What should I do about my friend?

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i don't think she's 14...
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For the OP, since your acquaintance's mother now knows about her relations there really is nothing else you can do about it. Although you may feel have sex at that age is inappropriate many people are going to do what they want regardless. Unfortunately.

For everyone else: Maybe this is an age difference thing but for you to tell a young girl she is a terrible person and that she is not a real friend and degrading women etc. I have this to say; she is a 14 year old girl. You cannot expect her to see the world the way you do, the same with relationships and friendships. Most of you have a lot more experience than her and of course you are going to see things differently. Myself being only 19, my views of this seem to be different.
Do i believe 14 year olds should be having sexual intercourse and dating 22 year olds? No. Am i going to call them out on it and call them names no? At that age i believe it's the parents responsibility to monitor what their kids are doing. Do i think the OP is mean and not a good friend, no not necessarily. We are not apart of their relationship, and if her acquaintance isn't bothered by her words, actions, and could even possibly value someones honest opinion of her own actions.
Being a young teenager is a confusing time as it is, and i'm sure this young lady doesn't need older women/men telling her she's a terrible friend. When in fact you don't know her.
Also i'm not saying it's okay to use words like sluts and whores because i don't believe whores and sluts exists. As stated before people are going to do what they want regardless of other peoples opinions.
I think 14 is plenty old enough to learn not to call people degrading names. I was probably taught that when I was 6. Regardless of whether it hurts or offends her friend or not, or whether her friend agrees or even takes notice, the OP needs to learn not use insulting, degrading language on someone whose actions she doesn't agree with.

That's a life lesson the OP needs to learn in short order.
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For the OP, since your acquaintance's mother now knows about her relations there really is nothing else you can do about it. Although you may feel have sex at that age is inappropriate many people are going to do what they want regardless. Unfortunately.

For everyone else: Maybe this is an age difference thing but for you to tell a young girl she is a terrible person and that she is not a real friend and degrading women etc. I have this to say; she is a 14 year old girl. You cannot expect her to see the world the way you do, the same with relationships and friendships. Most of you have a lot more experience than her and of course you are going to see things differently. Myself being only 19, my views of this seem to be different.
Do i believe 14 year olds should be having sexual intercourse and dating 22 year olds? No. Am i going to call them out on it and call them names no? At that age i believe it's the parents responsibility to monitor what their kids are doing. Do i think the OP is mean and not a good friend, no not necessarily. We are not apart of their relationship, and if her acquaintance isn't bothered by her words, actions, and could even possibly value someones honest opinion of her own actions.
Being a young teenager is a confusing time as it is, and i'm sure this young lady doesn't need older women/men telling her she's a terrible friend. When in fact you don't know her.
Also i'm not saying it's okay to use words like sluts and whores because i don't believe whores and sluts exists. As stated before people are going to do what they want regardless of other peoples opinions.
Originally Posted by Always@night
Now that her mom knows I can't do anything, but let her be. She was crying today because her mom found out and is now considering pressing charges on the 22 year old. I warned her about this so all I'm going to do is comfort her and I told her today "If you don't want people judging you or telling your mom about what you do behind the bedroom door then don't tell anybody at all."

She said she understands. She's really not that bad of a girl because all her other friends agree we just don't approve of her sex life since she updates us on it everyday.
I think 14 is plenty old enough to learn not to call people degrading names. I was probably taught that when I was 6. Regardless of whether it hurts or offends her friend or not, or whether her friend agrees or even takes notice, the OP needs to learn not use insulting, degrading language on someone whose actions she doesn't agree with.

That's a life lesson the OP needs to learn in short order.
Originally Posted by curlypearl
You'll be surprised at how many 14 year olds call each other c***s, p***y, b***h etc. I don't understand why people paint a perfect image for my generation when you all know we are the worst one yet (some of kids my age will accomplish in life while others won't.)
I think 14 is plenty old enough to learn not to call people degrading names. I was probably taught that when I was 6. Regardless of whether it hurts or offends her friend or not, or whether her friend agrees or even takes notice, the OP needs to learn not use insulting, degrading language on someone whose actions she doesn't agree with.

That's a life lesson the OP needs to learn in short order.
Originally Posted by curlypearl
You'll be surprised at how many 14 year olds call each other c***s, p***y, b***h etc. I don't understand why people paint a perfect image for my generation when you all know we are the worst one yet (some of kids my age will accomplish in life while others won't.)
Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree

I have a 15 year old daughter, and a few sons. And I used to be a 14 year old girl myself, long ago. I know all about how girls treat each other at that age. I don't think you're a jerk. I do think you're behaving badly and need to learn how to be a better friend. I also think you need to learn some history and understand how women have struggled for equality in America and how easily they...WE...could lose everything. Women are always just one generation away from wearing burkas and not being allowed to read and write like Afghanistan women. There are groups in America working every day to take your rights away from you, to retake the ground we have gained. Don't help them out by participating in the oppression of other women. You can stop using those terrible words on other women. Set an example. Be brave.
I think 14 is plenty old enough to learn not to call people degrading names. I was probably taught that when I was 6. Regardless of whether it hurts or offends her friend or not, or whether her friend agrees or even takes notice, the OP needs to learn not use insulting, degrading language on someone whose actions she doesn't agree with.

That's a life lesson the OP needs to learn in short order.
Originally Posted by curlypearl
You'll be surprised at how many 14 year olds call each other c***s, p***y, b***h etc. I don't understand why people paint a perfect image for my generation when you all know we are the worst one yet (some of kids my age will accomplish in life while others won't.)
Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree
I'm not surprised, my sister is 14 and tells me about all sorts of ish that goes on in her school but she knows better than to start calling girls out their name just because others do it.

She was also in a situation with a friend who was being sexually promiscuous and others were talking bad about her, much like you're doing. She knew better than to join in, but she didn't exactly know how to be supportive (which is how I found out about it).

No one thinks the generation of beliebers and tween instagrams is ideal. But just because your peers are awful doesn't mean you have to be.
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I think 14 is plenty old enough to learn not to call people degrading names. I was probably taught that when I was 6. Regardless of whether it hurts or offends her friend or not, or whether her friend agrees or even takes notice, the OP needs to learn not use insulting, degrading language on someone whose actions she doesn't agree with.

That's a life lesson the OP needs to learn in short order.
Originally Posted by curlypearl
You'll be surprised at how many 14 year olds call each other c***s, p***y, b***h etc. I don't understand why people paint a perfect image for my generation when you all know we are the worst one yet (some of kids my age will accomplish in life while others won't.)
Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree

I have a 15 year old daughter, and a few sons. And I used to be a 14 year old girl myself, long ago. I know all about how girls treat each other at that age. I don't think you're a jerk. I do think you're behaving badly and need to learn how to be a better friend. I also think you need to learn some history and understand how women have struggled for equality in America and how easily they...WE...could lose everything. Women are always just one generation away from wearing burkas and not being allowed to read and write like Afghanistan women. There are groups in America working every day to take your rights away from you, to retake the ground we have gained. Don't help them out by participating in the oppression of other women. You can stop using those terrible words on other women. Set an example. Be brave.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves

I agree with this.
Maybe this is an age difference thing but for you to tell a young girl she is a terrible person and that she is not a real friend and degrading women etc. I have this to say; she is a 14 year old girl.
Originally Posted by Always@night
when i was 14, i knew wrong from right very well and had a decent amount of, well, decency and empathy.

i also do not think this poster is actually 14 based on the way she writes.

the poster appears to have a complete lack of empathy, which makes me wonder where HER parents are and what they are teaching her.

At that age i believe it's the parents responsibility to monitor what their kids are doing.
all of them, not just the ones who are sexually active before the age of consent/majority.

Do i think the OP is mean and not a good friend, no not necessarily.
then we have to agree to disagree.

even 14 year olds need to learn that there are consequences to their actions and that words CUT PEOPLE TO THE BONE in ways they cannot appreciate and those effects last a lifetime.

in all these stories we are hearing about rape and slut-shaming leading to suicide, very few of the teens involved appear to be learning about the very real consequences of what they're doing and being held accountable for their actions. it's time they - and their parents - were called out for it.

... if her acquaintance isn't bothered by her words, actions, and could even possibly value someones honest opinion of her own actions.
we only have this girl's words to go on - my bet is that she's lying.

i'm sure this young lady doesn't need older women/men telling her she's a terrible friend. When in fact you don't know her.
but she says that she doesn't care what people say about her, just as the so-called "friend" says that.

it's painfully obvious that she doesn't care and isn't interested in hearing anything that disagrees with her view of this situation.

reminds me of this quote in the press from a so-called "friend" of Reteah Parsons:

"I didn't think it was that bad."

what does it take to impress upon people what is "bad" and what is "good"?
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http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

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Everyone has a different upbringing, and different levels of maturity at different ages.
Also I implied parents are responsible for everything their children do, i don't think i limited it to just sexually active children.
And as always people have different views and it is fine to agree and disagree
I was mainly stating that a 14 year old probably won't understand the points older women are making due to lack of experience in the world, and it really doesn't do her any good to be told she is (insert negative things here lol) because she will not view them as such.
i don't think she's 14...
Originally Posted by rouquinne
2 threads containing the term slut, and discussions on immoral body types (what?) and behaviors popping up not too long after the major discussion about slut shaming, in the rape culture thread, is a bit of a coincidence.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Maybe this is an age difference thing but for you to tell a young girl she is a terrible person and that she is not a real friend and degrading women etc. I have this to say; she is a 14 year old girl.
Originally Posted by Always@night
when i was 14, i knew wrong from right very well and had a decent amount of, well, decency and empathy.

i also do not think this poster is actually 14 based on the way she writes.

the poster appears to have a complete lack of empathy, which makes me wonder where HER parents are and what they are teaching her.

At that age i believe it's the parents responsibility to monitor what their kids are doing.
all of them, not just the ones who are sexually active before the age of consent/majority.



then we have to agree to disagree.

even 14 year olds need to learn that there are consequences to their actions and that words CUT PEOPLE TO THE BONE in ways they cannot appreciate and those effects last a lifetime.

in all these stories we are hearing about rape and slut-shaming leading to suicide, very few of the teens involved appear to be learning about the very real consequences of what they're doing and being held accountable for their actions. it's time they - and their parents - were called out for it.

... if her acquaintance isn't bothered by her words, actions, and could even possibly value someones honest opinion of her own actions.
we only have this girl's words to go on - my bet is that she's lying.

i'm sure this young lady doesn't need older women/men telling her she's a terrible friend. When in fact you don't know her.
but she says that she doesn't care what people say about her, just as the so-called "friend" says that.

it's painfully obvious that she doesn't care and isn't interested in hearing anything that disagrees with her view of this situation.

reminds me of this quote in the press from a so-called "friend" of Reteah Parsons:

"I didn't think it was that bad."

what does it take to impress upon people what is "bad" and what is "good"?
Originally Posted by rouquinne
I am 14.
Maybe this is an age difference thing but for you to tell a young girl she is a terrible person and that she is not a real friend and degrading women etc. I have this to say; she is a 14 year old girl.
Originally Posted by Always@night
when i was 14, i knew wrong from right very well and had a decent amount of, well, decency and empathy.

i also do not think this poster is actually 14 based on the way she writes.

the poster appears to have a complete lack of empathy, which makes me wonder where HER parents are and what they are teaching her.

At that age i believe it's the parents responsibility to monitor what their kids are doing.
all of them, not just the ones who are sexually active before the age of consent/majority.



then we have to agree to disagree.

even 14 year olds need to learn that there are consequences to their actions and that words CUT PEOPLE TO THE BONE in ways they cannot appreciate and those effects last a lifetime.

in all these stories we are hearing about rape and slut-shaming leading to suicide, very few of the teens involved appear to be learning about the very real consequences of what they're doing and being held accountable for their actions. it's time they - and their parents - were called out for it.

... if her acquaintance isn't bothered by her words, actions, and could even possibly value someones honest opinion of her own actions.
we only have this girl's words to go on - my bet is that she's lying.

i'm sure this young lady doesn't need older women/men telling her she's a terrible friend. When in fact you don't know her.
but she says that she doesn't care what people say about her, just as the so-called "friend" says that.

it's painfully obvious that she doesn't care and isn't interested in hearing anything that disagrees with her view of this situation.

reminds me of this quote in the press from a so-called "friend" of Reteah Parsons:

"I didn't think it was that bad."

what does it take to impress upon people what is "bad" and what is "good"?
Originally Posted by rouquinne
My parents are fine and they aren't teaching me this, it's just how I feel.
i think you're a troll...

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Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
I have been thinking the same thing. Troll!
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i think you're a troll...

Originally Posted by rouquinne
If you think that then that's fine with me.
I'm just a stubborn person.
Age has nothing to do with it. I was About 12 when i had a very similar situation as the op. I had know the girl since we were 5. she was 12 when she got the name, "bus stop", if you get my meaning. Everyone called her horrible names. I knew something was wrong. I talked to my mom. She said that was not normal behavior for a child and reached out to her parents. come to find out her parents were divorcing. her dad left the family for another woman.

another friend also acted out in similar fashion. and when i saw friend, i mean actually friend. i do not use that term loosely. i had been to her house lots of times and everythign seemed fine. i think found her her dad went into a hospice when she was 13 and that was when she begin to act out.

a had yet another friend who did the same things. i was completly shocked when i found out her mom let her 14 year old daughter's 23 year old boyfriend move in. i eventually found out her mom felt guilty about the fact her dad wasnt in her life. and was trying to be her friend instead of her mother.

i could go on forever with similar stories. you said yourself you are not this girls friend. you only stayed one night. you have no clue what is really going on in her life. now that her mom knows about the old boyfriend, stay out of this girls life. hopefully her mom will get her the counseling she needs. but with you in her life, things will not get better for her. cut off all contact with her and keep your distance.
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I
For the OP, since your acquaintance's mother now knows about her relations there really is nothing else you can do about it. Although you may feel have sex at that age is inappropriate many people are going to do what they want regardless. Unfortunately.

For everyone else: Maybe this is an age difference thing but for you to tell a young girl she is a terrible person and that she is not a real friend and degrading women etc. I have this to say; she is a 14 year old girl. You cannot expect her to see the world the way you do, the same with relationships and friendships. Most of you have a lot more experience than her and of course you are going to see things differently. Myself being only 19, my views of this seem to be different.
Do i believe 14 year olds should be having sexual intercourse and dating 22 year olds? No. Am i going to call them out on it and call them names no? At that age i believe it's the parents responsibility to monitor what their kids are doing. Do i think the OP is mean and not a good friend, no not necessarily. We are not apart of their relationship, and if her acquaintance isn't bothered by her words, actions, and could even possibly value someones honest opinion of her own actions.
Being a young teenager is a confusing time as it is, and i'm sure this young lady doesn't need older women/men telling her she's a terrible friend. When in fact you don't know her.
Also i'm not saying it's okay to use words like sluts and whores because i don't believe whores and sluts exists. As stated before people are going to do what they want regardless of other peoples opinions.
Originally Posted by Always@night

I agree with this. That is why I tried giving helpful advice. Yes it takes us aback when a new poster dives in that way, but its possible she isnt a troll. I never thought twice about using words like that at 14. And I definitely called people names at times. I was 14. I'm a completely different person now. Thats part of growing up and learning. Its a little thoughtless and very mean to call a 14 year old girl a disgusting person. And I'm sorry, but its pretty hypocritical to call a someone a disgusting person and a jerk in the same conversation where you're telling them its not okay to call people names and put people down. We also told her that she may be acting this way due to a different reason and she should find out why - but then insulted the OP for not knowing better. I also don't get the argument of being good to women, when you weren't good to this woman. Its not really setting a good example. I'm an adult. If a 14 year old girl came to me for advice, I couldn't imagine talking to her the way some of you have.


I see why people may think this isnt genuine, but what if it is? There was some pretty mean things said to this girl - regardless of what she said to another person, she was asking for help, and this was an opportunity to teach her, not to bully an impressionable girl and send her away feeling worse about herself. If she was a troll, she should've been ignored bc there is just as much of a chance that she wasn't and if she is not, she was kind of ganged up on.


I'm surprised that so many people say they 'knew better than that at 14' - I'm not so sure about that, because I don't think some of you acted very right in your responses here, and I would think you would know better as adults.


I can't believe the mods wouldn't step in on this one. The bullying around here has got to stop.

Last edited by iroc; 04-23-2013 at 06:38 AM.
Idk if it's bullying to tell someone they're wrong. Or that they're being a bad friend or a jerk because they're calling their friend a whore. Liiiiiiiiiiike I don't care how old you are, that's jerk behavior and I'll tell you. If she's insensitive enough to call her friend that, then she can handle some tough love. I'm not here for coddling and a teenager. Sorry.

And ya, I knew better than to call my friend that. Granted I didn't have many sexually active friends in middle and high school (we weren't getting any play), but I didn't call other girls whores to their face omg. Even before I understood slut-shaming (and may have internally done it) I wouldn't say it to them. My parents were quick to let me know that is not the way to be.

Also, like I said--my sister is 14 and although she's my baby and I've coddled her to death in other ways, I've let her know MANY times. And in not the nicest ways, because this isn't a time to be nice.

And finally, this person isn't 14. She tried it, though.
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