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Old 04-15-2013, 07:14 AM   #41
 
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I still haven't had it! My parents are very old-fashioned.

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Old 04-16-2013, 07:15 AM   #42
 
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I never had that conversation with my dad. I guess there's still time, I'm 19...lol no
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Old 04-16-2013, 07:22 AM   #43
 
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I talked my daughter initially at age 5 about good and bad touches and it didn't matter who it was. At age 8, I started talking to her about sex, that it caused babies, diseases, being an adult action, being mentally and emotionally prepared and repercussions if you aren't. When she started her period, I also discussed that when guys hit puberty, sex is pretty much the number one thing they think about until they die or can't think. I continued talking her about all of the above until she turned 18. I still remind her ever once and awhile. We also made an agreement when she was in middle school, that although I would rather she wait until she was married to have sex, that she would tell me when was ready before she did. She turned 21, March 22nd and I asked her if the agreement is in place and said she said absolutely. My daughter knows I won't freak out. I am happy to say, she calls me one of her best friends.
This post made me mist up a little, juana. If I ever have a child, this is the sort of relationship I would hope to have with her or him. Your daughter is lucky to have such a wonderful mother.
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Old 04-16-2013, 07:41 AM   #44
 
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I talked my daughter initially at age 5 about good and bad touches and it didn't matter who it was. At age 8, I started talking to her about sex, that it caused babies, diseases, being an adult action, being mentally and emotionally prepared and repercussions if you aren't. When she started her period, I also discussed that when guys hit puberty, sex is pretty much the number one thing they think about until they die or can't think. I continued talking her about all of the above until she turned 18. I still remind her ever once and awhile. We also made an agreement when she was in middle school, that although I would rather she wait until she was married to have sex, that she would tell me when was ready before she did. She turned 21, March 22nd and I asked her if the agreement is in place and said she said absolutely. My daughter knows I won't freak out. I am happy to say, she calls me one of her best friends.
This post made me mist up a little, juana. If I ever have a child, this is the sort of relationship I would hope to have with her or him. Your daughter is lucky to have such a wonderful mother.
Thanks moodydove. I am so blessed to have her. I was told I couldn't have children.
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Old 04-16-2013, 08:01 AM   #45
 
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I will be honest...my mother and I aren't very open when it comes to certain issues. I believe it is because of her religious beliefs and how she was raised.

As a little girl, she told me to never touch myself "down there". I started developing very early. I noticed that my chest was hurting when I was about 7 or 8...we found out my breasts were coming in after a visit to the doctor. I also had pubic hair, which was embarrassing, and not explained to me. When I was 9, a teenage boy molested me. My aunt blamed me for it (because I was by myself on the playground when it happened). My mother only told me to be careful, but she didn't say why.

When I was about 10 or 11, I started my period. My mother was surprised because she started hers much later. I wasn't a big or tall girl either...short and very skinny. My mom simply told me not to ever talk about my period around boys or men, and that I could have a baby now that I was bleeding, and I couldn't play with boys much anymore. I was beyond confused. Sex education in school taught me a little bit more than what I learned at home but I was still not clear on a lot of things. I didn't know how ovulation worked or how to track my cycle. All I knew is that if a girl had her period once a month, she wasn't pregnant.

My mother was also reluctant to let me wear a bra or shave my legs, which was humiliating. I was flat-chested despite having my period at an early age, but other kids could see through my shirts and they teased me about it. My mom felt there was no need for me to wear a bra or even an undershirt because I had very little on top. And she said no to removing body hair because she viewed that as only appropriate for grownups...it was embarrassing to have people comment on my body hair at an age where other girls had almost none. I wouldn't put my daughter through that.

In my culture, sex is something that happens but isn't really talked about much. I think "the talk" can happen anytime, but it should be tailored to age-appropriate discussions. Use correct names for body parts, discuss "good/bad touch" and provide books on the subject.



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Old 04-16-2013, 12:41 PM   #46
 
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Maybe at 16? My mom was never very explicit, but she was wise, and she made sure you understood succinctly what was going down without needing a graphic "The Women's Body" manual.

For example:

"you know by the time you take your clothes off and you WAIT for the boy to take his clothes off whether or not you are going to {paraphrase} engage in sex"

and I love it! Cuz to this day, I absolutely detest the "formula sex acts" in movies.
------------------------------------------------
Where the couple is so wild and crazed they just zap out ripping clothes off, moaning before any insertion even takes places, and dribbling spit all over each other.

I mean, it that were the case, the dude would've ___ before girly even got it going.

I have NEVER heard anyone describe that in real life NOR experienced it THANK GOD!!!!! [see, i gets personal, sometime, LOL]
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It's not always what you say, it is what you already know, and what you are expected to abide by.

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Old 04-16-2013, 01:39 PM   #47
 
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I'm 20 about to be 21, have been in a steady relationship for 2.5 years. My parents never had "the talk" with me. I know it's awkward but I really wish they did. I wish I waited to meet the guy I'm with now. It's a regret of mine but I definitely learned from it. Mothers have the talk with your girls!!! They need it!
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Old 04-16-2013, 01:56 PM   #48
 
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Never. Of if we did - I don't remember it.

But I don't really have many memories at all from my childhood. (I know - odd). If I had an 'inappropriate touching' talking around 5/6 like others have talked about doing with their kids on here then I definitely wouldn't remember it as I don't recall that age at all.

I might have had a period talk with her - I vaguely remember my mother saying her mother never talked about it with her at all -s he thought she was dying when she first got her period - so that suggests she probably did a basic talk with me. But yeah - no recollection of it.
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Old 04-16-2013, 02:36 PM   #49
 
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April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month!
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Old 04-16-2013, 08:00 PM   #50
 
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Oh and I say 12 or 13 middle school age or when they get the first period or before then.
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Old 04-16-2013, 08:39 PM   #51
 
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Oh and I say 12 or 13 middle school age or when they get the first period or before then.
Waywayway before then! Girls are getting pregnant at 12 & 13
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Old 04-17-2013, 07:50 AM   #52
 
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Oh and I say 12 or 13 middle school age or when they get the first period or before then.
Waywayway before then! Girls are getting pregnant at 12 & 13
Which is horrible and disgusting!!! How is that even possible? Kids are literally getting nothing from their parents or school!
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:53 AM   #53
 
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It is sad but girls are developing so much sooner these days. My SOs daughter is 9 and growing pubic hair.
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Old 04-17-2013, 06:38 PM   #54
 
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Oh and I say 12 or 13 middle school age or when they get the first period or before then.
Waywayway before then! Girls are getting pregnant at 12 & 13
Which is horrible and disgusting!!! How is that even possible? Kids are literally getting nothing from their parents or school!
My cousin turns 30 this year and when he was in grade 8 a girl had a baby.
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Old 04-18-2013, 04:09 PM   #55
 
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The new generation of kids are now hitting puberty at a faster rate then their parents. Some people think its because of the chemicals in our food and how we live. The reason why some girls my age get pregnant at 13 is because when they hear about sex and how good it feels, they want to be the first to do it and try it out. The sad thing is nobody tells them about what you should and shouldn't do when it comes too your body. Have the talk with your kids around 12-13 and please teach them about self love.

I hate going to school and hearing my 14 year old friends talking about how the had sex yesterday with a grown man and then degrading a girl for being a virgin.
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Old 04-18-2013, 07:14 PM   #56
 
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I think higher body fat ratio is probably more responsible for early puberty than "all the chemicals".

I would implore all parents (and potential parents) here to please talk to your children about sex and how to protect themselves against disease and pregnancy before puberty age. As a former abortion clinic worker, I can't count you how many 12 and 13 year olds I had to explain how they got pregnant. A lot of them were taught abstinence-only. If you don't teach your children...someone else will...
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Old 04-19-2013, 01:34 PM   #57
 
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When I was 8 or 9 my parents got me the book "Where Did I come From". I'd heard some things from friends about sex before and tried asking my mom but she was not comfortable talking to me about it at all (coming from a different country where sex was not discussed) so she got the book.
My sister and I had this book too! Probably at too young an age because my step-mother caught us giggling at the illustrations and took it away from us. My dad was only married to that step mom till I was 6 or so.

My mom is a nurse so I think I had the talk and such since birth. I also had older step-siblings who were married and having kids when I was in elementary/middle school so I got curious early. Plus I am the oldest of very close cousins. Mom was always open and honest (often to the point of being embarrassing).

Anyway, I knew all this stuff and had gone through school health class in 5th grade. In 7th grade this boy (he was in 6th) on my bus wanted a condom so I brought him in one. We had some in a drawer left over from a Jack and Jill wedding shower. I knew where they were and figured "hey, at least he's planning ahead." Well I got in trouble and my Dad found out. Mom didn't think it was a big deal. Esp. since I made it clear that I was not thinking of having sex with said boy. Dad however had my step-mom (new one) sit down with me and my younger sister. I had to read some really stupid newspaper article and got a talk about "sending mixed signals" and other stuff. It was really, really awkward. It remains one of the most mortifying and hilarous moments of my life. I'm not sure what the talk was supposed to accomplish, but I waited to have sex when I was ready, didn't buy into all the urban legends rolling around, and was safe about it. I attribute all that to my mom though.

I was also a voracious reader and got in trouble in 6th grade for bringing a romance novel to school and had to get parent permission (granted) to read Clan of the Cave Bear in 7th grade. Yeah, I was a rebel. But I knew what was going on in the whole sex department. Also, because I was well armed with accurate information, I became someone who my friends could come to with their questions if they couldn't talk to their own parents.
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