What should I do about my friend?

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I once had a friend who was very promiscuous since she was 13. She saw nothing wrong with having over 20 something sexual partners by the time she was 17. i never called her a whore, slut or anything similar. why? because i realized something was wrong. She had self esteem issues and family problems. She still has issues. I have has known several girls like this. And all of them had underlying issues. One was being abused. Instead of calling your friend names, why wont you try to find out what is wrong with her? I dont think a 13 year old should be having sex, but if she is as promiscuos has you claim there could be reasons behind it.
I'm 14 and I have this friend who is dating this 22 year old (he thinks she's 17) along with a other guys. Each day she brags about her statuses with the boys and then gets angry when somebody calls her out on her foolishness, wether it be me or her best friend. There will be times I say rude things to her (I'll call her a whore) , but I always apologize for it. Most of the time though I don't apologize for calling her a whore, naive and easy because she admits she's naive, easy, and some days she'll yell "I have ho-status!" (I'm not lying she seriously will yell this during lunch)

She has these days where she feels as if she can judge other girls, who are not cheating, and insult them on their appearance and statuses on with their boyfriends. She then brags about her 22 year old boyfriend.

Currently I have no boyfriend and don't want one because I feel as if their is no point when you're in middle school. I usually give her advice about what to do and not to do, but she never follows them since the next day she's grounded for 2 weeks.

I try my best to stay out of her sex life, but every single day she talks about it and when she sees that I'm uncomfortable with it she'll go further into depth about what she did.

So what should I do about her?
Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree
If you have nothing else in common and she won't stop talking about it in front of you(per your request) or you can't handle it, it seems like you probably will drift apart as friends.

It's definitely not right for you to call her a slut or whore. She's just getting action and having fun, although I would be concerned about the 22 year old. It's not right of her either to be criticizing other girls' sex lives(or lack of) either. Doesn't mean you should stoop to her level. Also shaming females for having sex is more dangerous than the other way around.
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I wouldn't say 'getting action and having fun' or 'liking sex' are good arguments. I don't think 14 year olds should be having sex at all let alone multiple sex partners. I think its dangerous and irresponsible and not a path a young girl should go down.

I can't argue what an adult should or should not do bc they're are then an adult and responsible to make their own decisions. A child, however, is different. They don't always make good decisions. Thats why they have parents.

Calling someone names and degradation is never okay, though. If you feel strongly about it, talk to the person. Don't try to get them to change by lowering their self esteem. That won't work.
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I wouldn't say 'getting action and having fun' or 'liking sex' are good arguments. I don't think 14 year olds should be having sex at all let alone multiple sex partners. I think its dangerous and irresponsible and not a path a young girl should go down.
Originally Posted by iroc
I agree, just saying that's how she is seeing it like many other young horny teenagers.
I wouldn't say 'getting action and having fun' or 'liking sex' are good arguments. I don't think 14 year olds should be having sex at all let alone multiple sex partners. I think its dangerous and irresponsible and not a path a young girl should go down.
Originally Posted by iroc
I agree, just saying that's how she is seeing it like many other young horny teenagers.
Originally Posted by Josephine

True. And I think its unfortunate that something in her upbringing caused her to go that route.
If you genuinely care about this girl, your friend, you should figure out what exactly bothers you about her behavior, and tell her, in objective terms. Without value-judging labels. Then let it go.
curlypearl likes this.
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Speckla
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Let me give you a piece of good advice that I've recently neglected to practice - mind your own business. Don't talk to her if you don't like what she does. You can move on and improve your own life and leave her upbringing to her parents/guardians.

ETA: If she still tries to talk to you, know what you can do? Walk away.
I once had a friend who was very promiscuous since she was 13. She saw nothing wrong with having over 20 something sexual partners by the time she was 17. i never called her a whore, slut or anything similar. why? because i realized something was wrong. She had self esteem issues and family problems. She still has issues. I have has known several girls like this. And all of them had underlying issues. One was being abused. Instead of calling your friend names, why wont you try to find out what is wrong with her? I dont think a 13 year old should be having sex, but if she is as promiscuos has you claim there could be reasons behind it.
Originally Posted by thelio
Exactly, if you are really her friend and care about her then find out what is up that is causing the behavior. Instead of calling her names, ask her if she is happy, ask her if she is taking precautions, ask her if the guys she sleeps with treat her the way she thinks she deserves to be treated.

If you don't like talking about it then tell her you don't want to talk about it and try to change the subject. If she keeps talking about it, walk away "Oh, look at the time, I have to get to my next class/the library/the store. See ya"
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Let me give you a piece of good advice that I've recently neglected to practice - mind your own business. Don't talk to her if you don't like what she does. You can move on and improve your own life and leave her upbringing to her parents/guardians.

ETA: If she still tries to talk to you, know what you can do? Walk away.
Originally Posted by Speckla
I completely agree with this.
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I think for a such a young girl to be doing these things is a sign that she is really insecure herself and probably feels like she has something to prove. You're right to be worried about her but also be gentle. She may not seem like it, and I don't know her personally so I could be wrong, but she's fragile. She needs your support right now. And I wouldn't take her opinions on your body seriously, she's just upset.
curlypearl likes this.
I once had a friend who was very promiscuous since she was 13. She saw nothing wrong with having over 20 something sexual partners by the time she was 17. i never called her a whore, slut or anything similar. why? because i realized something was wrong. She had self esteem issues and family problems. She still has issues. I have has known several girls like this. And all of them had underlying issues. One was being abused. Instead of calling your friend names, why wont you try to find out what is wrong with her? I dont think a 13 year old should be having sex, but if she is as promiscuos has you claim there could be reasons behind it.
Originally Posted by thelio
I've stayed over at her house for a sleep over and there's nothing wrong with her to act like the way she does. Her mother always comes to her aid and does what ever she wants. She's just like that.

The thing about her is that she doesn't mind me calling her names because I tell her the truth about how I feel. I've also told her I could really care less about the 22 year old just don't lie about you're age to him (my parents have a 8 year difference). I don't call her a whore unless she talks to me about her sex life .
Let me give you a piece of good advice that I've recently neglected to practice - mind your own business. Don't talk to her if you don't like what she does. You can move on and improve your own life and leave her upbringing to her parents/guardians.

ETA: If she still tries to talk to you, know what you can do? Walk away.
Originally Posted by Speckla
I do mind my own business's it's just that she can't keep it too herself. Everyday when I try to have a normal conversation with her like "how's your family?" She instantly talks about her sex life. Other girls told her they don't want to here it, but she doesn't care.
I understand that to some of you calling her a whore seems degrading, but when I notice that my words hurt somebody's feelings I instantly apologize and admit my faults.

The thing about her though is that she doesn't care about it. She'll have her days when she can't put up with it and theses are the times we get to know each other. Most of her friends tell her she's wrong and some say much more than me.
Ok but what about her sex life makes her a whore? And I don't mean by her having sex with older men. Or even talking about it.

Answer: Nothing. I don't care who she sleeps with or how often, she is not a whore and you are 274752% in the wrong for calling her that...even if she doesnt mind the name calling. You needed to drop that behavior yesterday. Shaming someone for their sex life (no matter your intentions is never okay).

And if there's anything wrong with her home life, I doubt she and her family would put it on display while you're there.

If you can't be a good friend, then please gawd don't be her friend at all.

But stop calling girls sluts and whores, kay? Even jokingly. 14 years old is 14 years too old to act like this.
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I don't know what you want help with. You say there's nothing wrong with calling her names. There's nothing wrong with her family. You've told her you don't like her talking about it but she doesn't listen. You say you mind your own business....

What advice are you looking for?

Okay. You do everything right. She does everything wrong. ? How do you expect to fix anything if you refuse to look at your situation objectively?
curlypearl and wavycurly40+ like this.
Calling someone a slut or a whore is not just an insult to the person. Its an insult to all women. Just as calling a black person the n-word doesn't just insult that person, it insults all black people.

Only women are called sluts and whores. Men can be equally promiscuous, and no one has created a special derogatory word to pin on them. Its a word against women and its made to put women down. As a woman you should want to stand up for other women, and stand against those words.

Thats why you shouldn't be calling any women those names. It makes you stand with men who fight to degrade women and hold them down.

We as women should have come farther than that.


That is something that is learned, and I understand maybe someone hasn't told you this before. But its important information that you should take in and think about.
rouquinne, Munchy, maria_i and 3 others like this.
Ok but what about her sex life makes her a whore? And I don't mean by her having sex with older men. Or even talking about it.

Answer: Nothing. I don't care who she sleeps with or how often, she is not a whore and you are 274752% in the wrong for calling her that...even if she doesnt mind the name calling. You needed to drop that behavior yesterday. Shaming someone for their sex life (no matter your intentions is never okay).

And if there's anything wrong with her home life, I doubt she and her family would put it on display while you're there.

If you can't be a good friend, then please gawd don't be her friend at all.

But stop calling girls sluts and whores, kay? Even jokingly. 14 years old is 14 years too old to act like this.
Originally Posted by annabananalise
I wouldn't call her names if she kept her sex life too herself. If what I say too people doesn't offend them then I don't care what others think.
Calling someone a slut or a whore is not just an insult to the person. Its an insult to all women. Just as calling a black person the n-word doesn't just insult that person, it insults all black people.

Only women are called sluts and whores. Men can be equally promiscuous, and no one has created a special derogatory word to pin on them. Its a word against women and its made to put women down. As a woman you should want to stand up for other women, and stand against those words.

Thats why you shouldn't be calling any women those names. It makes you stand with men who fight to degrade women and hold them down.

We as women should have come farther than that.


That is something that is learned, and I understand maybe someone hasn't told you this before. But its important information that you should take in and think about.
Originally Posted by iroc
She does a lot of things wrong and uncalled for. If she wants to insult other girls about their sex life and status with their boyfriend then why shouldn't I do the same to her?
Anyone else feel like all these responses may as well be aimed at a brick wall for all the impact they're having?

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She does a lot of things wrong and uncalled for. If she wants to insult other girls about their sex life and status with their boyfriend then why shouldn't I do the same to her?
Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree
Ummmm because you're not petty? Or a toddler?

Because you're above it? Because you aren't terrible?

Idk I could keep going.
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