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spiderlashes5000 04-11-2013 12:28 PM

spinoff: at what age, the "talk?"
 
At what age did your mothers have the talk with you? (ie, sex, how babies are made, rape)

Well, maybe for you those were all separate talks but forme they were all part of the same big talk.

And for those of you who are mothers, at what age did you have the talk w/ your daughters? With your sons?

I was 7 when my mother had it w/ me. My daughter is 8 and I still haven't had it w/ her...but I really want to and need to. Just trying to put it off a few more months.

jeepcurlygurl 04-11-2013 12:51 PM

I'm 56. Still waitin.
Really, my parents never said a word about sex, drugs, booze, etc. When my first period happened, my mom handed me the paraphernalia and that was it. Everything else I had to learn on my own.

Josephine 04-11-2013 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl (Post 2153389)
I'm 56. Still waitin.
Really, my parents never said a word about sex, drugs, booze, etc. When my first period happened, my mom handed me the paraphernalia and that was it. Everything else I had to learn on my own.

LOL. My mom talked to me about my period around when i was 12 (I got mine way later). She talked to me about inappropriate touching at a way younger age but I don't remember when(this is due to an incident that happened to me around 5).

Never had a sex talk.

My dad talked to me (the same day my mom told me about periods) about how boys can be bad and persistant, and to be careful.

gemini 04-11-2013 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl (Post 2153389)
I'm 56. Still waitin.
Really, my parents never said a word about sex, drugs, booze, etc. When my first period happened, my mom handed me the paraphernalia and that was it. Everything else I had to learn on my own.

The above applies to me, except I am almost 38. I have a 7 year old daughter and it's been an ongoing discussion since she was 5.

ruralcurls 04-11-2013 01:35 PM

Same here. My parents never mentioned any of those things to me.


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Springcurl 04-11-2013 01:44 PM

Never had it. But with my daughter we talked about it ongoing from the time she was 4 to the time she was like 15. not everyday, obviously, just when teachable moments came up.

Layali 04-11-2013 01:45 PM

I had the talk with mom right around age 9, right before we were taught about puberty in school. It's important to note that prior to the discussion, I already knew quite a bit about sex from overhearing older kids (on the bus, my cousins, etc.) talk about it.

Even if you don't feel your daughter is mature enough for a discussion about sex, I hope you have already had the inappropriate touch discussion.

juanab 04-11-2013 01:57 PM

I talked my daughter initially at age 5 about good and bad touches and it didn't matter who it was. At age 8, I started talking to her about sex, that it caused babies, diseases, being an adult action, being mentally and emotionally prepared and repercussions if you aren't. When she started her period, I also discussed that when guys hit puberty, sex is pretty much the number one thing they think about until they die or can't think. I continued talking her about all of the above until she turned 18. I still remind her ever once and awhile. We also made an agreement when she was in middle school, that although I would rather she wait until she was married to have sex, that she would tell me when was ready before she did. She turned 21, March 22nd and I asked her if the agreement is in place and said she said absolutely. My daughter knows I won't freak out. I am happy to say, she calls me one of her best friends.

murrrcat 04-11-2013 02:21 PM

like 12, I didn't get my p-rad(that's my code word....creative right?) until like 14, y'all. I had sex ed at 11, worst time of my life, because I still played with barbies and thought boys were disgusting....(I did until college bwahaha), I had the inapropriate touching speak at 5/6ish.

at 15, my dad took a pencil and sharpened it, a fork, some keys, a screw driver, and was like "if someone tries to touch you and you don't want them to...use these" *demonstrates how to stab people in the eye with various objects*

Seriously.

RedCatWaves 04-11-2013 02:49 PM

It was ongoing, with all my kids...probably starting at around age 4 or so. Content of the conversations was commensurate with their interest and understanding, often question-led.

iroc 04-11-2013 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedCatWaves (Post 2153426)
It was ongoing, with all my kids...probably starting at around age 4 or so. Content of the conversations was commensurate with their interest and understanding, often question-led.

This. For instance, my kids know about puberty and that someday they will get their period, and what the biological purpose of their period is. They've been told how babies are made, but not the actual sex conversation.

I answer their questions but try not to get ahead of their questions or their age.

Eta: we've talked about their bodies neing theirs and how no one should touch them and they should never ever feel like they have to do something thar makes them uncomfortable from very early on.

I've also talked about drinking and drugs and peer pressure, in an age appropriate way. I've been talking to my daughter about peer pressure, such as, she shouldn't do what her friends are doing if she feels uncomfortable or feels its wrong, and she shouldn't ever be afraid to walk away. We've also talked about drugs, the difference between what the doctor gives you and others, and staying in school, inappropriate content on tv, being safe on the internet.

I have very open conversations with my kids. I try to shelter them to keep them 'kids', but I talk to them like they're people, about real stuff, and often.

My mom talked to me about sex when I was 8. I think I was too young and it felt traumatic. I also think she was 'too' open with me at times. I won't do that, but I talk to my kids on an appropriate 'friend' level bc I want them to feel comfortable talking to me, not afraid bc they only see me as this 'higher power'.

Fifi.G 04-11-2013 03:46 PM

I remember the inappropriate touch conversation happening at a very early age. 4 or 5.

My dad gave me a sex talk at 15 which went a little something like this, "If you ever get pregnant, don't bother coming home". That was about it, until I opened a discussion with my mom about the 2nd guy I slept with and some resulting drama (long story). My mom was beyond proud of me. She literally lit up and gasped. You slept with ... ?? because he was uber good looking. I laughed hysterically, and realized I could have been talking to openly to her about much more.

We never really had a drinking and drugs talk. Generic "Drugs are bad, mmmmkay?" were the most specific it got to me personally. My dad shared stories from his alcoholic father, and I was let in on slip ups by my older brothers. So it was more learn by example, and make my own mistakes. They did always let us know that we could call them, at any point in time, if we were drunk and needed a way home. There would be no judgement, that night. The next day would be a different story.

missbanjo 04-11-2013 04:21 PM

I don't recall any talks. My mom was 16, dad was 17 when I was born (shotgun wedding too) and there was always whispering, etc. It seemed I always knew it would be very bad if I had sex/got pregnant before I left home.

lcl0706 04-11-2013 04:28 PM

I was 10 when my mom dumped a book in my lap & said "read it."

my SO's daughter is 9 & really needs the talk but I am not her mother. I told SO the other day he needed to make sure that happens very soon. girls hit puberty earlier & earlier these days & I am already seeing signs in her.

Fifi.G 04-11-2013 04:59 PM

I forgot about the period talk. I never had one of those either. I learned everything I needed to know from my classmate, and close friend who started in the 3rd grade. She told mw everything I needed to know. I was still mortified when I started at 12, and did not say anything for some time. I eventually told my mom, and she was shocked that I did not bring it up when it happened. I had been told that getting your period meant you were a woman, by friends, and I was not ready to be a woman.

ETA: My friend really did do an excellent job explaining it to me. Her mom was an early developer, and worked in a medical facility, and did a brilliant job relating it to her. I understood the why's and what to do. With that said, if you are not having the talks, someone else is. :-/

juanab 04-11-2013 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fifi.G (Post 2153472)
I forgot about the period talk. I never had one of those either. I learned everything I needed to know from my classmate, and close friend who started in the 3rd grade. She told mw everything I needed to know. I was still mortified when I started at 12, and did not say anything for some time. I eventually told my mom, and she was shocked that I did not bring it up when it happened. I had been told that getting your period meant you were a woman, by friends, and I was not ready to be a woman.

ETA: My friend really did do an excellent job explaining it to me. Her mom was an early developer, and worked in a medical facility, and did a brilliant job relating it to her. I understood the why's and what to do. With that said, if you are not having the talks, someone else is. :-/

It was a good thing you received excellent information from your friend. Before the age of Internet, if your friend or acquaintance gave you bad info (happened a lot back then), you couldn't verify what you had been told.

Rubber Biscuit 04-11-2013 06:27 PM

What Springcurl and RCW said.

My mom started when I was quite young, and gradually covered a variety of topics.

Also, my friend had a book geared towards pre-teens when we were about that age. I asked my mom if I could borrow her book. My mom said it was fine and to just come to her if I had any questions. It helped alleviate some of the embarrassment I was feeling about having these questions/desires/interests.

Did I mention my mom is the best? :)

LoloDSM 04-11-2013 06:41 PM

When I was 16 my mom asked if I knew how babies were made. I told her I did. She responded "don't do it." End of discussion.

BeautyisMiree 04-11-2013 07:09 PM

I never had the talk with my parents. As soon as I turned 4 I knew about sex and rape, my parents never monitored what I watched so TV taught me about my body.

I say when your daughter is 10 is the ideal time too tell her because what I've noticed is that when you tell kids about sex at an early age they become a little bit too developed and get too curious.

If you tell your daughter at the age of 8 just tell her to respect her body and don't listen to what the celebs say about beauty.

Antonia 04-11-2013 09:44 PM

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