanItBeChristine; 03-26-2013 at 08:34 AM.
So THIS. I know I very often feel like a second class citizen.
curlypearl likes this.
Some have more of a life without the husband and children. They aren't tied down and can travel and come and go as they like. They can put more into their careers and some feel more satisfied. I often wonder what I would have done with my life if I hadn't of married early and had children. I think probably more advanced in a career and more well traveled. I don't regret having children. I love them and of course my grandchildren, but the kids grow up and go on with their own lives. I know there were things that my mom regretted not being able to do and once the kids were gone and my dad had passed away, she was too ill.
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Why don't you stand up when this sort of stuff happens to you? I would have said:

Marriage and motherhood is not the end-all-be-all for happiness. Lots of people live a very happy and fulfilled life without marriage and children. I think it's judgmental to assume otherwise.
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Every person I've met who says stuff like that is absolutely miserable with their married with children life. Misery really does love company.

And I've never had a job where I seemed to be the only one who didn't ***** about the boss. I've had one manager that I loathed but everyone else has been fine for the most part. It's weird considering how judgmental and generally people-hating I am. Maybe 12 years of Catholic school gave me a high tolerance for ****ty authority figures.
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Eres o te haces?
Who said I didn't say something?

I said that I don't join-in when she complains about what a ***** she is.
You said that you don't say anything because it makes you uncomfortable.
In any case, I don't think RCW was being accusatory and I understand that sometimes when we're in these situations it can be difficult to articulate an appropriate response. RCW's is really good and non-confrontational.
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You said that you don't say anything because it makes you uncomfortable.
In any case, I don't think RCW was being accusatory and I understand that sometimes when we're in these situations it can be difficult to articulate an appropriate response. RCW's is really good and non-confrontational.
Originally Posted by Saria
I said that I don't join-in when she talks about what a ***** she is...I just listen, because I'll never jump-in and start calling my head manager a *****! I think it's incredibly inappropriate that she's talking to me about this because she's the boss.

When the assistant manager made the comment about her not having a life, I said, "Maybe she wouldn't be able to run this place the way she does if she DID have a family and this place clearly IS a big part of her life so she does have one."

Last edited by CanItBeChristine; 03-26-2013 at 10:41 AM.
Who said I didn't say something?
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine


I think if you had, you wouldn't be complaining about it here.

And I have noticed a trend in your posts over the years that you seem to let people insult and harrass you without sticking up for yourself. There are ways to rebuff those insults without being confrontational. I think you would probably be happier if you cultivated a little of that within yourself. Maybe practice some scenarios with a trusted friend, or just in front of a mirror.
Who said I didn't say something?
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine


I think if you had, you wouldn't be complaining about it here.

And I have noticed a trend in your posts over the years that you seem to let people insult and harrass you without sticking up for yourself. There are ways to rebuff those insults without being confrontational. I think you would probably be happier if you cultivated a little of that within yourself. Maybe practice some scenarios with a trusted friend, or just in front of a mirror.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves

I was venting about the attitude this woman has that I see in many other places besides this store.

I figured other women on here would have similar views and was venting.

And how was this woman insulting and harassing me? She probably figured I'd jump in and trashtalk the manager as well and I didn't do that. She doesn't know I'm a little sensitive about having a ticking biological clock and she was confiding in me about how she has all these issues with the manager. It wasn't about me.

Last edited by CanItBeChristine; 03-26-2013 at 10:48 AM.
While I think you don't stand up for yourself enough and you deserve better than the treatment you get from some people, I'll just stick to the attitude you're annoyed with....

YES, that annoys me! I actually get people who are parents with kids being wistful about my life, as if I can only have a life because I'm single - and I tell them that if I had met the right man to marry and have kids with by now I would have. I make a point to live my life to the best of my ability and enjoy it, and love it. However, had I met someone who felt like the right match for me I would love to be married with kids - that just hasn't happened yet. It doesn't make either situation better, and I hate that attitude of "you must be like me or miserable."
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!
Every person I've met who says stuff like that is absolutely miserable with their married with children life. Misery really does love company.

And I've never had a job where I seemed to be the only one who didn't ***** about the boss. I've had one manager that I loathed but everyone else has been fine for the most part. It's weird considering how judgmental and generally people-hating I am. Maybe 12 years of Catholic school gave me a high tolerance for ****ty authority figures.
Originally Posted by legends

Like I said, after having so much retail experience, I do feel like you probably won't be terribly well-liked if you're doing your job right and being tough about it. I think if you try to be people's friend or one of the gang, it's not going to cut-it. You're managing 30 people of all different ages/stages of life/attitudes/personalities...I don't think I'd want to take on that responsibility!

The store HAS to be a very very big part of your life if you're going to be a good head manager, and if that makes them happy, good for them.
if anything being a wife and mother = no life.


JUST kidding, please don't kill me.

Bye.
Where I work there are 12 of us who can fill the schedule. There is SO much preference given to the people who have children. I can ask for one day off, they'll ask for 10 and they'll get every single one of their requests while I'm left working my birthday (a random Tuesday this year!). It really irritates me because we are year 8 of 8 in a demanding training program - it's not like they didn't KNOW what the next decade of their lives would be like. Don't get me wrong - I don't have an issue with them having kids, I just have an issue with invariably getting the short end of the stick because they CHOSE to have kids (or got pregnant by accident, but I happen to know that all of the kids in my class were planned).
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"Well I love that dirty water. Oh, Boston, you're my home!"
Wait--do people think the asst. manager was insulting CIBC and not the manager or whoever?
Last relaxer: 8.4.10
BC: 9.6.11

when will your favs?

Some women are miserable single and childless. Some are miserable married and mothers. Some love being single and childless. Some love being married and mothers.

And you never really know who's who just by looking.

I agree that it's unfair for women (and other groups) to always be pushed into these little boxes that so often don't fit or apply.

But mostly, I think you are just above this kind of petty drama. Don't let yourself get sucked into having these types of gossipy conversations or internalize them.

Stay positive!
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3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Wait--do people think the asst. manager was insulting CIBC and not the manager or whoever?
Originally Posted by annabananalise
Totally not what I was thinking. She was complaining about her to me and figuring I'd jump-in.
WTH does the OP's lack of standing up for herself in the past have anything to do with this thread? Geez! Sometimes people here really irritate me. OK, I'm done with my rant.....
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Wait--do people think the asst. manager was insulting CIBC and not the manager or whoever?
Originally Posted by annabananalise
Totally not what I was thinking. She was complaining about her to me and figuring I'd jump-in.
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine
Ya that's what I assumed that's why idk the whole you-don't-stand-up-for-yourself bit came in.
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Last relaxer: 8.4.10
BC: 9.6.11

when will your favs?

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